UPJOKE
infinitiveadverbparticipletransitive verbsyntaxinflectionphrasenounpart of speechwordenglish languagephrasal verbadverbialsyllableclause

I volunteered to help blind children today!

That’s a verb not an adjective btw.

What do you call the perfect verb?

Definitive

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I asked my friend if he'd give me a four letter verb that means "to be aware of"

... but that asshole kept telling me no!

Can you explain the difference between a noun and a verb?

"Hump" is a noun meaning "something on the back of a camel"... unless that thing is another camel, in which case, it's a verb.

You're welcome.

All my physical relationships are like past-tense verbs

They end with ED.

Be verbs.

The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.

"She is beautiful", said Kate.

"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.

"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.

"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", ...

The verb is my favorite part of a sentence...

That's where the action' s at

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar.

They sit. They converse. They depart.

Have you ever seen a fish bowl?

Have you ever seen…

…a barn dance?
…a fire escape?

Please help. When I was a kid I had a large joke book that I loved to read over and over. One page had a pretty long list of this type of joke (where the end could be read as a “noun verb” instead of a “noun”). Now that book is long...

Why are verbs afraid of talking about people?

Because they're followed by the subject.

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Let's play "Is it an adjective or a verb?"

I love fucking pickles!

A subject and verb walk into a bar...

They have a disagreement.
They walks out.

A verb walks up to a noun in a bar

-- Hey, babe, wanna go back to my place and conjugate?

-- I decline

It's important to distinguish pronouns from verbs

That is, if you want to use damn well

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

What English word can be both a noun and verb at the same time?

Verb

Today my son told me he wanted to go help blind people after school...

The verb, not the adjective.

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The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

I volunteered to help blind kids from ages 1 to 14

Oh and “blind” was a verb

Trump is a contronym

The verb "to trump" means to be better than
And the noun "trump" means an awful president

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Fascinate

Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?

Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.

Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?

Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.

Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the ...

Camped

Dad: We're going camped tomorrow, and I think we'll go extra deep into the woods.

Son: That sounds really fun, but wouldn't the proper statement be 'we're going camping.'

Dad: Normally, yes, but the verb changes because I'm sure we'll be going past tents.

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

NSFW During a Linguistics lecture today, the teacher demonstrated how nouns can be turned into verbs;

for example "a brush is used to brush some one". My teacher gazed around the class, asking us for another example.

In retrospect, I don't think she liked the word "fist".

Two men are sitting in the cinema waiting for the movie to start

so they get bored with all the commercials and suddenly one of the two notices a bald guy in the middle of the front row. So he tells his friend '' 5 bucks if i go smash his head ? ''. The other guy curious about the outcome likes the idea so he agrees. The man stands up goes down the stairs smashes...

Why is Oedipus bad at Latin?

He conjugated where he should have declined.

>!Latin verbs have conjugations and latin nouns have declinsions.!<

Time flies like an arrow...

...but fruit flies like a banana.

Probably, a lot of you already know this one. But I posted it from a -- *ahem* -- 'philosophical' consideration (not a really good idea for a joke subreddit).

But I think about this joke from time to time. Not only is it a complex double pun -- flie...

People ask me why I chose to teach Maths rather than English. I tell them,

“Fractions speak louder than verbs.”

You know why the Bible is better than the dictionary?

The dictionary has verbs, but the Bible has PROverbs!

The teacher to a student

Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run

The worst drug in the world

is the one people use incorrectly as past tense form of the verb to drag.

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

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Fred and Barney are standing next to the jukebox,...

Barney says, "Hey, Fred, what do you want to listen to? *Rock* music?"

Fred replies, "You know, Barney, just because we live in the stone age doesn't mean all your puns have to be rock-based. Besides, I have a very eclectic taste in music which better suites my personality."

Barney ret...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

One day, in Ancient Rome

A senator was late to the Senate, when Cicero was giving a speech. He got there fifteen minutes after the start.

He slipped into his usual seat and whispered to the senator next to him: "What Cicero is talking about?"

His neighbor said: "I don't know, he hasn't got to the verb yet!"

A roman senator is running late to an important senate meeting....

He arrives 15 minutes late and enters to see each seat filled, with the exception of his own, and Cicero standing in the middle of the room giving a speech.

He manages to stealthily make his way to his seat without causing too much of a commotion and leans over to the senator next to him, ask...

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