All my physical relationships are like past-tense verbs

They end with ED.

Why are verbs afraid of talking about people?

Because they're followed by the subject.

The verb is my favorite part of a sentence...

That's where the action' s at

When Microsoft was casting for names to its search engine, it wanted something short that can't be misspelled. Chief marketing strategist first thought "Bang" would be the answer.

It almost fit all the criteria, except when used as a verb.

Most people don't want to say "I Banged Obama's dog" or "I Banged Donald Trump last night".

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

I help blind people in my spare time

I mean the verb not the adjectif

What English word can be both a noun and verb at the same time?

Verb

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar.

They sit. They converse. They depart.

It's important to distinguish pronouns from verbs

That is, if you want to use damn well

Be verbs.

The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.

"She is beautiful", said Kate.

"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.

"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.

"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", ...

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

The worst drug in the world

is the one people use incorrectly as past tense form of the verb to drag.

NSFW During a Linguistics lecture today, the teacher demonstrated how nouns can be turned into verbs;

for example "a brush is used to brush some one". My teacher gazed around the class, asking us for another example.

In retrospect, I don't think she liked the word "fist".

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Let's play "Is it an adjective or a verb?"

I love fucking pickles!

Longest verb

What's the longest verb in the English language?
Smiles. There is a mile between the first and the last letter.

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I wish 'twitter' was an irregular verb so we could conjugate it thusly: twitter, twat, twitten

huehue

First they came for the verbs...

First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

What is the French verb that means "To declare war"?

*Surrendre*

A subject and verb walk into a bar...

They have a disagreement.
They walks out.

People ask me why I chose to teach Maths rather than English. I tell them,

“Fractions speak louder than verbs.”

Two men are sitting in the cinema waiting for the movie to start

so they get bored with all the commercials and suddenly one of the two notices a bald guy in the middle of the front row. So he tells his friend '' 5 bucks if i go smash his head ? ''. The other guy curious about the outcome likes the idea so he agrees. The man stands up goes down the stairs smashes...

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A little english for you bois



assume

/əˈsjuːm/



Verb

Deffenition: To make an ass out of you and me

(English teachers joke)

Camped

Dad: We're going camped tomorrow, and I think we'll go extra deep into the woods.

Son: That sounds really fun, but wouldn't the proper statement be 'we're going camping.'

Dad: Normally, yes, but the verb changes because I'm sure we'll be going past tents.

A verb tried to pick up a noun at the club...

He wanted to conjugate, but she had to decline.

Probably all for the best. She was right up against her period.

Both a Joke and a True Story

My girlfriend's middle name is Lee.



The other day we were discussing how we can't distinguish the difference between various English language describing words: verb, noun, pronoun, adjective etc.



She turns to me, deadpan, and says "I always remember adverb because I am ...

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Fascinate

Teacher: Can anyone use the word "fascinate" in a sentence?

Billy: I was fascinated by the sunrise.

Teacher: Good, but "fascinated" is past tense. Can anyone else try?

Suzie: It was fascinating to see the flowers grow.

Teacher: Good, Suzie, but you added an "ing" at the ...

The teacher to a student

Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run

You know why the Bible is better than the dictionary?

The dictionary has verbs, but the Bible has PROverbs!

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

One day, in Ancient Rome

A senator was late to the Senate, when Cicero was giving a speech. He got there fifteen minutes after the start.

He slipped into his usual seat and whispered to the senator next to him: "What Cicero is talking about?"

His neighbor said: "I don't know, he hasn't got to the verb yet!"

Time flies like an arrow...

...but fruit flies like a banana.

Probably, a lot of you already know this one. But I posted it from a -- *ahem* -- 'philosophical' consideration (not a really good idea for a joke subreddit).

But I think about this joke from time to time. Not only is it a complex double pun -- flie...

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

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Fred and Barney are standing next to the jukebox,...

Barney says, "Hey, Fred, what do you want to listen to? *Rock* music?"

Fred replies, "You know, Barney, just because we live in the stone age doesn't mean all your puns have to be rock-based. Besides, I have a very eclectic taste in music which better suites my personality."

Barney ret...

Why does a German always have the last laugh?

He has to wait for the verb.

A roman senator is running late to an important senate meeting....

He arrives 15 minutes late and enters to see each seat filled, with the exception of his own, and Cicero standing in the middle of the room giving a speech.

He manages to stealthily make his way to his seat without causing too much of a commotion and leans over to the senator next to him, ask...

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