UPJOKE
infinitiveadverbparticiplesyntaxinflectionphrasenounwordenglish languagesyllableclausepronounprepositionadjectivesentence

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I asked my friend if he'd give me a four letter verb that means "to be aware of"

... but that asshole kept telling me no!

What do you call the perfect verb?

Definitive

Can you explain the difference between a noun and a verb?

"Hump" is a noun meaning "something on the back of a camel"... unless that thing is another camel, in which case, it's a verb.

You're welcome.

All my physical relationships are like past-tense verbs

They end with ED.

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Now that Trump has been banned from Twitter, we finally learned the past tense of the verb "Tweet."

Twat

I volunteered to help blind children today!

That’s a verb not an adjective btw.

The verb is my favorite part of a sentence...

That's where the action' s at

Why are verbs afraid of talking about people?

Because they're followed by the subject.

A verb walks up to a noun in a bar

-- Hey, babe, wanna go back to my place and conjugate?

-- I decline

What English word can be both a noun and verb at the same time?

Verb

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?"

Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?"
Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!"
Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!"

It's important to distinguish pronouns from verbs

That is, if you want to use damn well

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar.

They sit. They converse. They depart.

A subject and verb walk into a bar...

They have a disagreement.
They walks out.

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

Be verbs.

The teacher asked the class to stand one by one and compose a simple sentence using appropriate be verbs.

"She is beautiful", said Kate.

"My dogs are fat", shouted Mark.

"I is...", stuttered Joe when the teacher interrupted.

"You always say 'I am'. Never say 'I is'", ...

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Let's play "Is it an adjective or a verb?"

I love fucking pickles!

NSFW During a Linguistics lecture today, the teacher demonstrated how nouns can be turned into verbs;

for example "a brush is used to brush some one". My teacher gazed around the class, asking us for another example.

In retrospect, I don't think she liked the word "fist".

A verb tried to pick up a noun at the club...

He wanted to conjugate, but she had to decline.

Probably all for the best. She was right up against her period.

Two men are sitting in the cinema waiting for the movie to start

so they get bored with all the commercials and suddenly one of the two notices a bald guy in the middle of the front row. So he tells his friend '' 5 bucks if i go smash his head ? ''. The other guy curious about the outcome likes the idea so he agrees. The man stands up goes down the stairs smashes...

Trump is a contronym

The verb "to trump" means to be better than
And the noun "trump" means an awful president

Today my son told me he wanted to go help blind people after school...

The verb, not the adjective.

Why is Oedipus bad at Latin?

He conjugated where he should have declined.

>!Latin verbs have conjugations and latin nouns have declinsions.!<

I volunteered to help blind kids from ages 1 to 14

Oh and “blind” was a verb

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The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

A messenger rushes into her office and says, "Governor Whitmer, the Conservatives are revolting!"

Whitmer replies, "Do you mean the adjective or the verb?"

After a small pause, the messenger just cautiously says, "Yes..."

People ask me why I chose to teach Maths rather than English. I tell them,

“Fractions speak louder than verbs.”

The teacher to a student

Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run

You know why the Bible is better than the dictionary?

The dictionary has verbs, but the Bible has PROverbs!

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

A roman senator is running late to an important senate meeting....

He arrives 15 minutes late and enters to see each seat filled, with the exception of his own, and Cicero standing in the middle of the room giving a speech.

He manages to stealthily make his way to his seat without causing too much of a commotion and leans over to the senator next to him, ask...

The worst drug in the world

is the one people use incorrectly as past tense form of the verb to drag.

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A little english for you bois



assume

/əˈsjuːm/



Verb

Deffenition: To make an ass out of you and me

(English teachers joke)

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Fred and Barney are standing next to the jukebox,...

Barney says, "Hey, Fred, what do you want to listen to? *Rock* music?"

Fred replies, "You know, Barney, just because we live in the stone age doesn't mean all your puns have to be rock-based. Besides, I have a very eclectic taste in music which better suites my personality."

Barney ret...

Time flies like an arrow...

...but fruit flies like a banana.

Probably, a lot of you already know this one. But I posted it from a -- *ahem* -- 'philosophical' consideration (not a really good idea for a joke subreddit).

But I think about this joke from time to time. Not only is it a complex double pun -- flie...

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