UPJOKE
verbadjectivewordpronounadverbpluralinfinitivepart of speechsubstantivearticledeclensionproper nounnamegenitivephrase

Noun Jokes

Mr. Tom was teaching his class about abstract nouns.

He explained how abstract nouns refer to something you can think of, but can't touch. He then asked a student sitting at the back of the class for an example.

*"My father's Cadillac."*

Have you ever seen a fish bowl?

Have you ever seen…

…a barn dance?
…a fire escape?

Please help. When I was a kid I had a large joke book that I loved to read over and over. One page had a pretty long list of this type of joke (where the end could be read as a “noun verb” instead of a “noun”). Now that book is long...

Can you explain the difference between a noun and a verb?

"Hump" is a noun meaning "something on the back of a camel"... unless that thing is another camel, in which case, it's a verb.

You're welcome.

Politician (noun):

Someone who will lay down your life for his country.

I just did one of those "what noun are you" quizzes...

and I got "pedantic", which is an adjective.

My English teacher said you can’t make a sentence with only nouns.

Wheel sea

What do you call a noun that is very good at its job?

A pronoun

What is the collective noun for a group of depressives?

A melancolony

Rob Gronkowski is a noun

And a verb

What’s the collective noun for sneezes?

A choo.

Mother: (noun) 1.One person who does the work of 20. For free

Happy Mothers Day all Mommy's out there ! :)

can·ni·bal ˈkanəb(ə)l/ noun

Someone that is fed up with people

What English word can be both a noun and verb at the same time?

Verb

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told this guy that nouns were pointless.

He said, "Give me a good reason, you cocksucker!"

I said, "Now now, there's no need for names."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My English teacher says it's impossible to make a sentence using only nouns...

Boy, eye gist dew naught sea whey awl teachers seam two inn cyst tits knot rite. We half sum examples. Dew ewe? Lettuce snow.

A verb walks up to a noun in a bar

-- Hey, babe, wanna go back to my place and conjugate?

-- I decline

"Gravity: noun. 1. The invisible force that pulls objects to celestial bodies."

"That's very nice, Elphaba. But I said try _defying_ gravity."

What’s the collective noun for a group of bloodsucking parasites?

A Senate.

What happened to the tasty noun?

Verbatim.

What is the collective noun for three dyslexics?

A riot.

Yo mamma so fat, her preferred pronoun is

There

I’ve always loved people, places, and things

That’s why I’ve always been pro-noun

NSFW During a Linguistics lecture today, the teacher demonstrated how nouns can be turned into verbs;

for example "a brush is used to brush some one". My teacher gazed around the class, asking us for another example.

In retrospect, I don't think she liked the word "fist".

Dictionary definition; 'lackadaisical'

*noun* 'A bicycle built for one'.

Whenever someone asks me my pronouns

I tell them I just get by with the amateur ones.

Another google meme...

Me: what is the meaning of life?



Google:

*noun*

1. 1.the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."the origins of life"
2. 2.the e...

A tourist in Madrid

A tourist hires a guide to show him around Madrid. He tells the guide, "If you don't mind, I'm trying to learn Spanish, so if I say something wrong, please correct me." The guide agrees, and they set off walking.

A fly happens to buzz by, and the tourist says, "Look at the *mosco*!" The guide...

During shelter in place, I realize that I miss people, place, and things.

So nouns. I essentially miss nouns.

What do you call a professional person, place, or thing?

A pro-noun

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a hippie gets on a bus...

He sees a beautiful nun and sits next to her. He turns too the nun and says, ''Will you have sex with me?'' Surprised by the question, the Noun answers,''No!'' and gets off at the next stop.

After she gets off the bus the bus driver turns to the Hippie and says,''I over heard your conversatio...

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

A guy asks Alexa to define "rendezvous"...

Alexa: As a noun, rendezvous is usually defined as an agreement between two or more persons to meet at a certain time and place.

Guy: Spell it.

Alexa: It is spelled, I. T.

So a panda walks into a bar

Orders a salad and just after paying his bill whips out a Gloc and shoots one of the other bar patrons. The bartender asks what the hell his problem is and the panda says "I'm a panda look me up in the dictionary" then grabs his coat and walks out the door.

The bartender not knowing what else...

Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?

*noun
the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.*

American Exceptionalism

Noun. When every country in the world decides to do something good, *except America*

The meaning of the word "Poor"

Poor (noun) = When you have too much month at the end of your money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda walks into a bar,

and orders a burger. The bartender is intrigued by the panda but does not want to pester his customer with questions. Everyone in the bar is startled, however, when the panda finishes his meal, pulls out a gun and fires straight through the ceiling of the building. He then puts the gun away and inst...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Appalachian Dictionary

Virgin: (noun) - A 12 year old girl that can run faster than her brother.

Time flies like an arrow...

...but fruit flies like a banana.

Probably, a lot of you already know this one. But I posted it from a -- *ahem* -- 'philosophical' consideration (not a really good idea for a joke subreddit).

But I think about this joke from time to time. Not only is it a complex double pun -- flie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fred and Barney are standing next to the jukebox,...

Barney says, "Hey, Fred, what do you want to listen to? *Rock* music?"

Fred replies, "You know, Barney, just because we live in the stone age doesn't mean all your puns have to be rock-based. Besides, I have a very eclectic taste in music which better suites my personality."

Barney ret...

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Punctuation!

A panda escapes the zoo and hooks up with some chick at a bar. They start out with 69. He's eating this chick's pussy, but the blow job is so good he cums. Then he just gets up and starts to head out the door. Chick says, "Hey, where you going?" Panda says, "I'm a panda, look it up." So she gets ...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was playing Hangman with a friend...

...and he threw at me what he said was a truly challenging word - a proper noun no less! Said it was someone who was all over the news a lot as of late. All I had to go on were an i and a couple e's. Not a lot of *ease* that *I* could really glean from that! Now, I was sipping some tea at the time, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Panda walks into a restaurant...

And the host, thinking this is a little out of the ordinary, asks the panda if he is here to eat.

"Of course." says the panda.

A little ashamed, the host walks the panda to a table and tells him the waiter will be along shortly. Soon enough the waiter comes along and asks the panda wha...

How do you distinguish between a news reporter and a chemist....

Ask them to pronounce "lead".

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.