UPJOKE
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Mr. Tom was teaching his class about abstract nouns.

He explained how abstract nouns refer to something you can think of, but can't touch. He then asked a student sitting at the back of the class for an example.

*"My father's Cadillac."*

Joke Factory: Why did the [NOUN] go to the [LOCATION]?

Give me a random NOUN and LOCATION using the above format, and I'll give you the punchline.

For example:

Why did the soldier go to the beach?He was caught in a sand-off and came back shell-shocked.

Ready? Go!

\--

Whenever someone asks me my pronouns

I tell them I just get by with the amateur ones.

Can you explain the difference between a noun and a verb?

"Hump" is a noun meaning "something on the back of a camel"... unless that thing is another camel, in which case, it's a verb.

You're welcome.

My English teacher said you can’t make a sentence with only nouns.

Wheel sea

A tourist in Madrid

A tourist hires a guide to show him around Madrid. He tells the guide, "If you don't mind, I'm trying to learn Spanish, so if I say something wrong, please correct me." The guide agrees, and they set off walking.

A fly happens to buzz by, and the tourist says, "Look at the *mosco*!" The guide...

Yo mamma so fat, her preferred pronoun is

There

Mother: (noun) 1.One person who does the work of 20. For free

Happy Mothers Day all Mommy's out there ! :)

What English word can be both a noun and verb at the same time?

Verb

What do you call a noun that is very good at its job?

A pronoun

Another google meme...

Me: what is the meaning of life?



Google:

*noun*

1. 1.the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death."the origins of life"
2. 2.the e...

I just did one of those "what noun are you" quizzes...

and I got "pedantic", which is an adjective.

Steve says nouns are his favorite type of word

I guess you could say he is a pronoun.

What’s the collective noun for a group of bloodsucking parasites?

A Senate.

Politician (noun):

Someone who will lay down your life for his country.

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My English teacher says it's impossible to make a sentence using only nouns...

Boy, eye gist dew naught sea whey awl teachers seam two inn cyst tits knot rite. We half sum examples. Dew ewe? Lettuce snow.

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I told this guy that nouns were pointless.

He said, "Give me a good reason, you cocksucker!"

I said, "Now now, there's no need for names."

NSFW During a Linguistics lecture today, the teacher demonstrated how nouns can be turned into verbs;

for example "a brush is used to brush some one". My teacher gazed around the class, asking us for another example.

In retrospect, I don't think she liked the word "fist".

can·ni·bal ˈkanəb(ə)l/ noun

Someone that is fed up with people

I’ve always loved people, places, and things

That’s why I’ve always been pro-noun

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

A verb walks up to a noun in a bar

-- Hey, babe, wanna go back to my place and conjugate?

-- I decline

"Gravity: noun. 1. The invisible force that pulls objects to celestial bodies."

"That's very nice, Elphaba. But I said try _defying_ gravity."

What is the collective noun for three dyslexics?

A riot.

What do you call a professional person, place, or thing?

A pro-noun

Why is Oedipus bad at Latin?

He conjugated where he should have declined.

>!Latin verbs have conjugations and latin nouns have declinsions.!<

You cannot sue a Slipper making company for an accident.

Apparently 'slipper' isn't a noun, but an adjective in this case.

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One day, a hippie gets on a bus...

He sees a beautiful nun and sits next to her. He turns too the nun and says, ''Will you have sex with me?'' Surprised by the question, the Noun answers,''No!'' and gets off at the next stop.

After she gets off the bus the bus driver turns to the Hippie and says,''I over heard your conversatio...

During shelter in place, I realize that I miss people, place, and things.

So nouns. I essentially miss nouns.

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The Grammar of F***

Transitive Verb: "I want you to fuck me until I can't walk."

Intransitive Verb: "We fucked until my dick fell off."

Phrasal Verb: "I'm going to royally fuck you up."

Noun: "That guy is such a dumb fuck."

Pronoun: "Look who fuck-face over there brought to the party."
...

A Group of Karens

Is the collective noun for a group of angry, uneducated and entitled white women called a trump of Karens?

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A panda walks into a bar

Goes to the bar and orders some food, then sits down and eats. Once finished he stands up pulls out two pistols and shots the place up.
The barman having ducked behind the bar stands up and says
"Oi panda, what the hell are you doing?"
The panda stops at the door, turns around and says
...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

I help blind children.

Verb, not an adjective.

I told my Italian housemate that "I'm not a materialist", he asked "is that a pronoun?",

I replied "no, it's more anti noun"

My first post on r/jokes pretty bad

A man named mr.grammer ran for president. The news sources ask what he was standing for and he said he was “pro-noun”.

Trump is a contronym

The verb "to trump" means to be better than
And the noun "trump" means an awful president

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What's the LGBT community's favorite sex position?

Sixty-*Nouns*

Subscribe (Verb) - to obtain or have a subscription to a publication, concert series, service, etc.

Subscribe (Noun) - a very obedient writer

A guy asks Alexa to define "rendezvous"...

Alexa: As a noun, rendezvous is usually defined as an agreement between two or more persons to meet at a certain time and place.

Guy: Spell it.

Alexa: It is spelled, I. T.

Cation

Pronunciation : [kat-ahy-uhn,-on]

-Noun Chemistry

1.An ion with paws-tive charge.
2.The cutest ion ever.

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I was playing Hangman with a friend...

...and he threw at me what he said was a truly challenging word - a proper noun no less! Said it was someone who was all over the news a lot as of late. All I had to go on were an i and a couple e's. Not a lot of *ease* that *I* could really glean from that! Now, I was sipping some tea at the time, ...

Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?

*noun
the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.*

Siblings

(noun) : people you either plan to murder or plan a murder with. There's no middle ground.

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Fred and Barney are standing next to the jukebox,...

Barney says, "Hey, Fred, what do you want to listen to? *Rock* music?"

Fred replies, "You know, Barney, just because we live in the stone age doesn't mean all your puns have to be rock-based. Besides, I have a very eclectic taste in music which better suites my personality."

Barney ret...

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So a Panda walks into a restaurant...

And the host, thinking this is a little out of the ordinary, asks the panda if he is here to eat.

"Of course." says the panda.

A little ashamed, the host walks the panda to a table and tells him the waiter will be along shortly. Soon enough the waiter comes along and asks the panda wha...

Time flies like an arrow...

...but fruit flies like a banana.

Probably, a lot of you already know this one. But I posted it from a -- *ahem* -- 'philosophical' consideration (not a really good idea for a joke subreddit).

But I think about this joke from time to time. Not only is it a complex double pun -- flie...

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

The meaning of the word "Poor"

Poor (noun) = When you have too much month at the end of your money

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Punctuation!

A panda escapes the zoo and hooks up with some chick at a bar. They start out with 69. He's eating this chick's pussy, but the blow job is so good he cums. Then he just gets up and starts to head out the door. Chick says, "Hey, where you going?" Panda says, "I'm a panda, look it up." So she gets ...

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A panda walks into a bar

and orders a bowl of beer nuts from the bartender. After finishing his meal, the panda whips out an enormous .45 Magnum and lets off six rounds into the ceiling.

!BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

As soon as the report of the last round had finished echoing around the bar, the panda rose...

American Exceptionalism

Noun. When every country in the world decides to do something good, *except America*

First they came for the verbs...

First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

Jokes

1. Something said in the pursuit of laughter.

2. A short tale with an end worth laughs after.

3. A noun you expect

commands no respect.

Root word "jocus". This limerick: disaster.

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Appalachian Dictionary

Virgin: (noun) - A 12 year old girl that can run faster than her brother.

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