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Phrase Jokes

The only phrase that keeps me human

You are what you eat

What is one catch phrase that a condom manufacturing company should never use?

Tried and Tested!

How many of the phrases in English are palindromes?

Not a ton

Even at school they thought I had special powers; what was the phrase…

‘Constant super-vision.’

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Who came up with the phrase “nice guys finish last”?

A sex therapist

I recently learned the phrase Stockholm Syndrome

I wasn’t a big fan of it at first, but I’ve grown to love it

What is a common phrase that both poker players and cannibals say?

Just finish the hand!

what's the most commonly used phrase by artists?

Would you like fries with that.

The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mothers, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase "There is only one mom"

Some innocent joke my father told me when I was a child. Not sure if this will make sense in english.

The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mother, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase "There is only one mom".

It's the first student's time, and ...

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Do you know where the phrase "You've got to be shitting me!" came from?

When General George Washington was crossing the Delaware it was cold, foggy and ice all around. They had several boats and only one light. Captain Peters was at the bow of the boat with this light when it struck some ice and he tumbled into the river. They searched and searched for him but never cou...

Have you noticed, if you Google the phrase "Lost Medieval Servant Boy. "

It comes back with, "This page could not be found."

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There's a French phrase "L'esprit de l'escalier" which means thinking of a perfect comeback for a perceived insult just as you leave the party.

My usual thing to say when I have to leave a party is "Oh shit, it's the cops!"

Did you hear the phrase one man's trash is another man's treasure?

Was my favorite saying, until my parents said it to indicate I was adopted

Whoever coined the phrase “dad bod” missed a golden opportunity...

Should've called it "the Father-figure"

My aunt's parrot can say over 30 phrases, but each one is offensive and belittling.

I say parrot, it's actually more of a mockingbird.

I wonder if the receptionist at the sperm bank ever uses the phrase

“Thanks for coming!”

Most people have heard the phrase "Great minds think alike"

What they don't know is what comes after

"Idiots seldom differ"

RE-PHRASE: People on Twitter claimed that if Dog the Bounty Hunter found Brian Laundrie before the government did, they would never pay taxes again

Well that certainly motivated the FBI

I just realized I have been using the phrase “sunk cost fallacy” incorrectly all my life.

Oh well, it’s too late to do anything now.

People who act all intellectually superior by ending their thoughts with a Latin phrase—- usually have no idea what they are doing.

Et al.

My friend told me I always say phrases wrong

But he’s not the brightest knife in the chandelier

What phrase should a veterinarian never say to their patient's owners?

Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

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My wife said she wanted to have Olympic Sex and I got all excited by the phrase so I said yes honey, what does it involve?

Once every four years.

English is the lingua franca of the internet, science, aeronautics,

and of using Late Latin phrases concerning an extinct pre-French language to mean "universally spoken".

I have noticed that the phrase 'due to' is being used more frequently lately...

...possibly due to Covid.

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don't speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple phrase - Secure the building.

The Army would post guards around the place.

The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.

The Air Force would take out a five year lease ...

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

I started to get really worried about climate change when I was house shopping and my real estate agent used the phrase:

“Potential Water Front Property”

A worker sent a message that included the phrase "a alytics" which was followed by an apology - "sorry, I meant analytics but the n is close to the spacebar."

The first reply was "thank god the y key isn't the one next to the spacebar"

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Revolutionary origin of a phrase.

It's the night before Battle of the Trenton and the Soldiers and staff are Cold.

First Lieutenant Cox goes to General Washington and suggests that the army go door to door in the local town and ask that the local residents put up the General's staff overnight, prior to the battle.

Wash...

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Phrase of the day

An American businessman is in Japan for an important contract. Feeling stressed out, he goes to a brothel and finds a cute, young girl. Although shy at first, soon she starts moaning and panting, and keeps on screaming "Soko janai! Soko janai!". While he couldn't speak or understand Japanese, the ma...

I'm having a really tough time coming up with new phrases to put onto custom cutting boards...

I guess I have writer's block.

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Origin of the phrase “pissed”

To clarify this isnt your traditional joke, not really a punch line I just came up with this theory in a somewhat joking manner and can’t think of a more appropriate place to put it

So anyway, there’s some friends that get together sometimes and prank each other. One of them Bill, Bob, and Ba...

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Alternative phrases to “calm your tits”

• Soothe your boobs
• Hakuna your tatas
• Give that rack a rest
• Don’t have a rack attack

I get confused with these Latin phrases.

Is it carpe tunnel or per diem?

I like to use phrases wrong sometimes

And vice versa

The most searched phrase on Google from the Minneapolis area right now is “How to make your own weapons”

Guess the cops have run out of ammo

There was an old man who was diagnosed with hearing loss

Little by little, he couldn't hear certain words. Sooner or later he couldn't hear much at all. He explained to his wife the doctor told him the only phrase he'll still hear is "I love you". For the next 3 weeks, the only thing he could hear was "I love you". From early morning to late at night his ...

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People don't realize Edgar Allan Poe was a landlord.

His tenants were always complaining about the lease terms being terrible, leading them to being the first to coin the phrase: "fuck the Poe lease!"

Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse”

has never stepped on one.

TIL (Today I learned) who coined the phrase "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine"

It was former US President Abraham Lincoln.

Two students, John and James, took a quiz on which phrase is better, had or had had.

James, while John had had had, had had had had. Had had had had a better effect on the teacher.

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What phrase can both be said during sex and at a minigolf course?

Off to the next hole!

Never use phrases from another language

unless what you’re trying to say requires a certain *je ne sais quoi.*

What's a phrase you can't stand to hear?

"Sorry sir, but we had to amputate both legs.."

What is one phrase you can’t tell a sky diver?

If at first you don’t succeed, try again.....

Due to inflation

The phrase "a dime a dozen" has gone up to "a dollar a dozen"

Teacher: What is the tense of the phrase "I am beautiful"

Student: Past

What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?

If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."

If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.

If you were in the Army you think it means to go from r...

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Isn't it weird that phrases mean something totally different as an adult than when you were a kid?

Like, "It's time for a spanking." "You've been a bad girl." Or "Come over here and suck daddy's dick."

Using the phrase "when pigs fly" to suggest an impossibility is surely out of date.

The police have had helicopters for years now.

What phrase should you never hear in Chemistry class?

"Bottoms up."

What is the scariest phrase to read in Braille?

Do no touch

50% of being a lawyer is the ability to use latin phrases that people don't understand

the other 50% is *ad hoc ergo propter hoc*

I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret

Or United States of America.

When it comes to foreign phrases, I don't know, I just ...

... lack a certain 'Jenna say Kwa.'

After repeatedly denying it, I eventually accepted that I have a fetish for using fancy words and phrases to describe things.

I've finally come to terms with it.

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What phrase can go when it comes to math and for sex?

If it’s under 13, you gotta do it in your head

Only two phrases can change a girl's mood!!

1. I love you !
2. 50% discount !!

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I came up with a phrase for the female version of a dick pick.

Slot shot.

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What is Gordon Ramsay's catch phrase during sex?

IT'S FUCKING RAWWW

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Best-fitting phrase for the act of having sex with a little person?

Cumming up short?

You know which phrase I really hate?

Pet peeve.

A man is at boating school, and is learning different phrases before he is allowed to work on a boat

The instructor asks him the first question, “What do you say when a man has fallen off the boat.”

The man energetically said, “Man overboard!”

The instructor has his next question ready, “What do you say when a woman falls off the boat?”

The man yet again states, “Full speed ahe...

My psychiatrist told me to phrase my sentences better.

Says the doctor who can't see a house fly above her head.

What phrase should you never use in a relationship or in a job interview?

"Well, to tell you the truth..."

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Whoever coined the phrase: 'nothing lasts forever', ?

0bviously never tried having a wank over Kathy Griffin

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

"Where there's a will, there's a way" is a great self motivational phrase

Until an inheritance is involved

The British use the phrase "Long live the queen," & the queen is the longest lived monarch in history.

So you'd think they would have realized that there might be an issue always saying Princess Di...

As a dyslexic I've been stung for taking phrases literally

If beauty really lies with the beeholder I've yet to meet one.

The other day, I posted a meaningful phrase on r/originalquotes

It was very well-received, but a comment bugged me bad. It says "The OP is very creative".

I swear I didn't plagiarize from any poster.

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Foul Mouthed Parrots

This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bri...

Due to the negative connotation of the phrase "colored people" the NAACP is thinking about changing their name to reflect more modern terms like "African Americans"

But then they said NAAAA.

I always get made fun of for never saying phrases correctly

I guess I never really was the brightest book in the shed.

What's wrong with the phrase "War on Drugs"?

Wars end.

A desperate man prays to God for help but God reveals that He is an Atheist

The stunned man struggled to phrase his very confused emotions.

"H-How can you be an Atheist? What does that even mean!? You're right here! You clearly exist!"

God looked at him with Sad Eyes and mumbled unconfidently.

"Sorry, I just don't believe in Me."

I had a really lame phrase on my protest sign...

I didn't pick it well.

READ THESE LETTERS IN ENGLISH FOR FUNNY PHRASE IN SPANISH

2 T N S L P P B N T S O

A man goes into a bar where, instead of drinks, they sell words and phrases...

he asks the barman if they sell entendres. The barman says "yes" so the man says "ok, I'll have a double" and the barman says "oh, you mean a large one".

I've always thought that the phrases 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologise' meant the same thing

Until I went to a funeral

During the French Revolution, what was the executioner’s catch phrase?

“First come, first severed!”

My wife's favorite phrases are "walk it off" and "put some ice on it" whenever our kids fall down.

Or I get an erection.

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The phrase 'lazy asshole' is an oxymoron...

Because an asshole gets shit done.

My daughter came home from school with an assignment that asked to to finish the phrase, "I have a dream..." this is what she came up with.

I have a dream...

That one day handicap people will be able to park wherever they want to.

Whenever I think of the phrase "high off their own supply

I think of a fat chef.

Here's an interesting turn of phrase.

ǝsɐɹɥd

Where did the phrase “Give it to me straight, Doc” originate from?

A proctologist’s office

Trump’s bodyguards have found a new phrase for “Mr. President get down!”

Donald duck!

Generally, the phrases "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" are used synonymously...

But not at a funeral.

What catch phrase do white girls and statisticians share in common?

"That's totally random"

In a physics conference, I propose to use the phrase "quantum mechanically small" as an opposite to the phrase "astronomically large" common in everyday use.

The reception can only be described as cosmologically void.

my son says he's a small group of words that stand together to convey a concept

Should I be worried or is it just a phrase?

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