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Phrase Jokes

The only phrase that keeps me human

You are what you eat

What is one catch phrase that a condom manufacturing company should never use?

Tried and Tested!

Whoever coined the phrase “dad bod” missed a golden opportunity...

Should've called it "the Father-figure"

How many of the phrases in English are palindromes?

Not a ton

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Phrase of the day

An American businessman is in Japan for an important contract. Feeling stressed out, he goes to a brothel and finds a cute, young girl. Although shy at first, soon she starts moaning and panting, and keeps on screaming "Soko janai! Soko janai!". While he couldn't speak or understand Japanese, the ma...

Even at school they thought I had special powers; what was the phrase…

‘Constant super-vision.’

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don't speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple phrase - Secure the building.

The Army would post guards around the place.

The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.

The Air Force would take out a five year lease ...

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Who came up with the phrase “nice guys finish last”?

A sex therapist

The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mothers, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase "There is only one mom"

Some innocent joke my father told me when I was a child. Not sure if this will make sense in english.

The teacher wants her students to express their love to their mother, so she asks them to create a sentence with the phrase "There is only one mom".

It's the first student's time, and ...

what's the most commonly used phrase by artists?

Would you like fries with that.

What is a common phrase that both poker players and cannibals say?

Just finish the hand!

Have you noticed, if you Google the phrase "Lost Medieval Servant Boy. "

It comes back with, "This page could not be found."

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Revolutionary origin of a phrase.

It's the night before Battle of the Trenton and the Soldiers and staff are Cold.

First Lieutenant Cox goes to General Washington and suggests that the army go door to door in the local town and ask that the local residents put up the General's staff overnight, prior to the battle.

Wash...

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When you say "poop" your mouth moves the same way your anus does when you poop.

The same is true for the phrase "explosive diarrhea."

Most people have heard the phrase "Great minds think alike"

What they don't know is what comes after

"Idiots seldom differ"

Did you hear the phrase one man's trash is another man's treasure?

Was my favorite saying, until my parents said it to indicate I was adopted

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Alternative phrases to “calm your tits”

• Soothe your boobs
• Hakuna your tatas
• Give that rack a rest
• Don’t have a rack attack

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Do you know where the phrase "You've got to be shitting me!" came from?

When General George Washington was crossing the Delaware it was cold, foggy and ice all around. They had several boats and only one light. Captain Peters was at the bow of the boat with this light when it struck some ice and he tumbled into the river. They searched and searched for him but never cou...

My friend told me I always say phrases wrong

But he’s not the brightest knife in the chandelier

My father always told me "If you are not the best, then you are piece of sh*t!"

I made up the first part of the phrase so it would not hurt me that much.

I like to use phrases wrong sometimes

And vice versa

What's a phrase you can't stand to hear?

"Sorry sir, but we had to amputate both legs.."

I wonder if the receptionist at the sperm bank ever uses the phrase

“Thanks for coming!”

Never use phrases from another language

unless what you’re trying to say requires a certain *je ne sais quoi.*

I get confused with these Latin phrases.

Is it carpe tunnel or per diem?

What phrase should a veterinarian never say to their patient's owners?

Are you picking up what I'm putting down?

My aunt's parrot can say over 30 phrases, but each one is offensive and belittling.

I say parrot, it's actually more of a mockingbird.

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Isn't it weird that phrases mean something totally different as an adult than when you were a kid?

Like, "It's time for a spanking." "You've been a bad girl." Or "Come over here and suck daddy's dick."

Whoever coined the phrase “Quiet as a mouse”

has never stepped on one.

I just realized I have been using the phrase “sunk cost fallacy” incorrectly all my life.

Oh well, it’s too late to do anything now.

What is one phrase you can’t tell a sky diver?

If at first you don’t succeed, try again.....

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What phrase can both be said during sex and at a minigolf course?

Off to the next hole!

I have noticed that the phrase 'due to' is being used more frequently lately...

...possibly due to Covid.

Teacher: What is the tense of the phrase "I am beautiful"

Student: Past

Only two phrases can change a girl's mood!!

1. I love you !
2. 50% discount !!

What is the scariest phrase to read in Braille?

Do no touch

You know which phrase I really hate?

Pet peeve.

50% of being a lawyer is the ability to use latin phrases that people don't understand

the other 50% is *ad hoc ergo propter hoc*

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What is Gordon Ramsay's catch phrase during sex?

IT'S FUCKING RAWWW

More people would read books if publishers just added the phrase "In My Pants" to the end of every title.

War of the Worlds in My Pants

The Two Towers in My Pants

Great Expectations in My Pants

To Kill a Mockingbird in My Pants

Rising Strong in My Pants

What phrase should you never hear in Chemistry class?

"Bottoms up."

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There's a French phrase "L'esprit de l'escalier" which means thinking of a perfect comeback for a perceived insult just as you leave the party.

My usual thing to say when I have to leave a party is "Oh shit, it's the cops!"

I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret

Or United States of America.

My psychiatrist told me to phrase my sentences better.

Says the doctor who can't see a house fly above her head.

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Whoever coined the phrase: 'nothing lasts forever', ?

0bviously never tried having a wank over Kathy Griffin

Here's an interesting turn of phrase.

ǝsɐɹɥd

Sure, white people can't say the "N word" but.

atleast we can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer" and, "Hey, Dad."

I'm having a really tough time coming up with new phrases to put onto custom cutting boards...

I guess I have writer's block.

Two students, John and James, took a quiz on which phrase is better, had or had had.

James, while John had had had, had had had had. Had had had had a better effect on the teacher.

People who act all intellectually superior by ending their thoughts with a Latin phrase—- usually have no idea what they are doing.

Et al.

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The phrase 'lazy asshole' is an oxymoron...

Because an asshole gets shit done.

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My wife said she wanted to have Olympic Sex and I got all excited by the phrase so I said yes honey, what does it involve?

Once every four years.

When it comes to foreign phrases, I don't know, I just ...

... lack a certain 'Jenna say Kwa.'

The other day, I posted a meaningful phrase on r/originalquotes

It was very well-received, but a comment bugged me bad. It says "The OP is very creative".

I swear I didn't plagiarize from any poster.

I often wonder if the guy who came up with the term "One Hit Wonder"...

Came up with any other phrases.

What's wrong with the phrase "War on Drugs"?

Wars end.

RE-PHRASE: People on Twitter claimed that if Dog the Bounty Hunter found Brian Laundrie before the government did, they would never pay taxes again

Well that certainly motivated the FBI

I always get made fun of for never saying phrases correctly

I guess I never really was the brightest book in the shed.

"Where there's a will, there's a way" is a great self motivational phrase

Until an inheritance is involved

I started to get really worried about climate change when I was house shopping and my real estate agent used the phrase:

“Potential Water Front Property”

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I came up with a phrase for the female version of a dick pick.

Slot shot.

The most searched phrase on Google from the Minneapolis area right now is “How to make your own weapons”

Guess the cops have run out of ammo

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Best-fitting phrase for the act of having sex with a little person?

Cumming up short?

During the French Revolution, what was the executioner’s catch phrase?

“First come, first severed!”

Whenever I think of the phrase "high off their own supply

I think of a fat chef.

I had a really lame phrase on my protest sign...

I didn't pick it well.

READ THESE LETTERS IN ENGLISH FOR FUNNY PHRASE IN SPANISH

2 T N S L P P B N T S O

What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

“Finish line or BUST!”

Where did the phrase “Give it to me straight, Doc” originate from?

A proctologist’s office

I often misuse common phrases

People are always pulling me off for it.

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The common phrase to express somethings simplicity is

"its not rocket science...". But what do rocket scientists say to each other? "Come on Doug, its not.....sex."

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

Even though words, punctuations and phrases haven't done anything wrong....

they still get sentenced.

What catch phrase do white girls and statisticians share in common?

"That's totally random"

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True facts....

\*\*\*\*True Facts\*\*\*\*

1. IN the 1400s, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb, hence we have 'the rule of thumb'.

2. Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only, Ladies Fo...

As an introvert I don't get the phrase "go big or go home"

Why the hell would I want to go big when i'm allowed to go home and be alone.

TIL (Today I learned) who coined the phrase "The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you can never know if they are genuine"

It was former US President Abraham Lincoln.

Thank you and Sorry are the two most polite phrases.

Apparently, "No, thank you, I don't need your advice" and "Sorry, I don't want to help you" don't cut it.

Generally, the phrases "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" are used synonymously...

But not at a funeral.

Why do words, phrases and punctuation keep ending up in court?

To be sentenced

I'm really bad at understanding some common phrases

and vice versa.

A worker sent a message that included the phrase "a alytics" which was followed by an apology - "sorry, I meant analytics but the n is close to the spacebar."

The first reply was "thank god the y key isn't the one next to the spacebar"

A man goes into a bar where, instead of drinks, they sell words and phrases...

he asks the barman if they sell entendres. The barman says "yes" so the man says "ok, I'll have a double" and the barman says "oh, you mean a large one".

What phrase is 5 words long, makes you a part of a secretly hated society, is as infective as a virus and stays in your memory forever, but is only mentioned on occasion?

“I just lost the game”

Trump’s bodyguards have found a new phrase for “Mr. President get down!”

Donald duck!

I've always thought that the phrases 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologise' meant the same thing

Until I went to a funeral

A man is at boating school, and is learning different phrases before he is allowed to work on a boat

The instructor asks him the first question, “What do you say when a man has fallen off the boat.”

The man energetically said, “Man overboard!”

The instructor has his next question ready, “What do you say when a woman falls off the boat?”

The man yet again states, “Full speed ahe...

What do you call a website full of common Indian phrases and slang?

Turban Dictionary

The British use the phrase "Long live the queen," & the queen is the longest lived monarch in history.

So you'd think they would have realized that there might be an issue always saying Princess Di...

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