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Termite Jokes

A Hungarian termite discovered the Noble Eightfold Path

They now call him the Buddhapest

What would two termites order at a restaurant?

Table for 2

A clown, a polar bear, an Irishman, a termite, and a pilot walk into a bar

The bartender says "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

What’s a termite do when it gets bored?

Oh, you know, anything to break up the mahogany.

A Termite walks into a bar

And says is the bar tender here

Termite Food

So I work in a retail store where we routinely have shipments of freight arriving on wooden skids. A truck driver will come by every week or so, and pick up the empty skids so they can be reused.

Out of curiosity, I asked the driver if he ever worried about termites getting into his trailer....

A termite walks into a bar...

He waits and waits and nobody appears. He turns to a termite next to him and asks him, "Hey, is the bar tender here?". The second termite says, "Yeah. It's okay".

What did the mistress say to entice the termite?

"Want to get some wood?"

What did the termite say to the chair?

What did the termite say to the chair?

....

It was nice knawing you.

What's the difference between a 19th-century American pioneer and a termite exterminator?

One passes through the good west and the other gasses through the wood pests.

Termite walks into a bar...

A termite walks into a bar and looks for a seat. The first guy he sees is all beat up and has a bloody knife in his belt, so the termite keeps walking. The next man is shouting and is visibly drunk, so he keeps searching. Finally, the third man the termite sees has a smile on his face and is enjoyin...

A termite walks into a bar

And asks " Is the bartender here?"

Another termite looks up and says
"It's pretty tough at this end mate!"

What did the termite eat for dinner?

A table for two.

Two termites walk into a bar and ask

Is the bar tender here?

Why did the termites leave the saloon?

They didn’t find the bar tender.

What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

"Barbecue tonight!"

A termite walks into a tavern

He grabs a seat and looks at the gentleman behind the counter and asks "is the bar tender here?"

What do you call a religious termite in Hungary?

Buddha-pest

What do termites and nymphomaniacs have in common?

They are after your wood.

Two termites go on a date..

Waiter: what would you like to order sir?
Termite: Table for two.

What flavor do termites like best?

Chair-y

What do termites put on their toast?

Door jamb.

Two termites walk into a pub...

A waitress asks if she can help them. "No," they say, "We'd just like to know, is the bar tender here?"

A joke my Grandmother told me today.

So a termite walks into a bar. He sits down on one of the stools and asks the man behind the counter “Is the bar tender here?”

Outside my school there is an unfortunate tree

It has been hit by a car, struck by lightning, and now infested with termites.

What a poor sap

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

There were two termites discussing what to have for dinner.

“I was thinking about a steak” one termite said.
“The edible one or the wooden one?” Asked the other.
The first one asked, “what’s the difference?”

The king

Once there was a great tribal king. Fearlessly, he led his troops into battle. He settled disputes fairly, and ruled with grace and compassion. And he lived a humble life. No palaces for this king; he lived in a straw hut just like the rest of his subjects, and shared out the tribes resources so tha...

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An interesting story

There once was a King of a tribe in Africa. He lived in a huge, round house made of grass, typical of all the others in the village, except that his was the largest. By day he sat on the stump of a tree, which had been brought into his hut, and covered with animal skins. Everyone else sat on the flo...

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