A termite walks into a bar and asks...

"Is the bar tender here?"

What do termites and nymphomaniacs have in common?

They are after your wood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An interesting story

There once was a King of a tribe in Africa. He lived in a huge, round house made of grass, typical of all the others in the village, except that his was the largest. By day he sat on the stump of a tree, which had been brought into his hut, and covered with animal skins. Everyone else sat on the flo...

Termite Food

So I work in a retail store where we routinely have shipments of freight arriving on wooden skids. A truck driver will come by every week or so, and pick up the empty skids so they can be reused.

Out of curiosity, I asked the driver if he ever worried about termites getting into his trailer....

What’s a termite do when it gets bored?

Oh, you know, anything to break up the mahogany.

A termite enters a bar

A termite enters a bar and says: "Is the bartender here?"

A termite walks into a tavern

He grabs a seat and looks at the gentleman behind the counter and asks "is the bar tender here?"

Two termites walk into a bar and ask

Is the bar tender here?

Termite walks into a bar...

A termite walks into a bar and looks for a seat. The first guy he sees is all beat up and has a bloody knife in his belt, so the termite keeps walking. The next man is shouting and is visibly drunk, so he keeps searching. Finally, the third man the termite sees has a smile on his face and is enjoyin...

What did the mistress say to entice the termite?

"Want to get some wood?"

A termite walks into a bar...

He waits and waits and nobody appears. He turns to a termite next to him and asks him, "Hey, is the bar tender here?". The second termite says, "Yeah. It's okay".

What did the termite say to the chair?

What did the termite say to the chair?

....

It was nice knawing you.

What's the difference between a 19th-century American pioneer and a termite exterminator?

One passes through the good west and the other gasses through the wood pests.

What do you call a religious termite in Hungary?

Buddha-pest

A termite walks into a bar

And asks " Is the bartender here?"

Another termite looks up and says
"It's pretty tough at this end mate!"

Two termites go on a date..

Waiter: what would you like to order sir?
Termite: Table for two.

What do termites put on their toast?

Door jamb.

What did the termite eat for dinner?

A table for two.

Two termites walk into a pub...

A waitress asks if she can help them. "No," they say, "We'd just like to know, is the bar tender here?"

What flavor do termites like best?

Chair-y

What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

"Barbecue tonight!"

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

Outside my school there is an unfortunate tree

It has been hit by a car, struck by lightning, and now infested with termites.

What a poor sap

A joke my Grandmother told me today.

So a termite walks into a bar. He sits down on one of the stools and asks the man behind the counter “Is the bar tender here?”

The king

Once there was a great tribal king. Fearlessly, he led his troops into battle. He settled disputes fairly, and ruled with grace and compassion. And he lived a humble life. No palaces for this king; he lived in a straw hut just like the rest of his subjects, and shared out the tribes resources so tha...

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