A termite walks into a bar

and asks: is the bar tender here?

What’s a termite do when it gets bored?

Oh, you know, anything to break up the mahogany.

A termite walks into a tavern

He grabs a seat and looks at the gentleman behind the counter and asks "is the bar tender here?"

Two termites walk in to a bar

And say table for two please

What does a superstitious termite do?

Knock on wood!

Termite walks into a bar...

A termite walks into a bar and looks for a seat. The first guy he sees is all beat up and has a bloody knife in his belt, so the termite keeps walking. The next man is shouting and is visibly drunk, so he keeps searching. Finally, the third man the termite sees has a smile on his face and is enjoyin...

What did the mistress say to entice the termite?

"Want to get some wood?"

What do you call a religious termite in Hungary?


What did the termite say to the chair?

What did the termite say to the chair?


It was nice knawing you.

What's the difference between a 19th-century American pioneer and a termite exterminator?

One passes through the good west and the other gasses through the wood pests.

A termite walks into a bar...

He waits and waits and nobody appears. He turns to a termite next to him and asks him, "Hey, is the bar tender here?". The second termite says, "Yeah. It's okay".

What do termites put on their toast?

Door jamb.

There were two termites discussing what to have for dinner.

“I was thinking about a steak” one termite said.
“The edible one or the wooden one?” Asked the other.
The first one asked, “what’s the difference?”

A termite walks into a bar

And asks " Is the bartender here?"

Another termite looks up and says
"It's pretty tough at this end mate!"

Two termites go on a date..

Waiter: what would you like to order sir?
Termite: Table for two.

What did the termite eat for dinner?

A table for two.

What flavor do termites like best?


Two termites walk into a pub...

A waitress asks if she can help them. "No," they say, "We'd just like to know, is the bar tender here?"

What did one termite say to another in a burning building?

"Barbecue tonight!"

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

A joke my Grandmother told me today.

So a termite walks into a bar. He sits down on one of the stools and asks the man behind the counter “Is the bar tender here?”

Outside my school there is an unfortunate tree

It has been hit by a car, struck by lightning, and now infested with termites.

What a poor sap

The king

Once there was a great tribal king. Fearlessly, he led his troops into battle. He settled disputes fairly, and ruled with grace and compassion. And he lived a humble life. No palaces for this king; he lived in a straw hut just like the rest of his subjects, and shared out the tribes resources so tha...


A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you....

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