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After his wife is diagnosed with terminal cancer, a man goes to the local apothecary

"You have to help me," the man says. "The doctor said my wife is going to die on Wednesday."

"Say no more!" says the apothecary, and he gives the man a jar of pills. "Tell your wife to take these."

The man does as he's told and returns to the apothecary.

"Did it work?" the apoth...

A man with terminal cancer asked his wife if she had ever been unfaithful

She said she had been three times, so he asked when. The first time was when they first bought a house and they needed money so she slept with a rich person.

He understood since they needed the money to get by. The second time was when he wanted to start his business so she slept with another...

How did the terminal cancer patient do in school?

He passed.

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Billy's diagnosis

Billy was just diagnosed with a terminal cancer. The doctor gave him 3 weeks to live.

Billy came home and called his son upstairs. With a heavy voice, Billy said “I have cancer and I only have 3 weeks left to live. It is in our family’s tradition to drink ourselves out in such events.” The s...

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A man's wife is diagnosed with terminal cancer...

A man's wife is diagnosed with terminal cancer. The doctor tells her she doesn't have long. The husband is devastated.

On the way home the husband asks his wife if there is anything he can do for her, a fantasy she's never had fulfilled.

So the wife says, "Well, I've never had cunnilin...

A doctor tells his patient he has terminal cancer

“Oh, my God!” the guy says. “How long do I have left?”

“Seven,” says the doctor.

“Seven what, doc?” says the guy. “Months? Years?”

“Six, ” says the doctor.

I once ran for class president against a boy with terminal cancer

I know I lost to the simpathy vote, although in retrospective I did run a very negative campaign

"Vote for me, I won't abandon you in 2 months"

Dark humor is like a child with terminal cancer

It never gets old

Brother-in-law: "Some guy on my work training, his wife has terminal cancer"

My brain: "sudo apt remove cancer"


(my daughter started school this week so I have been more tired than usual)

A calendar gets diagnosed with terminal cancer...

Poignant and pensive, he says, "I suppose my days are numbered."

A man with terminal cancer robbed a bank and was sent to prison.

A fellow inmate asked him, "Why did you commit this crime? You can't take money with you into the afterlife, and now you're going to spend your last days in prison!"

The man replied, "I knew I was going to get caught. That's the point! My doctor gave me six months, but the judge gave me thirt...

Twins Timmy and Tommy wake up Christmas morning and discover they each have three presents.

Timmy opens his first present, its a brand new PS4 with games.

Tommy opens his first present, and its an old, worn out sweater.

Timmy opens his second present, and its a brand new Flat Screen TV.

Tommy opens his second present and its an old, broken down tube TV.

Timm...

A man with terminal cancer gets frozen…

Then, he gets awakened in 2060 when they can cure his cancer.

The first thing he does when he learns he’s in 2060 is call his broker:

— Well, mister Smith, your total net worth today is $3,405,444,102.26.

Upon learning he’s a multibillionnaire, he leaps of joy and slips in some ...

Why can’t you smoke at airports?

Cause it gives you terminal cancer.

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says ”Why the long face?”

”My wife is dying of terminal cancer”

A Tik-Tok user who shot videos in the airport was taken to the hospital today..

He was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

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A Safe Death

A man was having serious medical problems and had an appointment to see his doctor. He was so distraught over the likely possibility of bad news that he asked his son to go along with him.

Sure enough, the doctor announced that the man had terminal cancer and had only a short time to live. Ne...

Philanthropic lawyer

There was a hotshot New York lawyer who got call from Save the Children foundation.
Caller: Sir, we are aware that you are one of the top lawyers in New York and earn millions of dollars a month.
Lawyer: That's right. So what?
Caller: Sir, we are working for the benefit of destitute childre...

Chocolate chip cookies!

Joe Briscolli, a retired family man with terminal cancer is lying in his deathbed when he smells the aroma of his beloved wife's locally famous chocolate chip cookies, which she knew he loved more than anything on earth. "Oh, my loving and kind wife, in my final days you comfort me stalwartly. You a...

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The Talking Dog

One day, a man was going through personal ads and came across an ad for a supposed talking dog. When he sees this, he's immediately interested and decides he would check it out for fun. He contacts the person who posted the ad and is on his way in no time.

So he arrives to the owners house, ...

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A father asks his son what he wants for his birthday

His son replies, "I don't want a lot for my birthday this year. All I want...is a pink rubber ball."

"Really?" The father asks, "Are you sure that's all you want? I have no shortage of money, and I will spare no expense to make you happy."

"Yes, I'm sure," replied the son, "All I want...

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