A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal

He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.

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It's English class and a female teacher asks students to give her example of a sentence which contains "just in a case" in it.

The first student raises his hand and responds:

\- "There is no ongoing war, but we still keep the army, just in case"

\- "Excellent! Anybody else?" - asks the teacher.

\- "There is no fire but we still keep the fireman, just in case" - answers the other student.

Vova rai...

My brother who has a stutter is in prison.

It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

A colon can completely change a sentence.

Mary ate her friend's lunch.

Mary ate her friend's colon.

Correct this sentence: A man runs by a campsite

It’s “A man *ran* by a campsite” because it’s past tents

Most offensive sentence you ever read.

I'm a white male Christian that goes to work 9-5 Monday through Friday.

Ben, Dan and Carl were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state.

Ben was the first up, the general would give the command to his soldiers to shoot. “Ready..Aim...” Then Ben suddenly shouted “EARTHQUAKE!!” All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. Dan was next. “Ready...Aim...” Then Dan Screamed “TSUNAMI!!” The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost Ben ...

I once knew a guy arrested on drug charges, and though he thought he'd get off light, they ended up slapping a bunch of other bogus charges on him, which, added to the fact that his lawyer was one of the worst in the state, eventually led him to being handed a 40 year stint in a max security prison.

That sentence was way too long.

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Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's com...

So my twin brother called me from prison

He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

If the Bible was to be summed up in one sentence it would be “ God created a man and a woman ...

... and then promptly lost control of events.”

What's the longest sentence in English?

Life imprisonment.

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is

My wife has an interesting way of beginning sentences.

She always starts with, “Hey, are you even listening?”

Stuttering man released from prison early..

He could not finish his sentence

Teacher " Who can form a sentence using 'dandelion' ?"

Tyrone : De Cheetah is fasta Dandelion.

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A teacher asks her students to use the word “beautiful” twice in a sentence...

Little Sandy’s hand shoots into the air immediately.

“Go ahead, Sandy.”

“My mother bought a beautiful new dress, and she looks beautiful when she wears it.”

“Very good, Sandy!”

Sandy beams. At that moment another hand is raised in the back of the room. It’s that of Little...

[At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?

Inmate: It’s bec..

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

Commas can really change the meaning in a sentence.

For example:
Ben is in a hurry.
Vs
Ben is in a comma.

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans”

Teacher," Tell me a sentence that starts with an 'I'."

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'.

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fa...

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Capitalisation can really change a sentence

Help your Uncle Jack off a horse.

Help your uncle jack off a horse.

Why can't you read the following sentence at 120 words per minute

Because, adding, commas, can, slow, down, the, speed, a, person, normally, reads, at

The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.

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Teacher asks Little Billy to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence.

Little Billy replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Billy," To which Billy replies, "Then I have DEFINITELY shit my pants then..."

Here's an example of a sentence in French:

Guillotine

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

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Tell me a sentence you could both say during sex and at a family dinner

How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?

Periods are very important in sentence construction.

Example:



Mary had a party in front of her friends



Mary had a period in front of her friends.

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- “Susan?”

- “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!”

- “Very good. What about you, Johnny?”

- “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”

This sentence is incorrect, you have to change a word for it to be correct, what word do you change?

Change "Incorrect" to "Correct"

The first sentence you should learn when learning a foreign language...

my friend is paying.

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

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Teacher: Class, who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence?

Teacher: Class, who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence...
Students:...

**Student A:** The Grass is DEFINITELY green!
**Teacher:** Well, not exactly. There’s blue grass, and when the grass gets burnt it turns brown. So, try again.


**Student B:** The Sky is DEFINITELY ...

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Sa...

What's the shortest death sentence?

"Arghh."

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I wrote a book, and the first sentence reads, “There I sat in Central Park, staring at the base of the Empire State Building across the street.”

The title of the book is “I’ve Never Been to New York But I Love Hearing New Yorkers Get Mad At This Shit”

One time in English Class our teacher asked us to make a sentence with the word “Dandelion”.

Carl says “The dandelion is beautiful.”
The Jamaican Transfer Student then says “The cheetah is faster DanDeLion.”

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The Ultimate Joke:

This has been my favorite joke for at least a couple years now.

A man drives train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving, and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder. So, he's on death row and the executioner...

What’s the difference between people and sentences.

People start with a period, sentences end with one.

My psychiatrist told me to phrase my sentences better.

Says the doctor who can't see a house fly above her head.

My life was summarized in one sentence...

It’s because I’m on death row

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

How to get a mumble rapper to complete a sentence

Send him to prison

Miss Crabtree says to the little rascals, “ Class today I’m going to say a word and I want you to spell it and use it in a sentence. The word is Dictate”.

Buckwheat raises his hand.
“Ok Buckwheat spell the word.”
Buckwheat spells, “ d-i-c-t-a-t-e”.
Miss Crabtree: “Very good, now use it in a sentence.”
Buckwheat says, “ How my dictate Darla?”

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A teacher asks her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

First she calls on Sussy. "My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!" Sussy says.
"Well that's pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated."

So she calls on Mary next. "My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!" Mary says.
"That's not bad either,...

The government has started fining its citizens for poorly worded sentences.

It’s the syntax

I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence.

Enough is enough.

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a herbalist living nearby, who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.


After some discussion with his wife, the man made a visit to the herbalist and handed his voucher over wondering what he was in for. The elderly herbalist han...

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

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What's a sentence you can say both during sex and at the funeral?

I wish she wasn't dead.

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Little Johnny uses the word Contagious in a sentence.

A teacher gives her kids an assignment. Use the word contagious in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow.
The next day all the kids are raising their hand.
The teacher calls on little Susie.
Little Susie, my little brother has the flue and if he sneezes on me I wi...

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"Ray Ray, use 'hotel' in a sentence"

Ray Ray: I gave some bitch the clap and that hotel everybody.

What’s the difference between a cat and a sentence?

A sentence has a pause at the end of a clause, but a cat has claws at the end of its paws.

Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence

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Sometimes i like to masturbate a long word into my sentences...

Even if i don’t technically know what it means.

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A villager had a small penis and hated it...

One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.

The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.

The shaman nodded his head, and...

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When can a sentence poop?

When it has a colon

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My wife and I have been together so long she’s started finishing my sentences

Shes getting quite good at muttering “bitch” at precisely the right moment.

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When I was getting my sentence, the judged asked me ”How does 5 to 10 years sound?”

I really shouldn’t have responded ”Sexy as fuck”

Comas really do make a big difference in sentences. For example :

Joe is in a hurry

Joe is in a coma.

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

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A preposition is something you shouldn't end a sentence with

fucker.

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

A dad joke is just a pair of back to back sentences.

Welcome to the punitentiary.

Teacher asks a student to make a sentence with word 'Harassment'

At first the student hesitated then he spoke "herassment a lot to me"

Can you say a sentence containing 4 different languages?

No.

I bought a book on "How to save money". There is only one sentence in it

"You shouldn't have bought this book"

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