My cousin who stutters was sentenced to 6 months in prison

That was two years ago, but he still hasn’t finished his sentence

Comas can really change the meaning of a sentence...

For instance:

"Ben is in a hurry."

"Ben is in a coma."

Can you make a sentence containing the words defense, defeat and detail?

When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. .

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday...

"Remember the time when we used to finish each other sentences?"

I told my twin brother over the phone from prison

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Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's com...

Three man sentenced to death

Three man, one French, one Spaniard and one German were sentenced to death by guillotine. The executioner called the first one, the French, and asks him what's was his lest wish before death, he shout out "nothing, I surrender". The executioner drops the blade, but it gets stucked, the executioners ...

In the sentence "the thief stole a television" where is the subject?

In prison

TEACHER: Today you'll give an example of a pronoun each and form a sentence with it.

JOHN: HER

TEACHER: Ok, your sentence?

JOHN: Give her her book. It's hers.

TEACHER: That's good. Yes who's next?


DAVE: HIM

TEACHER: Your Sentence?

DAVE: Give him him book. It's hims.

What is the longest sentence in the English language?

I do.

There was a man with an odd habit of repeating one sentence, that he'll make a slingshot and kill the birds.

His family was extremely worried about this. They feared he had completely lost his mind. The family took him to all nearby doctors but all in vain. They had nearly given up when one day they heard about this spiritual healer.

In hopes of getting him fixed, the family decided to travel far a...

Three prisoners were sentenced to death for their crimes

Each of the three prisoners were brought up one at a time in front of the firing squad.

The first man was up and the captain began to shout " ready... aim...." and the prisoner yelled "Tornado!!!". Everyone ran for cover and the first prisoner got away.

The second man was brought forth...

A Bus conductor once commited a very brutal crime and was sentenced to be electrocuted but he survived the electrocution even after multiple unsuccessful attempts

Because he was a bad conductor

A man in the USSR is sentenced to ten years in the gulag.

Upon his arrival, he is asked by another prisoner, “How did you get ten years?”

He responds, “I did nothing!”

The prisoner says to him, “Don’t lie to me now! Everyone knows that nothing gets you five years!”

Teacher: Make a sentence staring with "you".

Student: You is...

Teacher: No kid, it's not "You is". It's "You are".

Student: Alright, teacher. You are the best series Netflix has made.

What's the difference between a sentence and a cat?

A sentence has a pause at the end of the clause but a cat has claws at the end of its paws

A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal

He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.

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Teacher: give me a sentence with "zebra"

Student: last night, the only thing between my hand and my gf's boobs was zebra

My English teacher said you can’t make a sentence with only nouns.

Wheel sea

Punctuation is important. Improperly used periods can alter the meaning of the entire sentence.

For example:

Teresa was on her trampoline, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Teresa was on her period, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

A colon can completely change a sentence.

Mary ate her friend's lunch.

Mary ate her friend's colon.

Teacher: OK Sally, make a sentence using the word ‘contagious’

Sally: Our neighbour is painting his whole house with a two inch brush and my dad said it’s going to take the contagious.

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Sam ate his own lunch after school.

Sam ate his own colon after school.

So a German, an Englishman and an Irishman

were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when they were arrested by Saudi police. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to app...

5 hardest words and sentences to say:

5: I love you

4: I need help

3: you were right

2: I'm sorry

1: worcestershire sauce

life sentence for trying

my teacher always said reach for the stars. I missed. Now I'm in prison.

Teacher : " Can someone make a sentence using the word 'dandelion' ?

Leroy : " Da cheeta is fasta dandelion" .

Say addicted out loud after each sentence

What are you if you have too many drugs:


What are you if you have too much alcohol:

What hit you in the face last night:

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It's English class and a female teacher asks students to give her example of a sentence which contains "just in a case" in it.

The first student raises his hand and responds:

\- "There is no ongoing war, but we still keep the army, just in case"

\- "Excellent! Anybody else?" - asks the teacher.

\- "There is no fire but we still keep the fireman, just in case" - answers the other student.

Vova rai...

As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five.

But he left me hanging.

Correct this sentence: A man runs by a campsite

It’s “A man *ran* by a campsite” because it’s past tents

Yesterday I was sentenced to death for writing so many click bait headlines

What happens next will shock you

An Italian, French, and Polish man are sentenced to death by guillotine...

The Italian is first and goes up to the executioner. The executioner drops the blade which stops an 16th of an inch from his neck. But he doesn’t flinch, so then the king says, “you’re a brave man go out and be with your people.” It is the French man’s turn now. The executioner drops the blade, but ...

What's an ironic and hypocritical sentence?

"I'm not telling you what to do, so don't tell me what to do!"

My teacher said to use the colors green, yellow, and pink in a sentence

The first student said "my favorite colors are green, yellow, and pink."

The second student said "The grass is green, the sun is yellow, and my shirt it pink."

Finally, a Mexican kid piped up and said "when my phone goes green green, I pink it up and say yellow."

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy.

The boy replies, “I’m an orphan, your honor.”

It’s pretty difficult to make jokes about death sentences.

The execution must be flawless.

Capitalization really changes a sentence.

For example:

I love candy.

I love capitalization.

My English teacher told me that using a colon in a sentence can really change its meaning.

For example,

Jane ate her friend's sandwich

Becomes

Jane ate her friend's colon.

[At parole hearing] Officer: Why should you be released early?

Man: I’m ..

Officer: Go on.

Man: I think...

Officer: Yes?

Man: Can I please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

I just saw this great movie about a complete sentence...

It was a period piece.

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A guy is sentenced to prison

On his first day, he is very anxious because of the stories he heard.

At showering time, a big tattooed guy comes over, lays his hand on his shoulder and tells him:

"Okay, so here is how this goes. Every new guy will get fucked by an older inmate on his first day here. But I'm leaving ...

You ever notice how a lot of girls will trail off instead of finishing a sentence?

It’s because they only get one period per month.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him?

Because he never finished his sentences...

Most offensive sentence you ever read.

I'm a white male Christian that goes to work 9-5 Monday through Friday.

The next time I see someone ending a sentence with a preposition

I shall give them what for.

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A country boy gets accepted into Harvard.

He can’t find the library, so he finds another student on campus.

“Excuse me, do you know where the library is at?”

The student looks at the country boy disapprovingly and says,

“My good sir, here at Harvard we don’t end our sentences with prepositions.”

The country boy r...

Teacher : Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student : I is the ...

Teacher : Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student : OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Sa...

Ben, Dan and Carl were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state.

Ben was the first up, the general would give the command to his soldiers to shoot. “Ready..Aim...” Then Ben suddenly shouted “EARTHQUAKE!!” All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. Dan was next. “Ready...Aim...” Then Dan Screamed “TSUNAMI!!” The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost Ben ...

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Little Johnny Returns

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Little Molly put up her hand and said, "My father went to my grandad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word *fascinate*, not fasc...

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is

Johnny asked me the other if he could end a sentence with a contraction...

The only thing I responded with was, “I wouldn’t.”

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of h...

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- “Susan?”

- “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!”

- “Very good. What about you, Johnny?”

- “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”

If you have to clarify what something is in another sentence, it's probably not a good thing.

and that's a fact

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As a Grammar Nazi, it absolutely irritates me when I see anyone ending a sentence with a preposition.

That is just the sort of English up with which I simply cannot put.

If the Bible was to be summed up in one sentence it would be “ God created a man and a woman ...

... and then promptly lost control of events.”

My wife has an interesting way of beginning sentences.

She always starts with, “Hey, are you even listening?”

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A teacher asks her students to use the word “beautiful” twice in a sentence...

Little Sandy’s hand shoots into the air immediately.

“Go ahead, Sandy.”

“My mother bought a beautiful new dress, and she looks beautiful when she wears it.”

“Very good, Sandy!”

Sandy beams. At that moment another hand is raised in the back of the room. It’s that of Little...

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3 death sentenced prisoners wait for the electric chair

3 prisoners are waiting for their eminent death on their execution day. One Black Man, one White Man, and One Moron. The warden walks up and gets everything set up.

He calls the Black Man forward, "John Jones, sentenced for Murder in the first degree. Any last words?"

"I to this day c...

Three townsfolk were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The King must witness every execution.

First up was the town’s Priest. Sentenced for baptizing the newborn babies a bit too long. Executioner puts the bag over his head, priest kneels down into the headrest, and the lever is pulled.

The blade comes speeding downwards and stops half...

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a sin...

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polish man were sentenced to the chair!

The Irishman went first. They pulled the switch but nothing happened.

Surprised, they let him go.

The Italian guy went second. They pulled the switch but again nothing happened.

Now really surprised, they also let him go.

Finally, the Polish bloke enters and says,
"Fir...

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested....

I heard they’re gonna give them a really tough sentence

Teacher: “use dandelion in a sentence”

Jamaican kid: “de cheetah run faster dandelion”

What is equally the longest and shortest sentence known to man

Q) What is equally the longest and shortest sentence known to man?

A) "I do", just two words that last a lifetime

Here's an example of a sentence in French:

Guillotine

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Tell me a sentence you could both say during sex and at a family dinner

How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?

What’s a good demonstration of the difference between a man and a woman?

The two meanings of the sentence: “What an ass!”

C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. So D comes in and heads for the bathr...

(NSFW) What's one sentence you can say at a normal party but not a Bar Mitzvah?

It's lit.

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Capitalisation can really change a sentence

Help your Uncle Jack off a horse.

Help your uncle jack off a horse.

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

My uncle with a stutter was recently sent to prison...

He's never going to finish his sentence.

A group of friends decide to use an Ouija board

So they set up and start asking questions.

“Is there anyone here?”

The planchette moves to yes.

“How did you die?”

The planchette spells out a sentence.

I-W-A-S-K-I-S-S-E-D.

The friends look at each other, confused. “You were... kissed?!”

The planchet...

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

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A teacher asks her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

First she calls on Sussy. "My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!" Sussy says.
"Well that's pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated."

So she calls on Mary next. "My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!" Mary says.
"That's not bad either,...

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans”

Periods are very important in sentence construction.

Example:



Mary had a party in front of her friends



Mary had a period in front of her friends.

This sentence is incorrect, you have to change a word for it to be correct, what word do you change?

Change "Incorrect" to "Correct"

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An old Russian Communist is on his deathbed.

His friends are gathered around him all somber. The old man turns to one of them and says,

"Vasya, remember in 1921 you were almost executed? Well, you should know that I ratted you out to the Cheka. I hope you forgive me."

"Oh, no worries buddy." says Vasya.

The Communist then ...

An English soldier is captured by the French and is sentenced to execution

Unfortunately for him, screaming “mercy” at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.

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Just a typical story repost with a little twist

A proud farmer lying on his deathbed, asked his three sons to find one object that can be used to fill the inside of the barn. The one who can deliver will be chosen as his heir to the farm.

So the oldest son goes to the market to get hay while the middle son go get leaves and the youngest s...

One time there was a man with no money.

He got a job as a train conductor. One day he walked up to a man on the train and shot him point-blank and stole his money.

Well, when everyone got off the train he was immediately arrested. He got sentenced to death by the judge and went to be executed by electric chair.

The execution...

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A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

Three spies, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, were captured in the alps and sentenced to death by firing squad.

First they brought out the brunette and stood them against the wall.

"Ready," called the sergeant, "aim..."

"Avalanche!" yelled the brunette.

As the soldiers ran for cover the brunette escaped.

Next they brought out the redhead and stood them against the wall.

"Rea...

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Teacher: Class, who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence?

Teacher: Class, who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence...
Students:...

**Student A:** The Grass is DEFINITELY green!
**Teacher:** Well, not exactly. There’s blue grass, and when the grass gets burnt it turns brown. So, try again.


**Student B:** The Sky is DEFINITELY ...

Why can't you read the following sentence at 120 words per minute

Because, adding, commas, can, slow, down, the, speed, a, person, normally, reads, at

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Teacher asks Little Billy to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence.

Little Billy replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Billy," To which Billy replies, "Then I have DEFINITELY shit my pants then..."

What's the shortest death sentence?

"Arghh."

I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence.

Enough is enough.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

2 dudes talking about their time in prison.

Dude 1: The judge told me I was going to be convicted for murder and I would have to be in prison for 10 years. He asked me if I wanted to say something. I knew I was innocent so I started talking, until the moment where I was going to prove that I wasn't the murderer, then the judge interrupted me....

A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson.

“Tammy,” the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, “please use ‘I’ in a sentence.”

“I is,” Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.

“No, Tammy,” the teacher says, “that’s incorrect. You always say ‘I am.’”

“All right,” Tammy says. “I am the letter that ...

A woman was in court being sentenced for beating her husband to death with his electric guitars...

Judge: First offender?

Woman: No, first a Gibson, then a Fender.

A man is sentenced to death by firing squad

On the day he is going to get executed, he doesn't ask for a last meal or anything special like that.


When he is standing facing the firing squad he asks the guard one thing


Man: I am a music lover and I didn't ask for anything special on my last day. Can you please let me sing...

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What's a sentence you can say both during sex and at the funeral?

I wish she wasn't dead.

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I wrote a book, and the first sentence reads, “There I sat in Central Park, staring at the base of the Empire State Building across the street.”

The title of the book is “I’ve Never Been to New York But I Love Hearing New Yorkers Get Mad At This Shit”

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

Just found out...

Just found out my stuttering cousin died in prison. Damn, he couldn't even finish his sentence.

A doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer are all sentenced to death via the guillotine...

The executioner tells the men, “if I pull the lever and the blade doesn’t drop, you’re free to go. And your sentence will count as paid in full.”

As the Doctor steps up to the guillotine, the executioner asks, “would you like to be face down or face up?” “I’ll go face up. It won’t matter,” re...

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