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Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's com...

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

[At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?

Inmate: It’s bec..

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Teacher," Tell me a sentence that starts with an 'I'."

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'.

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- “Susan?”

- “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!”

- “Very good. What about you, Johnny?”

- “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”

What's the shortest three-word sentence in the English language?

Is it in?

The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.

The government has started fining its citizens for poorly worded sentences.

It’s the syntax

What’s the difference between people and sentences.

People start with a period, sentences end with one.

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

Periods can change a meaning of a sentence.

Example:

“He likes to eat her out.”

“He likes to eat her periods out.”

A period in a sentence can make a huge difference

Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her sandwich


Mikaela was surprised Robbie ate her period

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

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The Ultimate Joke:

This has been my favorite joke for at least a couple years now.

A man drives train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving, and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder. So, he's on death row and the executioner...

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"Ray Ray, use 'hotel' in a sentence"

Ray Ray: I gave some bitch the clap and that hotel everybody.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Tell me a sentence you could both say during sex and at a family dinner

How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?

A dad joke is just a pair of back to back sentences.

Welcome to the punitentiary.

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

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Little Johnny uses the word Contagious in a sentence.

A teacher gives her kids an assignment. Use the word contagious in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow.
The next day all the kids are raising their hand.
The teacher calls on little Susie.
Little Susie, my little brother has the flue and if he sneezes on me I wi...

What’s the difference between a cat and a sentence?

A sentence has a pause at the end of a clause, but a cat has claws at the end of its paws.

A coma can change a lot in a sentence

For example:

Ben is in school

Ben is in a coma

A teacher asked a Jamaican kid in class to use the word “dandelion” in a sentence

The kid said “The cheetah is faster dandelion”

Punctuation really changes the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

"let's eat, grandma"

vs

"let's eat, punctuation"

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What's a sentence you can say both during sex and at the funeral?

I wish she wasn't dead.

How to get a mumble rapper to complete a sentence

Send him to prison

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Sa...

I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence.

Enough is enough.

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Sometimes i like to masturbate a long word into my sentences...

Even if i don’t technically know what it means.

Use the words chicken, nut, and bread in one sentence.

When my sister got pregnant, my Filipino mother told my dad to stop choking her because chicken nut bread.

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a herbalist living nearby, who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.


After some discussion with his wife, the man made a visit to the herbalist and handed his voucher over wondering what he was in for. The elderly herbalist han...

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When can a sentence poop?

When it has a colon

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

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When I was getting my sentence, the judged asked me ”How does 5 to 10 years sound?”

I really shouldn’t have responded ”Sexy as fuck”

What’s a short word but a long sentence

Rape

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A preposition is something you shouldn't end a sentence with

fucker.

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A teacher asks her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

First she calls on Sussy. "My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!" Sussy says.
"Well that's pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated."

So she calls on Mary next. "My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!" Mary says.
"That's not bad either,...

Comas really do make a big difference in sentences. For example :

Joe is in a hurry

Joe is in a coma.

My English teacher told me I had no complete sentences

Then I asked her how she knew I broke out of prison twice

Teacher asks a student to make a sentence with word 'Harassment'

At first the student hesitated then he spoke "herassment a lot to me"

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Teacher says to little Billy at school:

"I want you to use a sentence with the word 'fascinate' in it."

Billy: I've got 9 buttons on my coat but I can only fascinate.

I asked someone at the Vegan society dinner "do you always include a vegetable in every sentence you say?

they said "not nessicelery"

I bought a book on "How to save money". There is only one sentence in it

"You shouldn't have bought this book"

Can you say a sentence containing 4 different languages?

No.

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

A guy with a stutter died in prison

before he could finish his sentence.

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

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Religion, Sexuality and Mystery in one sentence.

Oh my God, I am pregnant, I wonder who the father is ....

I got the death sentence for making a fence out of large circles.

It was a capital 'O' fence.

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Start a sentence with "I'm not racist/sexist/whatever, but..." Then say something that has nothing to do with that at all

"I'm not racist, but this soup is too salty."

"I'm not sexist, but I need to borrow a pen."

The joke is in the reactions

Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings.

1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty.

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A teacher asks her 1st grade class to make a sentence with the word "definitely" in it...

Little Suzy stands up and says "the sky is definitely blue!"
"No," the teacher replies. "It depends on the weather, the sky can be gray and at night its black."
Another student stands up and says "trees are definitely green!"
The teacher replies "no, during autumn the leaves change color."...

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A villager had a small penis and hated it...

One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.

The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.

The shaman nodded his head, and...

Teacher in school asked a student for a sentence that used the word 'contagious'....

The student said "our neighbours are printing the house with a 2 inch brush ,and my dad said it would take the contagious".

Hey girl, are you a sentence?

Because you're looking like a complete thot.

A period at the end of a sentence can make a big difference

For example:

Ginny is drinking her coffee.

Ginny is drinking her period.

Are you a member of the One Word Sentence Association?

I’m.

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A man visits Harvard

Visitor in Harvard Square: "Excuse me, where's the library at?"

Harvard student: "Sir, this is Harvard. We don't end our sentences with prepositions."

Visitor: "Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to ask, where's the library at, asshole?"

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Teacher says to class, can anyone give me a sentence with the word fascinate in it? Little johnny says my big fat sister bought a blouse that has 14 buttons.

She can only fasten eight..

What world record is a death sentence if you fail?

Oldest person

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . .

. . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.

I find that harp to belive though.

Is it possible to have the word ‘and’ five times in a row in an English sentence, while still being grammatically correct?

A man had just bought a pub, The Fox and Hound, and wanted a big new sign for it outside, so that potential customers would know that it was under new management and come a try it out.

So, he contracted a sign-maker to make the sign for him. A week later, the sign-maker came back to him with ...

Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence

A comma is important in a sentence

For example...

I was helping my uncle jack, off a horse.

I was helping my uncle jack off a horse.

The verb is my favorite part of a sentence...

That's where the action' s at

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"

Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'

I asked a Spanish teacher to translate this sentence

"Me llamo comprar"
She looked at me confused and said
"Your name is to buy?"
"It's pronounced Toby"

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A teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence.

"The sky is definitely blue," said one girl.
"Nice try but the sky can be black or purple or even orange," replied the teacher.
"The grass is definitely green," said a little boy.
"Well... The grass can be brown too."
Little Johnny raised his hand.
"Yes Johnny?"
"Are farts solid?" ...