So my twin brother called me from prison

He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

Stuttering man released from prison early..

He could not finish his sentence

A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal

He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.

Teacher: “use dandelion in a sentence”

Jamaican kid: “de cheetah run faster dandelion”

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

[At a parole hearing] Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early?

Inmate: It’s bec..

Officer: Yes?

Inmate: I think I have..

Officer: Go on.

Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

Teacher," Tell me a sentence that starts with an 'I'."

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'.

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

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Carl is in the 10th year of a life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.

"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's com...

Here's an example of a sentence in French:

Guillotine

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- “Susan?”

- “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!”

- “Very good. What about you, Johnny?”

- “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”

On a high school English test, one question directed to use the word horticulture in a sentence.

I wrote in, You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

The use of a colon can really change the intended meaning of a sentence.

Jimmy went to school and ate his lunch

becomes

Jimmy went to school and ate his colon.

What's the shortest death sentence?

"Arghh."

Miss Crabtree says to the little rascals, “ Class today I’m going to say a word and I want you to spell it and use it in a sentence. The word is Dictate”.

Buckwheat raises his hand.
“Ok Buckwheat spell the word.”
Buckwheat spells, “ d-i-c-t-a-t-e”.
Miss Crabtree: “Very good, now use it in a sentence.”
Buckwheat says, “ How my dictate Darla?”

What's the longest sentence in the English language?

I do.

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Teacher: Class, who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence?

Teacher: Class, who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence...
Students:...

**Student A:** The Grass is DEFINITELY green!
**Teacher:** Well, not exactly. There’s blue grass, and when the grass gets burnt it turns brown. So, try again.


**Student B:** The Sky is DEFINITELY ...

One time in English Class our teacher asked us to make a sentence with the word “Dandelion”.

Carl says “The dandelion is beautiful.”
The Jamaican Transfer Student then says “The cheetah is faster DanDeLion.”

Periods can change a meaning of a sentence.

Example:

“He likes to eat her out.”

“He likes to eat her periods out.”

My psychiatrist told me to phrase my sentences better.

Says the doctor who can't see a house fly above her head.

The government has started fining its citizens for poorly worded sentences.

It’s the syntax

What’s the difference between people and sentences.

People start with a period, sentences end with one.

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

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Tell me a sentence you could both say during sex and at a family dinner

How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?

My life was summarized in one sentence...

It’s because I’m on death row

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The Ultimate Joke:

This has been my favorite joke for at least a couple years now.

A man drives train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving, and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder. So, he's on death row and the executioner...

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Sa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's a sentence you can say both during sex and at the funeral?

I wish she wasn't dead.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Ray Ray, use 'hotel' in a sentence"

Ray Ray: I gave some bitch the clap and that hotel everybody.

How to get a mumble rapper to complete a sentence

Send him to prison

A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example:

*Ben is in a hurry.*

*Ben is in a coma.*

A dad joke is just a pair of back to back sentences.

Welcome to the punitentiary.

Punctuation really changes the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

"let's eat, grandma"

vs

"let's eat, punctuation"

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Little Johnny uses the word Contagious in a sentence.

A teacher gives her kids an assignment. Use the word contagious in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow.
The next day all the kids are raising their hand.
The teacher calls on little Susie.
Little Susie, my little brother has the flue and if he sneezes on me I wi...

I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence.

Enough is enough.

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When can a sentence poop?

When it has a colon

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a herbalist living nearby, who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.


After some discussion with his wife, the man made a visit to the herbalist and handed his voucher over wondering what he was in for. The elderly herbalist han...

What’s a short word but a long sentence

Rape

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teacher asks her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

First she calls on Sussy. "My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!" Sussy says.
"Well that's pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated."

So she calls on Mary next. "My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!" Mary says.
"That's not bad either,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sometimes i like to masturbate a long word into my sentences...

Even if i don’t technically know what it means.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A preposition is something you shouldn't end a sentence with

fucker.

Comas really do make a big difference in sentences. For example :

Joe is in a hurry

Joe is in a coma.

My English teacher told me I had no complete sentences

Then I asked her how she knew I broke out of prison twice

Teacher asks a student to make a sentence with word 'Harassment'

At first the student hesitated then he spoke "herassment a lot to me"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was getting my sentence, the judged asked me ”How does 5 to 10 years sound?”

I really shouldn’t have responded ”Sexy as fuck”

Can you say a sentence containing 4 different languages?

No.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Teacher says to little Billy at school:

"I want you to use a sentence with the word 'fascinate' in it."

Billy: I've got 9 buttons on my coat but I can only fascinate.

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

I bought a book on "How to save money". There is only one sentence in it

"You shouldn't have bought this book"

I asked someone at the Vegan society dinner "do you always include a vegetable in every sentence you say?

they said "not nessicelery"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A villager had a small penis and hated it...

One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.

The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.

The shaman nodded his head, and...

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Start a sentence with "I'm not racist/sexist/whatever, but..." Then say something that has nothing to do with that at all

"I'm not racist, but this soup is too salty."

"I'm not sexist, but I need to borrow a pen."

The joke is in the reactions

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A teacher asks her 1st grade class to make a sentence with the word "definitely" in it...

Little Suzy stands up and says "the sky is definitely blue!"
"No," the teacher replies. "It depends on the weather, the sky can be gray and at night its black."
Another student stands up and says "trees are definitely green!"
The teacher replies "no, during autumn the leaves change color."...

Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings.

1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Religion, Sexuality and Mystery in one sentence.

Oh my God, I am pregnant, I wonder who the father is ....

I got the death sentence for making a fence out of large circles.

It was a capital 'O' fence.

Does every sentence need to include a vegetable?

Not necescelery

Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence

A period at the end of a sentence can make a big difference

For example:

Ginny is drinking her coffee.

Ginny is drinking her period.

Teacher in school asked a student for a sentence that used the word 'contagious'....

The student said "our neighbours are printing the house with a 2 inch brush ,and my dad said it would take the contagious".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man visits Harvard

Visitor in Harvard Square: "Excuse me, where's the library at?"

Harvard student: "Sir, this is Harvard. We don't end our sentences with prepositions."

Visitor: "Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to ask, where's the library at, asshole?"

Hey girl, are you a sentence?

Because you're looking like a complete thot.

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . .

. . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Teacher says to class, can anyone give me a sentence with the word fascinate in it? Little johnny says my big fat sister bought a blouse that has 14 buttons.

She can only fasten eight..

Is it possible to have the word ‘and’ five times in a row in an English sentence, while still being grammatically correct?

A man had just bought a pub, The Fox and Hound, and wanted a big new sign for it outside, so that potential customers would know that it was under new management and come a try it out.

So, he contracted a sign-maker to make the sign for him. A week later, the sign-maker came back to him with ...

Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.

I find that harp to belive though.

What world record is a death sentence if you fail?

Oldest person