Teacher : " Can someone make a sentence using the word 'dandelion' ?

Leroy : " Da cheeta is fasta dandelion" .

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Carl is into the tenth year of his life sentence when he gets a new cellmate, Jim.

...after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.
"You see, " Carl says "for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into it's compone...

What is the longest sentence in the English language?

Life imprisonment.

As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five.

But he left me hanging.

Teacher: OK Sally, make a sentence using the word ‘contagious’

Sally: Our neighbour is painting his whole house with a two inch brush and my dad said it’s going to take the contagious.

A man is on is death sentence and he gets to choose his last meal

He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.

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It's English class and a female teacher asks students to give her example of a sentence which contains "just in a case" in it.

The first student raises his hand and responds:

\- "There is no ongoing war, but we still keep the army, just in case"

\- "Excellent! Anybody else?" - asks the teacher.

\- "There is no fire but we still keep the fireman, just in case" - answers the other student.

Vova rai...

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Sam ate his own lunch after school.

Sam ate his own colon after school.

It’s pretty difficult to make jokes about death sentences.

The execution must be flawless.

My English teacher told me that using a colon in a sentence can really change its meaning.

For example,

Jane ate her friend's sandwich

Becomes

Jane ate her friend's colon.

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

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A guy is sentenced to prison

On his first day, he is very anxious because of the stories he heard.

At showering time, a big tattooed guy comes over, lays his hand on his shoulder and tells him:

"Okay, so here is how this goes. Every new guy will get fucked by an older inmate on his first day here. But I'm leaving ...

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Commas can really change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Let's fuck grandma.

Let's fuck, grandma.

Correct this sentence: A man runs by a campsite

It’s “A man *ran* by a campsite” because it’s past tents

You ever notice how a lot of girls will trail off instead of finishing a sentence?

It’s because they only get one period per month.

Say addicted out loud after each sentence

What are you if you have too many drugs:


What are you if you have too much alcohol:

What hit you in the face last night:

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

Most offensive sentence you ever read.

I'm a white male Christian that goes to work 9-5 Monday through Friday.

Teacher: Use dandelion in the sentence

Kid *Jamaican accent*: The cheetah is faster dandelion

If the Bible was to be summed up in one sentence it would be “ God created a man and a woman ...

... and then promptly lost control of events.”

The next time I see someone ending a sentence with a preposition

I shall give them what for.

A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy.

The boy replies, “I’m an orphan, your honor.”

Ben, Dan and Carl were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state.

Ben was the first up, the general would give the command to his soldiers to shoot. “Ready..Aim...” Then Ben suddenly shouted “EARTHQUAKE!!” All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. Dan was next. “Ready...Aim...” Then Dan Screamed “TSUNAMI!!” The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost Ben ...

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Make A Sentence.

Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat', 'deduct', 'defence' and 'detail'. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his repl...

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polish man were sentenced to the chair!

The Irishman went first. They pulled the switch but nothing happened.

Surprised, they let him go.

The Italian guy went second. They pulled the switch but again nothing happened.

Now really surprised, they also let him go.

Finally, the Polish bloke enters and says,
"Fir...

Capitalization really changes a sentence.

For example:

I love candy.

I love capitalization.

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As a Grammar Nazi, it absolutely irritates me when I see anyone ending a sentence with a preposition.

That is just the sort of English up with which I simply cannot put.

I just saw this great movie about a complete sentence...

It was a period piece.

My wife has an interesting way of beginning sentences.

She always starts with, “Hey, are you even listening?”

Three townsfolk were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The King must witness every execution.

First up was the town’s Priest. Sentenced for baptizing the newborn babies a bit too long. Executioner puts the bag over his head, priest kneels down into the headrest, and the lever is pulled.

The blade comes speeding downwards and stops half...

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence.

"My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans”

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"

Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

What is equally the longest and shortest sentence known to man

Q) What is equally the longest and shortest sentence known to man?

A) "I do", just two words that last a lifetime

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fa...

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A teacher asks her students to use the word “beautiful” twice in a sentence...

Little Sandy’s hand shoots into the air immediately.

“Go ahead, Sandy.”

“My mother bought a beautiful new dress, and she looks beautiful when she wears it.”

“Very good, Sandy!”

Sandy beams. At that moment another hand is raised in the back of the room. It’s that of Little...

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Capitalisation can really change a sentence

Help your Uncle Jack off a horse.

Help your uncle jack off a horse.

In an elementary school English class, kids are learning the word “contagious”. Teacher calls on students, asking them to use it in a sentence.

- “Susan?”

- “I had a flu and mommy made me stay home for 3 days because I was contagious!”

- “Very good. What about you, Johnny?”

- “Our neighbor Mrs. Henderson has started painting her fence last night, daddy says it’s gonna take the contagious!”

Periods are very important in sentence construction.

Example:



Mary had a party in front of her friends



Mary had a period in front of her friends.

Here's an example of a sentence in French:

Guillotine

Johnny asked me the other if he could end a sentence with a contraction...

The only thing I responded with was, “I wouldn’t.”

My brother who has a stutter is in prison.

It’s just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonym...

Teacher : Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student : I is the ...

Teacher : Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student : OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

An unborn child was charged with a crime it didn't commit and sentenced to death

Both sides argued it was a miscarriage of justice.

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3 death sentenced prisoners wait for the electric chair

3 prisoners are waiting for their eminent death on their execution day. One Black Man, one White Man, and One Moron. The warden walks up and gets everything set up.

He calls the Black Man forward, "John Jones, sentenced for Murder in the first degree. Any last words?"

"I to this day c...

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Tell me a sentence you could both say during sex and at a family dinner

How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?

Why can't you read the following sentence at 120 words per minute

Because, adding, commas, can, slow, down, the, speed, a, person, normally, reads, at

The first sentence you should learn when learning a foreign language...

my friend is paying.

I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail,

but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

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Teacher asks Little Billy to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence.

Little Billy replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Billy," To which Billy replies, "Then I have DEFINITELY shit my pants then..."

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

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Teacher: Class, who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence?

Teacher: Class, who can use the word “definitely” in a sentence...
Students:...

**Student A:** The Grass is DEFINITELY green!
**Teacher:** Well, not exactly. There’s blue grass, and when the grass gets burnt it turns brown. So, try again.


**Student B:** The Sky is DEFINITELY ...

A man is sentenced to death by firing squad

On the day he is going to get executed, he doesn't ask for a last meal or anything special like that.


When he is standing facing the firing squad he asks the guard one thing


Man: I am a music lover and I didn't ask for anything special on my last day. Can you please let me sing...

Three spies, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, were captured in the alps and sentenced to death by firing squad.

First they brought out the brunette and stood them against the wall.

"Ready," called the sergeant, "aim..."

"Avalanche!" yelled the brunette.

As the soldiers ran for cover the brunette escaped.

Next they brought out the redhead and stood them against the wall.

"Rea...

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I wrote a book, and the first sentence reads, “There I sat in Central Park, staring at the base of the Empire State Building across the street.”

The title of the book is “I’ve Never Been to New York But I Love Hearing New Yorkers Get Mad At This Shit”

At school one day, Little Johnny’s teacher asks the class to use the word “contagious” in a sentence…

Cindy raises her hand. “Yes, Cindy?” She answers, “I was at the dentist’s office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious.”

“Very good, Cindy!” the teacher said, “Anyone else want to try?” Samantha raises her hand. “Yes, Sa...

So my twin brother called me from prison

He said, "So you know how we finish each others' sentences?"

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A teacher asks her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

First she calls on Sussy. "My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!" Sussy says.
"Well that's pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated."

So she calls on Mary next. "My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!" Mary says.
"That's not bad either,...

What's the shortest death sentence?

"Arghh."

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

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My favorite joke clean joke for my cakeday.

A long time ago in a man from a small town became a train conductor. Unfortunately the man had a severe drinking problem that impacted his work and one day he managed to kill someone while drinking at work. After an investigation he was found guilty and sentenced to death by the electric chair.
...

Help! Short Military Jokes Needed

Presenting to a group of a couple hundred for Veterans Day and am looking to add a few jokes between presentations. Looking to poke fun at the different services with quick 2-3 sentence jokes. Anyone have an good quick jabs or jokes they could share?

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living

He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incid...

An English soldier is captured by the French and is sentenced to execution

Unfortunately for him, screaming “mercy” at the top of his lungs only hastened the process.

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Two college girls are moving into their dorm

One girl is from Georgia and one is from Connecticut and she is with her mother.

The girl from Georgia walks up and says, “hey, where y’all from?”

Connecticut girl: “Where we’re from, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition,” she laughs.

The girl from Georgia responds: “Oh...

One time in English Class our teacher asked us to make a sentence with the word “Dandelion”.

Carl says “The dandelion is beautiful.”
The Jamaican Transfer Student then says “The cheetah is faster DanDeLion.”

What’s the difference between people and sentences.

People start with a period, sentences end with one.

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What's a sentence you can say both during sex and at the funeral?

I wish she wasn't dead.

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

On a high school English test, one question directed to use the word horticulture in a sentence.

I wrote in, You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

A woman was in court being sentenced for beating her husband to death with his electric guitars...

Judge: First offender?

Woman: No, first a Gibson, then a Fender.

I hate people who use the same word twice in the same sentence.

Enough is enough.

When inmates fall in love.

Do the finish each others sentences?

A doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer are all sentenced to death via the guillotine...

The executioner tells the men, “if I pull the lever and the blade doesn’t drop, you’re free to go. And your sentence will count as paid in full.”

As the Doctor steps up to the guillotine, the executioner asks, “would you like to be face down or face up?” “I’ll go face up. It won’t matter,” re...

In a classroom...

The girl students were really upset and shouted together in class in unison for justice. The agahst teacher asked for a reason. They asked him to look at the blackboard in which was written in bold "**50% of girls don't have brains**", which the girls asserted was the job done by boys on purpose....

Before invention of electricity

Judge: I sentence you to death by the acoustic chair.

Miss Crabtree says to the little rascals, “ Class today I’m going to say a word and I want you to spell it and use it in a sentence. The word is Dictate”.

Buckwheat raises his hand.
“Ok Buckwheat spell the word.”
Buckwheat spells, “ d-i-c-t-a-t-e”.
Miss Crabtree: “Very good, now use it in a sentence.”
Buckwheat says, “ How my dictate Darla?”

A Blonde, a Brunette, and a Redhead are sentenced to death.

They come face to face with the executioner and he asks each which way they would prefer to die: electric chair or lethal injection.

The Redhead says that she’ll go with the lethal injection. The executioner readies his equipment and gives her the injection. Within 10 minutes she is dead....

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So three people are sentenced to death by guillotine.

First comes the bartender. The executioner asks if he has any last words, and the bartender exclaims "free drinks for all if God spares me!" The executioner pulls the lever and the blade stops before touching the bartender. The crowd considers this an act of God and successfully demand the bartender...

My psychiatrist told me to phrase my sentences better.

Says the doctor who can't see a house fly above her head.

The government has started fining its citizens for poorly worded sentences.

It’s the syntax

What do you get if you download Microsoft word multiple times

Microsoft Sentence

My life was summarized in one sentence...

It’s because I’m on death row

Newly released convict goes for a job interview

Kyle who is fresh out of prison goes to a local grocery store for an interview.

Manager: Are you here for the stocker/helper position?

Kyle: Yes.

M: Are you willing to work nights?

K: Yes.

M: Are you willing to work weekends?

K: Yes

M: Say an old lady...

Got a phone call today from my twin brother who is in jail

He said “Hey do you remember how we always used to finish each others’ sentences?”

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Sometimes i like to masturbate a long word into my sentences...

Even if i don’t technically know what it means.

Use the words chicken, nut, and bread in one sentence.

When my sister got pregnant, my Filipino mother told my dad to stop choking her because chicken nut bread.

Contagious

Little Jimmy was in school the next day and his teacher told the class they were going to focus on a new word for the day: "Contagious".

The teacher gave the class ten minutes to come up with a sentence containing the word of the day. When time was up, she asked them each to come up and read ...

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Little Johnny uses the word Contagious in a sentence.

A teacher gives her kids an assignment. Use the word contagious in your everyday life and report back to me tomorrow.
The next day all the kids are raising their hand.
The teacher calls on little Susie.
Little Susie, my little brother has the flue and if he sneezes on me I wi...

Kid from The Sixth Sense asked to comment on Game Of Thrones and he described it with one sentence.

"Icey dead people"

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

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A school hired a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On the teacher's first day, the principal decides to sit in her class to observe and takes a seat next to Little Johnny. As the class progresses, the teacher writes a sentence in Spanish on the board. Suddenly, she drops the chalk on the floor and bends down to pick it up. When she straightens back ...

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole.…

That sentence was way too long.

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An Australian radio host is running a competition to great a new word and ask callers to suggest one

Caller one : garn

Host : can you use it in a sentence?

Caller one : garn get fucked (hangs up)

Host : ok, let's try again again, what's your word?

Caller 2 : smee

Host : and can you use it in a sentence?

Caller two : smee again, garn get fucked

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Lying on his deathbed is a Russian Communist

His friends are gathered around him all somber. The old man turns to one of them and says,

"Dimitri, remember in 1921 you were almost executed? Well, you should know that I ratted you out to the Cheka. I hope you forgive me."

"Oh, no worries buddy," says Dimitri.

The Communist t...

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"Ray Ray, use 'hotel' in a sentence"

Ray Ray: I gave some bitch the clap and that hotel everybody.

[At parole hearing] Officer: Why should you be released early?

Man: I’m ..

Officer: Go on.

Man: I think...

Officer: Yes?

Man: Can I please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

A two foot tall man named Shaw is sentenced to five years in prison

So naturally he’s scared. In particular, he’s scared of a large Dutch prisoner named Reedemps, who runs the cell block and gives the diminutive Shaw beatings on the regular.

Shaw makes friends with his cell mate, Joe, who is also afraid of Reedemps, Together, they hash out a plan to get reve...

What’s the difference between a cat and a sentence?

A sentence has a pause at the end of a clause, but a cat has claws at the end of its paws.

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