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A young farmer is tending to his crop. A car pulls up and a man says, "Hey! See that guy over there? Well, he just told me your mother fucked a donkey and you're the result!"

The young farmer says, "What? That jerk? Ignore him. Hee-haways says that."

When I was bar tending I would tell people this was the worst joke they’ll ever hear that will still make them laugh. I always just called it. “Grandma”

A boy comes home from school one day skipping football practice cuz he isn’t feeling well.
When he gets home he grabs a snack and sits down to watch some TV.
During the show he hears some noises coming from his parents room.
His parents not being home at that time normally he walks down ...

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A teenaged farmboy is tending to his family's cattle

When his father comes out to the pasture. He says, 'Son, another family in town is paying us to breed more cattle for 'em. Take our three largest heifers over to their farm where their breeding bull is waiting.'
The son dutifully walks the mile or so with their three cows over to the Anderson far...

Noisy Mating

A veterinarian had a busy day at the clinic, but when he got home from tending to all the sick animals, his wife was waiting with a tall, cool drink and a romantic, candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed. An hour later, the phone rang. "Is this the vet?" as...

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

A farmer is outside tending his sheep

When a car driving by loses control and drives right in to the end of the farmers fence ripping the post out of the ground. The driver sees the farmer running over so he gets out of his car and yells "I'm okay I'm okay!"

The farmer says "I don't care about you! You just destroyed my whole fe...

A farmer was out tending his flock when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from a stream.

He shouted over in Welsh: “Don't drink the water! It's disgusting! There's sheep poo in it!”

The man at the stream lifted his head and carried on drinking. Realising the man couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and shouted the same thing in Welsh again.

But still the man couldn't...

A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.

The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support...

A guy is tending bar at a local pub one afternoon...

And a guy walks in with a fried egg on his head. He sits at the bar and orders a beer, drinks it, pays and leaves.

Next day around the same time, the same guys comes in - fried egg on his head - orders a beer, drinks it, pays and leaves.

This goes on for about a week. The guy with the ...

A weasel walks into the bar. The bartender says wow! In all my years bar tending I’ve never seen a weasel in a bar before. What can I get for you?

Pop, goes the weasel

A Scotsman is tending his flock of sheep... (long)

when he decides to take a nap under a nearby tree.
After he falls asleep, a young woman walking on a nearby road decides to play a joke on him.
She lifts up his kilt, takes a ribbon from her hair, ties it around his manhood, and leaves with a giggle.
After awhile the Scotsman wakes up and w...

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A missionary deep in the heart of Africa is tending his herd of sheeps when suddenly

the very angry village chief approaches with his little albino daughter in his hand and yells with fury: "Priest! Look at daughter! You are the only white man within a 1000 miles, I know you have had sex with one of my wives!"
The missionary, a bit anxious, says with calm: "No no no, I can assur...

I got a job tending to baby seals once.

I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!

17 years ago, on 20 Dec 1999, a Portuguese farmer was reading the newspaper before tending to his fields and work

His wife walks in the door and quickly glances at the newspaper. "Honey," she says, "We lost one of our animals."

The farmer says nothing.

She asks him, "Where's Macau?"

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A farmer was tending to his livestock.

George, a farmer, was tending to his livestock when he noticed something about the grass. The grass in his field had smelled like chocolate. Also, he notices that his cows wouldn't eat this part of the field. The pigs and chickens would eat it, but not the cows. Over time, the milk the cows made was...

A shepherd is tending to his flock of sheep...

...when suddenly one of them goes running off.  The shepherd goes looking for it and after the entire day of frolicking, the sheep comes up to the shepherd and says "I'm ready to go back with the sheep now".  And so the shepherd takes her back to the sheep.

The next day the same thing happens...

Blackberry Hill

A man tending bar was working as usual with a small number of people. A guy walks in with his pants slung over his shoulder, clearly sweating, his hot dog on full display. The bartender takes one look at him and asks, "What happened to you?"

The guy responds "I was on top of Blackberry Hill."...

What's the most awkward aspect of bar-tending at an internet cafe?

You have to deal with people who forget to close their tabs.

At a position of entry for asylum seekers, the functionaries have started to not require first and last name anymore, since some of the refugees had been analphabets.

Instead all they want now is two x's, one for first, one for last name. So they take the asylum seekers in, record their two crosses and move on.

At some point a woman comes in and writes down three x's. The person tending to her tells her: "Hey, you only need to make two x's.", to which she...

Greatest Creation Ever

So Adam was in the Garden of Eden tending the plants and animals. God comes down and sees Adam. After awhile God says to Adam " Adam you've been such a good subject I think I will give you a reward. God says as a matter of fact it will be my Greatest Creation Ever. It will only cost you an arm and a...

The jester and the king

It's a well known fact that humorists are more intelligent than the run of the mill average joe on the street. It's also a well known fact that it's not always a good idea to flaunt those extra smarts.

One day, the royal court was lounging around in a bored state. Without thinking, the jeste...

Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life

Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.

"Ahh," he thought, "here is a life free from distraction!"

But walking into the study halls, he discovered monks staring into laptops. In the wings, he saw monks typing on iPa...

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there were two sheep herders at the bottom of a mountain watering their sheep

as they sat there tending the sheep they heard "YEEHAA YOO YEEHAA!" coming down from the mountain they looked up there to see a big cloud of dust coming down the mountain in front of it there is a cowboy riding a big mountain lion whipping it with two rattle snakes when he gets to the sheep herders ...

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The shepherd and the consultant

A shepherd is tending to his flock without a worry in the world as suddenly a sports car screeches to a halt next to him, out jumps a well dressed man saying "Hello shepherd, if I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock, I may take one?"

The shepherd shrugs and the man starts to fi...

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Ever wonder how yodeling was invented?

Long ago, a mountain climber was walking through a valley on his way to a nearby mountain he had his eye on climbing. As he grew near his destination he saw a little farmhouse with a little barn with a farmer outside tending to his animals. The climber approached the farmer and asked if he could spe...

For my cake day, I want to share a joke I've never seen here: A man is walking through the desert. [Long]

He comes across a town and realises he could get a horse. He walks up to the horse salesperson and asks for a horse. The salesperson says "Sorry just sold the last one, but you can check down the street. The other guy might have some left!"

So he goes there and again, asks for a horse. Unfort...

A man visits a hotel in Spain and injures himself in the room.

So he calls the front desk and asks them to find him a doctor.

"you're in luck, sir! We have a doctor that lives in this very hotel."

They send the doctor up. After tending to the man's injuries the man remarks:

"Wow! I never would have thought this hotel would have its own do...

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The black cow and the white cow

A curious guy sees a farmer tending to two cows in his field.

Guy: Hey, what do you feed those cows?
Farmer: The white one or the black one?
Guy: The white one.
Farmer: Grass.
Guy: How about the black one?
Farmer: Grass.

Guy: Where do they sleep?
Farmer: The white one...

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Two guys walk into a bar

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down at a table.
The barkeep comes over to them and asks, "What can I serve you gentlemen?"

One of them says to the barkeep, "I'll bet you a pitcher of your finest beer that I can lick my eye."

The barkeep says, "I've had guys come in here that could...

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A woman is in a coma

and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurri...

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Good Doctor

Following a difficult natural birth, the delivering doctor was tending to the new mother. The curious father asked the doctor what he was doing.

“She had a slight vaginal tear during delivery. I’m stitching it up.”

“Gee doc, could you put an extra stitch in there?” Asked the new fathe...

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The Voodoo Dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

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