UPJOKE
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I once had 9 different dates, the first eight we went for a meal and on the ninth it was a film.

It went dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner…Batman.

What’s the difference between weasel and a stoat?

A weasel is weaselly recognised but a stoat is stoatally different.

Russian freedom is not different to US freedom.

An american and a russian both praise their homeland.

\- Russian freedom is not different to US freedom.

The american says:

\-Now look, I could go right now in front of the white house and hold a protest against president Biden and nothing would happen to me.

\-My friend,...

The vacation in Thailand

Two Priests decided to go to Thailand on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.

For once, they’d enjoy a vacation as regular people.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought ...

Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...

When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Ai...

What's the different between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song.

Chick Peas can hummus one.

What’s it called when you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results?

Voting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is sex different from pizza?

You don't have to worry about getting arrested for having pizza in a public place.

My girlfriend said, “I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.”

I said, “Wait! I can change.”

Movie titles sound a lot different when read sarcastically... example:

(Oh) Now You See Me

Did you know the original Gregorian calendar had different months?

January = Greg

February = Ian

March = Greg

April = Ian

May = Ian

June = Greg

July = Ian

August = Greg

September = Greg

October = Ian

November = Greg

December = Ian

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

How to say surprise in different languages:

French: Surprise

Spanish: Sorpresa

Swedish: Överraskning

German: BLITZKRIEG

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