UPJOKE
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What's the different between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song.

Chick Peas can hummus one.

My girlfriend said, “I am breaking up with you because of your addiction of wearing a different t-shirt every half an hour.”

I said, “Wait! I can change.”

What’s it called when you keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results?

Voting.

People often rank a person's attractiveness out of ten, but what is considered a ten in some states would be considered differently elsewhere.

For example an NY10 is typically tall and athletic but a DC10 is very plane.

How is a lightbulb different than a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

I just read a book that compares the different versions of The Bible.

There was a lot of…cross referencing.

A dying husband in a hospital bed asks his wife, "Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?"

His wife, crying uncontrollably answers, "Yes."

He asks, "Whose is it?"

His wife replies, "Yours!"

Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”

When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole. Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”

When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had...

I stay at a lot of different vacation rentals and never have a problem remembering where things are in their kitchens

It’s a mental dish order

How is Volodymyr Zelenskyy different from other politicians?

Most politicians act like heroes until they are elected, and then they become comedians.

Making babies

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-t...

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