I wish I was more laid back....

But, I'm not that way inclined.

What do you call an Italian moose on an incline

Moose-a-leani

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A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

I’m colorblind. People tell me that I’m white and I’m inclined to believe them because...

When I’m leaving the store and the alarm goes off the employees just wave me on out the door.

For the musically inclined...

C, E-flat and G go into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat.
F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D co...

An infinite number of mathematically inclined cows walk into a bar...

And the bartender says, "close the door! Were you raised in a barn?!"

But the cows keep shuffling in.

Because they don't understand English.

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Dad says anything

While out for a walk with my puppy on the community trail along the river this morning, I -a dad- came across an elderly gentleman who seemed inclined to give me an impromptu lecture on the etiquette of keeping dogs on leashes, as well as a short soliloquy on municipal governance bylaws and the vari...

What is Harry Potter's preferred way of getting down an inclined path?

Walking.

.......JK, ROLLING!

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what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

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A nazi walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and looks around seeing an orthodox jew sitting in a corner. He turns to the bartender and announces loudly: "A round of beer for everyone except that jew over there!"

The nazi turns to the jew smiling nastily and is surprised to see him smiling warmly back. Somewh...

If I had to choose between a rope or the inclined set of steps....

I would opt for the latter.

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A guy walks into a bar...

... and is almost inclined to leave again, since the place appears to be way beyond his budget. The in design is spot on and as fancy as can be, in the corner there is a little person playing the piano perfectly and every liquor, beer or other beverage you could name are all on offer. Also there are...

A middle aged man was walking home one friday .

Instead of taking his company bus he decided to walk up the mountain road ,see the beautiful sunset and take a train on the other side. His time calculation went wrong and it became dark ,he was still on the inclined mountain road .While walking hurriedly he noticed shadow of a man standing near a d...

Today my math teacher showed us how a lazy dog is the same as a sheet of paper.

A lazy dog is a slow pup.

A slope up is an inclined plane.

An ink lined plane is a sheet of paper.

What do you call a metrically inclined elderly assassin?

A Killograndma.

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."

I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the r...

Did you hear about the man who invented the escalator?

He was mechanically inclined

An ad appeared in the local paper that read "Wanted. Man to mate with an ape, $5,000. Call the zoo"

A less than bright man reads the ad and contacted the zoo. After a few questions, he said he was inclined to proceed with the process with 3 requirements:

1. There will be absolutely no kissing involved.

2. If this union proves fruitful, the children will be raised Catholic.

3. ...

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A coffin crashes into the storefront of pharmacy

2 men were loading up a hearse with a coffin on a steep incline, after they loaded the cargo, they both get into the vehicle..As they start to pull away, the back door swings wide open and the coffin crashes to the ground and starts sliding down the incline, across the intersection, into the store f...

I hate STAIRS, and you should too. You can tell just by looking at them,

They’re inclined to ruin your day.

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans.

While going through his wife's dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash.
The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed:
"Over the years, I haven't been completely faithful to you."
"When I did fool ar...

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The Date Tree

As some of our biologically-inclined friends on her might know, the date tree is a plant that takes about 90 years to mature and begin producing fruit, meaning the original planter of the tree (realistically) does not get to see the tree bear the fruits of his labor.

One day, a wise old monk ...

My wife and kids say I'm lazy because all I do is sit in my lounge chair all day.

I'm half inclined to agree with them.

Wanna hear a physics pun?

If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?

So I was walking down the street one day, when an oddly dressed man caught my attention.

He was wearing a long, white, clinical robe and shouting at nearly everybody that came within his proximity. Having foolishly stopped out of curiosity he approached me. “Global Warming is having a drastic effect on the globes axis!”, he yelped. “The rotation of the Earth is speeding up dramatically,...

Why did the egg cross the road?

Because it was so inclined.

An old blind cowboy is making his way to the bar...

Using his cane he feels his way down the street: tap tap tap. He feels his way to the door: tap tap tap. He feels his way inside to the bar: tap tap tap. He feels his way to a stool: tap tap tap.

The gruff old cowboy makes himself comfortable, and upon settling in, asks to the other patrons a...

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"The Best Little Johnny Joke"

My mate told me this, describing it as the best Little Johnny Joke. I'm inclined to agree.

Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby
was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's
family was invited over to see the baby...

Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog

He sat and sighed beside the road -

His engine's gasket blown.

His car was old and cold and towed.

The man was left alone.

-

'I need to find a place to stay

Until it's fixed,' he spoke -

But as he rose to walk away

Arrived a band of folk.
...

A rope walks into a bar

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says "We don't serve your kind 'round 'ere!" and tosses him out.

The rope, really in need of a drink since his main string just left him for a lasso, ties himself in a knot over sorrow, throws himself on the ground, and rolls do...

I used the ramp...

because i felt inclined

What did the ramp say to the man in a wheelchair?

I'm inclined to help you get to where you need to go

A researcher is doing a study about psychology under certain physical conditions...

He had his subjects lay on a table, then tilted the table making either their feet or their head higher. He then asks a series of yes or no propositions and records their responses.

“It seems to me that with feet tilted up, questioners respond more negatively to the questionnaire, but the o...

A penguin is out for a drive

on a beautiful afternoon when he decides to grab an ice cream cone. After enjoying his delicious vanilla cone he decides to be on his way. Just a couple of miles down the road, his car dies abruptly. But what luck!! Just down a slight incline there is an auto shop, so the penguin throws his car in...

I would look more like a mountain..

if I were so inclined.

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Three racehorses are in the stable after race day...

The first horse says to the other two "You know something funny, today I was wearing number three in my race and I came third"

The second horse raises his eyebrows (?) and says "Weird, really weird. I was wearing number two today and, would you believe it, I came second in my race".

Th...

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The best way to avoid teen pregnancy is to show porn videos as part of sex ed

In that way,girls will be more inclined to do anal and the boys will know when to take the dick out and come all over her face

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The Leprechaun (NSFW)

A guy walks into the bar bathroom and begins to relieve himself at a urinal. Shortly thereafter a short man walks in and does the same in the next urinal over. The taller gentleman catches himself sneaking a peek and notices the short man's penis is exceptionally large. Embarrassed, he apologizes...

The Masquerade Party

Dave and his wife are invited to a masquerade party. However, just before they leave, Dave's wife gets a terrible headache and decides to stay home. When Dave leaves, the wife takes an aspirin and goes to sleep. After a while, she wakes up and realizes that her headache is gone and guesses she would...

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A guy dies and goes to hell... (a bit sexual)

He is greeted by the Devil, "Welcome to Hell, I will show you three rooms and you will have to pick one. You will remain in that room for the next 100 years". The guy, scared shit-less, says "ok". They go to room number one. There is a person tied to a pole screaming in pain while a demon whips his ...

Help me?

Alright, this one isn't a joke, but this is one of my favorite boards to lurk, and I need help. I'm giving a wedding speech tomorrow. I'm the groom. I really only have enough space in the speech for one joke. I want to insert it early in the speech, and have it be a great ice breaker. Nothing overly...

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