UPJOKE
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Rarely Jokes

Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings?

Because it’s always too soon.



^(i feel bad)

I rarely find cocaine jokes funny.

But occasionally, an one-liner makes me snort.

Why does the baker rarely get into arguments?

He's a loafer, not a fighter.

What do you call a Pharoah that rarely farts?

Tutankhamen

(Toot uncommon)

A post on this sub is rarely original

We've all reddit before.

What's Irish, sits outside and rarely survives a Florida hurricane

Paddy O' Furniture

The first mate on a ship rarely drinks

The first mate on a ship rarely drinks, but the crew threw him a party on his birthday and went out of their way to get him drunk. The next morning he woke up with a hangover, and went to the bridge. He opened the ship's log and found that the captain had written, "The first mate got drunk last nigh...

why do Indians rarely squabble over bread?

Its a Naan-issue

The young Pharoah rarely, if ever, passed gas...

This is why they nicknamed him King Toot Uncommon.

-from my son, age 10

What do you use all the time but rarely look at?

Your drivers license

Ever notice how Washington D.C. rarely has a significant snowfall compared to the surrounding areas?

It must have to do with all the hot air coming from the Capitol/Capital.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

Have you noticed how you rarely see Delorian's on the road anymore?

Apparently their owners only drive them from Time to Time.

I rarely put orange slices in my beer.

Once in a Blue Moon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Many sing in the shower, but rarely in the bathroom.

Probably cause the audience is shit

I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.



I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."

I asked what happens when they do.

"We get another sheep."

I rarely laugh at Dad jokes.

I think I’ve out groan them.

Growing up I rarely got sick, I boasted about it to my friends and coworkers.

I just realized it was because I didn't have any friends growing up.

Did you hear about the Pharaoh who rarely farted?

His name was Toot-uncommon

Why do citizens of Prague rarely get scammed?

Because they always double Czech

Why do ants rarely, if ever, get sick?

Because of their tiny little anty bodies.

Why are jokes about communism rarely funny?

Because they're only funny if *everybody* gets them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why we rarely see male live streaming masturbation like camgirls?

Because the stream ends in 2 minutes!

Why do vegans rarely hold gathering?

Because they avoid meet.

Non-vaccinated children are less likely to have autism

Because autism is rarely diagnosed before the age of 3

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend is sexually attracted to inanimate objects, and we rarely get to see him nowadays.

He always has stuff to do.

What do you call a whole grain that’s zero calories but is rarely used?

Weird flax but 0k

A friend of mine who was an officer invited me for a ride along.

As we were driving along he told me: "I've been a cop for almost 20 years now. I can follow anyone, and I mean anyone for just 1 mile down the road and I can find something I can cite them for."

I said prove it, so he started following the next guy he saw. After a mile he said "I can't believ...

There was once, in a small town, a man named Don.

One day Don was walking on top of a fence, and he slipped. When he slipped, the fence split him in half, right up the middle, but miraculously, each half of Don survived! Each half got up, started hopping away, and essentially started living separate lives.

The left half, more prone to rati...

Why do heroine addicts rarely have meetings late in the afternoon?

Because it's dangerous to shoot for 3 or even 4.

Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books.

Which I get because I am an athlete that rarely moves.

My mom always said that I have a rare talent

She meant that in my case, a talent is rarely evident

Vaginas are like gyms.

I'm rarely inside one, but when I am I just sort of pretend to know what I'm doing and hope no one notices I don't.

I totally understand how batteries feel...

I'm rarely ever included in things either.

Rarely, hikers of the Appalachian trail report seeing psychic grizzlies take control of their friends, who start foraging and looking for honey...

Bear in mind, that doesn't happen very often.

I am a server, and normally I do my job like I should. I handle workload like a charm, even though I rarely sleep.

So today I couldn't handle it anymore, and broke down. Today I crashed, and corrupted 57 GB worth of websites.

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