What's the difference between an atheist and an evangelical Christian?

The atheist is honest about not following the teachings of Christ.

Johnny and Susie were playing naked, wondering why they have different “parts”

When Johnny got home he asked his mother why he had a stick and Susie had a hole. Johnny’s mother said “oh son, you have a Ferrari, and Susie has a garage; the time will come and you’ll park your Ferrari in her garage”

When Susie got home she asked her father why she had a hole and Johnny had...

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

What’s the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a hot dog?

The hot dog might actually have some brains in it.

My mom wrote this joke: What's the difference between a sweet potato fresh out of the oven and a pig thrown off a balcony?

One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a golf ball and a clitoris?

Guys will spend 10 minutes looking for a golf ball.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a fairy tale and a redneck tale?

Fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...", while redneck tales begin with "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

My niece told me this joke: What's the difference between Chanukah and a dragon?

Chanukah is always eight nights.

A dragon sometimes ate knights.

A dying husband in a hospital bed asks his wife, "Our seventh child always looked different from the other six. Did he have a different father?"

His wife, crying uncontrollably answers, "Yes."

He asks, "Whose is it?"

His wife replies, "Yours!"

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon?

I can get through one of his jokes without laughing.

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?

In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it's the other way around.

What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care

What's the difference between a kilo of cocaine and a baby?

Eric Clapton would never let a kilo of coke fall out of a window.

Courtesy of my 11-year-old: Dad, what's the difference between a humorous reference and an imaginary bread?

One is a wry allusion and the other is a rye illusion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a little sparrow who decided to be different from all the other birds by not flying south for the winter.

Needless to say, it soon got so cold that the little bird reluctantly started south anyway. A storm blew in, the little bird grew cold, and ice formed on his wings which caused him to fall to the ground in a barnyard. A cow wandered by and shit on him. This may seem terrible, but it warmed the po...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an epileptic chef at an oyster bar and a hooker with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

The other fucks between shits

What's the difference between a wife, a nymphomaniac, and a hooker?

The nympho says, "You're done already?" The hooker says, "Are you done yet?" And the wife says, "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room you know it’s some good shit!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

Know the Difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

Vast majority of folks in Dubai do not like the Flintstones, but most in Abu Dhabi do.

What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?

I can't peanut butter my dick in your ass

My 9 year old told me this one. What is the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti?

Meatballs.

She's so petite and delicate so it was perfectly hilarious.

What's the difference between a woman and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist......

What’s the difference between Jim Jones and Donald Trump?

Trump would’ve charged for the kool-aid.

Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father?

Man 1: No, shark attack.

Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road, and a dead politician on the side of the road?

The skid marks infront of the dog.

What's the difference between CNN and the Titanic?

The Titanic had all of its anchors when it sank

What’s the difference between a casual dress party and an orgy with pirates?

One, you come as you are, and the other, you “arrr” as you cum!

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

Four drinks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a porn addict and a pickpocket?

One snatches watches.

What's the difference between your wife and your work?

After 10 years, your job still sucks.

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

What’s the difference between giving a bird a bag of weed and peeing on a campfire? [og]

Nothing. They are both fried peckers.

Difference

What's the difference between God and Trump

God doesn't think he's Trump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a panda and a fuckboy on a date?

One eats shoots and leaves. The other eats, shoots and leaves.

What's the difference between a young and old person?

When you're young a joint is something you smoke, when you're old it's something that hurts

What’s the difference between and enzyme and a hormone

You can’t hear an enzyme

What is the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter f.

What’s the difference between a bowling ball & my mother-in-law?

The bowling ball doesn’t have a beard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a mega church pastor and a crazed marine carrying a butt plug covered in superglue?

One wants to heal your soul for money.

The other wants to seal your hole for Gunny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between the guy praying in church, and the guy praying at the track?

The fucker at the track means it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between being hungry and horny?

Where you put the cucumber.

What’s the difference between a woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew a lightbulb but not a woman

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

There is a lot of difference between a man and woman saying,

"I went through a whole box of Tissues watching that movie"

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter

What is the the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather... Kinky is using the whole chicken.

What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?

Outlaws are wanted.

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing and gargling

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does 69 differ from a family reunion?

During 69, you only see 1 asshole!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every night I have a different cat cuddle up in bed with me right on my crotch.

That genies an asshole.

What is the difference between my life and a knife?

The Knife has a point

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

What's the difference between a drunk and a stoner?

When driving, a drunk will approach a stop sign and may speed right through it.

A stoner will actually stop... and wait for it to turn green.

What's the difference between "oooohhhh" and "AAAAAAHHHHHHH"

3 inches

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

What's the difference between black eye peas and chick peas?

Black eye peas can sing us a song; chick peas can only hummus one

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's difference between Hitler and the Boston Marathon Bomber?

The bomber successfully stopped a race

Cats can learn up to 50 different words and commands

They just don't want to

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One is a good year the other a great year.

what's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad never beat cancer

What is the difference between the Government and the Drug cartel?

The cartels don't force you to take the drugs....I'll see myself out

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog?

The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean

What is the difference between American girls and middle eastern girls?

American girls get stoned before committing adultery.

What’s the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

A washing machine won’t follow you around for a week after you put a load in it

(Thank you for the award!)

What’s the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

What’s the difference between R Kelly and a Tiger?

No one wants to see a tiger in a cage for the rest of its life.

Whats the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid

Whats the difference between worry and panic?

About 28 days

What’s the difference between a hold up and a stick up.

Old age.

What's the difference between Tesla and Nestle?

Nestle's child slaves are 1700 miles northwest of Tesla's child slaves.

What's the difference between a new AAA and a violent offender?

One's a battery with charge and the other's charged with battery



*I came up with this myself but in case someone beat me to this one, not meant to be a repost*

What's the difference between Americans and a computer?

The computer has troubleshooting at school

What's the difference between a clown and an athletic rabbit?

One is a little bit funny and the other is a little fit bunny

What's the difference between pink and purple?

Your grip.

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between an escort and a student loan provider?

An escort will stop fucking you when you run out of money

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What's the difference between eating pussy and drinking Bud Light?

Pussy only tastes like piss for a few seconds.

What’s the difference between ex-cons and a congressmen?

Every once in a while an ex-con passes few good bills.

What's the difference between a good joke and bad joke timing

of the repost

The difference between Cognac and Brandy

Cognac is made in the Cognac region of France and Brandy is a fine girl.

What is the difference between being vegan and having Covid 19 ?

With Covid the loss of taste is only temporary..

Why are Knights always different colors?

Because they’re always annealing.

What the difference between glasses and a girl with glasses?

:glasses seem to sit a bit higher on my face

What’s the different between Bitcoin and my wife?

My wife doesn’t go down on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

You know the difference between my wife and work?

Two options:

1) work still sucks after a year

B) I still enjoy coming into my wife

What’s the difference between a circus and 5 female line dancers without panties?

I don’t know either, but one sure is a cunning array of stunts.

What's the difference between a hacksaw and a blender?

Are you kidding? You should be able to tell them apart, they're two completely different tools.

>!Anyway, you can't just put the entire baby into the blender, it doesn't fit. That's what the hacksaw is for.!<

What’s the difference between Americans and computers?

Americans don’t have trouble shooting

What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie?

One glitters, the other glows

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a blue collar worker?

Ask them to pronounce the word “unionized”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt?

Usain could actually finish a race.

What's the difference between L. Ron Hubbard and Ayn Rand?

One author is delusional and whose fans follow blindly like a religion...and the other is L. Ron Hubbard.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan ?

Apple gets picked

What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?

One takes photos -

- the other takes five toes.

What’s the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

You can’t make a vitamin

-RIP Benny Hill

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day,

Anal sex makes your hole weak.










Edit: added “whole”
Props to a fellow redditor for correction. u/rex-natchez!

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between NASA and the NSA?

One seeks to probe Uranus and the other seeks to probe your anus.

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

One goes Whack! “Dang!”, the other goes “Dang!” Whack!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last week, after a one night stand with a woman, she had the gall to get up and use my toothbrush without even asking first. I told her, "That's disgusting!" She replied, "Well, we just had sex, so what's the big difference?"

I answered, "The difference is, I was gonna use the toothbrush again."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a difference between a sexy woman and a beautiful woman?

How would I know, I am scared to talk to either.

What's the difference between a sports car and a garage full of dead babies

I don't have a sports car

What’s the difference between my wife and an umbrella?

Only one of them gets wet

Doing the same thing over and over again trying to get a different result?

Yeah, that's the definition of peer reviewed science.

What's the difference between a black bear and a grizzly bear?

If you climb a tree to escape, a black bear can climb up the tree and you eat you.

The grizzly bear will knock the tree down and eat you.

What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?

The strength of the communion wine.

Whats the difference between a crack head and a meth head?

A crack head will steal your wallet. A meth head will steal your wallet and spend 20 minutes helping you find it.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

With the porcupine the pricks are on the outside.

What’s the difference between foxholes and gloryholes?

If you answered, “I don’t know,” then stay out of the military.

How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to say the word unionized.

(This is the same joke I post every year on my cake day)

What's the difference between a woman and a volcano?

Volcanos never fake an eruption!

What's the difference between a prince and a booger?

A prince is heir to the throne and a booger is thrown to the air.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

There's no such thing as a jamfish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW I got confused between the difference between oral and anal

You can imagine my horror when we got told to do a French oral presentation for GCSE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three navy leaders from three different countries are arguing about who has the bravest soliders.

Three navy leaders from three different countries are arguing about who has the bravest soliders.

The American navy leader says "I'll show how brave my soldiers are! John! Climb to the top of the mast of this ship and dive head first into the water!"

"On it, sir!" John replies.

...

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

What is the difference between a critic and a puppy?

With time, training and patience, it is possible to make a puppy stop whining.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a cowboy hat and a tampon?

Cowboy hats are for assholes.

What's the difference between Elvis and a millennial's spirit?

Some people still think Elvis is alive

What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A genealogist looks up the family tree.

A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

What is the difference between falling from 10 storey building and 1 storey house?

10 storey building: "AAAAAAAAAAA" *BAM*

House: *BAM* "AAAAAAAAAAAAA"

What's the difference between an egg and a walrus?

An egg doesn't fight back when you're hungry.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The difference between getting over constipation and getting over diarrhea...

...is the difference between getting caught up on your shit and getting your shit together.

What's the difference between your pregnant wife and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

How does Trump differ from terrorist organisations?

Terrorist organisations take responsibility for their actions.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.