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What’s the difference between dildos and tofu?

I can put a dildo in my mouth without gagging.

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What's the difference between George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Donald Trump, and Jane Fonda?

Jane Fonda went to Vietnam.

What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks

What's the difference between Iron Man and Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guys.
Aluminum Man just foils their plans.

There is a lot of difference between a man and woman saying,

"I went through a whole box of Tissues watching that movie"

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and Chickpeas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song and Chickpeas can only Hummus one.

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

What's the difference between Mariah Carey and Marie Curie?

One glitters, the other glows

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How does 69 differ from a family reunion?

During 69, you only see 1 asshole!

What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme. (Credit to Dorothy Parker.)

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What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex makes your whole day,

Anal sex makes your hole weak.










Edit: added “whole”
Props to a fellow redditor for correction. u/rex-natchez!

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Last week, after a one night stand with a woman, she had the gall to get up and use my toothbrush without even asking first. I told her, "That's disgusting!" She replied, "Well, we just had sex, so what's the big difference?"

I answered, "The difference is, I was gonna use the toothbrush again."

How do you tell the difference between a fully vaccinated person and an unvaccinated person if they aren't wearing a mask?

Ask them who won the election.

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NSFW What's the difference between eating pussy and drinking Bud Light?

Pussy only tastes like piss for a few seconds.

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What's the difference between a cowboy hat and a tampon?

Cowboy hats are for assholes.

My grandfathers favorite joke: what’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

The drug dealer can’t wash the crack and resell it

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

What is the difference between a Joe Biden speech and a Donald Trump speech?

When Biden is speaking you wonder if he's had a stroke.

When Trump is speaking you wonder if you've had a stroke.

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

What is the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia ?

About 15 seconds

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What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with big tits?

One is a crusty bus station,
the other is a busty crustacean

What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

What’s the difference between juice and cider?

A date can’t end with you in juice.

What is the difference between a Snow man and a Snow woman?

Snow balls

What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

What is the difference between Jesus and Casanova?

The facial expression when getting nailed.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bird?

A bird can still tweet.

What is the the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is using a feather... Kinky is using the whole chicken.

What's the difference between an American and a computer?

American don't have trouble shooting.

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To the people that have 5 different toilets:

Get your shit together.

What's the difference between a hard smack and a gentle pat?

One's a tight slap, the other's a slight tap.

What's the difference between a politician and a crook?

No, seriously, I can't tell.

What's the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your devices and gathers your personal data, and the other is an industry standard.

What is the difference between COVID-19 and the 101st Infantry Division?

COVID-19 is Airborne

What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.

What’s the difference between a fetish and a hobby?

***Depends where you stick the ship in a bottle after you finish painting it…***

What’s the difference between pie and cake?

π r². Cakes are round.

Happy cake day to me.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One weighs 3.500 pounds, the other is a little lighter.

Whats the difference between the people praying in a church and the people praying in a casino?

The people in the casino mean it.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter "F".



Edit: *To everyone making jokes in the comments comparing politicians to pigs, please stop.
It's really offensive and disrespectful. Pigs are not all that bad.*

In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator".

I guess we're just raised differently.

What's the difference between a pervert and a dead bee?

One is a seedy beast and the other is a bee deceased.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant women?

You can unscrew a lightbulb

What's the difference between a pencil and my life?

The pencil had a point.

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What's the different between a rooster and my ex girlfriend?

A rooster goes cockadoodledoo.

My ex goes anycock'lldo.

What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never drop a bag of cocaine.

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What’s the difference between Jesus and vaccines?

One has the ability to prevent disease, slow down and eventually stop a global pandemic, and has saved countless millions of lives.

The other is a giant hoax, made up by evil shit bags to control the global population.

What is the difference between a daydreamer, a psychopath and a psychiatrist?

The daydreamer builds a Castle in his mind, the psychopath lives in it and the psychologist collects the rent

Good news! I am about to publish a Reddit Jokes Book with all the different jokes ever posted on this page!

I'm just waiting for the first publisher to agree on publishing a book with only 4 pages.

What's the difference between an incel and an egg?

At least the egg gets laid.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot?

Men will take the time to look for a golf ball.

What's the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts?

Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.

What’s the difference between your father and an elevator?

An elevator can raise a family.

What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.

Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair?

Well, besides cancer.

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What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?

Disney teaches you to hate your stepmother.

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What's the difference between Arsenal and a toothpick?

A toothpick has 2 points.

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What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?

One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.

The difference between being Involved vs. Committed

Take a Bacon, Egg, and Cheese sandwich. The chicken and the cow are involved, but the pig is committed.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

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A lady dwarf goes to her gynecologist for her annual check up.

"Any issues or concerns?", asks the Dr.

"Well, now that you mention it, I have noticed that when it rains, my labia gets a bit red and sore."

"That's very unusual", says the Doc, "Hop up on table and let me take a look."

She does, and after a few minutes of checking he says she ...

What's the biggest difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbanzo Bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face

They’re 3 different kinds of people in this world

Those that can count, and those that can’t.

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has dates.

(\*cries in self pity\*)

What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob and the other is a form of sea life.

What's the difference between ignorance and indiference?

I don't know and I don't care

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What's difference between the United States and unprotected sex?

With the US, it doesn't matter if it pulls out or not. You are screwed anyways.

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Ladies: How can you tell the difference between being hungry and being horny?

# Depends on where you put the cucumber.



My wife can't get over this joke she heard on TicTok. She's told 10 people today. Practically forced me to post in on Reddit.

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bathtub?

A woman in church has hope in her soul...

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I went to Spain a couple of years ago for 10 days and had sex with 10 different people

I had a good hole-a-day

What the difference between Pizza and Musician?

A pizza can feed a family of 4.

What's the difference between a freshwater fish and a mountain goat?

One mucks around in fountains,

What's the difference between a cactus and some drivers

The pricks are on the outside

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches watches...

Whats the difference between you and eggs

Eggs get laid



Ps: Sorry if this has been posted before(playing it safe)

What’s the difference between a really strong weightlifter and a really, really, really strong weightlifter?

Repetitions.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce unionized

What's the Difference between pink and purple?

Depends on how hard you grip it.

What's the difference between alcohol and weed?

Five drunk guys will start a fight. Five stoned guys will start a band.

What's the difference between God and the Pope?

God doesn't suffer from delusions of Popehood.

What’s the difference between a policeman and a bullet?

Atleast when a bullet kills someone. It’s fired.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.

What's the difference between a pessimist and an optimist?

A pessimist says "It can't get any worse!"

An optimist says "Yes it can!"

What's the difference between Dubai and abu dhabi?

Dubai don't like flintstones but abu dhabi do.

What is the difference between a golfer and a akydiver?

The golfer goes *whack* "Damn!"

The skydiver goes "Damn!" *whack*

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An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at varying levels.

The monkeys at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces, whereas the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

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What's the difference between a oyster shucker with Parkinson's and a prostitute with diarrhea

One of them fits when they shuck

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes.

A major difference between men and women

is if a woman says "Sniff this." it usually smells nice.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked

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Do you know the difference between jam and jelly?

You can’t jelly you dick in your wife’s ass

What is the difference between a Tornado in Oklahoma and a divorce in Mississippi?

I don’t know but someone is losing a trailer.

What's the difference between an idiot and a moron?

An idiot is someone who drives faster than you... a moron is someone who drives slower.

What's the difference between Captain Picard, a scared female pig, a loose thread, and the likelihood this joke is terrible?

One likes to make it so, one is an afraid sow, one is a frayed sew, and sorry, but I'm afraid so!

Difference between falling from 1st and 10th floor

1st floor : Thud.....Silence......Shriek

10th floor : Shriek......Thud...Silence

What’s the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver?

Drunk drivers will run a red light.
Stoners will wait for the stop sign to turn green.

How does Trump differ from terrorist organisations?

Terrorist organisations take responsibility for their actions.

Basically, you'll never see the same doctor in two different places at the same time.

That would be a pair'o'docs

Whats the difference between onions and girls?

I cry when I cut up onions.

What’s the difference between an outlaw and an in-law?

Outlaws are wanted.

This was told to me by my girlfriend’s grandma.

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What's the difference between a pianist and a penis?

A pianist tickles the ivories, a penis tickles the ovaries.

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[NSFW] Do you know the difference between a dick and a chair?

If not, you'd rather watch out where you sit!

What’s the difference between Amazon and prison?

You can sit down in prison

What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?

The look on their face when you're nailing them

What’s the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss?

They’re the same kiss, but the Aussie one is down under.

What’s the difference between a church and an insane asylum?

A church is where you go to talk to god.

An asylum is where you go if he replies.

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What's the difference between the panties of today and the panties of the 1970s?

In the 70s, you had to pull down a girl's panties to see her ass. These days, you have to spread her ass to see her panties.

What’s the difference between a tea bag and the French National Team?

A tea bag stays in the cup longer

What's the difference between my horse and my gf ?

Fewer people have riden my horse

What's the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig?

One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

Though they couldn’t be more different, explorers and couch potatoes have one thing in common.

They’re both looking for the remote.

What's the Difference Between Redditors and Normal People?

Normal people have friends that tell them jokes.

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

What's the difference between 'Completed' and 'Finished'?

No dictionary has been able to define the difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'. But I am here to set the record straight.

When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finishe...

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My friend asked me if sex was any different after my vasectomy.

I said, “I don’t notice a vas deferens.”

What's the difference between a cult and a religion?

In a cult, there is someone on top that knows it’s all nonsense.

In a religion that person is dead.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, while a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

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Whats the difference between Jam and Marmalade?

You can't marmalade your cock up a girls ass.

I bought some flavoured condoms to try. My wife says "this one's different, cheese and onion"

I said "I haven't put it on yet!"

What’s the difference between my estranged mother and the Challenger Spacecraft?

My mother successfully took off.

What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?

Hockey players take thier pads off after three periods.

What’s the difference between Bill Cosby and a tiny fencing sword?

One is a little rapier

What’s the difference between science and religion? Science flies you to the moon

While Religion Flies You Into Buildings.

What's the difference between 50th floor and 2nd floor ?

One falls from 2nd Floor - Bang - Aaaaah !

One falls from 15th Floor - Aaaaah ! - Bang

What's the difference between Moe and Sideshow Bob?

Ones the bartender, the others the Bart ender.

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Whats the difference between a Magician and a Stripper?

The magician never reveals his secrets...

What's the difference between an oak tree and a tight shoe?

One makes acorns, the other makes corns ache.

What’s the difference between the Lost City of Atlantis and New York City?

About 24 hours.

What is the difference between a wife and a job

A job still sucks after ten years

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What's the difference between a vagina and a fridge?

A fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out.

What's the difference between a point in a distribution whose value is much higher than the rest and Boris Johnson?

One is an outlier to the right, the other is an outright liar.

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