So, I was in my room and I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically. I felt bad, so I made a small house out of a cardboard box. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my...

Tenants

Technically speaking

We have all kicked a pregnant woman.

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet.

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet. And lucky the data is also in the cloud, cause he got angry and smashed his tablet, so he needed a new one to download everything again.

Technically you can go your whole life without eating or drinking.

Its just gonna be a short life

I have the reflexes of a cat

Before you comment, please remember, a dead cat is still technically a cat!

Technically Trump was right about when Covid-19 would go away.

Odds are we'll be opening back up by Easter.

My girlfriend was born in a leap year so technically she is 4 lol

And 1 in leap years

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Technically it's not boob sweat,

it's humidititties

Two guys are in a helicopter.

During their flight the helicopter encounters some dense fog and quickly becomes lost. After a few minutes of careful maneuvering, the two find themselves hovering next to a large building where they can see a guy in his office, sitting at his desk. Thinking quickly, the copilot grabs a piece of pap...

Mortal Kombat

Did you know mortal kombat is based on an old nordic folk song?
Well it's technically a Finnish hymn

Technically, national anthems

are just country music

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You m...

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Technically we're all Jokers

Cause we're all getting fucked over by a bat man.

Technically, killing furries isn't manslaughter

It's poaching.

Uzbekistan is double-landlocked, being surrounded by Kazickstan, Afganistan, Turkmenistan, Kygenistan, and Tajikistan, all landlocked! So technically, Uzbeckistan is...

STANlocked.

Ironman is technically a woman

Because he’s Fe-male

Technically it was Moses.....

that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

Two redditors walk into a bar.

"Well technically," the first argues, "it is a Pub since it serves food."

"Actually," the second says, "it is a Saloon since it is a part of a hotel."

Neither remembers the point of this post.

Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just…"

"…country music."

Iron Man is technically a FEmale.

I will downvote myself on the way out....

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer...

"But can you pour it into this to cup?" he asks, handing the bartender a cup.

"We're not supposed to use outside glassware," the bartender says.

The man points to the wall. "Okay, but with any of those glasses, how do I know someone didn't take it out back, take a shit in it, dump the...

My cupboards are bare! Nothing but a jar of Marlee Matlin's preserves.

That's a def jam.

Technically it's marmalade.

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Had to shit

Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be prett...

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

The short answer is technically speaking it can stand on its own but it is very unstable. In order to keep something standing you need the center of gravity of the object to be within its points of contact with the ground. With only 2 points of contact with the ground, that space is a very small pla...

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

When you think about it, technically all Australian submarines are down under.

.............I'll let that sink in.

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Technically speaking, my sex drive is

a hard disk.

Only technically savy people like ME know how to text and dri

Draft: Only technically savy people like ME know how to text and dri

Mohammad bin Salman is 33 making him, technically, a Millennial...

...so now Baby Boomers can add "Journalists" to their list of "things Millennials are killing".

A reminder to all people with allergies at this time of year

Technically pollen is plant sperm.

So you don't have allergies you have an STD you got from a plant.

She's technically not wrong...

This actually happened last night with my girlfriend...
Me: So did you read 1984?
She: Yeah, I did...utopian society right?
Me:No it is the total opposite...do you know the opposite of utopian?
She: yeah..Ethiopia right?
and yes she was being totally serious.

Joke

If tomatoes are a fruit isn’t ketchup technically a smoothie?

A joke by Siri, even when I didn’t ask for one

They say that age is just a number. Technically, it’s also a word.

Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven...

As Forrest approaches the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him.
“Ah, welcome, Mr. Gump. We’ve been anxiously awaiting your arrival.”
Forrest looked intently, not quite sure what to make of the scene in front of him.
“Forrest, before I let you into Heaven, I need you to answer three quest...

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The person who proofread Hitler's speeches....

Would he technically be a grammar nazi?

If you write an entire book using a Ouija board, you get all the credit...

Since it was technically written by a ghost writer?

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

I let my boss know I wouldn't be in because I had a case of Corona.

Technically I wasn't lying because I did drink like 10 of the 12.

What did God say to Saint Peter, when giving him control of the weather?

You have free rain!

(had this idea in the shower, so it's technically a shower thought?)

I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid nappi...

Man in a helicopter

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, ci...

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I'm technically 5'11" but whenever people ask I just say I'm 6'0".

I do it for the same reason I tell people I have a four inch penis - what's an extra inch, anyway?

If your mom's a cop

she's technically a mother in law

My niece told me this one, she technically messed up the joke, but I thought it was a hilarious and unexpected take on the original

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Orange."

"Orange who?"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Banana."<...

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