UPJOKE
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I love "technically true" jokes, like:

If everybody in the world held hands around the equator, most of them would drown.

Or

Did you know that after all these years, the swimming pool on Titanic is still filled with water?

Or

There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.

What else ...

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.


Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?



Eve...

Technically it was Moses.....

that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

Technically speaking

We have all kicked a pregnant woman.

If the tomato is technically a fruit

Does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

Technically, national anthems

are just country music

Iron Man is technically a FEmale.

I will downvote myself on the way out....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Technically we're all Jokers

Cause we're all getting fucked over by a bat man.

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

Technically, killing furries isn't manslaughter

It's poaching.

I may not technically be a dad, but that doesn't mean I can't tell Dad jokes!

...after all, I am a GROAN man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you visit a nude beach for seniors, you're technically not supposed to stare.

But it's a gray area.

Ironman is technically a woman

Because he’s Fe-male

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Technically it's not boob sweat,

it's humidititties

I was thinking...

If a parent is trying to put his child to sleep and the child is refusing, wouldn’t it be illegal because technically the child is resisting a rest?

But then I realized it’s a lose-lose situation and it’s illegal either way because if the child willingly goes to sleep it makes it a kid nappi...

Technically Trump was right about when Covid-19 would go away.

Odds are we'll be opening back up by Easter.

She's technically not wrong...

This actually happened last night with my girlfriend...
Me: So did you read 1984?
She: Yeah, I did...utopian society right?
Me:No it is the total opposite...do you know the opposite of utopian?
She: yeah..Ethiopia right?
and yes she was being totally serious.

Technically, all of us donate money to a children's charity.

It's called "government tax".

My girlfriend was born in a leap year so technically she is 4 lol

And 1 in leap years

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet.

Technically, Moses was the first man in history to download data from the cloud to his tablet. And lucky the data is also in the cloud, cause he got angry and smashed his tablet, so he needed a new one to download everything again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.


Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776


\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If it's true that God made Eve from Adam's rib...

Then technically speaking, Eve was Adam's side bitch....

Engineer vs Manager

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must...

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

A train conductor kills 2 people and is sentenced to the electric chair...

A train conductor ends up killing two people while on the job. He is found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. When the day comes, he is asked what he would want for his last meal, and he requests a banana. After finishing his meal, he is strapped to the chair and electrocuted. However, by s...

I was in my room and saw a group of 10 ants running around frantically. I felt bad and made a small house for them out of cardboard. This technically makes me their landlord and they are my ..

Tenants

When you think about it, technically all Australian submarines are down under.

.............I'll let that sink in.

Flavored lube is technically meat seasoning if you think about it

Wouldn’t use it on the grill, though

Mohammad bin Salman is 33 making him, technically, a Millennial...

...so now Baby Boomers can add "Journalists" to their list of "things Millennials are killing".

Only technically savy people like ME know how to text and dri

Draft: Only technically savy people like ME know how to text and dri

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

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Tomorrow I'm having skin grafted from my butt onto my hand and I cope with humor. Make me laugh.

I'm going to have to ask my girlfriend if she wants to try butt stuff just so we can hold hands.

The surgeon's going to hand my ass to me.

If I high five someone did they technically smack my ass?

Uzbekistan is double-landlocked, being surrounded by Kazickstan, Afganistan, Turkmenistan, Kygenistan, and Tajikistan, all landlocked! So technically, Uzbeckistan is...

STANlocked.

Balloonist and Hiker

An older colleague of mine told me this. It may be older than him.

A hot air balloonist got blown way off course. Realizing how lost he was he decided to lower altitude to see if he could get some help from someone on the ground. He saw a large wilderness expance but luckily he noticed a hike...

A husband and wife are in the doctor's office

The wife says "doctor, my husband suffers from erectile dysfunction". The husband interjects "well, technically it's her who suffers from it".

You know what they say about family - blood is thicker than water.

But maple syrup is thicker than blood, so technically pancakes are more important than family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm technically 5'11" but whenever people ask I just say I'm 6'0".

I do it for the same reason I tell people I have a four inch penis - what's an extra inch, anyway?

Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just…"

"…country music."

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