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Evaluation Jokes

Larry is having his performance evaluation and his boss is showing his disappointment.

He said, “Larry, you used to be a great worker, but for the past few months I never seem to see you working when I come by your office. What happened?”

Larry looks at the boss and said, “Well, in August they carpeted the hallway…”

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A man goes to a psychiatrist for an evaluation

So the psychiatrist draws a horizontal line and asks him what that reminds him of. "A naked woman" he replies. So he draws a vertical line. "And this?" he asks "A naked woman." Doctor then draws an X and asks the same question. "Two people having sex." comes the answer. "Hmmmmm" goes the doctor. "It...

During a psychiatric patient's evaluation, he's given an inkblot test.

Psychiatrist: Look at that inkblot and tell me what you see.

Patient (studies the inkblot for a minute): I'm not sure, doctor, but to me, it looks like Rorschach Inkblot Series 12, card #7.

After a long discussion and practical evaluation, my wife and I decided we don’t want to have kids...

We’ll be telling them tomorrow, after dinner.

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I had to have a drug/alcohol evaluation today...

The therapist said my alcohol was pretty good but my drugs were terrible.

My psychiatrist wrote on my evaluation form that I have ocd.

I had to correct it to OCD.

A young man was drafted and sent to medical evaluation

The doctor asked him to read the first five letters on the poster. He quickly replied “What poster?” after which he was relieved of duty.

Unfortunately, as he went to the cinema that night, he was seated right next to the very same doctor. Without hesitation, he tapped the doctor on the shou...

A man wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap is taken to a psychologist for an evaluation

He walks into the office and the first thing the psychologist says is, “Well, I can clearly see your nuts.”

A Candid Evaluation of the British Navy

Once upon a time, in the 1800s, a bureaucrat of the British Empire was assigned the task of interviewing sailors to get a candid evaluation of the level of contentedness of sailors with their captain. As he was opening his folder, he asked the first sailor that he was interviewing, "Where are you fr...

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I’m anticipating that people will have a lot of reviews and evaluations next year.

After all, hindsight is 2020.

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse getting a divorce

Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. They are in court before a judge.

Minnie's attorney addresses the judge.

"Your honor. Mickey alleges Minnie is crazy. I have an evaluation of her mental condition from a highly competent psychiatrist. The report concludes quite simply. Minnie is...

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Applying for a sales position

A man goes to apply for a job in a big Walmart. He's interviewed by the personnel manager and asked:

\- Do you have sales experience?

\- Yes sir, I worked selling clothes.

The manager decides to give him a test, so he says:

\- Come to work tomorrow at 9 AM. You'll work al...

A new doctor with unique treatment methods gets appointed in a mental asylum

He decides to test 3 random patients to evaluate how unstable they are. If they pass the evaluation they can go home else face rigorous treatment.

For the test he calls their concerned relatives and takes them to a deep swimming pool without water. He then puts a drop of water into the pool....

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An 80-Years old man goes for a Penis Checkup...

After a brief evaluation of his penis the doctor says,

Doctor: Eveything looks fine, but for a complete analysis, we need your sperm(semen) sample too.

He gives him a small glass bottle.

Doctor: Bring this back tomorrow and then we'll proceed further.

Next day the old man...

Little Jimmy is in first grade...

All his art work he has been bringing home from school is in black and brown. Fearing this may indicate a mental health problem, his parents take him to a psychologist for evaluation.

The psychologist says "First I would like to see a sample of your art work" and hands him a sheet of paper...

CIA Entrance Test

3 finalists are in the running for an open CIA agent position. They're in a room awaiting their final evaluation to determine which one of them will get the job.

The first applicant is called into a separate room. There is a gun there and their spouse, seated on a chair. They are told to sho...

Boss calls in his top 4 employees.

Boss:
Been doing some evaluations. And I am very upset at the results. James, you appear to be buying Cocaine from some K-Fish. Peterson, you appear to be taking marijuana from this same K-Fish. I’m mostly disappointed at you, Jessie, for purchasing pills from this K-Fish person as well.
...

Singapore’s education system be like

Memo to all students : In order to assure the highest levels
of quality work and productivity from students, it will be
our policy to keep all students well taught through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are
trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any...

An elderly couple with Alzheimer's go to their doctor

After the evaluation, the doctor says, "there's no pill or procedure that I can give you two to help with your memory, you're just going to have to write your thoughts down so you don't forget later." They agree and thank the doctor.

One night, while sitting on the couch together, the wife as...

Mental institution

There's a mental institution, and they are having a
patient evaluation, to see if any patients need to be there
any longer. The doctor then goes around questioning the top three candidates.
He goes to the first patient and asks him , "What is 3 times 3?"
After an hour of scratching his h...

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No Speech Therapy for him (NSFWish)

A man came to the doctor's office, frustrated and tired. He says," D-d-doc, I have this sp-peech problem. I've ha-d-d it all my life and it's ma-making me miserable. I c-can't speak in public. I have trouble in business me-meetings a-a-nd it's affecting my family now. P-p-please help Doc"

So ...

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The penis requested a wage raise from his company one day

He presented the following arguments to justify his request:

"Dear Board, I, as the penis, request a raise due to following reasons:

1. I work hard physically.
2. I always use my head in every job I do.
3. I work in both deep and superficial environments.
4. My working environ...

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