A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and...

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and a hospital?

I don't know, I'm just a simple drone pilot.

“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not.”

Mine had me trained in two days.

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there's a long break in the ledge they can't cross....

..."Something for this, I have." Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda'...

A kid goes off to the army and comes back home after basic training.

He's having a chat with his dad about his experience, telling him how it went.

"So the first thing they do was have me run 15 miles. It was brutal. I had to have my fatigues on and carry my provisions. The drill sergeant said if we didn't do that we had to run 30 Miles the next day."

"...

A general is being driven in a jeep through the desert on the way to a training exercise.

Out in the middle of nowhere, the jeep breaks down. The female jeep driver jumps out, opens the hood and starts working on the engine. The general, wanting to be helpful, finds a toolbox in the back and opens it. "Do you want a screwdriver?" he asks.

"Might as well, it's going to be a while b...

Brother-in-law: "Some guy on my work training, his wife has terminal cancer"

My brain: "sudo apt remove cancer"


(my daughter started school this week so I have been more tired than usual)

I'm a girl training in MMA. My instructor just taught me how to do the donkey kick!

He says we're going to work on the donkey punch tomorrow!

Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English training before he visited Washington to meet president Barack Obama

The instructor told Prime Minister Mori, '"When you shake hands with President Obama, please ask 'How are you?'. Then Mr. Obama will say, 'I am fine and you?'. Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards, we translators, will do the work for you."

It looked quite simple but when Mori met Obama,...

So I was training to collect pollen

And my final grade was a B

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My late Grandfathers favorite joke

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and u...

The Captain said “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning Private Jones!”...

“Thank you very much” The Private replied.

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

What kind of training to you need to become a garbage collector ?

None, you just pick it up as you go along

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My three year old daughter made this up...what did the potty training robot say?

Pee poop pee poop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Rangers, the Marines and the Police were doing training...

They all were out in the forest and the secretary of defense said "Listen up, your objective today is go out into the woods and bring me back a rabbit".

The Rangers went first, moving quickly and quietly through the trees. Within 5 minutes they brought back a little white rabbit unharmed....

What do you call an optometrist in-training

A spec-u-later

One day there were three grave robbers searching through a graveyard in Central America

They came across an Ancient Mayan temple which had three doors. the first grave robber walker up to the first door and looked inside, he saw a black pedestal with nothing on it, and in the back of the room there were piles of gold and riches, so he walked in and grabbed a handful of gold, but as he ...

Wonder Woman walks in on Batman and Robin's training session

Batman asks "Have I ever shown you how to do a side-kick?"

Wonder Woman shouts "BATMAN! THAT IS VERY UNPROFESSIONAL!!"

So, a young man was in demolitions training from a multi-campaign veteran. During drills he responded:

Okay, Boomer

My son tried riding his bike without training wheels today and the bike kept falling...

I guess you could say it was two tired!

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Apperantley some guy just found out cock fighting is done with chickens

He said he lost 2 years worth of training

WHERE DID HE TRAIN?

An old Joke that used to make my friends laugh.

Disclaimer: I am using nationalities, but I mean no offense or disrespect.

3 men die and are sent to hell. American, Bhuddist monk and a russian. They meet the devil. The sevil says:

"I will allow you to leave and go to heaven, if you can endure 3 lashes from my whip without screaming...

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I just found out that cockfighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training fucking wasted.

What kind of combat training do the recruits in the Israeli army receive?

Jew-Jitsu.

During boot camp training, a young mathematician is instructed to pull the pin of a grenade, count down from three and then throw.

He died by -6.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My boss said you need sexual harassment training

I said I already know how to sexually harass people just fine, ask your secretary.

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A man was trying to lose weight

A man was trying to lose weight and stumbled upon an advertisement by a company that advertised weight loss of 10 pounds over the course of just one week. He decided he had nothing to lose so he decided to give it a try.

The very next day his training sessions started. He was greeted by a stu...

I’ve been working hard recently training my pet dog and my pet frog

They’re coming on in leaps and bounds

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