An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magi...

What is a skill most men have but women often don't?

Using a mouse with the left hand

My girlfriend’s dad loves to challenge me to games, but he likes to feel out my skill level first. This week, he asked, “so how are you at Battleship?”

“Hit or miss.”

Without telling my wife, I bought a gaming pc for my son as a birthday gift. Check out the specs: Intel Core i7 10700K, MSI MPG Z490 Gaming Carbon WiFi, Nvidia GeForce RTX 2080 Super, G.Skill TridentZ RGB 4x16 DDR4-4000, Samsung 970 Evo 1TB, Corsair RM850x, Cooler Master MasterLiquid ML240R RGB

He is turning one tomorrow.

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Every day we have hundreds of people coming into this country with no skill, no grasp of the language and a total drain on our resources...

Babies are fucking useless.

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The interviewer asked Kevin if he had any special skills not mentioned on his resume...

Kevin thought for a second and replied, "Well I do know an usual number of people in the world. Even celebrities." The interviewer played along and asked, "Alright. How about Tom Cruise?". Kevin chuckles and says, "Yep! Tom and I go way back actually". Figuring Kevin was just trying to look impressi...

A woman who had no degree, achievements, or useful skills, except for being good looking, used to be known only as a trophy wife

today they're mostly known as social media influencers

Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?

I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and...

What do you call a handyman's skill set?

His repair-toire

My Supervisor Suggested That I Need To Work On My People Skills

But he's dead now.

A guy wanted to show me his Bird imitation skills but I refused

So he flew away

What's the most important skill that a US comedian must have?

Being able to make jokes on the fly.

Genghis Khan once had the hands of an entire village of superb bowmen maimed so their skills could never be used against him. Similarly, he crippled a conquered town of excellent sprinters

For the town, it was a crushing de feet

I wanted to improve my physical affection skills, so I went down to the library and took out a book called “How to Hug”...

...You can imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be volume six of the Oxford English Dictionary

‘I just feel like being black is a huge disadvantage no matter how much skill you have ‘ said my friend.

‘oh come on, it’s just one move at the start of the game’ I responded as I took his Knight.

Pulling out is a skill baesd game, while ........

Pulling out is a skill based game, while condoms are pay-to-win.

Abortion, on the other hand is a cheat code.

After completing my first three months doing MMA I asked my coach for a nickname that reflected my skills and badassery...

Now everybody calls me John Weak.

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

When playing a game against a less skilled player, it’s considered fair to give them a handicap.

That’s why I always break my opponent’s kneecaps before a game of Monopoly

They say patience is a skill that can be acquired

But how can I learn it faster?!?!

In order to get to the valves, a mechanic carefully removed the engine parts from a car while the car owner - a surgeon - looked on.

Afterwards the mechanic said to the surgeon:
'You know, I reckon my line of work is every bit as difficult and skilled as yours.'

'Perhaps,' said the surgeon, 'But I'd like to see you do it while the engine is running.'

During lockdown my origami skills have improved...

tenfold

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A gray haired Army general walks into a hotel bar and sits down next to a young, attractive woman.

They hit it off, and she likes a man in uniform, so she says, “Why don’t you come up to my room?”

The general says, “I’m flattered but at my age I’m not sure if things would work the way you hope.”

She says, “But you’re in good shape...tell me, when was the last time you had sex?”
<...

A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach...

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A group of fighters from the Roman Colosseum were hired out to rich Romans as prostitutes. One so impressed an influential Roman noble with his oral skills that she began to work on getting him freed.

In the end he was gladiator.

After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment..

And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50

Sam had amazing vocal skills, but was in doubt of them all the time. He got himself to sign up to a Talent Show for the first time. And finally in front of all the people

Samsung

Have you heard about the dyslexic who was working too hard on his imagination skills?

He ended up in Santa Fe.

A thief stole a sine and a cosine... He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry.

He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine. He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine - but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan. So he stacked cosine over sine... <...

I was in a 1v10 fight once. It was a hard fought battle and I had to go all out and use all of my martial arts skills.

And In the end we managed to beat the guy up.

What do you call someone with mediocre detonation skills?

An OK Boomer

Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills

I'm so glad I'm in the 1%

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A man was traveling through Asia when one night, he stopped at a monastery

He asked the monks for a place to sleep and some food, and the monks indulged him. But that night, he couldn't sleep. He kept hearing this droning, thumping sound. After a while, he went to investigate. He followed the sound down the stairs, into the basement. There he encountered a richly decorated...

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A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft.

...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high ale...

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A man wanted to become a rich and famous painter...

But he lacked the skills. So the Devil came to him and said "I will make you a world class painter, you'll be rich and famous. In exchange, I want your soul." The painter agreed, and Lucifer snapped his fingers. A set of brushes appeared, which Satan quickly possessed. After being possessed by Satan...

A knight was complimenting a blacksmith on his armor crafting skills

The blacksmith responded, "It is my strong suit"

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An Old Lady Checked Into A Motel on her 70th birthday.

She was a bit lone and thought,

“I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in the brochures for escorts and sensual massages.”

She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony – a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing i...

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A Russian stumbles on something hard and sharp on his way home from work one night.

He bends over to pick up the object and proceeds to brush the snow off of it only to discover a genie rushing out of this lamp.
“Hello master, I can grant you one wish.”
After half a second of thought the Russian says “I want to piss Vodka for the rest of my days.”
“Granted” says the genie...

I prayed to god to have the best chess skills in the world

Checkmate atheists

A boy decides to learn a language of all animals

- Dad, there is a school where you can learn the language of animals. Please, give me money to go there and study.

*Fathers agrees and gives him money*

*After a year, son returns home and father decides to test his skills*

-Son, did you learn the language?
-Yes father. Do you...

Future Employer: How good are your Microsoft Office Skills?

Me: Mark my word, I excel in it. Just give me access to it and I'll show you all the powerpoints.





(pls don't bully if it is a dumb joke, first post here)

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

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A man asks a farmer if he can work for a night's lodging and a meal.

Farmer gets a knock on his door, it's a man in his mid-thirties who looks like he's been traveling a while. The man asks if he could earn a meal and a place to stay for the night.

"Do you have any skills?" The farmer asks.

"Well, I do have a rare gift -- I can communicate with animals....

Gynecologist Career Change

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork so he decided to give up practicing medicine.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classe...

What’s it called when a Peeping Tom is skilled in his game?

Peak Performance

Have you heard about the disease named after a baseball skill?

It's catching.

I can finally put a skill that I've honed over the years to good use in these trying times.

Social distancing.

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A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

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A young woman visits a florist to buy some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterday...

The perfect AI

Some many years into the future...

Scientist : Yessss!!!! After years of work, I have finally created the perfect AI humanoid. This robot has its own brain and can think and do exactly like a human being. Can't wait to try it out.

He switches humanoid on and thinks of a challenging t...

Some rabbits may be dumb, but they have math skills

They're really good at multiplying.

God was handing out talents one morning

To some, He gave the power to create life. The angels around Him were in awe as crops flourished and population soared. To others, he gave fine skills and artistry. His angelic entourage marveled at intricate needlework, tapestry, and sculpture.

God stooped down low and found a man waiting i...

15 year old sis of mine tried to show off her photoshop skills

I said it's just a minor editing

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My girlfriend told me that i had the biggest penis she'd ever seen.

I finally put my photoshoping skills to work

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A pastor is hiring a new bell boy to ring the church bell.

So a boy walks in with no arms, that wants to apply for the job. The pastor says "I don't think you qualify". The boy responds with "nonsense, let me show you"

They head up the bell tower. The boy proceeds to get a running start and headbutts the bell to make it ring. The pastor shakes his he...

On job applications I put “Can pee with morning wood” under skills.

When the employer asks me why I just say “Well because it’s kind of hard”

A Roman Famine

Long ago in Ancient Rome, there was a great famine all across the land. As food became ever more scarce many people found themselves tightening their belts to get by. And inevitably, a man was taken to court for the crime of having committed cannibalism against his wife.

Due to the horrific n...

I wanted to write a movie script about a retired CIA agent who has to rely on his old skills to save his kidnapped daughter, but that idea was taken.

So I thought instead I'd write a script about a retired CIA operative who is taken hostage along with his wife in Instanbul, but that idea was taken, too.

What do they call a skilled lumberjack?

An axepert

There once was a baker with only one speciality.

And that was baking.

What, did you honestly think I am skilled enough to make a cake day joke on my first cake day.

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

Job application...

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him....

NAME - Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here i...

A drunk man at the carnival...

A horribly drunk man stumbled up to a carnival game booth and sloppily picked up the air rifle. On his very first shot he knocked the target down, much to the game operator's astonishment.

"Wow, sir that was amazing," said the operator as he handed the drunkard a live turtle. "You'll be going...

A French Man was Teaching his English Girlfriend to Swim

After the third lesson, the man said to his girlfriend, “ok, you’ve now learnt enough. I’ll let you to swim on your own”
He then went out to relax by the pool side on the sun bed, as he watched his girlfriend practise her newly learnt skills.
After swimming for a while in the shallow end of th...

A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field.

His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages.

He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence....

A girl was practicing her singing skills when her mum told her...

Mum: “I wish you were on TV”
Daughter: “thanks mom... am I that good?”
Mum: “no I’d just be able to turn your voice down”

I wanted to be a better computer programmer so I decided to slowly improve my binary skills

You could say I improved bit by bit

Little known fact about William Tell

We all know William Tell for his archery skills, but did you know he was also an avid bowler? His whole family bowled actually, and there was even a league in his area. At the time Joining a team was a difficult , daunting task, but by some fortune he and several relatives made the same team. Unfort...

My boss said my math skills are average.

That's just mean.

People are always amazed at the skilled tattoo artists in Spain.

No one expects the Spanish ink precision

Two crudely translated Persian dad jokes

Dad: Say skill.

Kid: Skill.

Dad: The frog is your height!

Or

Dad: Say bicycle.

Kid: Bicycle:

Dad: Your mustache spins!

Explanation: I grew up with these Persian dad jokes and they always make me laugh when my dad says them. The "punchline" is that the...

What do you call an Alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?

A dialogator

I wanted to put "calligraphy" as a skill on my resume.

I decided against it since it probably looks better on paper.

What is the only time where complimenting a girls makeup skills would get you slapped

the first time you see her without it

My blackbelt karate teacher has honed his skill of painting high ranking military officials for years

Now he is a master of marshal arts.

My Sewing skills aren't up to scratch...

Whoops! Wrong thread.

Doctor Frankenstein created life, via great skill with a surgeon's knife. Igor loved to say, an easier way,

Would have been knocking boots with his wife.

I think the police really like my parking skills ...

Because an officer gave me a ticket that said “ Parking Fine”.

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What do you call a guy who is skilled in the art of oral sex?

A cunnilinguist.

Mentally tough people are better at this important skill:

>!Resisting clickbait headlines.!<

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet...

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot.

When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash....

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English Literature Class

Professor starts the literature class. "Today's lesson is metaphors. A metaphor conceptualizes and exaggerate a big thing into a small creative image. As an example you can say 'The snow is a white blanket' instead of saying that snow is white. Can anyone say a similar metaphor ? "

"Tom Crui...

The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.

"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."

Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes’ diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...

To which Sherlock replied, “Why, that’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”

Me at a job interview

Interviewer: so do you have any special skills regarding this job?
Me: I have the exact amount of friends necessary for the job
Interviewer: You don’t need any friends for this job?
Me: Exactly!

Ole & Sven go to the unemployment office

Ole and Sven were just laid off from the lingerie factory so they went to the unemployment office to collect their checks.

Ole goes up and rings the bell. The lady asks, "What can I do for you?"
Ole replied, "I vas just laid off from vork and I vant to collect my unemployment"
Lady - "W...

I got fired from work today for taking the initiative.

It was a slow day so I thought why not let my team get some practice in to keep up their skills.

Didn't know it was against policy to set our fire station ablaze!

What’s that song again?

I can’t seem to remember the name of that song. 10 % luck 20 % skill 15 % concentrated power of will? Something ?

A Old, wealthy man had three sons.

He promised each of them that if they learned a new, 'exotic' skill, he would give them a fortune. So, they set out. They came to a river with 3 paths. They agreed to split up. The first brother learned to shoot tiny things like birds, flies, etc. The second one learned to fix things with a hammer. ...

At the ceramic tile factory they have employee parties where they make the tiles stand on edge. Instead of commending the skill involved they make fun of eachother.

It is an erect tile diss function.

My poor reading skills ruined my future as a pimp

But now I own a warehouse

What does the moon do when it needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.




Sorry, my son was studying science and saw this joke. He wanted me to share it. Apparently upping his dad joke skills early.

A group of fans are discussing their favorite band members

The newest fan of the group can’t decide whether they like the guitarist or vocalist more. Both are hot and both are great musicians.

One of the older fans chimes in, “Well, then consider who’d be better in bed.”

Confused, they respond,” How do I do that?”

“Do you prefer someone...

A heart surgeon took his car to his local garage for a regular service, where he usually exchanged a little friendly banter with the owner, a skilled but not especially wealthy mechanic.

"So tell me," says the mechanic, "I've been wondering about what we both do for a living, and how much more you get paid than me.."
"Yes?.." says the surgeon.
"Well look at this," says the mechanic, as he worked on a big complicated engine, "I check how it's running, open it up, fix the valves...

Todd was dirt broke, no skills, and not the brightest bulb in the light-shop.

And to make it worse, his mom was always on his case about getting out and making something of himself. One day, sick of her nagging, he answered a help wanted ad.

“So you think you have what it takes to be a Repo man, Todd?” the interviewer asked.

“Sure, man. I got this.”

But T...

My door to door fruit delivery business failed badly because of my poor people skills.

I was driving people bananas.

What do you call a green onion with mad rhyme skills?

A Rapscallion

I’m normally not one to brag about my financial skills

But my credit card company calls me almost everyday to inform me my balance is outstanding!

Humorists of Reddit! I challenge your joke inventing skills! First comment gives the punch line; the reply is the rest of the joke!

edit: Thanks guys for some hilarious jokes! Keep 'em coming. I wanted to let you know that I've messaged the mods about this thread. Maybe it could be a weekly thread? Who knows.

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[NSFW] Skilled Frog

A woman walked into a pet store one day to get some supplies. She went up to the cash register to pay for them and she saw a sign next to a small fish tank that said, "Pussy eating frogs - $50. So not to be embarrassed she whispered to the cashier, "I'll take one of those." The cashier said, "Ok, no...

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

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Always get a second opinion.

A guy started getting horrible migraines in his late teens. He went to the doctor who told him he has a rare testicular disorder that was restricting blood flow to his brain, resulting in the blinding headaches. Unfortunately, “the only way to be rid of them is to remove your testicles.”

“Who...

The hard working hole driller thought that everyone he met had bad social skills...

But in reality, people just couldn’t look him in his eyes because they always found him to be boring.

Have you heard about the broke ornithologist?

His budgie-ting skills were horrible!

Have you heard of the expert cartographer?

His skills are pretty legendary.

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There was a youth who lived in Russia.

He was orphaned at the young age of 5. He only had one mother, Mother Russia. With no one to take care of him, he was left to fend for himself. He was poor and worked in the coal mines, to earn a mediocre salary to last him a day or two.

One day after a hard day at work, he walked down a si...

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

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A stranger is drinking alone in a small pub...

Until he is approached by an obviously inebriated man. This man begins to ramble on about his trade skills in the village. The stranger tries to shrug him off but he pushes conversation. 'see this pub we are sitting in? I built this pub with my own bare hands. Yet, no one calls me McGregor the bar b...

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I am like the Bruce lee of sex. No I am not amazingly handsome and highly skilled and charismatic,

but I will knock the wind out of your body with my 1 inch punch.

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

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So this farmhand from a very small and remote town decides it would be good to go and learn soms modern skills on a big, modern farm...

He was raised in a very basic manner and a lot of modern things like microwaves, refrigerators etc. were new to him.
When he found a big modern farm he moved there and installed himself in his room. This room was so much better than his old room back home.... He even had his own shower.
Eve...

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Jesus and Satan had been arguing constantly about who had better computer skills...

They had been yelling and screaming at each other for months.

Finally God grew tired of the arguing and he said, "Let's see who can code the best program in only one hour." He snapped, the world went blank, and there was nothing but two computers and two desks side by side. Satan and Jesus sa...

Two guys go for a job interview

Joey and Frank are good friends who had worked together for over 5 years, but are now between jobs. They decide to go to a hiring agency together. Joey is called in to see the recruiter first, and after about 10 minutes in the room, he comes out elated. "I got the job!". Frank congratulates him and ...

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What is similar about coronavirus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get either

Today, my dad complimented me on my parking skills

I’m still shaking

Hey, boss, my salary is not compatible with my skills!

I know that, but I can't let you starve to death

Whenever asked about my culinary skills I always say I'm great at all kinds of cooking

Overcooking, undercooking...

You have to have the skill of a world class bull rider to keep up with me in bed

You only have to ride me for 8 seconds and then it’s over

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So there are three friars living atop a mountain

So there are three friars living atop a mountain, and they tend to the most beautiful garden in all the land.
One day, one of the friars decides he could make a flower one hundred times prettier than all the other flowers in the garden, if only he could cross-breed a few that he had already.<b...

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I had to follow a soft skills course “How to give constructive criticism”.

It was total shit.

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A Midwestern Dog in Africa

A guy from the Midwest went to work in Africa and took his dog with him. There was a whole lot of new smells to sniff and the dog went away in the jungle driven by the fancy smells.

In the jungle the dog suddenly noticed that a leopard is planning to have him as a lunch. The dog thought for a...

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Two women were playing golf

The first woman teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed dow...

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things?

Me: Yes, I am.
Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good.

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Interviewer: Very impressive. Now, this is just a formality...

But how are your MS office skills.

Me: Well, you can take my Word for it, I Excel in MS office.

Interviewer: Son of a bitch, I was this close to hiring you.

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blond woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that ...

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Masturbation is a good skill to have.

It comes in handy.

The eagle was a bird of many skills.

One could say he was very talon-ted.

What's a magician skilled in the art of hickeys called?

A Neck Romancer

They call me 007 at work

0 motivation

0 skills

7 coffee breaks

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