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Commercial Jokes

The girl I brought home last weekend didn't seem impressed by my collection of beer commercials

Apparently, she'd misunderstood when I told her I had six-pack ads

Pill commercials nowadays be like

“After just one use, derpatine fixed my knee pain and I can run again!”

“Consult a doctor if you’re experiencing any headaches, nausea, muscle pain, blurry vision, nasal congestion, loss of sight, kidney failure, hernia, heart attacks, strokes or knee pain after using derpatine”

As a commercial livestock hauler, my main responsibility is transporting donkeys.

My clients..have their asses handed to them.

I got thrown off of a TV commercial set a few years ago.

We were filming an ad for Taco Bell. The director didn't like being corrected. He kept saying "That's a wrap" when clearly it was a Taco Supreme.

I got in trouble because of a commercial

I went to the store because I needed some milk. I got my milk, a pizza, french fries and a candy bar. I went to the self checkout , paid for my milk and started to leave.

A cashier stopped me and told me I hadn't paid for all my stuff.

I calmly pulled out my insurance card and told he...

Why was Lance Armstrong in so many commercials?

Because he was good at Peddling things.

When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...

That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.

Greta thunberg began screaming,

“I will not fly private!” She said to her manager as they pulled into the parking lot.

“The conference is two days away and across the ocean, would you like to fly coach?” He replied.

“On a commercial airline produced by slave labor? I don’t think so!” She screamed.

Her manag...

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If porn had commercials

Dont bust your nut we will be back after a short break

Perfume commercials don't make sense

They sell them

I Just Got Cast In A Commercial!

I'm the "before" picture

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Why did the company use chromosomes in their commercial?

Because sex cells!

According to commercials, women are like Picasso.

They have a blue period.

I hate seeing commercials for new TVs

Every time I think I need a new TV, I see a commercial for one. As they’re raving about how fantastic the picture is, I think, ‘Yeah, it DOES look great, my TV must be fine!’ That being said, I think I will buy one if they ever come out in color.

What’s up with John Cena doing so many voiceovers for commercials lately?

I mean, I think it’s John Cena’s voice, but I don’t know for sure since I can’t see him…

Did you know Navy ships run on commercial batteries?

They run on 7 C's

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A man and a woman meet in a New York bar. She learns that he is a deck hand on a commercial ship.

“That must be wonderful,” she says. “You get to see the world. I have always wanted to visit Europe, but I have never been able to afford the ticket.”

“How about I smuggle you aboard my ship. I will hide you, and every day I will bring you food and drink in exchange for sex. When we ge...

What's the difference between a war drone and a commercial plane?

I dunno man, I just operate the missiles

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

If you're getting on a commercial airliner,

for safety's sake, bring a bomb with you...

because the overwhelming odds are there won't be two guys on the same plane with a bomb.

What I hate about commercials

I hate how they abruptly cut o

What's the difference between a woman and a tiger entering a commercial center?

The woman is shopping in the mall and the tiger is mauling in the shops.

I physically force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials,

just to show him how good he has it.

Andre the Giant takes a commercial flight

The Giant is seated in a bulkhead seat for extra space. It’s still a tight fit for this behemoth of a man. He starts to take apart the armrest between his seat and the one next to him in hopes of creating a bit more space before takeoff. A flight attendant approached him asking if she could get h...

Soon commercial airlines will have pilotless flights with only 1 man and a dog on the flight deck

The man is there to feed the dog.

The dog is there to make sure the Man doesn’t touch anything.

My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, "9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home."

So he up and moved

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In honor of one of the Super Bowl commercials...

So a guy goes to the doctor because his penis is bright orange.

The doctor examines him and says, "I've never seen anything like this before. Are you under a lot of stress at work?"

The guy says, "No."

The doctor says, "If you don't mind my asking, what do you do for a living?"<...

What do you call it when a person sees a Christmas-themed commercial and then goes on a rant about the over-commercialization of the holiday?

An Ad Vent!

A lot of people are upset about that Gillette commercial

I guess it wasn't made for people with sensitive skin.

I saw a commercial for a new horror movie featuring a clown...

...And said to myself "that's IT?"

Dolphins shouldn't be commercially used for entertainment.

Because it's not their porpoise.

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What do you call a male commercial sex worker?

A prostatute.

What do commercial aircrafts and 17500 reggae fans have in common?

About 35000 feet high.

Watching Hot TV Commercial

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about he...

Why do commercial fishermen use nets?

With only a rod you lose a fish in sea.

Comcast's newest commercial really gave me a laugh.

They boasted their fast internet speeds, lower prices, and amazing customer service. Not to mention how they boasted supporting net neutrality.

Are there two companies named Comcast?

My pops asked me what my favorite commercial. I looked at him and said,

It’s a tie, Dad.

Mr Wilson sold nails and wanted to be the biggest nail dealer in the world so he decided to make a commercial

He hired an ad firm to make the commercial. He looks at The first ad and its Jesus being nailed to the cross, when the camera closes in, the nails say Wilson. He says "no,no,no" I'm trying to make business not lose it.
The ad exec say sorry about that, I know what you want I'll be back tomorrow...

A Lysol commercial said I should disinfect the thing I touch the most.

I think this is gonna burn.

[febreze commercial Take 1]

We’ve blindfolded Steve and brought him into this room where we brutally murdered his family a week ago to demonstrate the strong odor fighting power of Febreze

The guy who built my bicycle wheels also does commercials for the shop.

He's a spokesperson.

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Wouldn't it be weird to see your friends star in commercials?

Frank was watching TV one night and saw his good friend Bob starring in a Viagra commercial. Frank thought Bob and him were pretty close, so he was surprised he hadn't heard about this before.

He calls to his wife in the other room and says, "Hey Susan, did you know Bob is in a Viagra commerc...

DJ Khaled was featured in a Weight Watchers commercial for losing weight...

...He must have stopped eating out...

I became a commercial pilot to overcome my greatest fear.

Dying alone.

The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials.

On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?

All those car commercials that say "real people, not actors"

I agree, actors aren't real people.

As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers...

Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!

Have you guys seen that peloton commercial where the wife is super stoked to get an exercise bike for Christmas?

Also, does anybody have a couch I could crash on for a few days?

The first self driving commercial cars license plate should be...

'AFKBRB'

I hate watching Showtime because they are always showing commercials for their own shows.

It’s just Shameless plug after Shameless plug.

Delta airlines is probably chomping at the bit to get into the commercial space travel industry

After all

In space no one can hear you scream

If Trump gets his wall he should do a State Farm commercial

Like a good neighbour stay over there

There is only one thing more annoying than the 877-kars-4-kids commercials....

Any Patriots fan this morning.

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expres...

Anyone remember this from the Austin Powers commercial?

"If you see one movie this summer... see Starwars... but if you see two movies see Austin Powers...."

An old man is on his death bed and calls all his family and the priest.

He says to his first son "I want you to have all the property in the north of the town, I have 16 houses there."


He says to his second son "I want you to have all my commercial property, 8 businesses."


He says to his third son "I want you to have the houses in the southern dis...

Growing up in Canada, Taco Bell commercials were surprisingly different.

At the end of each ad, they sang: "Make a run...for the border. And then the next border."

I love the smell of abandoned commercial manufacturing plants.

I find it to be a pleasant old factory experience.

Why doesn't Lilly from AT&T commercials show any cleavage?

Because AT&T has the best coverage

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What do you get when you combine shitty, old commercials with audio files?

Aflac

A pilot is flying a commercial plane over the Pacific ocean

The pilot announces to his passengers that their flight will take about 7 hours and that for almost the entirety of the trip will be over the Pacific Ocean.

The Ocean hears this and yells at the pilot "Hey! That's not nice, I may look Pacific, but that's not how I identify!"

The pilot ...

Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?

Because he was on a higher plane.

My new personal trainer encouraged me to do do fifteen push-ups every commercial break on TV

Man... I love Netflix!

My kids don't beg for toys and I realized it's because they never get to see commercials

Because they're locked in a cage

Why is it appropriate that the Rolling Stones let their song “Start Me Up” be used for a Windows 95 commercial?

Because it contains the lyrics “You’d make a grown man cry.”

watching tv with my dad

We were watching the commercials and I said these commercials are brainwashing us, our brains are like hard drives and they store all this information, then my dad said "when you get old your brain turns into a soft drive"

Whenever I see a commercial with a woman looking fully relaxed in a tub with 2 round slices of cucumber on her eyes ...

I wonder where the rest of the cucumber is.

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An 80 year old couple is watching Jeopardy when a Viagra commercial comes on...

The husband says with a smile, "You know what, Edith? I'm gonna go to the doctors office tomorrow and get some of that Viagra."

Edith says, "Well you better make an appointment for me too."

Her husband replies, "Naw honey, I'm the only one who has to take the stuff."
Edith says, ...

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Two blonde pilots...

On their first commercial flight together two blonde pilots, best friends for years, are finally flying together after years of being co-pilots for more experienced captains. The cockpit was finally *theirs*.

The flight goes very smoothly and they congratulate each other as they are coming in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my gf to give me a blowjob like that Tootsie pop commercial, "How many licks to the center of a Tootsie pop?"

I'm currently being rushed to the hospital and as of now the world may never know.

A Hanes commercial came on while I was watching T.V. with my daughter. She turned and said, "oh please Dad, don't act like you never wore tighty whities...

I responded, "Yes, there was a brief period."

I really laugh at all the commercials that companies show me when I'm online. Makes me want to drive over there and tell them in person that they're wasting their money.

Good thing I saved 15% on car insurance.

I saw a commercial on late night TV, it said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers." So I did. And it was a load off my mind.

Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, and I didn't know what the hell they were.

(Credit to Mitch Hedberg)

My father was a commercial miner his whole life, but he only mined silver and gold. On his deathbed, I asked him what his favorite metal to mine was... he said

“Either ore.”

A man sentenced to death is asked

- What is your last wish?
- To watch the "Young and the Restless" series complete with commercials.

Smoky Bear: Only YOU can prevent wildfires!

Two guys are talking about TV commercials. One of them says, “So, I saw this commercial the other day where a bear dressed as park ranger said that only I could prevent wildfires.”

The other guy replies, “Why, that two-timing liar! The other day he told me that _I_ was the only one who coul...

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

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