The secret is communication

My wife and I have such a wonderful marriage. I always know what she is thinking, because she always tell me.
She always knows what I'm thinking, because she tells me that too.

What is Thor's favorite method of communication?

Norse code.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An aircraft control tower suddenly last communication with a small twin engine aircraft

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone!
He yelled,Mayday, mayday!
The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack! I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and h...

[Interview] Boss: I see you majored in communication.

Man: No. Miscommunication.

Boss: But your CV clearly says ‘Communication’.

Man: See?

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My wife is always saying “ Communication is the most important thing in our relationship.”

Then why do I have to spend all day figuring out why she is pissed?

Biden’s all-female communications team will leave his Twitter unmanned.

Thank God

First the first time in US history communication with the President has been completely lost.

>!The senate has been scrambling since the presidents ban from Twitter, as it’s unclear when the White House will resurface.!<



>!Edit: I don’t know how to prevent the post body from being visible from the subs main page. Also, thanks for sorting by new!<

Got home unannounced from college to find my parents had taken a vacation and not left the keys behind. Not a problem though, all I’ve got to do is talk to the door lock...

... because communication is key

All good teams require good communication...

So why in the hell do we keep losing to the school for deaf kids!?!?

What do you call functioning communication equipment found in Chernobyl?

Radioactive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW. Establishing Good Clear Communication is the Key to a Happy Marriage.

At his wedding reception the groom's uncle (who's had more than a few drinks) pulls the groom aside.

"My boy in this day & age I have pass along to you the benefit of my experience.
You know it's best to establish clear communication with your new wife. Cause once the honeymoon period ...

What do you call a communications engineer who is timely but sucks at their job?

Someone who makes dead lines.

An enormously popular and beloved Pope, after a long reign, dies and, naturally, goes to heaven.

He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

The pope, having always loved the bible, decides that he wants to read all of the original records of God's communications with humanity before they were re...

Tools of communication

For effective communication it is important to have the right tools of communication. Personally, I love my sledge hammer. It shortens annoying conversations immensely.

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly.

Because communication is key.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

What's the fastest form of communication?

Sign language....since it travels at the speed of light.

I tried taking a communication class in college....

But ended up hating discourse!!

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The german submarine in the Atlantic brings in a new communications guy.

It's his first day on the job and he's given instructions on which istrument does what and chart for morse code. Very excited about the job, he tunes in and is left to his own by his CO after a bit.

In a few hours, he receives his first message. "This is the Royal navy. Mayday Mayday, we are ...

Fedex

Fedex is like my ex, no communication, no respect for my stuff, it never seems to come and somehow it makes me think it's my fault.

What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television

2) Telephone

3) Telawoman

Stung...

A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.

"I've been stung by a nasty insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."

"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communica...

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

A famous car designer...

A famous car designer was about to retire at the age of 64 due to health concerns. For all his life, he had strived for perfection in his craft of designing cars, specifically for Kia. In each of his 32 models, he was instrumental in some innovation or vastly improved function.

He called for ...

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A scoutmaster and his girlfriend go hiking in the woods...

They take a break in a rocky clearing with odd writing. After a while, they get frisky, and decide to play a little game called hide the sausage. They look around for people even though they’re in the middle of nowhere. It seems all clear and they go for it. Little did they know, they were in the mi...

In 1862, Australia implemented a telegraph system that stretched from south Australia to Indonesia and beyond. Effectively becoming Australia’s first internet.

And the speed of communication hasn’t changed since.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

your wife told me you separated due to lack of communication.

“holy shit, we separated?!”

A guide to effective academic communication

Academic phrases and their translations

==================================

* It has long been known = I haven't bothered to look up the reference


* It is believed = I think


* It is generally believed = A couple of other guys think so too


* It is n...

A boy sees a beautiful girl across the street.

After they hit it off, he goes home and excitedly tells his dad the news.

“Dad, I just got to know this amazing girl across the street! She lives really close by and her name is Jenna. I really like her!”

The father winces and looks at him. “Son, I’m sorry to tell you this, but Jenna i...

What's one form of communication God will never use to speak with you?

Fax

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

A joke about eggs

An egg soldier is on a battlefield, trying to make contact with the egg commander.

"Sir, can you hear me?"

"Yes but there's a large amount of static on your end."

"Just as I thought."

"What do you mean, corporal?"

"Our communications have been scrambled."

The European Union commissioners announce that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications...

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil ser...

Four men were waiting in the hospital waiting room

because their wives are having babies.

A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! You’re the father of twins."

"That’s odd," answers the man. "I work for 2Wire!" 

Another nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!"

"Th...

After building the wall, Trump to build an electromagnetic barrier to prevent foreign bees from entering the U.S. by sending waves that interfere with their communication.

Trump is strictly against Global Swarming

Difference between a wife and a girlfriend

A grandson asked his grandpa one question while on the way back from school.

Grandson: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

Grandpa thought for a minute and simplified the explanation like this:

Grandpa: Listen young one, a wife is like a TV and a girlfriend i...

How do gangsters receive communications?

Gmail

A man was locked out of his apartment

He started talking calmly but firmly to the lock...
Because end of the day, communication is key.

Communication 101

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter dis...

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are stuck on an island 100 miles away from mainland with no communication to anyone else.

The brunette gets fed up with staying on the island with no one to save them so she starts swimming towards the mainland

she gets about 30 miles in, gets too tired and drowns

The redhead also gets too bored on the island and decides to swim for it

she gets 60 miles in and gets t...

I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog

Not much to speak of yet, I just have a handful of ruff sketches.

Hey, did you hear? Hope Hicks is set to resign as White House Communications Director.

I guess you could say Trump has No Hope Left. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

My supervisor said I'm getting a poor appraisal because my communication skills are so weak

I didn't know what to say to that

Holy Cow! I just found out I've been appointed to be communications director at the white house...

it's not that I'm qualified or anything, it's just my turn...

The key to marriage is communication.

Don't have any, so you can't fight about what was said.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is watching TV with his girlfriend...

The talk show host is blabbing on about effective communication in relationships. "Sometimes, you can say things that make your partner happy. Sometimes you say things that make them sad. And sometimes you can even say something that makes them sad and happy at the same time..."

The guy scoff...

IT Bulletin: Connectivity in the Bathrooms

Why do client-server applications stop working in the restrooms?

It's all peer-to-peer communications in there.

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