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What is Thor's favorite method of communication?

Norse code.

The secret is communication

My wife and I have such a wonderful marriage. I always know what she is thinking, because she always tell me.
She always knows what I'm thinking, because she tells me that too.

The power of right communication

An elderly man was on the operation table awaiting a very life threatening complicated surgery on him and he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he spoke to his son-in-law.

'Yes, Dad, What is it?'

'Dont...

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Three married men sit at a bar. one ugly, one average, and one handsome

The conversation shifts to their love lives.

The first, ugly man says "My wife nor I are all that nice to look at, but we have a loving relationship with great communication. We both cook and clean and take care of each other. In fact, since we have trouble looking at each other in bed, we've...

Elon Musk lands on Mars and steps out of his spaceship

"It's a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind," says ground control officer and cuts off all communications.

Two friends having gotten tired of using instant communication, decided to use old fashioned means of messaging each other, such as pigeons.

For a few days, it is great. Then one day, a pigeon shows up at one friends house with a blank piece of paper.

Angry, the receiver phones his friend to ask what was the meaning of the message.

To which his friend calmly replies, "Oh, that was a missed call."

[Interview] Boss: I see you majored in communication.

Man: No. Miscommunication.

Boss: But your CV clearly says ‘Communication’.

Man: See?

Tools of communication

For effective communication it is important to have the right tools of communication. Personally, I love my sledge hammer. It shortens annoying conversations immensely.

What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television

2) Telephone

3) Telawoman

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Interspecies communication breakthrough!

I just sat on the toilet and realized my butt speaks fluent Humpback Whale!

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A Japanese sailor sent out an SOS call.

Just as he is sinking a small boat from the Vladivostok coastguard arrives. Four men greet him and help him onboard.

The first gives him a towel. The sailor dries himself and tries to thank the man, but neither speak each others language very well. The second gives him a warm military jacket...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says...

"Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure...but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were...

Wife and girlfriend.

A grandson asked his grandpa one question while on the way back from school...

What is the difference between 'Wife' and 'Girlfriend'?

Grandpa thought for a minute and simplified the explanation like this:

Listen son:

Wife is like a TV

and

Girlfriend is li...

Russian Ministry of Communication announces proof that Putin invented the telephone.

Played recording of three messages on answering machine left by Alexander Graham Bell.

What will 5G-NSA, a rather new mobile communication term, be called in Germany?

5G-BND

A guide to effective academic communication

Academic phrases and their translations

==================================

* It has long been known = I haven't bothered to look up the reference


* It is believed = I think


* It is generally believed = A couple of other guys think so too


* It is n...

How to troll a Communications major

You: So what's your major?

Them: Communications.

You: What? (as though you didn't hear them)

Them: Communications.

You: What?

*Repeat until they realize what you're doing and hit you.*

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My wife is always saying “ Communication is the most important thing in our relationship.”

Then why do I have to spend all day figuring out why she is pissed?

All good teams require good communication...

So why in the hell do we keep losing to the school for deaf kids!?!?

Seminar

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the men: For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower? Jim leaned o...

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your wife told me you separated due to lack of communication.

“holy shit, we separated?!”

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An aircraft control tower suddenly last communication with a small twin engine aircraft

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone!
He yelled,Mayday, mayday!
The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack! I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and h...

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NSFW. Establishing Good Clear Communication is the Key to a Happy Marriage.

At his wedding reception the groom's uncle (who's had more than a few drinks) pulls the groom aside.

"My boy in this day & age I have pass along to you the benefit of my experience.
You know it's best to establish clear communication with your new wife. Cause once the honeymoon period ...

What's the fastest form of communication?

Sign language....since it travels at the speed of light.

I tried taking a communication class in college....

But ended up hating discourse!!

A Question of Communication

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce. He asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?

She replied, "About four acres with a little home in the middle of the property."

"No," said the judge. "I mean, what is the foundation of this case?"

"It's made of ...

What are the three fastest methods of communication?

Telegraph

Telephone

Tell a woman

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are stuck on an island 100 miles away from mainland with no communication to anyone else.

The brunette gets fed up with staying on the island with no one to save them so she starts swimming towards the mainland

she gets about 30 miles in, gets too tired and drowns

The redhead also gets too bored on the island and decides to swim for it

she gets 60 miles in and gets t...

What do you call a communications engineer who is timely but sucks at their job?

Someone who makes dead lines.

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The german submarine in the Atlantic brings in a new communications guy.

It's his first day on the job and he's given instructions on which istrument does what and chart for morse code. Very excited about the job, he tunes in and is left to his own by his CO after a bit.

In a few hours, he receives his first message. "This is the Royal navy. Mayday Mayday, we are ...

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

The European Union commissioners announce that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications...

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil ser...

What form of communication was used in Atlantis?

Hydroglyphs

Communication 101

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter dis...

What's one form of communication God will never use to speak with you?

Fax

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and ...

How do gangsters receive communications?

Gmail

The key to marriage is communication.

Don't have any, so you can't fight about what was said.

Holy Cow! I just found out I've been appointed to be communications director at the white house...

it's not that I'm qualified or anything, it's just my turn...

A helicopter flying over Seattle,with all communication devices down.because of the fog and rain he lost his position.

Desperate the pilot writes on a piece of paper "Where am I?" and sticks it on the windshield. He sees a tall building and surrounds it. The people inside see the note and hurry to help the pilot and they write on the window: " You're inside a helicopter ". The pilot makes a loop and safely lands. Ev...

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Deaf communication

A happily married deaf couple one night realized that at night after the lights went out they had no way if communicating their sexual intent to one another. They agree to set a physical contact language they could use in the darkness. The wife says to her beloved "If you want some booty when its...

If you're ever locked outside your home

Just calmly talk with the lock.
Because communication is key

My supervisor said I'm getting a poor appraisal because my communication skills are so weak

I didn't know what to say to that

I wanted to send over an invoice to the Westboro Baptist Church using an old-fashioned method of communication, but they told me...

God hates fax.

I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog

Not much to speak of yet, I just have a handful of ruff sketches.

The Rich Shoeshiner

Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there .

He used to sit on the chair , read the Wall Street Journal , and the shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny , great look .

One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO: "What ...

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Communication Problem!

There was this Asian lady married to an Spanish gentleman and they lived in Spain. The poor lady was not very proficient in Spanish, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork...

A gorgeous woman goes to a Doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse...

"I've been stung by a nasty insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."

"It's okay," says the good doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."

"Okay, It was at Walmart."

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