Who was the most basic person to ever play the game of baseball?

Al Kaline

Thought of this this morning. Pretty sure it's OC.

What do you call a basic girl in potato themed lingerie

A Tator-Thot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Miss Wilson is teaching her class of 1st graders basic human anatomy...

The teacher aimed her pointer at the female anatomy chart.

“Now class, does anyone know what these are called?” the teacher asked.

“I know! I know!” exclaimed the teacher's pet, Janie, sitting in the first row. “Those are breasts! My mommy has two of those, and she says some day I will...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(some very basic french is needed to understand) During the international annual ice cat race, they introduced all the cat-racers!

There was a french cat - Un Deux Trois

A spanish cat - Uno Dos Tres

And an american cat - one two three

The cats got behind the starting line on the ice, which was frozen on real water. The whistle was blown and the cats take off! Eventually, the French cat seems to be winning!...

What did the Stormtrooper say to his family before shipping off to Empire basic training?

I’ll miss you.

During basic training, I was teased horribly for wanting to join the Navy. That all changed when I was enlisted.

There’s no point teasing each other when you’re all in the same boat.

What do basic, white girls from the backwoods get at Starbucks?

Bumpkin spice lattes

After almost a year in a coma my wife is having to learn the basics again.

Like how to walk, how to talk, how to feed herself,

and how not to argue with me at the top of the stairs again

TIL That procrastination stems from 2 basic personality traits

I'll post the link in a minute.

Sam signs up with the army and gets sent on basic training...

When they are handing out rifles, he is at the back of the line and they run out just before they get to him. 


The Sergeant gives him a stick and tell him to just pretend it's a rifle. 


So our hero goes running through the mock battle pointing his stick and yelling, "Bangid...

A basic girl was struggling with her math class,

its the thot that counts

Basic Chemistry

If you pour alcohol into the ocean. You have a global solution.

Imagine a billionaire, which can't afford basic things

Because, he's from Zimbabwe

I haven't done much in my life, but I did teach basic arithmetics to ants...

It's the little things that count.

Real - Trying to teach my puppy basic commands and turn to reddit for help...

"Obedience Training" and "Training your dog to come on command" are NSFW topics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Basic Training in the Marines

On the first day of basic training in the marines, a drill instructor has new recruits lined up and is dressing them down.

He tells them “You aren’t men, you’re maggots!... you’re not even maggots! You’re a mite sucking a maggots dick! But in 6 weeks those of you who don’t quit are going...

I enrolled in a course called, “Basic Origami for Nitwits” and you’re probably thinking, “Why?”

Well, the answer is twofold...

What do you say when you realize you’ve made a basic mistake?

OH

Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10

Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.

How many monsters can do basic math?

All of them, unless you Count Dracula

I used to be extremely reactive to solutions. Well, that was until they moved me to something more basic.

I know, I know. I'm just really salty because of it.

I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.

"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"

Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point an...

What do you call the basic unit of grammar when it walks into a maze?

A lost clause.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why cant you give a basic bitch LSD?

Basics get really salty when you mix them with acid.

A preschool teacher is teaching a student basic geography

Teacher: "what state do you live in?"

Student: "denial."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Basic Fuckanomics

Fuckanomics\-\-You're born with a ton of fucks to give, so you spend them like a kid with a credit card. You give fucks about your friends, about your grades, about your fashion sense, about strangers opinions. You give way too many fucks about way too many things. You have so many. Then, as you get...

They asked me to name a synonym to the word "basic"

The answer is simple.

A girl asked me to rate her on a scale from 1 to 20

I rated her a 14 because she's pretty basic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology...

An anatomy teacher was teaching the basics of male biology to her class. She explained what the urethra and testicles are to her class, when a student raised his hand and said,

"I thought that the urethra and testicles were just two different terms describing the same thing?"

The teach...

Who is the most basic baseball player of all time?

Al Kaline

What did the student's extremely basic answer get in the exam?

14/14

Yo momma so basic...

...she got a pH of 15.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Judaism is a lot like the pH scale.

On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic.

I find my confidence always goes up after some basic carpentry...

...I'm pretty proud of myshelf

What did the white girl say when she found out pumpkin spice lattes were considered basic?

"My whole life is a lye!"

We have to buy our basic human rights

Food, water, the internet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager

A horse begins learning the guitar as a teenager. He was dealing with depression at the time, and learning an instrument was exactly what he needed to help him cope. You see, he didn't know it, but he had bi-polar depression. This means it was a chemical thing; he couldn't get out of it easily. So t...

I'm just a basic Jew...

...but if things go sour, I might become Hasidic.

Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing...

There were no casual tees.

What basic skill do herb farmers always struggle with?

Thyme management

What's the opposite of a basic Jew?

A Hasidic Jew.

(Thank you.. Thank you.. I'll be here all week..)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you hav...

I've studied Basic Human Anatomy so much

I know it like the back of my hand.

When asking a basic white girl if she wants some Starbucks, the short answer will always be "yas"

The long answer is probably going to be "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you cure a basic bitch?

Give her some acid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know the basics of sex...

You could say I know the ins and outs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The basics of male masturbation

Are easy to grasp.

What's the difference between Peter Parker and Basic White Girls?

Parker gets paid for his selfies.

I once knew a girl so basic...

...that if you pushed her into a pool of acid, it'd be considered a-salt.

Your a ten babe

On the PH scale maybe, cause you basic

The police are currently on the lookout for a massive homeless dumpling that has been indiscriminately ransacking houses for money to buy basic necessities.

He's a wanted wanting wanton one-ton wonton.

I told my friend his pH was over 7 and he didn't get it.

That's when I knew he lacked even a basic understanding of chemistry.

What did the basic girl say after all her writing utensils broke?

I literally cant even write now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 ...

Recycled ones. But love them. 36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?

Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?

It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?

It was a mean thing to s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Smith kisses his wife goodbye before she leaves for a business trip....

On the way to the airport, Mrs. Smith gets in a terrible car crash and is life-flighted to the hospital.

Mr. Smith receives a call from the police telling him about the accident and rushes to the hospital. There, he waits for hours while his wife is in surgery.

After many hours of wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe returns home from basic training.

Joe finishes his basic training for the Army, and decides to surprise his family by coming home unannounced. His family is shocked, but everyone is happy to have him back home. After dinner, his mother and siblings head for bed, and Joe and his father remain at the table to have a couple beers and...

They should say "it's litmus" instead of "it's lit."

That way, you can differentiate the people who are basic and the people who aren't.

My sister is a 13 on the pH scale.

She's basic but can't even.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard this some 30-years ago in the Navy...

An Air Force General, Marine General, Army General and a Navy Admiral have a bet on which service has the most balls…



The Marine general grunts, “I’ll solve this right now!” calls for a company of Marines, pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it in the middle shouting, “Grenade!” One...

I heard someone call pumpkin spice lattes basic...

but they are wrong, lattes have a pH below 7

A U.S. Army Sargeant was addressing to his new recruits:

He asked them basic questions, like their name and where are they from, things of that nature.

Then, he got to Oliver, who came all the way from Australia.

Sarge: Did you come here to die, recruit?

Oliver: Nah, mate, i came 'ere yesterdai

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Favorite Joke of all Time

Sven the big Swede had been feeling a little tired and run-down. His wife Olga had noticed and basically forced him into going to the doctor for the first time since he was a kid.

The doctor gave him a basic physical. He said, "Well, Sven - you're an absolute specimen. You're 46 and have the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paratrooper Training

My cousin was on leave after basic training and came home to see all of the family. He was in basic training to become a paratrooper, just like his father and grandfather. The only problem was that he was deathly afraid of heights. Upon arrival we all gathered around to hear him tell us how it we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey girl... Is your ph above 7?

Cuz you're basic as fuck

I'm not native speaker, how would you rate this ?

A student is taking the chemistry class. The subject is acids and bases. An another student can't figure out whether NH3 is an acid or a base. The student tells him "Oh, it's so basic! How can't you know that ?"


Or should I say, is it a proper joke ?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.