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Stop Watch Jokes

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Why did the robot stop watching porn?

He lost his sex drive.

I can't stop watching movies with strong female leads

I'm a heroine addict

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Wife: (shouting) Stop watching porn..

... I can hear it in the kitchen

Husband:I'm not, it's Sharapova vs Serena... I'm watching tennis

My girlfriend told me to stop watching Disney movies and be a man.

Does anyone know how to be swift as the coursing river?

My wife told me she would have left me if i didn’t stop watching shrek

At first i thought she was joking...
... But then i saw her face, and now i’m a believer

I had to stop watching An Inconvenient Truth after 20 minutes.

Can't stand movies with that much gore.

Parents: "You need to stop watching TV, and read more!"

Me: * turns on subtitles *

What kind of person can't stop watching 'Fifty Shades of Grey'?

A colorblind synaesthesiac listening to the radio

I just couldn't stop watching the video about mechanically joining metal...

It was riveting.

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I had to tell my doctor something very embarrassing.

I took a deep breath and said, "Do you promise not to judge?"

He said, "Of course I won't judge."

"Ok," I hesitated, "So...I had to stop watching Titanic the other night after my butt plug got sucked up into my arse."

He winced and said, "How far in?"

I said, "The bit w...

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A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordan Ramsey’s F-king cooking show!

Husband:STOP WATCHING THAT F-KING SHIT!!! YOU CAN’T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! WIFE: SO WHAT??! YOU WATCH PORN DON’T YOU!!!

THE crowded restaurant had a sign reading

“Not Responsible for Personal Items”, so Larry kept checking on his belongings.

Finally his friend said, “Larry, you’re driving me nuts. Stop watching our coats.”

“I’m only watching mine,” Larry said. “Yours was stolen half an hour ago.”

I was watching a really good documentary about Quantum physics the other day



But I decided to stop watching in case I affected the outcome

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A father asks his 13year-old son what does he want to be when he grows up.

His son says "A pizza delivery guy or a plumber."



The dad says "Stop watching so much porn, son."

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A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers…

"My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a good and a bad porno?

After about a minute i'll stop watching a good one.

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