Stay On Jokes - 17 Hilarious Stay On Jokes

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A ventriloquist goes to stay on a farm....

A ventriloquist goes to stay on a farm and is receiving a tour from the farmer,as they approach the first field full of horses the ventriloquist decides to have some fun with the farmer.
He walks upto a horse and says "so hows things on the farm?"
Throwing his voice and pretending to be the ho...

My brother and I used to fight in the pool until the day our mom told us to divide it in half and stay on our side.

I picked the top half.

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Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride...

He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds, over and over. This really starts to get on Fred's nerves so he asks him, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The reply is, "l got this in the war."

Fred finds this pretty annoying so he switches seats. ...

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A gold one

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whisp...

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The wife walks in while watching porn

My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn.

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.

As my wife walks out again she says: "You should stay on the porn channel... You know how to fish."

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"

The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"

If this wig doesn’t stay on...

There will be hell toupee.

Why can’t cross-dressers and Slavs stay on beat?

They’re always Russian or Dragging

Why did the joke stay on one side of the road

He was too chicken.

How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money?

By moving the show to a "true crime" channel and calling it "18 Victims and Counting".

I had this problem where the cap wouldn't stay on my whiskey bottle.

So I fixed it with scotch tape.

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A man escapes from a prison after 10 long years. He breaks into a house looking for anything that might help him stay on the run.

Inside, he finds an attractive couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the woman to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, and the makes passionate love to her for hours. She's moaning in pure bliss despite the terrible circumstances...

A teen boy goes into a pharmacy and, somewhat embarrassed, asks the pharmacist how much a pack of condoms cost.

The pharmacist said a three pack was four-ninety-nine.

So the teen takes a five dollar bill from his wallet and puts it on the counter.

The pharmacist said "that'll be five dollars and thirty-five cents."

"But you said it was four-ninety-nine!"

"There's also tax."

...

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A man walks into a bar with his monkey....

"Hey, you can't bring a monkey into my bar!" yells the barman.

"Ah, but he's trained and won't be a problem" replies man.

"Okay, but any funny stuff and you'll have to leave....what'll it be?" relents the barman.

"Just a beer would be great, thanks"

As the barman is pouri...

A duck walks into a drugstore....

...and says "I'd like some condoms."

The pharmacist says "That will be $5 plus tax."

The duck says "I don't need tacks, they stay on by themselves."

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George Washington and his men are looking for a place to stay one night after a long fight against the British...

After marching through the woods for some hours, they find a farm. Washington knocks on the door and the farmer answers. Washington says "excuse me sir, I'm sorry to bother you. My men and I have been fighting the British all day, and are very tired. Can you put us up for the night?" The farmer look...

There was once an island kingdom whose people were all fabulously wealthy. Even though they could have afforded to live anywhere they wanted, tradition dictated they stay on their tiny island home. Eventually, their king became frustrated and called a meeting of the tribe's elders...

He said he wanted them to figure out a way he could enjoy his wealth and stay within traditional guidelines.

After much consideration, the elders suggested he build a magnificent throne.

When he objected there was not enough room in his hut for a throne, the elders suggested he call ...

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