A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.

After all, it was only miner injuries.

If I won the Mega Millions valued at 750 million today, I would donate a quarter to charity.

Not sure what I would do with the other 749,999,999.75 dollars though.

I recently flew to Africa to do some charity work.

It was an eye-opening, shocking experience.
The poverty, the starvation, the fighting.... the *smell*, the noise....

I am never flying economy again.

Why don’t oysters donate to charity?

Because they’re shellfish.

A charity office noticed that their town's most successful lawyer had never given any of his hundreds of thousands of dollars to the charity. One of the charity reps called the lawyer to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that, despite your wealth, you haven't given a cent to charity," said the charity rep. "Wouldn't you like to make at least a small donation?"

"Did you research also tell you that my mother is dying of cancer?" replied the lawyer.

"No," answered the charity rep.
<...

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I’m hosting a charity event for men unable to ejaculate.

If you can’t come let me know.

If I ever win the lottery Im giving all my money to charity

If shes not dancing that night Im giving it all to Destiny

I donated $100 to a blind children's charity...

Too bad they won't ever see a penny of it.

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Fifteen Bucks

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the...

I'm starting a charity to raise awareness of pyramid schemes.

Donate $100 to register as a fundraiser and you'll receive 10% of all donations you raise.

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A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I fancied taking part in a marathon.

I was going to say no but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties.

I thought “Fuck me, I might actually win this!”

Do you guys wanna donate to my charity?

It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"

It's four good caws

I donate to a charity called OnlyFans

Because those girls can't even afford clothes!

I'm starting a charity to teach short people maths

It's called, "Making the little things count"

Pavlov's dogs have started a charity for the holidays...

It's called "The Salivation Army"

I just won $1,000,000 from the lottery and I'm donating a quarter to charity!

Not sure what I'm going to do with the left over $999,999.75 though.

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I’m starting a charity for sex workers and their families

It’s called Food for Thot

I started a charity for the billionaire hedge fund investors affected by the Game Stop Short Squeeze.

But Soon after, I realized there’s already a Charity for them, The US Government.

Lawyers

The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity....

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A DUI lawyer, an MLM hun, and a HOA board president ran into each other at a bar in heaven.

They had a few drinks by then and loosened up a bit and were chatting about all kinds of things but were secretly curious about how *they* landed in paradise! They couldn't hold it any longer so they decided to be honest and agreed to tell the truth on what was it that they did that got them to heav...

A charity was trying to convince the towns only millionaire in town to donate to them.

So they sent a worker to his mansion to try to convince him. When he asked the millionaire to donate, the millionaire became angry. "First," he said,"are you aware that my brother, a blind veteran who has four kids and a wife with terminal illness is being evicted in three days?" A little embarrass...

I hate giving money to Charity

It's bad enough I lost half my stuff, but paying her alimony aswell is ridiculous.

Missing Wife

The missus has been missing a week now.

Police said to prepare for the worst.

So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.

What did the beaver say to the doe when asked to do contract work for charity?

"Frankly my deer, I don't give a dam"

The local charity realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community?.

The law...

Asking for charity

A devastated-looking man knocks on the door of a woman well-known for her charity.

“Please, mam,” he says when she opens up, “can you help this poor, tragic family at the other end of the block? The father just lost his job, and his wife is too ill to work. They’re about to be turned out into...

If I win the lottery, I'm going to give all the money to charity.

After all, she's my favourite dancer down at the Jiggly Hut.

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What time is it ?

I took my 13-year-old son with me to a large charity barbecue. A few thousand people there and several different rib joints you can sample. It was awesome, the food was fantastic.

There was also a large beer tent that had a band with many people in it. Band was pretty good the music while peo...

How do you call a German collecting money for charity?

Krautfunding

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Is anyone interested in going to a charity event for women who have lost their legs?

...... the place is supposed to be crawling with pussy.

My mate asked me to do a charity 5 mile run... I said no.

He then told me it was for blind and disabled people.

I then thought.. I could actually win this.

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A rabbi and a priest are asking for charity outside of a church...

They are standing one next to the other as the congregation is exiting mass. They look at the Rabbi with disdain and give more money to the priest.

Until one guy sees the rabbi hasn’t collected any money and decides to help him out “Rabbi, why don’t you try asking for charity outside of a s...

What kind of lemon performs charity work?

Lemonaid

I donated $50,000 to a charity for mute children.

They didn't even say thank you.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

A CEO was asked to give money to a charity

A worker at a charity organization went to a CEO's office to ask for a donation.

He Said: "Sir I don't mean to bother you, but I've noticed that you haven't given any money to our charity, you seem pretty well off and we were wondering if you would be willing to donate."

The CEO said: ...

Every month I donate money to a children's charity.

Although the technical term is "government tax".

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We really shouldn't be surprised that NASCAR banned the Confederate flag and is participating in charity auctions for pride month

They've been going left for years

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An old rabbi wins the lottery

The man wins $3,000,000.00

A reporter from the local TV station comes to interview him at his house

She asks him, "Congratulations on your winning! What do you plan to do with the money?"

The old rabbi answers, "I'm giving $1,000,000 to a Jewish charity, $1,000,000 to my family...

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I'm starting a charity for girls that can't afford to buy vibrators

It's called **Toys for Twats**

While browsing the charity shop window I spotted sign that read "4k 60 inch widescreen for $1 because volume is stuck on full" I thought

I can't turn that down!

I did a head shave for charity the other day.

Oh jeez was my wife mad when she woke up.

A group of charity workers are sent to africa to see how their program is working.

They are walking down a street and see a crocodile with mans head in its mouth. When they get home and are asked about how their trip went one of them says "we can cut all funding, they got Lacoste sleeping bags"

I recently won $500,000 and decided to give a quarter of it to charity.

I just don’t know what I’m gonna do with the other $499,999.75 though

I’m going to a charity event for female amputees this weekend

That place is gonna be *crawling* with chicks

A charity worker learnt that there was a rich man who had never donated anything

So this worker went to the rich man's office, and tried to convince him to give to charity.

The rich man folded his arms and replied angrily. "Did you know my sister's husband passed away suddenly? And left behind 4 children for her to raise by herself?"

The charity worker was surprise...

What do you call a country, comprised solely of female deer, giving money to charity?

A doe nation donation.

Wife says to her Husband, I am going to donate all of the clothes I no longer wear to Charity.

Wife: I am going to donate them all to the starving women in Africa.

Husband: If any of your clothes fit them, they definitely not starving.

In response to his ex-wife taking The Giving Pledge, Jeff Bezos announced he is giving three quarters of his fortune to charity.

Twenty five cents now and fifty cents over the next four years.

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I’m hosting a premature ejaculation charity event tonight.

It starts at 7:30 but feel free to come early.

My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.

I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.

A crow asks a lady to donate to it's charity

'Whats your charity called?' , asks the lady.

' CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! ' , said the crow,

' It's four good caws'

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Today I gave Charity $100

She thanked me with a blowjob.

I'm going to start a charity event for Alzheimer's....

It's called *A Walk to Remember*

*Doing a stand up gig for a charity for people in wheelchairs*

Opening line - "If this was a YouTube video the comments would be disabled"

Did you hear about the Indian priest who always donated bread to charity?

He was the Naan-Prophet

As a gesture of good faith, Trump and some of his former staff known to be white nationalists are trying to raise money for victims of the Charlottesville march by running in a charity race.

It's a 3K.

What do you call an atheist charity?

A non-prophet organisation.

Trump, a charity worker, and a fire fighter are on a plane.

The plane loses power and starts to go down.

The pilot comes out and says, "We only have three parachutes! Someone is going down with the plane!"

Trump grabs a chute and says, "I cant die. I'm the greatest, most intelligent, most beloved person, who knows all the words, and is overall...

Everytime I go out to dinner, I pay for someone else's meal too. Some call it charity...

But that's not my wife's name.

I get a lot of solicitors at my house, salespeople, charity seekers, jehovah's witness, I've seen them all. But today I got someone at my door asking if I eat enough vegetables

I wasn't expecting some sort of spinach inquisition!

I found out my friend was running a charity for atheism.

He said it was a non-prophet organization.

The Great British Bake Off had a charity bake off recently.

I was going to send in a cheque, but I really struggled with my signature.

Every year I organize a patient-relative charity event to benefit Alzheimer’s research.

I tell the patients to invite their whole family but nobody ever shows up.

I recently went to a charity banquet.

All of the servers were dwarves, which I thought was cool. Overall the food was great, but they were short staffed.

Piece of British humour for you.

A woman goes to the funeral home to visit her late husband whose funeral is the next day.

Upon seeing the body, she says to the funeral director, “Oh, no, you've dressed him in a blue suit! He hated blue and I've given all his other suits to charity!”

The funeral director says, “I'm no...

What do you call an emo hosting a charity event?

Fund razor.

I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity

I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning.

I founded a charity that will help everyone

It's called: "For the Betterment of Hugh Mannity"

(I'm Hugh Mannity)

A charity puts out an appeal for medical supplies...

The charity, Concern put out an appeal for medical supplies.

Unfortunately nobody at all came forward.

The charity remained surprisingly upbeat about it, later tweeting:
There is no gauze for Concern.

Why didn't Jesus start a charity?

Cuz they're not for prophets.

I’m never again donating a dime to any charity raising funds for a marathon.

They just take the money and run.

A self-proclaimed genius walks into a bar and says...

..."I'm the smartest person in the world. In fact, I know every single word in this dictionary!" he yells at the crowd.

One of the patrons takes the dictionary and says, "Okay, tell me the meaning of the words *humility, charity,* and *patience."*

The genius replies, "Oh, so you're jus...

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A man put his charity bucket in my face.

He said, "Do you wish to change the lives of those that are starving?"

I stopped and said, "Do you?"

"Do I?" he hesitated, "Of course I do."

I said, "Get the fuck out my way then, I want to buy my lunch."

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Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton are playing at a charity golf tournament.

Bill sees Tiger at the urinals and peeks down to see that Tiger is very well endowed.


"Tiger, what is your secret?" Bill asks.

Tiger responds: "It's really simple. Every night before I get in bed I whack my dick against my bedpost 3 times. It's been working for me for years!"
...

What is one charity that has a higher death rate than PETA?

Make a wish foundation

I recently started working for a charity that convinces local supermarkets to give us their expiring baked goods to donate to refugees and the local homeless. We're working in conjunction with local churches to help distribute donations. All of us are there voluntarily, after all..

It's a naan-prophet organization.

How to make a charity

1. find someone in need
2. Create an organization and donate all revenue to said someone
3. ???
4. nonprofit

I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa. Well, I think it is a scam.

Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving.

I was walking home drunk when I came across some people collecting for charity.

I don't know why they got so upset when I vomited in their bucket of coins and banknotes.

They had clearly labelled it: FOR THE SICK.

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