My sister told me I couldn't make a bicycle out of spaghetti

You should have seen her face when i rode pasta

What's Hailie's favorite food?

Mom's spaghetti.

I bet my friend I could build a car out of spaghetti

You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta

Spaghetti

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send m...

A farmer has four beautiful daughters

He’s a bit overprotective of them, so when Friday date night rolls around, he greets the gentlemen callers at the door with a shotgun over his shoulder.

Friday night rolls around, and the doorbell rings, so he walks to it, shotgun in hand, and opens it to a young man who says:

“Hi, I’...

I feel like a lot of girls are like spaghetti

Straight until wet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an Italian prostitute?

Spaghetti-ho.

Men at work (1930's)

Three men are working a construction site. One man is Irish, one Italian, and one Polish. Every day the men eat lunch together. The Irishman opens his lunch and it's bangers and mash. It has been bangers and mash every day since he's started the job. He says to the other men, "If I get bangers and m...

How much thyme does Mike Tyson put into his spaghetti?

About twenty minutes

What do you call someone who sells herself in exchange for a plate of spaghetti?

A pasta-tute

My 10 yr old was hugging the cat

, & whispering to him "I love you so much that you're the 2nd most loved thing in my life." Aww, I thought, she's still dada's little girl. Then she finished her whisper with "But spaghetti is my favorite thing."

I wanted to upset an Italian friend

So I broke some spaghetti in front of him

I told my friend that he really shouldn't be using a straw and he replied, "Yeah, I know, I know, it's bad for the environment." I said, "Sure, there's that..."

"But it's just a really weird way of eating spaghetti."

Did you hear about the man who ate too much spaghetti?

He pasta-way

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An Italian Farmer was working the fields with his three sons and notices that two of them were out of breath because they were over weight.

He called over to his three sons and spoke to each of them.

Papa: "Luigi, why are you such a fat fuck?"
Luigi: "Papa, I love eating my wife's lasagna. It's so good!!!"
Papa: "Son, you need to take smaller bites."

Papa: "Mario, why are you such a fat fuck?"
Mario: "Papa, I lo...

Stirring the Sauce

A sweet and innocent young Italian girl gets married, but the girl's mother lives downstairs. The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs."Momma, Momma," she cries. "I can't believe it! He has hair all over his ch...

Where does a good Christian spaghetti go when he needs guidance?

To his local pasta

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

A farmer has three daughters that are all going on their first dates...

The farmer decides to greet the suitors at the door with his shot gun. Around 5 the first boy arrives and rings the doorbell. “My names Joe, I’m here for flo, we’re going to the show, is she ready to go?”

The farmer thought he was alright, so off they went to their date.

Shortly afte...

A priest and a nun are sitting at a dinner table, eating spaghetti

With every bite, the nun, a notoriously sloppy eater, spills sauce on her clothing.




The priest says to the nun, "You've got some stains on your tunic," to which the nun replies, "It's a dirty habit."

Me: what time is it?

Tour Guide: 4:20

Me: how can you tell?

Tour Guide: See how high the sun is?

\[sun is eating spaghettiOs with a spatula\]

Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to go to sleep?

It was pasta bedtime.

My wife is pastafarian whereas I belong to the United Church of Bacon

Our son believes in spaghetti carbonara.

A blind guy walks in a diner...

He sits down at a table and the owner comes up to him.
"Hello sir, goodevening would you like to see a menu or do you know what you want?"
To which the man replies," I'm sorry I'm blind but I'll tell you what, bring me a dirty fork from for recommended plate."
Confused, but interested th...

Spaghetti with Meatballs isn't real Italian cuisine. It's made in America, posing as Italian cuisine.

Spaghetti with Meatballs is an **IMPASTA**!

What did the spaghetti say to the lasagna as he was murdering him

Pasta La vista

At a restaurant called Apathy, they only give you a spoon to eat your food with...

...when I told the owner it was hard to eat my spaghetti he said, "Well... I don't give a fork."

This one was from my daughter after dinner.

What did the linguini say to the spaghetti squash?


IMPASTA!

Why is bad code also referred to as 'spaghetti code'?

Because it was written by IT-aliens.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's an old farmer with 3 beautiful daughters. He is very protective of them and meets every potential suitor at the front door, with a loaded shotgun in his hands.

Sure enough, come Saturday evening there's a knock at the door. The farmer jumps up, throws open the door and points his shotgun at the young man.

The fellow is a little startled, but manages to say "Hi, my name is Joe. I'm here for Flo. I'm here to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has three daughters...

A farmer has three daughters and they all have dates on the same Saturday night. The daughters are upstairs getting ready and there’s a knock on the door.

The farmer answers the door to a nice looking young man who say:

“Hi, my names Joe I’m here to pick up Flo, we’re going to see a s...

The flying spaghetti monster never died...

He pastaway.

Best Laid Plans

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has three daughters...

Who all have dates on the same night. Considering how protective the farmer is as a father, he sat and waited for the boys with a shotgun in hand.

The first boy showed up: “I’m Eddy, lookin’ for Betty. We plan on spaghetti from Teddy’s, is she ready?”

The farmer took a good look at the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Italian Dad Joke

An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father says to his oldest son, "Tony! Why you-a such a fat-a-fuck?" Tony says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti! I can't-a stop-a eating it." Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!" Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Michael! Why you-a such ...

My mother has an unhealthy fear of noodles.

It all started 5 years ago. I came home to find my mother covered in blood and in shock at the discovery of my father. He had been stabbed multiple times in a garish display akin only to the Manson and Zodiac killings. The police report determined the suspect was between 8-16 inches, slightly boiled...

Why don’t Italians have BBQs?

The spaghetti falls through the grill

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