The 60+ Best Spaghetti Jokes

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the chi...

What's the difference between girl spaghetti and boy spaghetti?

Meatballs.

My 10 year old daughter just told me this and I had to share.

I told my friend that he really shouldn't be using a straw and he replied, "Yeah, I know, I know, it's bad for the environment." I said, "Sure, there's that..."

"But it's just a really weird way of eating spaghetti."

A Macaroni, a Penne and a Spaghetti were drinking wine in a bar one evening. They saw a noodle sitting by himself and discussed inviting him to join them.

They all agreed he looked Cannelloni.

EDIT; Thank you for all the awards, I guess I pasta test!

I started cooking spaghetti.

Just to pasta time.

A restaurant served me soggy spaghetti

So I put in a re-straining order.

My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti...

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta

I told my wife I was making a bicycle out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me...

Until I rode pasta.

What do you call fake spaghetti?

An impasta!

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A husband dies after consuming spaghetti..

Doc: It appears that your husband died from a pierced abdomen.

Wife: How is it possible? All he had was spaghetti.

Doc: After consuming spaghetti, he took some viagra. You know what that does to limp noodles.

Why did the man put Parmesan on his spaghetti?

For the grater good!

Spaghetti.

A man has an affaire with an italian woman, and gets her pregnant by accident.

Because the man didn't want to hurt his reputation or his marriage he made a deal with the woman. He would financially take care of the kid from birth to the baby's 18th birthday if she would move to Italy and ...

A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti…

It says, “Damn, that was one hell of an orgy!”

If you die eating spaghetti...

you pasta way

I wanted to try Spaghetti in Italy to see if it was better, but it tasted the same.

Though it was a bit cold from the flight over.

Doctor's Affair

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replie...

There was a farmer who had three daughters

All of his 3 daughters were going on their first dates that same evening. Being protective of them, he decided to meet their suitors at the front door with his gun.

So the first suitor arrived and told the farmer: "Hi I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" T...

How do you tell a boy spaghetti from a girl spaghetti?

Meatballs

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I sexually identify as a spaghetti.

Straight until wet.

A man and his wife are out to dinner when the wife drops spaghetti

Wife: “Dang it! I look like a pig!”

Husband: “And you spilled on your shirt.”

Why is Mom's Spaghetti better than the covid vaccine?

cuz you only get one shot

What did the cheese say to the spaghetti?

I'm gonna touch you. Do I have your parmesan?

How does a guy from Boston ask his minister to pass him the spaghetti at dinner?

"Pastah pastah pastah."

What’s the difference between my ex and a bowl of spaghetti?

Spaghetti wiggles when I eat it.

Car made out of spaghetti

I told my neibourgh I had made a car out of spaghetti she said don't be rediculous, well she got a shock next day when I drove pasta

Why was the spaghetti so exhausted?

Because it strained itself

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria...

A North American Elk walks into a pizzeria and sits at an empty table while he waits for the waiter. The waiter hands him a menu and the Elk ponders for a bit. He's not really in the mood for pizza, so he narrows it down to pasta. The Elk is finally ready to order, so he calls for the waiter. The wa...

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What do you call a woman that has sex for spaghetti?

A pastatute

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.
At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said,...

What's the secret ingredient in Bruce Buffer's spaghetti sauce?

iiiiiiit's Thyme!!!

What do girls and spaghetti have in common? [NSFW]

The both wiggle when you eat them

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A young recently immigranted Italian couple Maria and Luigi fall in love and get married.

They're sort of poor and spend the honeymoon night at her mama and papa's house.
Maria's a nervous virgin and Mama's busy cooking spaghetti and has to try to calm Maria down and talk her into going upstairs to her husband. She finally does, and Luigi is sitting on the bed and gives her a long pas...

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An Italian, a Mexican, and a Blonde American are working construction.

The three men eat lunch together each day at the top of the building they are constructing.

The Italian opens his lunchbox and exclaims "Seriously!? Spaghetti again? If my wife packs this one more time, I swear I'm jumping off this building."

The Mexican opens his too. "Tacos again? ...

I asked the flight attendant what was in the spaghetti sauce

She said don't worry it's plane pasta.

Threw out a noodle I found in a packet of spaghetti.

It was the impasta.

Spaghetti wife is sitting the the waiting room, waiting for her husband to get out of surgery

The doctor walks in and says " Im sorry to inform you but your husband pasta-way."

"Buzz, why in tarnation did ya shoot the spaghetti?", Woody exclaimed.

Buzz leaned back with a satisfied smile.

"Wasn't up to my standards", he commented.

"What do you mean?", Woody replied.

"Flavours were off."

"You... you've had spaghetti?"

"It's a Space Ranger specialty. In all emergency ration kits. And given how many emergencies ...

My grandmother ate spaghetti everyday

Until she pasta-way

Are you spaghetti?

Cause I want you to meet my balls.

A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart

A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
The brunette won 1st place, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and ...

Asked a mate about the Flying Spaghetti Monster

He said Well, it boils down to this

Why is it so hard to eat spaghetti?

I'm not sure, but I heard it was in pasta bowl

What does a German-Italian call the flying spaghetti monster?

Oh manigott !

A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date

A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.

The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
...

My ex left me because I was determined to buy van and sell spaghetti out of the back, she told me it wouldn’t work

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta

Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to go to sleep?

It was pasta bedtime.

So I went to buy some spaghetti at the store

It was so crowded to I grabbed one packet and ran out.
I pasta-out in the process...

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How do you put spaghetti to sleep?

You cover it in peanut butter until it dies.

My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this.

There was a pile up on Spaghetti Junction today.

Reports say that 4 people were injured and 3 pasta way.

When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop.

He was known as the pasta barista baby.

I've been trying to come up with a good spaghetti joke. . .

but it's in pasta bowl.

A priest and a nun are sitting at a dinner table, eating spaghetti

With every bite, the nun, a notoriously sloppy eater, spills sauce on her clothing.

The priest says to the nun, "You've got some stains on your tunic," to which the nun replies, "It's a dirty habit."

I really like going to the Old Spaghetti Factory, but..

I just wish they would make me a fresh plate.

I tried to build a car out of spaghetti, my wife lost her temper and said it would never work and threatened to leave me, anyway, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta. After a while my obsession got the better of me and she walked out..

Now I’m feeling cannelloni.

This morning I wrote a note on my container of spaghetti that read "Marios noodles" and left my lunch in the fridge...

At lunch, I see Luigi eating my Spaghetti!

I say, "Hey, didn't you see the note?" Those noodles were mine! you owe me a dollar!"

Outraged, Luigi stood and pointed at the crumpled up note. "No a pasta fee!"

Opening a new restaurant, focusing on gourmet noodles and spaghetti. We're also going to offer free delivery.

We're calling it Send Noods

Why is bad code also referred to as 'spaghetti code'?

Because it was written by IT-aliens.

How much thyme does Mike Tyson put into his spaghetti?

About twenty minutes

I was teaching my son to cook spaghetti bolognese, he asked "How do I know when the spaghetti is ready?"

"Ah, that's the magic bit! You throw it at the wall and if it sticks, it's ready!" I smiled.

From over my shoulder I heard the clatter of a pan hitting the wall, then a voice said "Some of it stuck..."

If I waited to long to eat my spaghetti, would I be....

Pro-pasta-nating?

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