Smokes Jokes - 23 Hilarious Smokes Jokes

There's a guy who smokes 2 cigarettes together

They asked him: why do you always smoke 2 cigarettes together?

He said: one for me, and one for my brother in prison.

After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail?

He said: no, I stopped smoking.

2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together..." "Why?" "Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?"

"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"

What do you call a Navy Admiral who gambles, smokes, drinks and does drugs?

a Vice Admiral

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe....

They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time.

The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!”

The brunette mom opens her daughter’s purse second, holding ...

Do you remember when air was free at the gas station, and now it's $1.50? You know why?

Inflation

Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!

If you date twin girls, and one of them smokes weed..

Is that like getting two birds with one stoned?

If a little person smokes weed...

...do they get high, or do they get medium?

A man smokes a pack a day for 30 years

His wife, sick of it: do you realize that if you had saved all this cigaret money you could have bought a ferrari by now ?

The man answers: well where's your ferrari ?

A rooster smokes marijuana and walks in a circle. What is the name for the ratio of the circumference of that circle to its diameter?

Chicken pot pi

What happens when a kidney smokes weed?

It gets kidney stoned.

As told by my 11 year old son.

What is the scientific name for a dog that smokes marijuana

Cannabis lupus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man who smokes . . .

A man who smokes has an increased risk of getting lung cancer.

A man who performs cunnilingus has an increased risk of getting tongue cancer.

And a man who does both has an increased risk of starting a bush fire.

What do you call a town where everyone smokes pot?

High society.

What do you call a guy named James who smokes e-cigs and works at a prison?

Jim the Juul Man Jailor

Smoking two cigarettes at once

A girl saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, she asked him why ? he replied that he smokes one for himself and one for his buddy in prison. Another day, the same girl saw that guy again smoking only one cigarette this time, she said : "Congrats! i'm verry happy for you and your friend ! he must ...

What do you call someone who smokes weed constantly?

A chronic smoker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A louse enters the employment bureau and says, "I'm unemployed, what to do?"

The clerk looks at the computer and says, "I can offer you a job in Danny's mustache."

"Great", says the louse, and the next day she goes to work.

Two days later she comes back, "I can not work in Danny's mustache - He smokes a lot, and I have asthma."

"Well", says the clerk, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend always smokes after sex

So we started using lubricant.

-Jimmy Carr

What do you call someone from Anchorage that smokes pot?

Baked Alaskan.

A lady asked a man if he smokes...

The man said yes

Lady : How many packs a day ?

Man : 3 packs

Lady : How much per pack

Man : $10.00

Lady : And how long have you been smoking ?

Man : 15 years

Lady : So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When my girlfriend and I have sex, she always smokes afterwards

I think next time we’ll try it with some lube

An African Lumberjack

An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single ch...

Why does a failed physicist smokes marijuana?

Because as he gets high he increases his potential.

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