Hummer is launching an EV,

Iron-E..

I was really excited when my wife told me she was giving me a hummer for my birthday.

My excitement turned to disappointment when I saw a Hummer in the driveway.

New SUV

Well Gm has planned to relaunch the Hummer line as eco friendly electric trucks. To save even more electricity the horn had been removed from the deluxe model and a bell installed attached to a cable. It will be called the Humdinger edition.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Hummer?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Why did the hummer cross the river?

For the insurance money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] [long] An aging father has decided to go into assisted living

Because he didn't want to burden his son. He had been having trouble around the house and had a few scary falls. His son begged him to stay at his family's house, because he felt that this was the best plan.
"Dad, please! Stay with us! I've heard those places are horrible!" His father says "No wa...

What's the most musical SUV truck?

A hummer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]After a round of golf...

a guy heads back to the club house. There, he sees a beautiful, blonde, big breasted woman, and naturally, he heads over to flirt with her. They hit it off, and decide to play a round together.

He is doing his best to impress, but she cleans his clock, winning by 9 strokes. Embarrassed, his m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a joke from Bulgaria, translated for your convenience.

One a motorway near the coast in Varna a musclebound mafioso (refered to as mutra in Bulgaria) is driving with his subordinates in his brand new Mercedes S63 AMG. When he nears a traffic signal, he gets rear ended. Pissed off, he gets out to have a look. Turns out that an elderly gentleman in a rust...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soldier working in the motorpool answers the phone...

"Yeah, I need to know when the General's hummer is going to be repaired and ready to go."

The private replied, "Man, I dunno, that fatass General broke the seat and we had to send out for a new one."

The voice on the other end stammered furiously, "Do you know who you're talking to??"<...

For my wife's birthday, I got a guy to follow her all day making bee noises.

She really wanted a hummer.

Brazilian Soldiers

An aide walks into the oval office. George W. Bush is currently president, and the Iraq war is dragging out into a long and grueling occupation. The aide presents the numbers from yesterday to the President.

"Mr. President, yesterday the US coalition forces killed a confirmed 36 insurgents....

Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?

Officer in a Hummer H1 stop next to a Soldier in a Wrangler:

Officer : "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "Sure, buddy."

Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?"

Soldier: "No, SIR!"

I want to make an impact on the planet that lasts long after I'm gone

That's why I drive a hummer

One day a blonde is driving down the highway..

Along side a dried up river. Then she notices another blonde rowing a canoe in the dry sand. Angry she pulls over her pink Hummer hops out and starts screaming " It's because of idiots like you that people give blondes such a bad name! If I could swim I'd go over there and kick your ass"

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