UPJOKE
fogcloudsprayhazebefogmistyrainvapormoisturedewskyobscurehumiditybecloudwet

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

I tried to catch some fog but....

I mist

What effect does mist have? (Dad joke alert.)

It mystifies.

Did you hear, Little Timmy wandered straight into the mine field?

The whole town heard.

Some say he was distracted, that his mind was all over the place.
It certainly is now.

Timmy wasn’t too smart.
The warning sign next to the minefield *literally* has more brain than him.

The mine field always filled Timmy with awe and wonder.
It ...

A guy once killed someone with a mist maker.

It was fogged up.

If you see someone drinking a Sierra Mist, punch them straight in the face...

...that's the first rule of Sprite Club.

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

I saw a sketchy looking guy walking on the street with six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

I hear that in Chicago there's a lot of mist. but in Salt Lake City

Bigamist.

What do you call a filet mignon made from clouds?

A mist steak.

It started raining just as I got home from work

You could say that it just mist me

People just don't see the benefits of working with fog

That's a lot of mist opportunities.

A Stormtrooper tried to shoot me with a water gun.

But as usual, he mist.

My half Native American friend Les tried to teach me to rain dance, but we could only ever muster a light mist...

I guess I'm just going to have to make dew with Les.

To my favorite pond of water that completely evaporated last night:

You will be mist.

My grandad died yesterday.

His final wish before he died was that his body be used by scientists to create a massive cloud of water vapour.

He will be mist.

Grandpa Mike died this weekend.

He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster. In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days. He will be mist.

A man and his wife...

Are walking through the park when some grey clouds roll in. As the clouds open and water falls, the wife says, "Well isn't this a nice mist dear?" "Actually honey, it's rain," replies the husband. So they argue whether it's rain or mist for a little before the husband says, "You know what, how about...

NSFW - What do you call Russell Wilson getting a golden shower?

A Ciara Mist

My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident

They will be mist... :'(

I was going to tell a joke about vaporized water, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline

It was a mist opportunity.

Recently a new supermarket opened nearby

It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.

In the meat depar...

What's something we all want but can never grab?

A mist cake day.
(10 years yesterday, to be exact.)

Did you hear about the guy sentenced to death by wood chipper?

He shall be mist.

My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.

I told him, "you will be mist".

The Inventor of AutoCorrect died

The Inventor of AutoCorrect died.

Condiments are roaring in.

* He will be mist
* He was a very general food man
* He was killed in four luggages
* He is in a wetter place
* Paying for his knife and Emily
* Send flours and dalmations to---
* May he roast in piece
...

came pretty close to actually catching a handful of fog this morning

mist

Bigamist…

What an Italian calls very thick fog

John was attending his buddy’s wedding and everything was normal…

The ceremony was at a beautiful church in the countryside, the officiant gave an insightful speech on the meaning of marriage, and the bride and groom were beaming throughout the whole thing. John couldn’t have been happier for his friend.

After exchanging vows, the bride and groom announced ...

A thread of all the best jokes Siri has ever told me.

One day I was looking for creative task avoidance tactics, so I asked Siri to tell me a joke. Here are some of the best she had:

1. Whiteboards are quite remarkable.

2. Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always so silky. He had to condition it.

3. Did you hear about the band called 1023MB? Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Master Po, why is kung fu so hard?

Grasshopper, have you seen the peace of the sunrise through the morning mists?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the patience of the crane as it stands still in the pond until a fish swims by?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper,...

Hear about the guy who tried shooting the rain with a gun?

Mist.

We were supposed to get rain today, but it blew out to the ocean

It was a real mist opportunity

I was going to slap you because your head was in the clouds

But I mist

Every dictionary has at least one mistake

It’s in the “m” section, after mist.

Thought this up while driving behind a car with a Star Wars Rebel sticker on it.

What is the favorite type of weather of Stormtroopers?

Mist

Under President Trump, ISIS continues to spread across Middle East

as a fine red mist.

How is Ruth Bader Ginsburg like hot water?

She will be mist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.

At ...

The guy who invented the vape died today.

He will be mist.

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
5. One cannibal says ...

A new supermarket opened near me a few weeks ago.

They’re trying a new thing: immersion! For example, when you stop by the deli you can smell fresh grass and hear cows mooing, at the fish section you smell sea salt and feel a small bit of spray on your face, and at the fruit stall you can see mist on the apples, and smell fields of oranges and pear...

My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...

It was a huge mist opportunity.

The CIA lost track of its operative in Ireland “Murphy. ”

The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning. ” If it’s really him, he’ll answer, “Yes, and for mist at noon as well. ”

So the...

I wasn't able to catch my train...

The air was so foggy that I mist it.

A woman and her husband were arguing over the current precipitation...

The woman insisted it was drizzling outside while her husband said that really, it was just misting.


They decided that the argument would be settled by asking their elderly former soviet neighbor Rudolf.


Rudolf grimaced at the sky for a moment and held up a hand to catch so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is a cold, foggy night, and several passengers are in a bus, driving along little lanes through the countryside.

Suddenly, the bus swerves violently. The passengers are irritated. A young man who was woken up by the bus's swerving says: "What happened?"

"Mist," the bus driver says, dismissively.

The young man thinks that yes, it is harder to drive in fog, and falls back asleep thinking nothin...

A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died...

She is sadly mist.

An Old Couple has Memory Problems

They both continually struggle with short term memory issues, forgetting their keys, glasses and everything else you could possibly imagine!

One day they went to the doctors to ask him what they could do. He told them that one of the best things they can do is write everything down. Not only ...

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