UPJOKE
fogcloudsprayhazemistyrainvapormoisturedewskyobscurehumiditywetweathercloudy

Did you hear about the guy who evaporated?

He will be mist.

My grandad died yesterday.

His final wish before he died was that his body be used by scientists to create a massive cloud of water vapour.

He will be mist.

RIP boiling water

RIP boiling water, you will be
mist.

A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. I called the cops because I think he must be a part of...

...some extreme mist group.

The Inventor of AutoCorrect died

The Inventor of AutoCorrect died.

Condiments are roaring in.

* He will be mist
* He was a very general food man
* He was killed in four luggages
* He is in a wetter place
* Paying for his knife and Emily
* Send flours and dalmations to---
* May he roast in piece
...

A thread of all the best jokes Siri has ever told me.

One day I was looking for creative task avoidance tactics, so I asked Siri to tell me a joke. Here are some of the best she had:

1. Whiteboards are quite remarkable.

2. Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always so silky. He had to condition it.

3. Did you hear about the band called 1023MB? Th...

I was going to tell a joke about vaporized water, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline

It was a mist opportunity.

What's something we all want but can never grab?

A mist cake day.
(10 years yesterday, to be exact.)

I hear that in Chicago there's a lot of mist. but in Salt Lake City

Bigamist.

Did you hear about the guy sentenced to death by wood chipper?

He shall be mist.

An Old Couple has Memory Problems

They both continually struggle with short term memory issues, forgetting their keys, glasses and everything else you could possibly imagine!

One day they went to the doctors to ask him what they could do. He told them that one of the best things they can do is write everything down. Not only ...

A guy once killed someone with a mist maker.

It was fogged up.

What effect does mist have? (Dad joke alert.)

It mystifies.

came pretty close to actually catching a handful of fog this morning

mist

If you see someone drinking a Sierra Mist, punch them straight in the face...

...that's the first rule of Sprite Club.

My half Native American friend Les tried to teach me to rain dance, but we could only ever muster a light mist...

I guess I'm just going to have to make dew with Les.

Grandpa Mike died this weekend.

He led a simple life, loved by family and friends while enjoying a long career as a crop duster. In accordance with his final wishes, his cremated remains will be mixed with water and sprayed over the seashore where he spent his final days. He will be mist.

I tried catching fog

Mist

New Supermarket

A new supermarket opened in Phoenix. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.


When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. <...

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A British explorer sets out for an expedition into Africa...

This is a time when Europeans know very, very little about the "cannibalistic African savages," and the African tribesmen know even less about the ways of the white man. So, our explorer comes to Africa, hoping to disperse the clouds of mist, and after having to resort to employing firearms a few ti...

Bigamist…

What an Italian calls very thick fog

A new supermarket opened near me a few weeks ago.

They’re trying a new thing: immersion! For example, when you stop by the deli you can smell fresh grass and hear cows mooing, at the fish section you smell sea salt and feel a small bit of spray on your face, and at the fruit stall you can see mist on the apples, and smell fields of oranges and pear...

My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.

I told him, "you will be mist".

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One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness.

Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o'-shanter at a rakish angle.

At ...

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Master Po, why is kung fu so hard?

Grasshopper, have you seen the peace of the sunrise through the morning mists?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the patience of the crane as it stands still in the pond until a fish swims by?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper,...

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

We were supposed to get rain today, but it blew out to the ocean

It was a real mist opportunity

A woman and her husband were arguing over the current precipitation...

The woman insisted it was drizzling outside while her husband said that really, it was just misting.


They decided that the argument would be settled by asking their elderly former soviet neighbor Rudolf.


Rudolf grimaced at the sky for a moment and held up a hand to catch so...

Every dictionary has at least one mistake

It’s in the “m” section, after mist.

Two Men Are Lying in Hospital Beds

One with his leg in a large cast the other with a bandage on his head and his arm in a a sling

They get talking and the first man asks the second how he ending up in hospital

“Well” says the second “it’s a long story. I came home from work to find my wife in bed with another man, the ...

Thought this up while driving behind a car with a Star Wars Rebel sticker on it.

What is the favorite type of weather of Stormtroopers?

Mist

Hear about the guy who tried shooting the rain with a gun?

Mist.

I was going to slap you because your head was in the clouds

But I mist

What can fill a prescription and loosen a lock?

A key mist

A man and his wife...

Are walking through the park when some grey clouds roll in. As the clouds open and water falls, the wife says, "Well isn't this a nice mist dear?" "Actually honey, it's rain," replies the husband. So they argue whether it's rain or mist for a little before the husband says, "You know what, how about...

A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work...

when he is stopped by a policeman.
"Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman.
"Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know."
"And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman.
"Well," sa...

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A Pig walks into a pub.

He goes up to the bar and sees a curious looking bottle bubbling away with mist emanating from the top. Slightly flummoxed he asks the barman, “What’s this about then?”

The barman replies, “Well, this is a mystic potion, a concoction of my very own. Take a sip and it’ll magically release your...

My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident

They will be mist... :'(

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
5. One cannibal says ...

My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...

It was a huge mist opportunity.

The guy who invented the vape died today.

He will be mist.

Under President Trump, ISIS continues to spread across Middle East

as a fine red mist.

Three men approached the Pearly Gates.

As there was only one place left, St Peter said that whoever had the most remarkable and worthy death could enter.

He asked the first man how he died and the man replied, "Imagine this. I suspected my wife was having an affair behind my back and I wanted to find out the truth. I cam...

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming....

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming. Sven complained of the costs of fertilizer, and Oli asked why he didn't just use the nightsoil from his outhouse? Sven said, "Ya, well I used to, but I really hate shoveling it all out."

Now, O...

One dark & misty night two hungry vampire bats are planning their next meal...

One says "Let's split up and meet back here in twenty minutes, and see who's found the best place to dine this evening."
Twenty minutes later they're back together to share what they've discovered.
The first says "No joy here. Nothing doing with me- but, it seems you've had more luck- where di...

I wasn't able to catch my train...

The air was so foggy that I mist it.

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Rolls Royce and a Mini

A Rolls Royce and a Mini pull up at the lights together. The guy in the Mini looks at the guy in the Rolls Royce and presses a button to lower his window. The guy in the Rolls Royce smiles and presses the button for his window to go down and with beautiful precision the window smoothly rolls down. ...

Forever mortal frenemies

Britain and France. Forever mortal frenemies. The rivalry goes back over 1000 years. One of the biggest sticking point has always been the channel. Is it the British channel or the French? In order to show how one country was superior in the rivalry every 100 years the 2 countries would hold a cross...

A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died...

She is sadly mist.

Sierra appears on a trivia game show. Her first question is about carbonated beverages. Sierra knows nothing about carbonated beverages.

Needless to say, Sierra Mist that question.

So it was super foggy when I got up this morning.

I grabbed a big jar and went outside just to catch a bunch of fog and I put a lid on it. Came back in the house to check it out and the jar looked completely empty. So, while I thought I was capturing fog- I mist.

RIP H2O...

You will be mist.

Saw this one in the bathroom of a school I'm taking classes at. I haven't seen it posted on here, it made me laugh.

An old Saint's joke

A Cajun died and went to hell.
The devil assigned him the usual punishment...put him in the mass pit where the heat was melting others. The devil came back sometime later, surprised to find the Cajun just sitting around, not even misting, much less sweating. "How come you're not so much as swea...

I met a girl who wanted to make love under a light spray of water, but I said no.

Looking back, I realize it was a mist opportunity.

When i told my dad i was joining the Air Force, he gave me one piece of advice...

Son, always pay attention on the flight line, because if you don't, you will be mist.

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