I hear that in Chicago there's a lot of mist. but in Salt Lake City

Bigamist.

New Supermarket

A new supermarket opened in Phoenix. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.


When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay. <...

A guy once killed someone with a mist maker.

It was fogged up.

What effect does mist have? (Dad joke alert.)

It mystifies.

Three men approached the Pearly Gates.

As there was only one place left, St Peter said that whoever had the most remarkable and worthy death could enter.

He asked the first man how he died and the man replied, "Imagine this. I suspected my wife was having an affair behind my back and I wanted to find out the truth. I cam...

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming....

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming. Sven complained of the costs of fertilizer, and Oli asked why he didn't just use the nightsoil from his outhouse? Sven said, "Ya, well I used to, but I really hate shoveling it all out."

Now, O...

A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

I tried to catch the fog

But I mist.

RIP boiled water...

you will be mist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Master Po, why is kung fu so hard?

Grasshopper, have you seen the peace of the sunrise through the morning mists?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper, have you seen the patience of the crane as it stands still in the pond until a fish swims by?

\--Yes, Master Po, I have seen this.

Grasshopper,...

R.I.P. to water boiling in a kettle

you'll be mist.

My half Native American friend Les tried to teach me to rain dance, but we could only ever muster a light mist...

I guess I'm just going to have to make dew with Les.

If you see someone drinking a Sierra Mist, punch them straight in the face...

...that's the first rule of Sprite Club.

One dark & misty night two hungry vampire bats are planning their next meal...

One says "Let's split up and meet back here in twenty minutes, and see who's found the best place to dine this evening."
Twenty minutes later they're back together to share what they've discovered.
The first says "No joy here. Nothing doing with me- but, it seems you've had more luck- where di...

So it was super foggy when I got up this morning.

I grabbed a big jar and went outside just to catch a bunch of fog and I put a lid on it. Came back in the house to check it out and the jar looked completely empty. So, while I thought I was capturing fog- I mist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rolls Royce and a Mini

A Rolls Royce and a Mini pull up at the lights together. The guy in the Mini looks at the guy in the Rolls Royce and presses a button to lower his window. The guy in the Rolls Royce smiles and presses the button for his window to go down and with beautiful precision the window smoothly rolls down. ...

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

It’s a shame your friend has to be de-atomized today.

He will be mist.

Forever mortal frenemies

Britain and France. Forever mortal frenemies. The rivalry goes back over 1000 years. One of the biggest sticking point has always been the channel. Is it the British channel or the French? In order to show how one country was superior in the rivalry every 100 years the 2 countries would hold a cross...

I wasn't able to catch my train...

The air was so foggy that I mist it.

I met a girl who wanted to make love under a light spray of water, but I said no.

Looking back, I realize it was a mist opportunity.

I was offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.

In hindsight, I think it was a mist opportunity.

A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died...

She is sadly mist.

Did you hear about the guy that tried to grab a handful of fog?

He mist.

RIP H2O...

You will be mist.

Saw this one in the bathroom of a school I'm taking classes at. I haven't seen it posted on here, it made me laugh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Pig walks into a pub.

He goes up to the bar and sees a curious looking bottle bubbling away with mist emanating from the top. Slightly flummoxed he asks the barman, “What’s this about then?”

The barman replies, “Well, this is a mystic potion, a concoction of my very own. Take a sip and it’ll magically release your...

What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?

A mist steak

The guy who invented the vape died today.

He will be mist.

Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog...

But it’s actually a common mist-conception!

A man and his wife...

Are walking through the park when some grey clouds roll in. As the clouds open and water falls, the wife says, "Well isn't this a nice mist dear?" "Actually honey, it's rain," replies the husband. So they argue whether it's rain or mist for a little before the husband says, "You know what, how about...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is a cold, foggy night, and several passengers are in a bus, driving along little lanes through the countryside.

Suddenly, the bus swerves violently. The passengers are irritated. A young man who was woken up by the bus's swerving says: "What happened?"

"Mist," the bus driver says, dismissively.

The young man thinks that yes, it is harder to drive in fog, and falls back asleep thinking nothin...

When i told my dad i was joining the Air Force, he gave me one piece of advice...

Son, always pay attention on the flight line, because if you don't, you will be mist.

It's always a sad day when I end up having to boil water.

It will be mist.

Bigamist…

What an Italian calls very thick fog

Allways pay attention when you're working around propellers

If you don't, you'll be mist.

My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident

They will be mist... :'(

My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...

It was a huge mist opportunity.

A friend of mine was caught in an airplane turbine

In many ways, he *will* be mist

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

He is mist

Under President Trump, ISIS continues to spread across Middle East

as a fine red mist.

How do you call a bouncy airplane?

A Boing.

P.S. I came up with this on my own, yet have a feeling it mist've been here already, so please tell me if it's a repost. Thanks!

The CIA lost track of its operative in Ireland “Murphy. ”

The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, “The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning. ” If it’s really him, he’ll answer, “Yes, and for mist at noon as well. ”

So the...

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
5. One cannibal says ...

So my boyfriend's kettle has boiled dry all the water inside and he said "RIP water..."

"You will be mist."

I screwed up the scene in the movie where I walked through an incredibly light rain.

It was a mist take.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

we are mostly water

that's how come we're mist when we die

I over boiled some venison broth earlier...

It was deerly mist.

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