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Nicotine Jokes

3 nicotine addicts are out fishing in a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw one cig overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Quitting nicotine is easy.

I've quit 5 times already.

My son was grabbing my nicotine gum...

When I stopped him.

“Son, you can’t have those.”

“But Dad, I see you chewing it all the time!”

“That’s because I used to smoke. If you want them you better start smoking first”

Today I tried nicotine free juice in my vape

0mg

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man enters a public toilet and sees a priest taking a piss.

The man walks up to the urinal to relieve himself and notices that the priest has a nicotine patch on his cock.

"Why do you have a nicotine patch on your cock, father?" asks the man.

"Ah, these things are grand. Since I've been on them, I'm down to two butts a day."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who put a nicotine patch on his penis???

He said it's working, he's down to 2 butts a day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man on the street said I look like I have a penis in my mouth when I vape

So I took my Personal Electronic Nicotine Inhalation System and left.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the priest that had a Nicotine patch on his dick? (NSFW)

He's cut back to two butts a week

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW. A guy is trying to quit smoking

He tries out nicotine patches and they work great. He goes into a public restroom and sees another guy at the urinal with the same brand patch on his dick. He asks the man "Does that actually work?"

The man looks at him and replies, "Yes! Im down to two butts a day!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"

"Whats that?"

"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for som...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Catholic priests were standing at the urinals.

One priest looked over at the other and noticed he had a nicotine patch on his penis. Shocked and appalled, he exclaimed, "That's not where a nicotine patch goes!"

The other priest looks back, smiles and says, "I don't know about you but I'm down to two butts a day."

Three kids are discussing the smoking skills of their parents in school.

One of them says “my dad can blow the smoke through the nose” and the other two ask “wow, have you seen it?” to what he replies “yes he does it all the time”.
The second one says “well, my dad can blow the smoke through the ears”, the other too ask again “wow! Have you seen it???” to what he repl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two priest's were taking a piss...

...in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dick.

He says, "I'm not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isn't that supposed to be on your arm?"

And the other priest goes, "Nah, it's working fine. I'm down to two butts ...

Haven't posted for a while, so here it goes... A wild rabbit is captured...

and taken to a laboratory. While there he befriends a rabbit who has spent his entire life at the nicotine research facility. One evening the lab assistant forgets to lock the cage, and the wild rabbit suggests an escape. "I'm not sure," says the lab rabbit. "This is the only home I know."
"Come ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest and the Pope

A priest is in the vatican bathroom taking a piss at the urinals when the Pope walks in and stands next to him. The bishop just happens to look down and notice that the Pope is wearing what looks like a nicotine patch on his penis. He say to the Pope "I don't mean to be rude your holiness but I beli...

The 3 Paddies Encounter a Genie

The 3 Paddies encounter a lamp, and the decide to buff it up a bit, as it was dust covered. While polishing, out emits a Genie.

The genie tells them that he is going to imprison them each for 10 years, the same length of time he was trapped in that lamp. But, he will allow them each to choos...

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