UPJOKE
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I had to remove the batteries from my monoxide alarm

The loud beeping was giving me a terrible headache and making me dizzy

I had to take the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector last night.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

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Dihydrogen Monoxide is a complex term that can confuse many people

But to make it simple, it really just boils down to steam.

I can tell a joke on nitrogen monoxide

but NO

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

The carbon monoxide detector is getting really annoying

But hey, at least the kids are quiet

I wish I knew how to turn off my carbon monoxide alarm....

It's been going off for about fifteen minutes and the noise is making really dizzy and lightheaded.

"Hydrogen Monoxide! Hydrogen Monoxide! Hydrogen Monoxide!" shouted Santa.

*Asking the Chemistry teacher to play Santa this year seemed to have backfired*

A coworker made a joke about carbon monoxide poisoning…

I told him it was tasteless

How long does a carbon monoxide intoxication last?

Longer than you think.

My carbon monoxide alarm went off in the middle of the night

It gave me a really bad headache, so I had to turn it off.

Twas the night before Christmas

When all through the house
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.


Really should have bought a carbon monoxide detector

Dihydrogen Monoxide

Only about 1 out of 10 people will recognize the reference and get a chuckle out of it. The other half probably won't get the second joke either.

A chemist wants to open up a coffee shop

When the FDA comes to check his facility, they ask about his coffee recipe. He says, "I'm not like these other coffee shops. My coffee is made using pure science!

One part carbon monoxide and 2 parts iron."

Don't you hate it when you're trying to have a nap and there's an alarm blaring in the background?

I just had to smash my carbon monoxide alarm to bits, it was giving me a bloody headache.

There is a new Mexican cheese on the market called potassium sulfur monoxide...

Or just K-SO, for short.

So I Submitted an Article to the School Newspaper

The article was written on the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. The article ended up being brought to the attention of the administrators. After about a month, the administration closed down the school due to "chemical risks." When the school reopened, it was disconnected from all water lines.

I was in class one day..

I was in class one day and my my teacher asked me a question

Teacher: can you give me the chemical formula for nitrogen monoxide?

Me: NO

What chemical compound prevails over constant negative press?

Carbon monoxide vanadium di-iron

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