What do you call the concentric clouds around a nuclear explosion?

Freedom rings.

In England, the saying goes “hey you, get offa my cloud!”

In Scotland, the saying goes “hey Cloud, get offa my ewe!”

Why was the cloud low hanging?

It was watered down.

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A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds.

As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.

He reached a cloud, upon which was sitting a rather plump and very ugly woman.

"Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly...

Look at that cloud, trying to act all cool..

He's nothin' but smog

the world’s best cloud storage service was released today, called Titanic.

It’s always synching

There’s this couple outside looking at clouds.

The guy points at a cloud and says, “That one looks like a horse.”

The girl laughs and points another cloud and says, “That one looks like a dog.”

They both laugh and the guy points at another cloud and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”

There are two buddy’s watching clouds together

There are two buddy’s watching clouds together, they point out shapes that they see in the clouds. One of them says oh look that one looks like a bunny, the other points out one that looks like a smiley face. After awhile the first guy asks his friend do you ever think the clouds look down at us and...

What do clouds wear under their shorts?

Thunderpants!

Technically it was Moses.....

that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.

"I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail."

At this point, sever...

I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say

"Hey look! That one is shaped like an idiot!"

Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first mathematician orders a beer.


The second orders half a beer.


"I don't serve half-beers," the bartender replies.


"Excuse me?" asks mathematician #2.


The bartender remarks, "What kind of bar serves half-beers? That's ridiculous."


"Oh c'mo...

I read that the Large Magellanic Cloud is going to collide with the Milky Way in 2 billion years.

Maybe the government shutdown will be over by then.

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Linux servers, mostly.

Mick Jagger is sitting on a cloud.

He sees a piece of gold on the cloud with him and throws it off exclaiming

Au get off of my cloud!

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The word DEFINITELY...

One day in class, the teacher was teaching the kids the vocabulary word of the day.

"Ok class, the word for the day is definitely. Can anyone use it in a sentence?" she asked.

Straight A's Sally in the front row raises her hand and says, "The tree is definitely green."

"Sorry Sa...

What cloud based storage service do mexicans use?

JuanDrive

A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.

She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.

The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling fart. Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a p...

Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?

Atmospheric Pressure.

One cloud says to another, "Oh no, we don't have enough water to make a rainstorm"

The other cloud says, "don't worry - we'll make dew"

What did the clouds do after seeing the light show?

They gave a thunderous applause.

What version of the Rolling Stones' "Hey You, Get Off of My Cloud" is played on Scottish Radio?

Hey, McCloud! Get off of my ewe!

What song does Han Solo play when he flies away from Cloud City?

Bailando

Why didn't anyone laugh at the poor cloud's joke?

It was a cirrus joke

What do you call it when clouds form in Africa?

Wakandensation

Daddy, what are clouds made of?

Child: Dad what are clouds made of?
Dad: "Well, EMC storage and VM ware ESXi servers, mostly.

You're just like Brian...

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things ha...

A man walks down the street when he finds a ladder going all the way to the clouds

(Long) The man being a curious fellow decides to climb the ladder to see where it goes. After he makes it past the clouds he sees the most hideous woman sitting naked atop the layer of clouds. The woman calls to him saying "Take me now, or climb the ladder to success". The man thought success sounds...

Amazing Red Cloud

A guy was driving down the highway in Arizona and he sees a sign that says “Amazing Red Cloud, the Indian who remembers everything”. So the guy pulls over and there under a canopy sits an Indian on a bucket.

The guy asks the Indian, “What did you have for breakfast on July 8th, 1987?”

...

Claims that cloud storage is the future of smartphone memory issues

Sounds good, but I have no data to back it up.

Where do the people of Cloud City get their sports?

B.E.S.P.N.

Don't step on the pink cloud

Three friends, Sarah, Emily, and Rachel were in a terrible car accident and died. They ended up at the gates of heaven. There was an angel standing there waiting to welcome them, and at the end of his welcome speech, he warned "no matter what you do, don't ever step on the pink cloud". Thus, the thr...

What do you call it when your Cloud (IT) services go down?

Rain

What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

Mick Jagger says, "Hey you, get off of my cloud."
A Scotsman says, "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe."

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

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(LONG) There was once an old mobster who liked to gamble

And this made man’s heyday was primarily during Prohibition, the days when a man of means could relax with drink and a hand of poker or rummy. Fortunes in ill-gotten gains were won and lost in such places, so it was a surprise to many that the old crook who haunted the craps table had never lost a s...

Three friends are shipwrecked on a desert island

After days of despair, one of them stumbles across a lamp and shows it to the others. They rub it and sure enough a genie appears.



**"I AM THE GENIE OF THE LAMP, AND I WILL GRANT YOU EACH ONE WISH"**



The first friend immediately declares "I wish I was at home with my fa...

Every cloud has a silver lining...

... unless it's a mushroom cloud. Then it's likely strontium.

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One day, Adolf Hitler looked outside and saw heavy storm clouds.

Worried, he contacted a meteorologist and asked him what the weather was going to be like.

The meteorologist replied, "Hail, Hitler!"

What did one cloud of fog say to the other?

I don't know. It's a Mistery.

What is the preferred drink for people in St. Cloud?

Mini Soda

Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.

Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask "what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!" To which Castro responds, "in your country/...

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The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

Q. What do clouds do when they become rich?

A. They make it rain!

Why was the Sun mad at all the clouds?

Because they kept throwin shade

Quick Maths

A man is walking home when he stumbled upon an old lamp by the trash, seeing that it’s still presentable, he decided to rub some of the dirt off of it. A cloud of smoke began seeping through the lamp and a Genie appeared before him.

“Thank you for freeing me, I am a genie and I shall grant yo...

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My Shaggy Dog Joke

WARNING: This joke will probably not be funny.

There was this young boy who fantasized about flying like the birds one day. Every day after school he would try to make an invention that would allow him to soar above the clouds.

Every time he failed. Kids would bully him for flailing t...

Why do IT people hate sunny days?

Because there's not enough cloud storage

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The devil was feeling generous one day

So he decided to give three guys a chance to leave hell and make it to heaven.

"See that ladder over there?" he asked them, pointing to an ornate golden ladder reaching up out of the flames and into white fluffy clouds beyond.

"If you can make it to the top without laughing, I'll let h...

3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp

One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!

"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!

"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.

And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...

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Some people are like clouds..

..Once they fuck off it's a nice day.

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A Black man and a White man are arguing about what colour God is

The 2 men were arguing this for quite some time, each say God is their respective skin colour when a priest walks by. The white man asks the priest whether God is black or white. The priest responds with “why don’t you ask God yourself. So the Black man proceeds to yell out “God are you black or are...

A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.

The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.<...

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Pilot, copilot joke.

Pilot and copilot are getting ready to land. The pilot says, "I've heard this airport runway is pretty short so I may call for some extra flaps. The copilot acknowledges.
They break through the clouds and see the runway. The pilot says to the copilot, "yeah, that's a pretty short runway. Give me ...

My mother is like cloud storage.

Everyone shares her and i have no idea where she's located.

Ps: I don't know if i phrased everything correctly.

Two Cherokee warriors were walking through the forest

First one sees smoke clouds in the distance so he asks the second:

\- What does that say?

Second one replies:

\- Don't worry about it, it's just SPAM.

While walking down the street a politician was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven", says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem. Just let me in," says ...

Little Billy came home from school...

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the ai...

Cloud Roulette

Three men in a car get into a crash and wind up in front of Saint Peter himself.

"Ah, first vist of the day! Not that I wanted you to die..." Saint Peter looks at a small clipboard and says, "Names!"

All men respond with their full names.

"Okay then... What? That's odd... None o...

An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her.

“Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher o...

Why was Cloud trying to cheer up Sky?

He looked a little blue

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Meteorologists always have their heads in the clouds

But gastroenterologists take shit seriously

Have you heard the joke about the cloud?

No? Eh, it's way over your head.

What did the little cloud say about the big cloud?

I think you're condensating for something.

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The best jokes are the ones that get you at the end.

One day, Ishmahel, a 40+ year old jew went to the synagogue for the first time in years.
He sat down with a huge frown on his face and quietly stared praying;
“Oh Lord, I know I haven’t always been the best man I could be, but I also haven’t been the worst... I’m in some really deep shit, I ow...

Ladder to Success

A man falls asleep one night with depressing thoughts of his failures in life; never has he been able to provide for his family what he wants them to have. He wakes up the next morning on the floor of a room with only a white painted ceiling and floor. No walls. Just clouds as far as he can see. In ...

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill... (an original joke)

The scariest and most feared whale in the entire ocean had his son kidnapped by krill, in a guerilla act of revenge for all of the family they'd lost over the years. They snuck up one night, and in their masses, surrounded the sleeping calf, and swam away, carrying him miles away from his father. ...

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Down the road...

A farmer has a horse for sale. The farmer sees a dust cloud heading down the dirt road towards his farm. A truck pulls up, the door opens and a dwarf jumps out.
“I came to see your howrsey.” Says the dwarf. The farmer walks him to stable where he keep the horse. The dwarf looks at the horse and ...

What do you call a melodious fart uploaded online?

A SoundCloud

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