Whiff Jokes - 42 Hilarious Whiff Jokes

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Two female police dog handlers are walking their dogs

One says to the other, "I left my panties at the police station." The other says, "Let the dog have a whiff of your cunt and he'll go and fetch them."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog returns with her panties, her baton, a broomhandle and two of the inspector's fingers.

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One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

One day a blind man goes to a restaurant

The server asked him if he’d like to see the menu

The blind man says: “no, I am blind, just bring me a dirty fork and I will smell it and order”.

The server, confused, goes to the kitchen, and brings back a dirty fork.

The blind...

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An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

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A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “

A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “
The interviewer doubts this and sets up a test of the m...

Papa Mole, Mama Mole, and Baby Mole

There was a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole tunneling through the ground one right after the other. They were digging and digging and digging when all of a sudden, Bam! The papa mole ran into a wall.

The papa mole was a bit shaken up. He stuck his head out and saw it was Waffle House...

Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses are all playing golf.

Mohammed tees up first, hits it nice and straight onto the green. Moses tees up with a nice clean shot, and his ball also lands a few yards from the hole.

Jesus tees up, and completely whiffs it. The ball rolls a few inches off the tee.

Suddenly, a gopher pops up out of the ground, g...

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A blind man walks into a lumberyard and asks for a job.

The manager looks at him and says, "what job could I possibly give you that you could do?"

The blind man says, "I can identify any wood by smell."

So, the manager decides to test him. He holds up a board up under the blind man's nose. The blind man takes one whiff and says, "Cherry. D...

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Two cavemen are walking through the woods

When the first one suddenly puts out his hand to stop the second. The first caveman points and says, "look!"

The second caveman asks, "hmm?"

The first caveman repeats, "look!"

The second caveman looks closely to where the first caveman is pointing and sees a pile of poop on the ...

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On Sunday, I walked into the weapons store one day and noticed a banner advertising sarin gas.

I went up to the cashier and asked, "Isn't this stuff illegal?"

The cashier replied, "This isn't your ordinary sarin. This type helps you lose weight," gesturing towards another banner claiming that inhaling a whiff of it every day would help me lose 50 kilos by the end of the week.

Fe...

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down...

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty d...

Love that Briskit

An old man is lying on his death bed in his family’s home. All of a sudden, he gets a whiff of the best thing he’s ever smelled.

“What is that glorious smell?? I know that smell. Oh lord it’s my daughters famous brisket.”

A few minutes go by, and his grandson comes into his room.
...

Stage Fright

A young actor, new on the scene and nervous about it, is trying to make his first big role count.

In his first onstage appearance, his character has a fairly simple scene to pull off: he walks onstage holding a rose between his fingers. He waves it past his nose with a big whiff, then declar...

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A wood expert.

A drunk man in a bar began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only.

The bartender and patrons decided to test him. The man was blindfolded and presented with several pieces of wood.

First they put a pencil infront of his nose. He smelled it and said, "That's...

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The difference between humor and odor.

Humor is a shift of wit, While odor is a whiff of shit.

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Three friends are walking down the sidewalk and see something in their path that looks like shit, but they aren't sure.

Al leans down and takes a whiff. "It smells like shit".

Bob reaches down and presses two fingers into it. "Hmm, it feels like shit."

Carl asks for a piece and begins to chew it. With a full mouth he declares, "Well, it sure tastes like shit."

Al then reasons out loud, "So it loo...

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A monkey is sitting on a riverbank, smoking weed.

A frog, swimming by, gets a whiff and makes a beeline to the shore:

'Hey dude! Mind if I take a puff?'

'Get out of town,' says the monkey. 'You're so small you'll be off your face after the first hit.'

'Oh come on, just a little bit! I've always wanted to try it.'

'Well, ...

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Trump is playing golf with a nun

Trump waddles up to the tee, puts down his ball, addresses the ball, swings mightily and misses.
"God dammit I missed" he shouts.
The nun looks stern, but says nothing.
Trump again lines up with the ball, swings, misses.
"GOD DAMMIT I MISSED" he shouts again.
Again the nun looks u...

There are two rival politicians are in a barbershop getting a haircut

One of the barbers takes out a bottle of cologne, and the first politician takes a whiff, and refuses it, saying that his wife will smell it and think he's been at a brothel.

The second politician laughs, and then he says "Go on, I'm fine with it because *my* wife doesn't know what a brothel ...

A lizard in the jungle is trying to get high...

So he walks around looking for some pot. Suddenly he catches a whiff of some dank. So he follows the smell to a tree where he sees a monkey getting stoned.

He shouts "Hey monkey, you mind if I smoke some of your weed with you?"

Monkey says "sure come on up lizard I'll smoke you out"...

A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee.

The ladies are taking their time. Finally the last one is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it about 10 feet, walks up and whiffs one swing at it and then hacks it maybe another 10 feet. She walks back to her bag, selects a different club, walks back to the ball and hacks it another 5 feet. She looks...

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Two prostitutes are standing on a street corner...

One says to the other: "it's going to be a good night tonight", the second prostitute says: "how do you know that?" The first prostitute takes a deep whiff then responds "I can smell cock in the air!", to which the second prostitute responds: "sorry, I just burped".

There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole

The first mole, daddy mole, wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out and says, "Mmmmm...I smell bacon!"
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out and says, "Mmmmm....I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up, but gets stuck behind his mom and dad. He tak...

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Four Friends were walking in the woods...

...when they come across a pile of shit on the ground.

The first guys leans over it and says "Hmm, looks like dog shit."

The second guy gets down close and takes a big whiff and says "Hmm, smells like dog shit."

The third guy picks a little piece up and takes a bite saying "Hmm...

A family of moles lived in a hole in the city.

There was a father mole, a mother mole and many sister and brother moles. One day, they were awoken by a pleasant smell that none of them could identify. The father scurried up the hole and poked his head out, then announced “I smell milk and honey!” The mother mole followed close behind him, took a...

Bill Gates walks into a Apple Store....

and as he is looking at the ipad he farts. He takes a whiff and says to an employee, you need to buy some windows.

Two Boys Sitting Across the Street from a Brothel

The boys, who are 18 and 19 but have never been with a woman, see men go in and come out with big smiles on their faces, so they decide to go see what it's about.

They knock and this big madam opens the door, saying "what can I do for you young men?"

"We want to know why all the men in...

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Help Wanted

A lumber mill posts a help wanted ad for a lumber inspector and receives only one application. When they call the prospective employee in for an interview they realize he is an elderly man who is very clearly blind. The manager is skeptical that a blind man could be a lumber inspector, but after som...

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A Russian billionaire moved to London…

A Russian billionaire moved to London, but after a week he felt terribly ill. So he went to the doctor. “Doctor, doctor,” he said, “I just moved here from Moscow, and I feel so terribly sick.” The doctor examined him and said, “I think I have just the cure. This is what you need to do: get a bucket,...

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An old woman goes into a supermarket to buy cat food.

An old woman goes into a supermarket to buy cat food. Knowing that times are hard, the cashier is sure that the old woman is buying the cat food to eat it herself.

"Before I can let you buy that, I need you to prove to me that you own a cat."

The old woman is upset, and tries to argue...

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Adam and Eve joke

So shortly after God created Eve God calls Adam over for a chat.
"So how is everything going with this new female?"
"She"s fantastic God. There's just one problem. Smell this."
Adam puts his fingers up to God's nose and God takes a whiff.
"Fuck Adam, that smells terrible. Where on my gre...

A penguin is driving through the Arizona desert when his car breaks down

He pulls into a nearby mechanic station in search of assistance.

The mechanic catches a quick glimpse of the car and tells the penguin, "I'll go ahead and check it out. Come back in about 30 minutes and I'll have a diagnosis for you."

"Alright then," replies the penguin as he waddles o...

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A beautiful woman approaches a man at a bar and asks

"How big is your dick?"

"depends on which of your senses you're using to measure" replies the man

"what do you mean?"

"well if you use your sense of sight it's 3 inches"

The woman sighs and begins to walk away. The man grabs her arm and says,

"but if you use you...

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Two Russians were walking through the woods...

And they came across a pile of brownish muck.
"Look like dogshit?" asks Commander Igor.
"Ya! Look like dogshit!" answers Ivan.
"Smell it!" commands Igor. Ivan gets down and takes a whiff.
"Smell like dogshit?" asks Igor.
"Ya! Smells like dogshit!"
"Taste i...

A boy meets his girlfriend's parents for the first time...

they greet each other and sit down at the family table and begin to get to know each other. During the conversation, the boy feels something terrible brewing in his stomach and decides he can't hold it in anymore. he lets out a silent, but very smelly fart. The Father gets a whiff of the fart, stops...

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Two drunks getting hammered as usual...

And as usual the fist one vomits all over himself. "Goddamnit, my wife's gonna be pissed."

Second Drunk: "Whaterya bellyaching about? You always throw up on yourself."

First Drunk: "Yeah, but this time The Wife says she won't let me in if I smell like vomit anymore." So the Second Drun...

A man with a terminal illness has gone home to die.

he is laying in his bed and after making his peace with God and man he is ready to send his soul to the hereafter. As he is drawing what will be his last breath he catches a whiff of his favorite smell in all the world...fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. So summoning a super human strength he roll...

A blind guy walks in a diner...

He sits down at a table and the owner comes up to him.
"Hello sir, goodevening would you like to see a menu or do you know what you want?"
To which the man replies," I'm sorry I'm blind but I'll tell you what, bring me a dirty fork from for recommended plate."
Confused, but interested th...

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The Duck Hunter

Duck hunting season had just opened and Fred traveled to Canada for his yearly hunting trip. On his first day out on the lake he was pretty successful and bagged 3 beautiful water fowls.

On his way back to his cabin for lunch he is stopped by the Game Ranger on his boat. The ranger takes a p...

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A police officer catches Dave duck-hunting, checks to make sure he has the right license.

So Dave went hunting in the woods, one day, and ***BAM!***, shot a duck.

A bored, nearby trooper waiting in his patrol car near the highway hears the gunshot, gets out, and runs into the woods to find Dave holding the duck.

The trooper yells, pointing at Dave, "You stop right there! L...

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Little salamander

So this happy little salamander is taking a stroll through the woods one day, and all of a sudden gets a whiff of some weed. Smells like pretty good stuff too, so he decides to investigate...he follows his nose for a little and then looks up, there is a monkey up in a tree. This monkey is smoking a ...

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

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A husband and wife save thousands of dollars for their dream golfing trip abroad...

A man and his wife and save thousands of dollars, pack their bags and go on their dream golfing trip abroad.

The golf course is a thing of beauty, perfect greens, giant sculptures, huge sparkling blue lakes, the finest sand pits, and amazing views. The rich of the world all have mansions and ...

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