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A blind man walks into a lumberyard and asks for a job.

The manager looks at him and says, "what job could I possibly give you that you could do?"

The blind man says, "I can identify any wood by smell."

So, the manager decides to test him. He holds up a board up under the blind man's nose. The blind man takes one whiff and says, "Cherry. D...

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Help Wanted

A lumber mill posts a help wanted ad for a lumber inspector and receives only one application. When they call the prospective employee in for an interview they realize he is an elderly man who is very clearly blind. The manager is skeptical that a blind man could be a lumber inspector, but after som...

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Two female police dog handlers are walking their dogs

One says to the other, "I left my panties at the police station." The other says, "Let the dog have a whiff of your cunt and he'll go and fetch them."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog returns with her panties, her baton, a broomhandle and two of the inspector's fingers.

a blind man walks into a restaurant

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. “I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there.” A little confused, ...

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On Sunday, I walked into the weapons store one day and noticed a banner advertising sarin gas.

I went up to the cashier and asked, "Isn't this stuff illegal?"

The cashier replied, "This isn't your ordinary sarin. This type helps you lose weight," gesturing towards another banner claiming that inhaling a whiff of it every day would help me lose 50 kilos by the end of the week.

Fe...

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

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A monkey is sitting on a riverbank, smoking weed.

A frog, swimming by, gets a whiff and makes a beeline to the shore:

'Hey dude! Mind if I take a puff?'

'Get out of town,' says the monkey. 'You're so small you'll be off your face after the first hit.'

'Oh come on, just a little bit! I've always wanted to try it.'

'Well, ...

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Trump is playing golf with a nun

Trump waddles up to the tee, puts down his ball, addresses the ball, swings mightily and misses.
"God dammit I missed" he shouts.
The nun looks stern, but says nothing.
Trump again lines up with the ball, swings, misses.
"GOD DAMMIT I MISSED" he shouts again.
Again the nun looks u...

Two Boys Sitting Across the Street from a Brothel

The boys, who are 18 and 19 but have never been with a woman, see men go in and come out with big smiles on their faces, so they decide to go see what it's about.

They knock and this big madam opens the door, saying "what can I do for you young men?"

"We want to know why all the men in...

A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee.

The ladies are taking their time. Finally the last one is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it about 10 feet, walks up and whiffs one swing at it and then hacks it maybe another 10 feet. She walks back to her bag, selects a different club, walks back to the ball and hacks it another 5 feet. She looks...

There was a family of moles underground.

They were just relaxing down there when the father mole pokes his head out the hole and says “wow, I smell sugar”. The mother mole is interested so she pokes her head out the hole and exclaims” wow I smell glucose!” Then the mother mole calls her son over and he says “ holy cow I smell fructose!” Th...

A lizard in the jungle is trying to get high...

So he walks around looking for some pot. Suddenly he catches a whiff of some dank. So he follows the smell to a tree where he sees a monkey getting stoned.

He shouts "Hey monkey, you mind if I smoke some of your weed with you?"

Monkey says "sure come on up lizard I'll smoke you out"...

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Three friends are walking down the sidewalk and see something in their path that looks like shit, but they aren't sure.

Al leans down and takes a whiff. "It smells like shit".

Bob reaches down and presses two fingers into it. "Hmm, it feels like shit."

Carl asks for a piece and begins to chew it. With a full mouth he declares, "Well, it sure tastes like shit."

Al then reasons out loud, "So it loo...

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A police officer catches Dave duck-hunting, checks to make sure he has the right license.

So Dave went hunting in the woods, one day, and ***BAM!***, shot a duck.

A bored, nearby trooper waiting in his patrol car near the highway hears the gunshot, gets out, and runs into the woods to find Dave holding the duck.

The trooper yells, pointing at Dave, "You stop right there! L...

A blind guy walks in a diner...

He sits down at a table and the owner comes up to him.
"Hello sir, goodevening would you like to see a menu or do you know what you want?"
To which the man replies," I'm sorry I'm blind but I'll tell you what, bring me a dirty fork from for recommended plate."
Confused, but interested th...

There are two rival politicians are in a barbershop getting a haircut

One of the barbers takes out a bottle of cologne, and the first politician takes a whiff, and refuses it, saying that his wife will smell it and think he's been at a brothel.

The second politician laughs, and then he says "Go on, I'm fine with it because *my* wife doesn't know what a brothel ...

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An old woman goes into a supermarket to buy cat food.

An old woman goes into a supermarket to buy cat food. Knowing that times are hard, the cashier is sure that the old woman is buying the cat food to eat it herself.

"Before I can let you buy that, I need you to prove to me that you own a cat."

The old woman is upset, and tries to argue...

A family of moles lived in a hole in the city.

There was a father mole, a mother mole and many sister and brother moles. One day, they were awoken by a pleasant smell that none of them could identify. The father scurried up the hole and poked his head out, then announced “I smell milk and honey!” The mother mole followed close behind him, took a...

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Frank and his friend are walking down the street...

When Frank looks at his friend, and with a big whiff of air he asks:

>Did you crap your pants today?

The friend looks over and responds:

>No, I didn't crap my pants today

They continue to walk down the road, until Frank stops again and says:

>Ok, are you ...

A penguin is driving through the Arizona desert when his car breaks down

He pulls into a nearby mechanic station in search of assistance.

The mechanic catches a quick glimpse of the car and tells the penguin, "I'll go ahead and check it out. Come back in about 30 minutes and I'll have a diagnosis for you."

"Alright then," replies the penguin as he waddles o...

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A husband and wife save thousands of dollars for their dream golfing trip abroad...

A man and his wife and save thousands of dollars, pack their bags and go on their dream golfing trip abroad.

The golf course is a thing of beauty, perfect greens, giant sculptures, huge sparkling blue lakes, the finest sand pits, and amazing views. The rich of the world all have mansions and ...

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A man comes home and tells his wife "Honey, we're going hunting!"

She says "No, I hate hunting!"

He says "either we're going hunting, or I'm fucking you in the ass AND you're giving me a blowjob"

The wife replies "Alright listen, I'm not going hunting, and I'm not gonna let you fuck me in the ass, but I'll give you a blowjob" He begrudgingly agrees....

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The difference between humor and odor.

Humor is a shift of wit, While odor is a whiff of shit.

There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole

The first mole, daddy mole, wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out and says, "Mmmmm...I smell bacon!"
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out and says, "Mmmmm....I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up, but gets stuck behind his mom and dad. He tak...

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A Russian billionaire moved to London…

A Russian billionaire moved to London, but after a week he felt terribly ill. So he went to the doctor. “Doctor, doctor,” he said, “I just moved here from Moscow, and I feel so terribly sick.” The doctor examined him and said, “I think I have just the cure. This is what you need to do: get a bucket,...

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A beautiful woman approaches a man at a bar and asks

"How big is your dick?"

"depends on which of your senses you're using to measure" replies the man

"what do you mean?"

"well if you use your sense of sight it's 3 inches"

The woman sighs and begins to walk away. The man grabs her arm and says,

"but if you use you...

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Two prostitutes are standing on a street corner...

One says to the other: "it's going to be a good night tonight", the second prostitute says: "how do you know that?" The first prostitute takes a deep whiff then responds "I can smell cock in the air!", to which the second prostitute responds: "sorry, I just burped".

A boy meets his girlfriend's parents for the first time...

they greet each other and sit down at the family table and begin to get to know each other. During the conversation, the boy feels something terrible brewing in his stomach and decides he can't hold it in anymore. he lets out a silent, but very smelly fart. The Father gets a whiff of the fart, stops...

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Two drunks getting hammered as usual...

And as usual the fist one vomits all over himself. "Goddamnit, my wife's gonna be pissed."

Second Drunk: "Whaterya bellyaching about? You always throw up on yourself."

First Drunk: "Yeah, but this time The Wife says she won't let me in if I smell like vomit anymore." So the Second Drun...

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Two Russians were walking through the woods...

And they came across a pile of brownish muck.
"Look like dogshit?" asks Commander Igor.
"Ya! Look like dogshit!" answers Ivan.
"Smell it!" commands Igor. Ivan gets down and takes a whiff.
"Smell like dogshit?" asks Igor.
"Ya! Smells like dogshit!"
"Taste i...

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Adam and Eve joke

So shortly after God created Eve God calls Adam over for a chat.
"So how is everything going with this new female?"
"She"s fantastic God. There's just one problem. Smell this."
Adam puts his fingers up to God's nose and God takes a whiff.
"Fuck Adam, that smells terrible. Where on my gre...

A man with a terminal illness has gone home to die.

he is laying in his bed and after making his peace with God and man he is ready to send his soul to the hereafter. As he is drawing what will be his last breath he catches a whiff of his favorite smell in all the world...fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. So summoning a super human strength he roll...

A blind man gets in a cab on his way back from work,

and cracks down his window as it's a nice day. He and the driver make some small talk, when the driver eventually asks,

"Is it true that blind people have a better sense of smell than the rest of us?"

"Of course it is!" the blind man exclaims. "I'll prove it to you."

"Alright,"...

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Little salamander

So this happy little salamander is taking a stroll through the woods one day, and all of a sudden gets a whiff of some weed. Smells like pretty good stuff too, so he decides to investigate...he follows his nose for a little and then looks up, there is a monkey up in a tree. This monkey is smoking a ...

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