My friend joined a cult. They believe that one day they will cease to exist in their human form, and become water vapor.

I told him, "you will be mist".

A truck loaded with Vicks vapor rub overturned on the highway

Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours.

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All my wife drinks is Alkaline Vapor Distilled Ionized Water.

She’s such a basic bitch.

Did you hear about the message that tricked ice to flash to vapor without first passing through the liquid state?

It was subliminal.

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Mr. Becker was a cantankerous old Farmer

But he owns some best Land in the valley for Deer hunting. People had asked permission to hunt on his land forever and always ended up hightailing out of there to escape the barrage of expletives hurled at them and a potential for a dusting of rock salt out of his shotgun.

My buddy Cory an...

Civil engineer goes to Hell

A civil engineer dies and goes to Hell by accident. According to policy, all civil engineers go to Heaven but a mistake was made this time. The engineer descends to Hell and he finds the situation miserable. Too much heat, fires, lava, vapor, and everyone is in panic mode. So he goes to have a littl...

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

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Aliens abduct a businessman, a scientist and a miner.

"So here's the thing, after achieving everything we could on our home planet we grew bored and now we travel galaxy and ask stupid questions. Here is yours -- what is the biggest number you can possibly think of? If answer amuses us, we grant you immortality, if not, we zap you with this death ray r...

You might as well shoot for the stars because...

Best case scenario you succeed and are immediately vaporized into nothing. Worst case scenario you miss and fade into the endless void of nothing.

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Why do men snore when they sleep on their back?

Because their balls cover their assholes and they vapor lock.

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