An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.

When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.


After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember thing...

Some people passed away from toxic fumes in the apartments I constructed.

I was just making the ceilings asbestos I could.

A Lady was conducting her anti drinking campaign outside a bar.....

A heavily drunk man came out of the Bar exuding alcohol fumes. The Lady stopped him and said - "Tell me!!! If you arrive at the Gates of Heaven with your breath smelling of liquor... Do you think the Lord will let you in ???"
"My good woman" passionately holding her hand, said the man, "When I g...

A priest, doctor, and engineer are golfing

They are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

The doctor chimes in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

The priest says, “Here comes the greenkeeper. Let’s have a word...

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead

Not happy with the vet’s diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion.
The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog.
The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head.
“There” says the vet,” Your hamster is dead”.
Still not ha...

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Satan challenges God to a basketball game, so God puts together a choice team from heaven and goes down to hell.

When they come back to heaven, it's with shocking news: they lost the game 52 to 140!

The Virgin Mary is stunned, "How could you possibly lose the game with a team like yours?! Didn't you have the best saints, the most generous souls, the philanthropists and Jesus himself??"

"Yes," fum...

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Larry the horny Cockerel

Farmer goes to market to buy a cockerel to mate with his hens. At the market he sees one going very cheap. The previous owner is very happy to sell it. Back at the farm the cockerel (now named Larry) is set among the henhouse, the farmer goes to bed.
Larry Fucks most of the hens to death, jumps ...

An IT guy goes to hell

When he gets there the devil begins to explain his everlasting torment. "Down here you will wade in scalding magma, always burning and unable to die. There will be noxious fumes that pour into your lungs, you will always be suffocating but always conscious. You will be whipped and flayed and never r...

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A notorious loan shark is driving drunk one night...

As he's speeding down some curvy mountain roads, the shark loses control of the vehicle and crashes head-on into a tree.

When he comes to, the man finds himself lying on a sofa in a fairly modest looking waiting room. Dizzy, he looks around and sees what appears to be a reception desk at the ...

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A boy gets a motorcycle for his 18th birthday

This boy just turned 18, and for his birthday his dad gave him his vintage Harley Davidson and a jar of vaseline. The dad told his son, "Always keep this vaseline on you, and if it ever starts to rain put it on the body of the bike to keep the coat shiny".

The boy is super excited and ride...

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Russian mafioso visits Italian mafioso

They talk about their lifestyles and Italian asks "Hey, do you have newest model of Mercedes?" No, I don't." Admits Russian. "Well, how can you call yourself mafioso if you don't. Russian fumes but doesn't say anything. "And does your house have three storeys?" "No, it does not." "Well, how can you ...

A man goes into a restaurant with his pet snake.

He seats himself at a table, and his snake slithers up onto the seat next to him. Soon, a waitress comes to take his order.

The man declares, "I want 25 hamburgers- two for me and 23 for my pet snake here."

The waitress leaves, and 20 minutes later returns with two plates. On the man's...

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A Drunk Went To A Brothel (long)

A drunk, four sheets to the wind, went to a brothel for some sex. Approaching the colorful brothel and stumbling up the steps, he banged on the door demanding to be let in. The madam opened the door and sized up the drunkard, who stood there weaving and red eyed, alcohol wafting from his breath....

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An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

At Heathrow airport in England...

...a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out and President Putin strode to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth.

They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge
of Central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As ...

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Four men are stranded on a deserted island

After wandering for days, they finally come upon a small shack in the distance. Unsure of its safety, one friend volunteers to investigate while the other three stay behind.

Taking a deep breath, the bravest of the friends walks through the front door and finds a witch waiting for him.
...

A man walks into a bar.

The bartender greets him with, "How about a drink?"

"Thanx. Vodka."

The bartender brings it. "That'll be $5."

"Wait! You offered me a drink and I accepted. Nobody said anything about money."

The man next to him speaks up. "I'm a lawyer and, technically, you entered i...

A bakery owner hires a young, attractive female clerk ...

...who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and spots the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread, pl...

A bird and weed story

In the 1970s, law enforcement officers on the California coast would gather all the confiscated marijuana plants and burn them in a giant incinerator. Terns would fly overhead and inhale the fumes. At the end of the day, they found that no terns were left unstoned.

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Haji comes to the United states

Haji comes to the United States from India, and he's only here a few months when he becomes very ill. He goes to doctor after doctor, but none of them can help him. Finally, he goes to an Indian doctor.

The doctor says, "Take dis bucket, go into de other room, shit in de bucket, piss on de ...

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