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Skunk Jokes

Did you hear about the blind skunk?

He fell in love with a fart.

What did the skunk say when the wind changed direction?

*"It’s all coming back to me now."*

Skunks

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
If skunks had a college
They'd call it P.U.

Ole and Sven are elderly friends who die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks And go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T...

Never ask a skunk for their opinion.

You might get their 2 scents.

My wife found a cute baby skunk on our holiday

She wanted to bring it home. I told they won't let her take it on the plane, she'd need to hide it down her panties.

"But what about the smell?" She asked.
"Well," I said, "If it dies it dies."

How do skunks know who to spray and who not to spray?

Instink

Skunked

A friend of mine got sprayed by a skunk at work today, saying it looked like a baby skunk. And my reply to her was:


Baby skunk pew pew pew pew pew pew

Have you heard the joke about the skunk

Never mind it stinks

What would happen if skunks lost their smell?

They'd become ex-stinked.

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A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road.

The wife gets out and brings it back to the car.

"We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks.

Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."

"But it stinks!" she exclaims.

"So hold its nose!"

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road, and a dead lawyer in the road?

There's skid marks in front of the skunk.

Have you heard the story of the two skunks named In and Out?

They lived in the forest with their mother skunk. And whenever In was in, Out was out. And whenever In was out, Out was in.

One day, when In was out and Out was in, mother skunk said to Out, "Out, I need you to go out and bring In in."

So Out went out and immediately brought In in. <...

A lion walks into a bar and says, "I'm not leaving until I'm drunk as a skunk". Then a tiger walks into the bar and says, "I'm not leaving until I'm drunk as a skunk". Then a skunk walks into the bar. Who leaves first?

Everybody else.

A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner…

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent and the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.

Have you heard about the skunk who went to church?

He had his own pew.

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This man went out with the boys, and told his wife that he would be home by midnight.

At around 3 AM, drunk as a skunk, he headed for home. Just as he got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly he realized she'd probably wake up so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of himself, having a quick, witty solution, even when smashed...

What is a skunk's favorite video game?

Fartnite

Once apon a time, there was a family of skunks

(Good as a bedtime story for kids)

Once apon a time in a hole on the bank of a river near some woods, lived a family of skunks.

There was mummy skunk and her two babies. And the baby skunks were called In and Out.

One day Out said to Mummy skunk, "Mummy, can In and I go out int...

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A couple were out walking their pet skunk...

A couple were out walking their pet skunk and came across a nice pub. The door had a “no pets allowed” sign so the husband said “just put it down your pants, no one will know”. The wife said “what about the smell?” The husband replied, “If it dies, it fuckin dies”.

yesterday I found a broken skunk

it was out of odor.

Philosophy of a skunk

I stink, therefore I am

What’s worse than a skunk on a piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ

It's crazy. One minute you're getting drunk as a skunk, then next thing you know, you're in the back of an ambulance.

I really shouldn't be a paramedic.

What caused the skunk to unload his scent?

Instinct

("in stink" original joke from my seven year old).

There are three skunks. Mama, In, and Out.

In always stays inside, and Out always stays outside.

One day In went out and Out went in.

Mama soon called for the boys, but only Out came.

"Go find your brother." she ordered.

Out came back with In in less than five minutes.

"How did you do it so fast?" Mama as...

What do you call a skunk with a machine gun?

Pepe la Pew-Pew

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The Skunk

One cold night, this couple was driving down the road, and the girl notices this black ball of fur on the side of the road. She makes him pull over, and she sees that it's a skunk that's about to freeze to death. She asks him, "Can we bring him with us in the truck to warm it up?"

He says, "I...

Why cant skunks keep secrets?

Someone's always catching wind of them...

A guy brought home a skunk

His wife said: "what did you do ? Where are you gonna keep it?" Guy said: "under the bed" Wife said: "But what about the smell?" Guy said: "f*** it, let him get used to it like I did"

A skunk walks into a courtroom in the middle of a trial.

The judge immediately shouts, "ODOUR IN THE COURT!"

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Man runs over a skunk...

His wife yells at him to drive back to see if it's still alive...
So they drive back and truly, the skunk was still breathing, so the wife wants to take it to the vet. So she takes it to the car and asks her husband: "Where should I put it?"
The husband says: "I don't know... just hold it betw...

So this guy and his wife are driving home in the rain when a skunk appears...

The guy swerves and strikes the skunk nonetheless. Being an animal lover he stops and assesses the soggy critter. It breathes and he immediately scoops it up. "Quick!" He says to his wife, "warm this skunk in your lap while I drive to the vet!"

"But it's wet and stinky" she protests.
...

What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk?

Law and odor.

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Baby Skunk.

Dave and his wife, Anne, were driving home one very cold night in Wisconsin, when Anne yells at him to stop the car. Anne jumps out and picks up a little bundle that was laying in the road. She brings it back to the car and it turns out it was a baby skunk. It was barely alive, but very cold.
...

Why do skunks have a mercaptan-emitting gland at their rear?

That's where it makes sense.

That poor skunk.

A man and his wife were driving through a blizzard and they pass a skunk freezing on the side of the road. The wife says "That poor skunk it's going to freeze to death we should save it."
"Jeez I'll never hear the end of this if we don't" the husband thinks to himself.
So they turn around a...

Tom was not home at his usual hour and his wife was fuming.

Finally around 3am she heard a noise at the front door and, as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

“Do you realise what time it is?!?” she stammered.

He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because I bought som...

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Three guys die and go to hell...

When they get there they meet the devil, who tells them there's a way to get to heaven. The Devil explains that behind 3 doors are tasks that they must each complete, in whatever order they want, to go to heaven.

Door 1 is a room with 10 virgin ladies, the task is to make them all orgasm in ...

I could not resist buying a skunk today at our local pet store.

It just made so much scents to me.

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An old couple have a pet skunk..

The elderly couple took it for walks every day. One day they came to this bar which had a big sign saying... "No pets allowed," Keen to go inside, she turned to her husband and said. "What shall we do about the pet skunk?" He replied "shove it down your panties, no one will know". She yelled back at...

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A man, a woman, and a skunk.

A husband and wife were returning from visiting relatives out in the country one cold and wintery night, when they came upon an adolescent skunk that appeared injured in the road.

The wife insisted that they stop and render aid to the skunk.

Against his wishes the husband stops and pi...

A blind rabbit and a blind skunk

Two blind animals approach each other having never seen before, they introduce and proceed to ask each other who they are.

Rabbit: I’m sorry but because I’m blind I don’t know what animal you are.

Skunk: I am blind too, shall we touch each other to see what we are?

The skunk beg...

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in the woods...

A hawk, lion, and skunk are gathered in a forest arguing over who is the mightiest of the animals.

The hawk said "I am the mightiest for I can fly way up high and see my prey from far distances."

The lion said "No, I am the mightiest! For I can run the fastest and I am king of the jun...

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I got sprayed in the chest by a skunk so I had my tiny therapist wash my clothes for me.

My shrunk shrink stopped my shirt's skunk stink.

One day a mother skunk

Told her two baby skunks, In and Out, to go outside and play. The two baby skunks did so and where having a great time. The played tag, follow the leader, and tried catching bugs down by the river. Then Out had an idea.

"Let's play hide and seek," Out said. "I'll look for you first!"

O...

A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other.

They both got amnesia from the crash.

"Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused.

"Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..."

"I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!"

"And what am I?" asked the skunk.

"Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smell...

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A man and his wife are driving down the road when they hit a baby skunk.

“It’s still alive!” The wife exclaimed, looking back at the poor skunk.

“Alright, I’ll just go back and hit it again, put it out of its misery,” the husband replied.

“No don’t, it’s just a baby! We have to call the vet!”

The husband waits patiently while the wife gets out to t...

What do you get if you cross an owl with a skunk?

A bird that smells, but doesn't give a hoot!

What did the Italian say when he tested his first successful skunk perfume on a volunteer?

You reek-uh!

OC- as far as I know

A duck, a deer, a skunk and an elephant are sitting in a bar

The end of the night rolls around and the waitress asks who is going to pay the tab.

The duck says that he can't pay because he only has one bill.

The deer says that she had a buck on her last night, but won't have any doe until spring.

The skunk says he can't pay because he onl...

What did the Skunk say at Church?

Let us spray

A cute one I heard from a friend at work.

Three animals walk into a bar; A duck,a skunk and a deer. They go up to the bar and order 3 drinks. "5 dollars" Says the bartender. The deer looks at the duck and says "I don't have a buck to my name!" the skunk cries "I have no money, not even a scent!" but the duck says to the bartender "It's alri...

What do you call a dead skunk?

A stunk.

My daughter made this up when she was about 7 years old. I thought it was incredible clever.

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A guy wakes up, still hungover from the last night...

He notices his wife is being super nice to him - she makes him breakfast in bed, asks him if he needs anything, hums to herself happily.

Confused, he asks his kid: "Psst, hey, what's going on?".

The kid says: "Well, last night you came home drunk as a skunk, kicked the dog, vomited on...

A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert

When they ran into a family of skunks. They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright.

They found all of the skunks to be ok except for one little baby skunk. The wife then asked the husband if they could take the baby skunk to t...

Did you hear about the skunks that started a boy band?

They are calling themselves "The Back Streak Boys"

The Skunk and The Duck

A family of skunks and a family of ducks were crossing the street... Because of the traffic a baby skunk and the baby duck had to stay on the other side of the road as they watched their families walk away. The duck and the skunk started to get upset because they didn't know who they were or what th...

Three skunks are walking down a road...

And they come to a fork in the road. The first skunk says, "My instincts tell me to go to the left." The second skunk says, "My instincts tell me to go to the right." The third skunk says, "Well my end stinks too, but it doesn't talk to me."

Why do skunks celebrate valentines day?

Because they are very scentimental.

A husband and wife are headed to a dinner party.

As they're driving, the husband accidentally runs over a skunk. The wife, all concerned, makes him stop to see if the skunk is okay.

"Honey, it's still alive! We can't just leave it here," the wife says.

"Dear, it's only a skunk. Let's go."

"No. We have to take it to the vet."<...

The big game hunter

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he ...

A frog, a duck, and a skunk want to go to the movies together

A frog, a duck, and a skunk want to go to the movies together. But, when they go up to the ticket booth, the man working there tells them that only the frog and the duck can watch the movie.

"What?! Why can't I?" asks the skunk.

"Well, the movie tickets cost $1 each. The duck has a bil...

My neighbor got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and decided to get an Emotional Support Animal.

His choice? A skunk. His diagnosis? Sociopath.

A duck tries to walk into a bar...

...but he is stopped by the bouncer. "One dollar cover," says the bouncer. The duck has a bill, so he waddles right in.

Five minutes later, a turtle tries to walk into the bar. "One dollar cover," says the bouncer. The turtle has a greenback, so he walks right in.

Five minutes after th...

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As told by the 80-something year-old man at golf league.

My wife and I were driving home from dinner one night when I hit a small animal. "Pull over and see if it's all right." my wife insisted. Turns out that I had hit a baby skunk. My wife, an animal lover, picked up the hurt baby skunk and told me to drive to the animal hospital. As we were driving, sh...

What do you call a cross between a skunk, a wolverine, and a porcupine?

"Sir" from a distance.

Bean Disaster

During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he wa...

On a warm summer morning, a family of ducks and a family of skunks are crossing a country road when...

without warning, a car barrels over a hill and into the path of the animals wiping out both families except for one baby duckling and one baby skunkling. The pair hightail it off the road and find refuge in a hole in a tree. They decide to stick together and support each other in order to survive. T...

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A rabbit is joyfully running through the forest...

...when he stumbles upon a skunk rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the skunk and says, "Skunk my friend, why do you do this? Come and run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The skunk looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rab...

A man sees a skunk on his way home

He picks it up and takes it home, when he gets home he puts it under the bed. His wife walks in and then she says "what are you doing?" and he says "Putting a skunk under the bed." and she says "Well what about the stink?" and he said if "I could deal with it for 15 years so can the skunk."

...

What do you call the Skunk who wears khaki's and goes to private school?

Preppy le Pew

Me and the wife love Skunks and decided to smuggle one home but had to get past border control, the wife says how we going to do this? I said put it down your panties, she said what about the smell?

I said, well if it dies it dies...

A comedian didn't want to disappoint his fans

A comedian didn't want to disappoint his fans, so when a couple asked if he wanted to smoke a joint with them after the show, he said sure.On the drive home, he noticed flashing lights behind him and pulled over.The officer came to the window and asked if he'd been drinking. The comedian said he had...

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Olie & Lena are driving down the road in their Model T...

Suddenly, a mother skunk enters the roadway with her two young babies. Olie can’t stop in time and runs the mother over.

It winter time and Lena jumps out of the car to rescue the two orphans. She gets them back in and they’re shivering:

“Oh, Olie! They’re so cold! What should I do ...

George comes home to his apartment, drunk as a skunk, and says to his roommate Ted, "I just visited Joe's Tavern. It's the best one I ever visited. It even had a solid gold toilet!"

"Cool!" says Ted. He is so excited, he calls up Joe's Tavern. "My roommate told me all about your solid gold toilet!" he says.

"What?" sputters Joe the bartender on the other line. "We don't have a solid gold toilet!"

Ted hangs up the phone. "You must have been drunkenly mistaken," he ...

A comedian's fan offered him a joint

Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car.

The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so.

The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?"

The comedi...

A family goes overseas on a camping holiday

The 2 kids become friendly with a wild skunk. Over the course of the holiday they build up the skunks trust and they are able to handle it, pet it, feed it and play with it. They love the skunk and the skunk loves them.

On the last day of the holiday, the family is packing up their camp site ...

One day a family of squirrels and a family of skunks are crossing the road...

...a car drives by and hits them. The only survivors was a baby squirrel and skunk and from that day on they became the best of friends. Years later, they're walking through the woods together:

Squirrel: Hey, have you ever wondered what we were?

Skunk: Yes, I have.

Squirrel: Ho...

Redneck husband and wife are smuggling a couple skunks across the border.

As they approach the border checkpoint the wife panics..."what do I do with these?!" she exclaims while frantically fumbling the skunks
"Quick now Mary Ann, hide them under your skirt!" said the red-neck husband in between his beer chug.
"Now, now whattabout the gadaym stink?!" says Mary Ann.....

In and Out

(Part joke and part tongue-twister - lots of fun to tell out loud.)

Once upon a time, a mama skunk had twin baby skunks, who she named In and Out.

One day when they were just wee skunks, In and Out went out to play. At lunchtime, Mama Skunk poked her head out and called out, "In and O...

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Jim and Sarah were driving around the countryside

when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Sarah. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, the skunk will get used to it."

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First time deer hunter

Two deer hunters went hunting one morning and it was the first hunt for one of them. The seasoned hunter told the newbie to set here at this tree and don't move no matter what happens or you will scare the deer away. Okay I won't move the newbie said. After several hours the seasoned hunter mad...

There was once an old trapper drinking in a tavern.

He didn't have much money, so he loudly made a bet to every one in the room,"Blind fold me and bring me any pelt! I'll tell you what animal it was and how you killed it! If I'm right, you buy me a drink. If I'm wrong, drinks on me!"

The first taker stepped up to the bar. "Alright, old man. ...

What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

Odor in the court!!!

My friend and I were in the car the other day and I said I smelled weed. He said 'It's just a skunk'

Can you believe it? He thought a skunk was smoking weed.

Before going to a party, my dad gave me some advice.

"Son," he said, "I want you to stop drinking at midnight. OK?"

"OK." I sighed, closing the front door.

I came back home at 3:15am, opened the front door, and he was waiting for me on the sofa.

"Alright there, daddy!" I shouted.

"*Daddy*?" he frowned. "You're drunk as a sk...

A man and his wife...

A man and his wife are making the long drive back to their rural farm late one wintry evening. While still some distance from home, a mother skunk and her kit dart in front of the car, and unfortunately, the mother skunk is killed instantly. The wife insists that her husband stop the car, which he d...

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A nun walks in to a liquor store

(this is the best joke my drunk dad ever told me)

A nun walks in to a liquor store while dressed in her habit and grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels. When she gets to the counter, the clerk looked a little more than surprised. She told him, "don't worry, it's medicinal. It's for Mother Superior's...

What's the Difference Between Guts and Balls?

Guts is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk meeting your wife at the door with a broom in her hand and asking her if she's still cleaning the house or going out for a ride.

Balls is coming home late from the bar, drunk as a skunk with lipstick all over your face and the scent of w...

Oooo, that smell (LONG)

A load of chickens in their pickup bed, Sven and Tina are enjoying a quiet ride to the market when Sven accidentally runs over a skunk.

"Oh Sven, you've gotta stop," Tina says. "That was a momma skunk, and her babies are crying by the roadside."

Sven mumbles under his breath, but smile...

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A man enters a bar

He's completely wasted, drunk like a skunk. The bartender looks at him and says, "Whoah dude, you look like shit! What's up?" - "Yeah... hicc... You know I hve... hicc... been flat hunting for like... hicc... fourteen... days..." - "Ah, yeah, I can relate" says the bartender. "What kind of a flat ar...

Two blonde girls met on a road ...

\-Hey..I heard that you broke up with your boyfriend, aren't you bit lonely now?-ask one.

\-No,I bought a skunks and now he is licking my...

\-Oww...but it does not stink ?

\-yehh,he was throwing up for 2 weeks but then he get used to it.

So an Amish couple are in their horse and buggy going down the road during a blizzard...

The woman spots a skunk lying in the road. She turns to her husband and says, "Honey, pull over, he must be freezing!"

So the husband pulls over and the wife gets out and gets the skunk and get on their way again.

After about 5 minutes, she says to her husband, "Oh honey, he is still s...

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Two nuns go into a liquor store

And ask for a fifth of Jack Daniels.

The clerk looks stun and says, "It is unusual to see nuns buying liquor."

The nuns say, "It is for Mother Superiors constipation." The clerk seems OK with it so he sells them the fifth of liquor. Several hours later he closes the store and after w...

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Jesus Loves Fish

God went to Adam one day and said:

"Hey man, who has been shitting near the Durian fruit I created last week. I told you guys not to disturb new creations for a week, at least. Now they will smell like shit for all eternity. They need a week undisturbed. Anything you add to them before that c...

A hunter sat in a bar.

A hunter walks into a bar, bragging that he can recognize any kind of animal skin by touch alone. When no one seems impressed he adds that he's also able to identify the exact weapon used to kill the animal.

This intrigues the other guests and they decide to put his boast to the test. After w...

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