Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

Bernie said he's going to legalize marijuana on his first day in the Whitehouse

On his second day he'll legalize it everywhere else.

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain. In other words...

...there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

The Bible is not against marijuana

It says," if a man lays with another man, he must be stoned".

Why did the cows return to the Marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

I'm fine with alchohol, cigarettes and marijuana

But coccaine is where I draw the line

Why do they call it possession of marijuana?

They should call it joint custody

In college I experimented with marijuana. I did it in snow and I did it in sleet

But I did not in hail

Apparently the French have their own alternative for marijuana.

They call it “ouid”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Many local governments have begun to legalize marijuana, with the exception it's not taken in conjunction with laxatives...

They say citizens need to shit, or get off the pot.

I applied for a job at a marijuana dispensary, and was surprised to learn that I would have to take a drug test.

I hope it's multiple choice. I tested meth, crack, *and* weed.

The officer was blunt about what happens to marijuana smokers

He takes them to the joint.

The dispensaries in California have teams devoted to rolling up marijuana.

It's a joint effort.

If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss,

Then what does smoking marijuana do?

Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?

The steaks are too high.

What did Mr. Marijuana say to Mrs. Marijuana when she asked if her dress makes her look fat?

"I'll be blunt..."

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

Marijuana and coffee are my favorite combination.

They're the reason ice mocha lot of weed

I watched a documentary on marijuana last night.

I really enjoyed it. From now on that's how i'm going to watch all documentaries.

What do you call a place where marijuana is legal but alcohol isn't?

High and dry.

I do a magic show where I make Marijuana and Cocaine disappear.

It’s all just a bunch of smoke and mirrors.

What's the difference between legal and illegal marijuana?

One comes from the farm, other from the pharm

Who called it a marijuana field...

... and not the high ground?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you masturbate after smoking marijuana...

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where all occupants in a car had been killed

As he looked through the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey, let out a deep sigh and said, "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"Wait, You can under...

Obi-Wan Kenobi started a marijuana dispensary on Tatooine. What's it called?

The High Ground.

When two marijuana dispensaries are unable to increase sales by changing location,

they have reached hash equilibrium.

Where does a Marijuana Seller put his profits?

In a Joint account

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can you send marijuana through the post?

First Grass.

My brother and I sell marijuana.

We keep out money in a joint account.

Scientists have synthesized a drug which is 100 times stronger than Marijuana.

That's what I'd call high-tech.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor prescribed me Medical Marijuana and Viagra

Now I sleep hard

If Americans in Niagara Falls want to get to Canada for legal marijuana...

They have to take the 420 Highway!

(It’s actually true. Look it up.)

Can you believe marijuana is still illegal in Jamaica?

Bob Marley must be rolling in his grave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you masturbate after smoking marijuana....

Is it high-jacking or weed-whacking?










Edit: Front and Gold. Thank you.

Edit 2: if this is in fact a repost, I apologise. I honestly am not sure if somebody else posted this before.

years ago the devils lettuce was a term for marijuana

now it's romaine

Why does a failed physicist smokes marijuana?

Because as he gets high he increases his potential.

Police are looking for a man selling marijuana to birds.

Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.

A French man asked me if I wanted some marijuana.

I *oui*’d.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

FDA No longer allows patients to be prescribed laxatives and medicinal marijuana

Apparently you need to either shit, or get off the pot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

By previously legalizing same-sex marriage and now Marijuana, Canada have finally interpreted the bible correctly:

Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lies with another man he should be stoned."

What do you call a team of DEA or Police who raids a marijuana grow-house?

A Joint Task Force

Smoking marijuana has imbued me with cat-like abilities.

For example, just one brightly colored piece of paper can now entertain me for hours.

Did you hear about the cow that was shot for grazing in the marijuana patch?

The steaks have never been higher.

Using marijuana can cause memory loss.

Or even worse, memory loss

As a farmer, I started feeding my cows marijuana.

But, I had to sell them because the steaks were too high.

How did the pothead propose to his GF?

"Marijuana?"

What do you call gift-wrapped marijuana?

Pretty dope.

If the Mexican Drug Cartel had a slogan

It would be "Putting the 'Juan' in 'Marijuana'"

I helped my wife design her marijuana costume for the fancy dress party.

It was a joint effort.

I have a bank account specifically for my marijuana purchases.

I call it my Joint bank account.

So, there is this new strain of Marijuana called Grassy Knoll...

It is sure to blow your mind

Jack and Jill went up a hill.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, took off her dress and they had some fun.

But silly Jill forgot her pills and now they have a son.

What did the man have to say about his Australian beverage with marijuana in it?

It's pretty-high-koala-tea.

I told my wife I was gonna start smoking pot. She said if I did she'd leave me. I guess it's true what they say...

Marijuana truly is an effective way to get rid of aches and pains.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I masturbate with this marijuana infused lotion is it considered grassturbating?

Or maybe masturbaking?

Why was the internet slow at the Chinese marijuana Farm?

Because it is run with a high Ping.

A message from Canada, to all Americans who are jealous about the recent marijuana legalization.

Sorry.

My friend's parents run a marijuana bakery.

They make cookies, brownies, scones, the works. But my friend is odd. He will only eat edibles made by his mother, and he never touches edibles made by his father.



I think he has an edible complex.

Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical marijuana store

I’ll call it glazed and confused

I joined a march today for the legalization of marijuana. Well, it started off as a march, but after a while...

...it turned into a wander.

Why do bakers in marijuana dispensaries have a hard time keeping their jobs?

Because of the high turnover.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new stipulation which would have allowed medical marijuana to be prescribed for constipation was rejected in Congress today...

The Congressman’s closing remarks were “shit or get off the pot”

Four farmers are feeding their chickens

The first farmer asks, "So, how do y'all like your chicken?"

The second farmer says, "I like mine roasted with some herbs and spices."

The third farmer says, "I like mine deep fried with some biscuits and gravy."

The fourth farmer takes out a bag of marijuana and feeds it to his...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

Recreational marijuana is legal in 10 out of the 50 states.

That's 4/20th of the United States.

New marijuana research reveals that it cures...

Symptoms of motivation by up to 95%.

A DEA agent drives out to a farm to investigate rumours they are growing marijuana.

He approaches the farmer and shows him his warrant explaining that he will be searching the property.

Farmer: Okay, do what you gotta do. Just don't cross that fence over there.

Agent: See this warrant? It says i go where I want to. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

Farmer: Do what you got...

A few partners and myself are planning to open a combination chiropractic office and marijuana dispensary.

It's going to be a joint joint joint joint joint.

Trump legalizes marijuana to pay for the wall with the tax revenues.

This really stirred the pot.

Cops raided my home and found some marijuana shrubs in my greenhouse. They asked me how it got there

I told them they were clearly planted there

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone should really put marijuana butter on popcorn and sell it...

they could call it Mari Poppins.

If the marijuana dispensary gets flooded...

...is that considered high water?

I heard about this farmer who was feeding his cows marijuana so they would be happier and produce more offspring.

I can't recommend it because the steaks would be too high.

I saw a road that is full of people who smokes marijuana.

It's called a highway.

A colleague of mine asked what I do for a living

I said "I sell marijuana."

He replied, "So you're a drug dealer?"

"No. I'm a florist."

A rancher turned weed farmer lost half a million dollar worth of his Marijuana crop to cattle.

The rancher had tried a novel idea of planting Marijuana in the grazing range as cows normally don't eat Marijuana. Unfortunately for him the cows developed a special predilection for the supposedly weed plant. The rancher is devastated but he was well aware that the steaks were high.

The decision ...

“The decision to legalize marijuana was made by a high government official.”

Instead of marijuana dispensaries why don't they just call it..

Grass stations

The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana".

It's hard on your joints.

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

The US Military today confirmed that two marijuana users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.

Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

My friend gave his horse marijuana thinking it would make him run faster.

I asked him to get off his high horse immediately.

Please, please don't start growing marijuana on your cattle farm

The steaks are too high

Divorced couples in Colorado are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana...

The judges have started issuing joint custody

I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow, addressed to, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of al...

I accidentally let my cows graze in a patch of marijuana, and if anyone finds out I could lose everything.

The steaks have never been higher.

According to experts, I've heard that marijuana can stop seizures...

And now, according to the CDC, romaine lettuce can stop Caesar's.

Why did Mike Tyson plant marijuana instead of corn?

He was afraid he'd eat all of the ears.

The phone rings at the local police station. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Craig. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, policemen descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey...

A local casino is offering marijuana infused beef to their best bettors.

That’s really high steaks for their high rollers.

What do you call a Scot man that smokes marijuana?

A Highlander

Medical Marijuana isn't a new concept.

We've been using smoke to cure things for centuries.

Chris Rock, The Rock, and Kid Rock walk into a marijuana dispensary

*something about being stoned*

I tried.

I’m okay with smoking marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

I thought marijuana was the devil's lettuce

But now it's legal and Romaine is banned

What do you get when you discover a communist smoking marijuana?

High Marx.

A comedian's fan offered him a joint

Not wanting to disappoint his fans, he accepted it. He almost finished the drive to his lodging when a police officer stopped his car.

The officer asked him, "Have you been drinking?" The comedian denied doing so.

The officer then asked, "Is that marijuana I smell?"

The comedi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fox is trying to relax on his day off, so he decides to roll a joint...

While he's rolling it up, a rabbit passes by and sees him in the act.

"Hey fox! What you doing bro? Smoking weed? You know that stuff is bad for you! Let's go for a run instead! Running is healthy, and there's no better feeling than health!"

The fox, slightly embarrassed of his smoking...

How did the stoner feel when he jumped into a vat of marijuana infused vodka?

He was in high spirits

I did an exam on marijuana and ballistic weaponry.

Scored high on the first part, but bombed the second.

I finally got around to buying marijuana stocks. They went down in flames at least as fast as any other pot I have ever bought.

I need a joint

If I eat a Marijuana edible

Will I get a pot belly?

The IRS has made a major announcement.

All Marijuana Dealers must file a joint tax return.

Two Marijuana dispensaries created a merger deal, becoming one.

To be blunt, the stakes were high, but they were hopeful as it was a joint venture.

Farmers these days need to feed their cows marijuana to create a better tasting steak than their competitors

It seems these days the steaks could never be higher.

Why did Obi Wan Kenobi fertilize his lawn with marijuana?

He wanted the high ground.

They have launched a new marijuana app up here in Canada, but it is very annoying.

It keeps sending you kush notifications.

I am starting a company to produce and sell Marijuana infused meat.

Our motto is "A pot in every chicken."

What’s the difference between NSFW jokes and smoking marijuana?

The latter made me cough so hard I laughed.

What does Notre Dame and Marijuana have in common?

They both get smoked in a bowl

I love that marijuana is now legal in Canada.

It's really dope.

A farmer invested 10 million USD towards research on marijuana effects on cows.

The steak were high

Now that Marijuana is legal in Canada, I decided to get job in the industry.

So far it's a pretty kushy place to work.

I think medical marijuana is really good...

... for joints.

I'll see myself out.

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