Scientists have been studying the effect of cannabis on sea birds…

They’ve left no tern unstoned…

Q: What do you call cannabis plants that grow in 1 day?

A: insta-pot

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By legalizing Cannabis and same-sex marriage we finally interpreted the Bible correctly:

**"A man who lays with another man should be stoned."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]

I invested all of my money on cannabis infused beef.

The steaks are high

Did you hear about the cattle farmer that experimented with feeding his cow cannabis?

The results were promising at first but it turned out the steaks were too high.

Do French people smoke cannabis?

oui'd

Have you heard about the cannabis-infused tea for marsupials?

It’s high Koala tea

A father passing by his sons bedroom was

astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and...

Apparently smoking cannabis can affect your short term memory

Well if that’s true, what do you think smoking cannabis does?

A dumb joke I thought of a couple weeks ago.

A truck carrying cows and a truck carrying cannabis get into a car accident. Neither party can agree on who’s fault the accident was, so they hire a detective. This is the detective’s first day on the job and his boss tells him, “If you can solve this case you get a promotion, however if you fail yo...

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The is Cannabis club for gays near my place.

Gay men get stoned there.

Its called THE ENITRE FUCKIN MIDDLE EAST.

Groundbreaking new studies reveal that cannabis can be used to treat both erectile dysfunction in men and infertility in women.

Humanity can now reproduce by budding.

With cannabis being legal for over a year in canada, every province has access to weed except Quebec.

They only get oui'd

When Obi-Wan retired, he bought an island, he got married, he built a house, and most importantly, he started growing cannabis.

He now had a high ground.

Why did the cattle rancher give up his small cannabis farm?

The steaks were getting too high.

The Quoran is like cannabis.

If you burn it, you get stoned

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors. There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. ...

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Love to smoke cannabis but I need to quit, it makes me constipated. So I guess I either...

...shit or get off the pot.

A herd of cattle got into a cannabis farm and began to graze...

When asked how serious the situation was, the owner responded, "the steaks have never been higher!"

With cannabis now legal in my country, we would be remiss not to discuss the negative impacts of smoking weed. For example, after smoking...

...you have less weed.

I'm thinking of leaving the rat race and becoming a cannabis farmer.

It's a kushy job.

It's pretty strange, doctors are now prescribing cannabis for arthritis sufferers...

I mean, the definition of arthritis is "inflammation of the joints"

A cop see's a suspicious teenager driving erratically,and pulls him over

The policeman notices the drivers red eyes, and the smell of cannabis on his breath, so asks him if he's been smoking pot

The teenager says "Yeah, but I've got a prescription for it"

"What's the prescription for? inquires the officer

"Anxiety, but I only get it when a cop pulls ...

Why did the cows have to flee the farm's cannabis field?

Because the steaks were high when the pigs rolled in...

What do you call it when a Cambodian dictator opens up a restaurant in his Cannabis plantation?

Pol Pot's Pot Plot Hot Pot.

Tomorrow's weather forecast for Canada is in, just in time for cannabis legalization

It's going to be cloudy with a chance of Doritos.

Even the best farmers or engineers failed to develop a brand of cannabis-fed beef meat

The steaks were too high

I once knew a rapper who used cannabis infused citrus as chewing tobacco

He spat some dope limes

As a muslim, I don't get why cannabis is so popular

I mean, why do you want to get stoned?

If a courtroom's flora was only cannabis plants

Would that make it a high court?

A cop stopped a man smoking cannabis while driving

The officer asked "how high are you?"
The man replied "no officer, its hi how are you"

In a historic day for Canada, Ontario held a Provincial Election on the same day the Senate passed the Cannabis Legalization Act.

Turnout was high.

Why is cannabis sometimes called Arabian Crime?

It gets you stoned

I thought I was in heaven when I happened upon a shack in the middle of the desert. It had a sign that read, 'Cannabis Hut, get baked for free!'

Apparently, cannibals can't spell very well.

A Centrist, Leftist, and Rightist Walk into a bar

The Bartender Says "Blue Moon or Red Wine?"

"Blue Moon" says the leftist.

"Red Wine" says the rightist.

"Red Wine with cannabis oil" says the Centrist.

Helping your neighbour South African Style

Hello, is this the South African Police?”
“Eish-Yes. What you want?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga (Cannabis) inside his firewood.”
“Eeeh-Yes…Thank you for your co-operasheen and informasheen in combating crime and violence, in our society su...

A lizard was walking through the jungle...

...and he comes across a monkey sitting in a tree, smoking a joint. The lizard, being curious, asks the monkey what he was smoking. The monkey replies that he's smoking weed and the Lizard asks if he could try some as he's never had it before. The monkey allows it. After a few tokes, the Lizard beco...

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A koala and a lizard smoke a joint in a tree

After they finish the joint, they both are feeling pretty lit. The lizard says "man, my cottonmouth is out of control, I need to go get a drink". He leaves to go get a drink. An alligator walks by smells the sweet scent of cannabis still lingering in the air. He sees koala up in a tree, but before h...

I was carefully measuring out a dab of Cannabis extract for my roommate, when she said,

"Did you remember to-- Oh, nevermind; you're concentrating."

Deer Hunter

A hunter was stalking a deer on the ridge across from him when he noticed the deer was somewhat wobbly and seemed to be squinting. Looking carefully through his rifle scope, he soon realized that the big buck was standing in the middle of a patch of marijuana, happily chewing away. Taking careful ...

What do you call a potato that's high?

[A baked potato.](http://www.spudstravels.com/Travel%20Archive/Caribbean/Jamaica_images/Cannabis%20-%20close.jpg)

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Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones going through Heathrow Airport gets pulled aside by the Immigration officer...

"Mr Jagger, have you any illegal substances in your possession currently? Purple Hearts? Acid? Cannabis?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"You got here half an hour before the fucking plane!"

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