A doctor heard a funny noise coming from his water heater and called the plumber.

The plumber listened for a few moments, pulled out a hammer and gave it 2 light taps.

“It’s fixed,” he says and hand the doctor an invoice.

“$150 the doctor screams? You were here 10 minutes – that’s $900 an hour. I’m a doctor and I only make a 3rd of that.”

The plumber said,” Y...

Staying busy with quarantine and just replaced my leaking water heater.

It's a tankless job, but somebody has to do it.

My wife hated the heater I bought

But she warmed up to it

My friend said nobody likes using space heaters.

I thought, that's such a blanket statement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife asks her husband....

A wife asks her husband "Honey, what do you want for breakfast?"

Husband: " I want sex" and he starts fucking her, finishes, and goes out for some errand.

...

Time passes by and its noon and the wife comes to her husband again.

Wife: "Honey, what do you want for lunch?...

An uncle of mine used to throw a space heater into the pool to heat it up before he would go swimming during the colder months

Come to think of it, he only did it once

I bought a new heater for my wife, as she is constantly complaining about how cold our house is.

She didn't like it at first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.

My girlfriend this morning: "Men were made to be heaters. Warm me up"

"Why do you think man discovered fire? So we can get out of these responsibilities"

God calls Satan.

"Hey, I think we misplaced an engineer and he ended up in Hell."

"Yeah, Carl. Been doing a wonderful job. We finally got an AC system up and running and the heaters are fixed. He even designed an auto-poker for the pitchfork teams."

"Send him back here, he belongs in Heaven."

"Y...

How many hipsters does it take to fix a heater?

None. They did it before it was cool.

One night an old Scottish man was going to the pub

like he had done for the last 40 years.
He told his wife “Molly go and put on your coat”
Molly was delighted. “Awwww James are you finally taking me with you to the pub, after all these years! You always say You don’t want we there!!”
“No Molly, I’m just going to turn off the heater while ...

Why did Jim buy his friend a space heater?

It was a housewarming gift!

I like jokes about airconditioners, but jokes about heaters?

Not cool.

Space heaters are such a waste of electricity

I’m on Earth.

I hired a plumber to install on-demand water heaters in my house

It was a tankless job

Want to know why I like space heaters?

"They make great housewarming gifts"

A drunk man walks into a music store...

...and slurs: "I want to buy the trumpet and the accordion there".
The seller replies: "Sorry, I'm not selling those".

The drunk man starts grunting and leaves the store.
The next day he comes back and says: I want to buy the instruments there!
The seller reacts annoyed: Not. for. sa...

How does ISIS turn on their water heater?

They light the pilot on fire.

How did NASA decide to keep the ships warm on board?

Space heaters

Why don't plumbers like to work on instant hot water heaters?

It's a tankless job!

A redditor come back home

A redditor come back home just to find all of his heaters are gone but doesn't know who took them

Ole and Sven go to Hell

Ole and Sven, ignoring the -60 degree windchill warnings, froze to death while ice fishing in northern Minnesota and descend to Hell.

Coming to check on his new arrivals from up North, Satan is surprised to find Ole and Sven enjoying themselves, finally removing coats and hats that they've ...

What does a Dutchman do when he's cold?

He sits by the heater.

What does he do when he's very cold?

He turns the heater on.

Saw 1st signs of spring today.

Two crackheads were carrying a space heater into the pawn shop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was trying to figure out how to pronounce Peter Buttigieg’s name.

Then I was told it rhymes with “Heater.”

Wife comes home late at night.

Susan had been away on business all week, but was able to come home a day early due to catching a red-eye flight. When she gets in, she tiptoes up to the bedroom, being as quiet as possible to not wake her husband.

Then, she notices something odd. Where there should only be one set of legs, ...

The story of the freezing kayaker

Once there was a man who liked to kayak during the winter, paddling along looking at the beautiful snow-covered scenery. Of course, it would get very cold out, so he would get very cold too.

One day he had an idea about how to keep warm. He sawed his kayak down the middle lengthwise and str...

Nun takes a vow of silence

A woman joins a convent that requires a vow of silence, allowing members only two word a decade.

Ten years go by and the woman tells the head nun, "Room cold." They give her a heater and she goes back to her prayers.

Ten more years go by and she says, "Bed hard." They give her a new ma...

How do churches make holy water?

Turn their water heaters up so high they boil the hell out of it

A one-liner a came up with.

I recently bought a superconducting electric heater... I was not impressed!

Tiger, Lance and Tom walk into a cold bar...

"Heaters," the bartender cries in frustration, "I told him to send me heaters!"

How do aliens stay warm?

Space heater.

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