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A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a ...

A sign in male toilet:

# Dear Gentlemen! Don't flatter yourself, step closer.

An engineer had a sign in front of his clinic that said, "Medical consultation for only $50. If I can't make you better, I will pay you $100."

A doctor, knowing he can stump the engineer and wanting to get some cash, goes straight to the engineer. "Hey," he says. "I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste any food anymore."

The engineer takes a small bottle from his drawer, told the doctor to take his tongue out, and put 15 drops of t...

Chuck Norris parks his car in a no parking zone to buy some groceries. When he returns to his car, he sees a cop standing there. „Is that your car?“, he asks.

„Yes, what‘s the problem?“, asks Chuck.

The cop points at the big no-parking sign and says: „Sorry Sir, it looks like we put that sign in the wrong place.“

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Two monks are setting up a sign in front of their monastery

The sign reads ”Beware! The End is near! Turn around now before it is too late!"

A car full of atheists drives by at full speed, and the atheists yell at the monks "Go fuck yourselves you lame ass religious nuts!"

Suddenly there's a sound of screeching tires, terrified screams and a sp...

My buddy has a sign in his driveway that says "Chevy parking only". I drive a Grand Caravan.

Needless to say, I've been Dodging the guy.

Sign in a pawn shop window

"We value your presents."

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A 'down and out' sees a sign in the window of a well known Jazz Bar saying 'pianist wanted'

So he decides to go inside and enquire. The owner takes one look and is immediately put off by the man's dishevelled appearance as his bar is pretty high brow. The man says 'please, give me a chance, before my life took a turn for the worst I was a pretty successful Jazz pianist'.

'Okay' says...

Sign in a bar

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich : $ 5.50
Chicken Sandwich : $ 12.50
Hand Job : $60.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes...

A sign in a music shop

A sign in a music shop:

Gone chopin. Bach in a minuet

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A man saw a sign in a yard that said "Talking dog for sale $10"

He laughs and says "Yeah right, I gotta check this out". He knocks on the door and an old man answers. The guy says "I saw the sign for the talking dog for sale". Old man says "Yep, he's out back". They walk around to the back and the old man leads the guy to the fenced in area where the dog is slee...

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A man driving down the road sees a sign in front of a house that says “$5 for talking dog”

The man is perplexed and decides to pull over to investigate. After parking he walks up to the porch where a man is sitting in a rocking chair enjoying the day.

The driver asks “I saw your sign about a talking dog? Where can I see this dog?”

To which the man rocking simply points to th...

The scariest sign in the world...

"Circumcisions 40% off"

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So a Chinese man walks into a dry cleaner and points to the ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the front window.

The man says, “Me job! Me job!”

The owner mutters to himself, ‘I really don’t want to hire this guy. He can’t even speak English!’

The man says again, “Me job!”

The owner looks straight at the man and says, “I’ll tell you what. If you can use um three words….uh, Pink, Green a...

Sign in a store window...

Our credit manager is Helen Wait. If you want credit go to Helen Wait.

[NSFW] I went by a brothel and there was a sign in the window

it said "We're closed, so beat it."

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A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

On Soviet Twitter, you cannot sign in with email

You can only use your ussrname

Two Irishmen walk past a shop window with a sign in it that says, ‘Suits £2 Shirts £1.50!!!’

One Irishman nudges the other with excitement and says, “We are going to make our fortune here today”, and they enter the shop excitedly.

They walk up to the counter and one of the Irishmen says “Can we get 50 suits and 50 shirts please?”

The lady behind the counter looks at them with...

I saw a sign in my school.

It said
“Time passes, will you?”
I thought to myself
“Not on my watch!”
And removed the batteries from it.

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A man sees a sign in front of a bar that states "Free Beer For 1 Year Inquire Inside"

The man goes inside and sits down at the bar, and asks the bartender about the sign he saw out front. The bartender informs him that all he has to do is complete 3 tasks, and the bar will give him free beer for one year. The man asked what the tasks were and the bartender responded. First you need t...

I went to a pet store today and put a large "CHAMELEON" sign in front of an empty cage.

Stand back and watch the fun.

What did the Redditor say when he saw a sign in pieces?

Edit: This post blew up!

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Saw a sign in a pet shop window today for a talking centipede, for only $500.00! I thought to myself, "What a bargain!" and I took it home in a little box...

When we got home, I opened it up and asked the centipede if it would like to go down to the bar for a beer, but the centipede didn't answer.

A couple of minutes later, I asked again, but still no response.

I started to get a little ticked off, thinking, maybe this little bugger can't ...

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A London lawyer runs a stop sign in Dublin and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda...

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London , and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense!!
Irish Garda says,' License and registration, please.'
London La...

The Doctor and the Rich Man

An immigrant doctor decided to start his own clinic one day.
He put a sign in front of it that says if he can't cure your illness, he'll give you 100 dollars. If he can, you have to pay 20 dollars.
A young rich man passes by, sees the sign, and thinks it's a good opportunity to earn 100 bu...

A doctor sees a “brains for sale” sign in front of a shop.

He goes in and sees a doctor’s brain is $8 a pound, paramedic brain is $12 a pound, nurses brain is $30 a pound, truck driver is $40, and a lawyer brain is $90 a pound. He asks the person behind the cash register, “Why is a doctor brain worth $8 a pound but a lawyer brain is worth $90?” The cashier ...

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I read a sign in a bathroom stall that said, “Do not flush foreign bodies. Toilet paper only.”

Beneath it someone had written, “No shit?”

A guy sees a sign in a window of a house that reads,"talking dog for sale."

Intrigued,he walks in.

"So,what have you done with your life?"He asks the dog.

"I've lived a very full life,"says the dog."I've lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims.Then I served my country in Iraq.And now I spend my days reading to elderly people in a retirement home."

...

The sign in the bathroom at Kentucky Fried Chicken said...

..."Employees must lick fingers before returning to work."

Unfortunate sign in discount warehouse near a retirement community:

Shop till you drop!

A man gets pulled over for running a stop sign in the middle of the night.

Officer says "Evening sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?" Man says "Yeah I guess I kind of rolled through that stop sign. It's late and there's no traffic so I just slowed down instead of stopping. No big deal right?" Officer thinks for a moment and then begins punching the man repeatedly in th...

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A bar needs a new pianist, so the owner puts up a sign in the window. “Pianist wanted, apply within”.

A couple of hours later, a young man walks in, and says he is there to apply. The owner sits him down at the piano, and the man breaks out into the most beautiful song ever heard.

The owner immediately wants to hire him, and out of curiosity, asks him the name of the song.

“Well... i...

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