UPJOKE
log onlogincomputer systemintowhichtheonfromofwithintoeitherwhereaor

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter โ€˜penis.โ€™

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password.
She then almost died laughing at the computerโ€™s response:
PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH!

How do trees access the internet?

They log in.

I can cut a log in half just by looking at it.

I know it's hard to believe but I saw it with my own two eyes.

Why is it called penetration and not

Log in!

I log in facebook to see that everyone is at the bar...

I go to the bar to see that everyone is on facebook.

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

Two men are walking the woods.

They come across a large hole the ground, several meters across and apparently bottomless.

After examining the hole for a moment, they decide to throw something into the hole to see how long it takes for it to hit the bottom. The first man throws in a pebble, and after a long pause hears noth...

I've got a high tech toilet that's connected to the Wi-Fi and I just received a notification.

There was an unexpected log in...

TIL: If you sit on your hand until you can't feel it anymore

and log in to your online banking system. It feels like someone else is paying your bills.

How do lumberjacks work from home?

They Log In

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Two Communist leaders - one happy, one sad - met in a hallway

"Boris, why the long face?", the happy one asked. "Cheer up!"

"Easy for you to say, Andrei", the sad one replied. "I've just been given an order from the very top. I'm supposed to figure out which of the Party members are secretly Christians and arrest them. But how am I supposed to do that?"...

Maybe I should delete Reddit

because everytime I log in, I feel pointless.

Why do you need a password to make a camp fire?

So you can log in.

Happy birthday!

A drug dealer has been in prison for a few years, when he seemingly has a change of heart and asks to speak with a DEA agent.

He says to the agent, "My father's got a farm out in the country. Behind this house, there's a big ole wood pile. I hit a stash of money and drugs inside one of the l...

Senior Computer Security?

Senior Computer Security?

My memory is going Mildred, so I changed my password to โ€œIncorrect.โ€ That way when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell meโ€ฆ โ€œYour password is incorrectโ€.

I tried joining a lumberjack site for some strength tips

I couldn't log in.

If Kenny Loggins forgets his WiFi password...

Ken he log in?

There once was a snake breeder...

There once was a snake breeder who had two snakes he was trying to mate. For the life of him, he couldn't get them within two feet of each other. Frustrated, he called up the local zoologist, and explained the situation. She hurried over, picked up the snakes and looked at them. "You know what I wou...

Dave wanted to go hunting for the first time by himself, yet he was afraid that he would get lost.

"I've got an idea!" Dave said. "I'll take this bottle of Jack Daniels with me." (Jack Daniels is a brand alcohol for those of you that don't know.)

He goes on his hunting trip, and before you know it, he gets lost.

Days later, a search party was dispatched to find Dave, but a week pass...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐‘ป๐’๐’“๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’†โ€ฆ ๐‘บ๐’‚๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’Ž๐’‘๐’‰๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’›๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ...

Bob, Tom and Jeff are walking through the forest.

They come across a large hole in the ground. Jeff picks up a stone and throws it into the hole.

They listen closely and never hear the stone hit bottom.

Bob goes over and put picks up a larger rock, needs two hands to throw this rock down the hole.

They listen closely and nev...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Password reset

A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.

"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"

"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."

"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"...

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