UPJOKE
bathtubbathingbatheshower bathbathroomrainbathspraypartytubwashingbedwashtoiletlaundry

Showering Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and Ted are showering after a workout when George notices that Ted's penis is about nine inches long.

"You were lucky to be blessed with such a huge penis!" says George.

"I wasn't blessed," replies Ted. "I had to work for it. I did it by masturbating once every day for two years, using butter as a lubricant. I know it sounds crazy, but this thing used to be only five inches long!"

"Tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering

An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: "Mom, what is that on your chest?"

The mother says: "Nothing important sweetie, you'll get them too when you are older!"

Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad's dick and asks: "What's tha...

I stopped showering or changing my clothes, as a precaution against COVID-19.

If anybody gets within six feet of me, I know they must have lost their sense of smell.

I used to be addicted to showering…

I got clean.

Three boys are hanging around a farm trying to get a glimpse of the farmer's daughter showering.

The farmer notices them and he grabs his shotgun. They run and hide in the barn, each in one sack. The farmer arrives at the barn, and notices the 3 sacks.

He kicks one. From the sack, a sound comes out: Meow!

"Must be a cat." He moves on.

Kicks the second sack: Woof! Wo...

A guy goes to confession and tells the priest that he committed all 7 deadly sins in one day.

He says "I was trying to get money together for the perfect house and someone bought it first. I got so angry and envious that I disguised myself as the utilities man and went over while he was at work. I seduced his wife and when she was showering I stole all the cash and jewelry I could find. Then...

I'm 60 days clean now.

It's been hard showering every day, but thankfully I had heroin to help me through it.

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mail carrier is about to retire…

So he puts a note in all of his mailboxes letting people know that his last day would be at the end of the week.

On his last day, neighbors were showering him with gifts and praise for his many years of faithful service.

As he approaches a house in his route, he realizes that he’s ne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

Two priests are showering

Two priests are showering when one says to the other “Damn I’m out of soap”

The other priest says “I’ll go to my office and get some”.

So the priest picks up two bars of soap from his office, but on his way back he hears the voices of two nuns down the hall.

The priest, stark ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No showering makes you attractive to the opposite sex

Sorry I meant the opposite of sex

My wife walked into the bathroom while I was showering this morning.

Rubbing her shoulder, she said, “I don’t think I slept right. My shoulder is stiff. Are you stiff?”

I said, “No.”

After a second or two I added, “This water is nice and hot, you should get in the shower.”

She asked, “Do you think it’ll help my shoulder?”

I said, “No, but ...

A prisoner is showering when all of a sudden four guys surround him.

He tries to leave but they won't let him. They tell him "don't worry, it won't be all of us". Panicking, in the hopes of scaring them away, he blurts out that he has AIDS. The guys back up, and thank him for letting them know. Then they turn to the guy on the end and say "Frank, you're good".

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used while showering.

Ninety-eight of them said, "Get the hell out of here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently, "showering her with love"...

...doesn't mean, masturbating on her while she is sleeping.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A heavy set guy was showering at the gym when a gym rat hollered 'Hey man, how long since you seen your dick'? hahaha. 'Why dont you diet'?

Replying...'why, what color is it now'?

I will stop showering and then change my name into Richard.

That way I will become filthy rich.

Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.

A genie appears and grants them one wish each.

The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.

Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is showering up in a locker room

with his buddy when he notices his friend is very well endowed.

"Damn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims.

"I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it."

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night rubbing it ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jenny the blonde girl.

Jenny, the blonde girl skips home and says "mommy mommy we were counting in school today. Everyone could only count to 4, but I counted to 10.

"Well done," said her mother. Jenny asked, "Is it because I'm blonde?" Her mother says "yes"

The next day, Jenny skips home and says "mommy mom...

how does a cow wash its mouth??

using a moo-thwash.

sorry. if you did nto like it..
i got this idea while i was .... showering.. thought to share with you all.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.