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Spray Jokes

I accidently sprayed deodorant in my mouth today

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent

My grandfather says he survived mustard gas and pepper sprays during war.

He's a seasoned veteran.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came out my front door this morning to see my neighbour frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray painted on his front window.

"What's been going on John?"' I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

Dirty bastard.

Somebody spray painted "procrastinating prick!" on the side of my house.

When I find out who did it, their years are numbered.

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...

...Police say it's impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump's opponents or supporters.

My friend was arrested for spray painting graffiti and he tried to deny it.

But…the writing was on the wall.

How do skunks know who to spray and who not to spray?

Instink

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard.

The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and ...

The Life of a Bug Spray Salesman

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. *"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it."*

The farmer was dubious. *"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you...

wasp spray

A guy walks into his local pub and finds the bartender out cleaning off the dining area on the patio and spraying for bugs. "Flying insect spray, huh?" the guy asks as he picks up the can and examines the label. "Is this stuff good for wasps?" "No," the bartender replies. "It kills them."

A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.

"Is this good for wasps?" he asks the assistant.

To which she replies "No, it kills them."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone spray painted "Pervert Lives Here" on my garage door.

Fucking vandals wasting my time.

I just opened it and there was nobody inside.

I don't use pepper spray when I'm being robbed

I just open my wallet and blow the dust into their eyes.

I heard a joke about getting pepper sprayed.

It was a macing.

Just tried to kill a roach with Axe body spray.

Now it’s name is Brett, and he won’t shut up about CrossFit.

Tried to photograph formica spraying acid

But they wood-ant cooperate

I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . .

. . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?

One day Grandpa was watching Junior playing with an earthworm..

Grandpa said, " Junior, I will give you $10 if you can put that worm back down in its little hole."

The kids thinks and thinks, then runs into the house and returns with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm all over and as it gets stiff he stuffs it down into the hole. Grandpa gives th...

what do you call a pepper sprayed Walter White?

Eyesinburn

Spray Cheese

When you're lactose intolerant all cheese is spray cheese

Baby Roach: "Papa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?"

Papa Roach: "Suffocation. No breathing."

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I tried to kill a spider by spraying it with a whole can of White Rain hair spray

But that didn't work, now it's wearing blue eye shadow and chain smoking Virginia Slims.

I hate when my hose stops spraying water.

But then I remember not to kink shame.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket today. Sprayed it all over myself.

I still can't fucking fly.

Customer at home depot: is this spray good for wasps?

Me: No it kills them.

And that is how I got my first complaint of the day.

A woman walks into a shop, picks up a can of fly spray and asks 'Is this any good for flies?'

'Not really' says the assistant 'It kills them'

I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

In a hotel a engineer, a physicist and a mathematician...

... are sleeping when a fire breaks out.

The engineer wakes up, notices the fire, grabs the next fire extinguisher and starts spraying.... After what seems hours of heroic fighting the fire is gone and he goes to sleep again.

But the fire breaks out again. The physicist wakes up, notic...

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Viagra now comes in a nasal spray.

It's for dick heads.

Every time I turn on my friend’s mustang it sprays this weird fluid everywhere

And apparently he doesn’t want me to come over and take care of his horses anymore

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax Spray n’ Wipe, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

LPT: If you ever find yourself outside without clothes, just spray yourself down with Windex.

It prevents streaking.

*Farmer's market* Wife: I'm buying these vegetables for my husband. Have you sprayed these with any poisonous chemicals?

Farmer: No madam, you'll have to do that yourself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.

Today I’m putting a cockroach in the bathroom.

Somebody sprayed free candy on my van.

The joke is on them, i have no candy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross spray paint with paint thinner?

High as fuck.

I went to school with a girl called Non-Stick Cooking Spray

We tried calling her Pam. But it didn't stick.

I'm sorry I'll show myself out.

I was spray painting a side table when I noticed my first coat was really patchy...

I thought to myself, "well this can is past its prime"

Luckily I had another can that was primer.

Why do slugs carry pepper spray when they go out late at night?

To protect themselves from a salt

What do you call a febreeze spraying ant?

Deodorant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the feminine hygiene spray SSY?

It takes the PU out of pussy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by trying to kill a spider with axe body spray.

Now his name is chad and he's fucking all the girl spiders in my house.

My friend always sprays spittle when he’s bragging

Weird flecks but ok

I'm going to start selling fancy toilet spray

I'll call it Chanel No. 2

What does a rusty can of spray-on rust remover smell like?

Irony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just sprayed some orange scented air freshener in the bathroom.

Now it smells like shitrus.

About a month before he died, my grandfather asked us to spray WD-40 all over his back.

After that, he went downhill fast.

Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed?

To wake up oily

I just got arrested for buying bug spray at a store

Apparently you're not allowed to get Off in public

Long joke

A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. He gets out of the car and walks over to the rabbit. He picks it up and starts crying, thinking he’s a horrible person. Someone else driving down the highway stops and walks over to him, and asks, “What happened?” The man replies, “I h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got sprayed in the chest by a skunk so I had my tiny therapist wash my clothes for me.

My shrunk shrink stopped my shirt's skunk stink.

I bought a spray used for destroying a particular pasta sauce.

It's a pestocide.

My boss asked me why I was spraying my mouse with WD40

I told him it wouldn’t stop squeaking

I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he'll never have any friends.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...

On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Israelis that overly spray tan?

Orange Jews!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shopping for insect repellent spray is so sexy....

I always get Off.

Some people bring pepper spray for self protection. Others carry a gun.

I bring Goo-Gone for sticky situations.

TIFU by spraying water on a topless model

Now all the seats are wet

Police are pepper spraying protesters at the Inauguration today.

I don't know if that is to hurt them, or just give them all Orange Face?

I'm giving up spray deodorants for the new year

Roll on 2017

What do you call a person who sprays deodorant at people and chokes them?

An axe murderer

What do you call it when a person using glue as hair spray gets into arguments with people online who are laughing at them?

Gorilla Warfare.

NSFW A 90 year old woman walks by her bathroom

A 90 year old woman walks by her bathroom on fall evening, and sees her 90 year old husband. He has a can of spray paint and is spray painting his nether regions. She stops and yells, “ You idiot! You’re supposed to turn your clock back!”

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

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