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Party Jokes

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

How do you get a group of loud Canadians to leave a party?

You ask them.

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My new party trick.

I swallow two pieces of string and a couple of hours later they come out of my ass tied together.
I shit you knot.

I hate when during a dinner party someone brings up how inhumane killing cows is.

They really know how to kill the moo

Have you heard about the political party that’s using really good weed to promote their political views and opinions?

It’s propaganja.

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

Grandpa’s 100th birthday party was not a huge success.

The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he sta...

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A Sexy Girl in a Party Asked a Retired Army Colonel:When did you last have sex ?

Colonel:1955.

She Said: That Was So Long Ago ! Wanna Have Some Now ?

The Colonel Looked at His Watch: Sure, Why Not
Its Only 2130 !!!

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Congratulations to me! Just made my last mortgage payment. I'm having a huge party. Come on over.

BTW, I still owe them like $80 thousand, but fuck 'em.

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I’m having a party for people who struggle to reach orgasm.

So let me know if you can’t come..

So I threw a surprise bukkake-party for my wife…

She was so excited everyone came! You should’ve seen her face!

What did the cupcake say at the jelly donut party?

Where all the holes at?!

I love Harry Potter but after re-reading the chapter the death-day party I realized something about nearly headless nick

He was a very poorly executed character

The girl next to me at the dinner party told me I had real Leo vibes. I asked “Why, because I’m so confident and fiery?”

She replied “No, because your girlfriend is 19”

Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?

They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal. \*Giggity\*

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Halloween Party

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need on his good time being...

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Why did Hitler create the Nazi Party?

Because it was Fascionable at the time

I threw a party and everyone came

It's been two years and the walls are still sticky.

How do you find a vegan at a crowded party?

Don't worry; she'll find YOU.

How do you know when you're at a birthday party for a bulimic?

The cake jumps out of the girl.

My blonde wife was late to the party.

But, she explained that she had to wait for a train at the crossing. The sign said watch for trains and she said she had to wait 40 minutes before she saw one.

How do you organise a space party?

You planet.

Free

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. However, their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking y...

Last night I was at a Christmas party

Everyone was feeling Merry…….so she left

A mosquito was flying around an Oscars party.



First it bothered Emma Watson, then it landed on Natalie Portman. It then flew over to pester Jessica Alba and finally Gal Gadot before it was caught by security. During its interrogation, it confessed "I can't help it. I'm a sucker for a pretty face."

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A beautiful young woman was invited to a party

While scanning the guests there, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

So she approached him, smiled and said politely, "Hello, my name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name", he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No", she replied, "As a matter of fact, I gave it to myself....

A small company hosts a costume party

A small startup company announces they will be holding an employee costume party to celebrate the end of their first fiscal year in business.

The theme of the party is “Past and Present” to celebrate the work that has been done while also looking forward to the years to come. To further expa...

A premature ejaulator went to a dinner party.

He didn't know what to wear, so he just came in his pants

A naked man arrives at a party with a girl on his back.

“I am a turtle” he says.

“Who is on your back?”

“That’s Michelle”

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is humbler, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable r...

One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, dude,” one says after catching his breath. “You scared us half to dea...

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Yesterday i went to a party

I met a really hot girl and we immediately hit it off.
After some time we began kissing in another room

She asked me: " 20$ for a blowjob?"
I replied: "sure"

Should have seen my face when she pulled out 20$

After a party, a guy finds himself invited to the home of a girl he's just met for the first time.

After a party, a guy finds himself invited to the home of a girl he's just met for the first time. She shows him into the living room, and tells him to make himself at home while she goes to the kitchen to make them some drinks.

He notices a cute jar on a bookshelf, and picks it up to take a ...

My friend has this weird habit of walking into a party and writing his name on the wall with a marker.

That’s ….his signature move.

What does the cake say at the government printing office retirement party?

This cake intentionally left blank

I ended up in a party full of World Health Organisation medics.

Apparently I'd gone to the wrong Doctor WHO convention.

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I don't know why more people weren't suspicious of the Nazi Party from the beginning.

They literally had so many red flags.

I went to a fancy dress party last night dressed as a screwdriver.

Turned a few heads.

Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?

Because he's a fun gi

Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he’s dressed up as and he responds “I’m a snail!”

That’s M’Shell on my back

Every year I get my daughter a bouncy castle for her birthday party.

This year I notices that the prices had almost doubled from this time last year.

I asked the guy behind the counter why the sudden price rise.

He told me “that’s just the price of inflation unfortunately”

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A Cambridge graduate and an Oxford graduate meet at a cocktail party...

After they've been talking for a while, the Cambridge graduate says to the Oxford graduate,

"You know, I can tell you're an Oxford graduate by your charm, your intellect, your sophistication, and your worldly wisdom."

The Oxford graduate smiles and responds,

"Thank you. You know...

About 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with my dad….

…and he left me there with my mom.

Liz truss let her country down she let her party down

But most importantly she lettuce all down

Andrew Garfield, Tobey McGuire and Tom Holland got into an accident upon arriving at a party.

As it turns out, they're terrible parallel parkers.

What did the Maple say to the Oak at the prom party?

Wood you kiss me?

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This is a story about a newlywed couple who had only been married for two weeks.

The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a b...

Did you hear about the crow that got arrested for trying to throw a party where nobody came?

He got charged with attempted murder

A pair of hot twin sisters, one blonde, the other brunette get invited to a Halloween party.

A pair of hot twin sisters, one blonde, the other brunette get invited to a Halloween party. The theme is "snacks" so they decide to go as a pair of popular candy bars.
The party is a real blast and the brunette is having tons of fun, but the blonde is just kind of off to herself with no one giv...

How do you invite someone to an edging party?

Do you want them to come or not?

Why is everyone so mad at me? I was told to bring a “Hostess” gift to the party…

…I brought a DOZEN Twinkies.

I was at Boris Johnson’s lockdown party

It was pretty conservative.

How can you tell who owns bitcoin at a party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

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Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their husbands.

The first woman, smiling smugly, says, "My husband is taking me on a romantic break to the French Riviera for two weeks."

The second boasts, "Well, my husband just bought me a brand new Porsche."

The third shrugs and says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, ladies, we don't have m...

Did you hear about Bruce Banner losing his temper at the Avengers' pool party?

He made a Hulk Splash

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There was a party.

Everyone had to come dressed as an emotion. There was the one dude in red covered in blood, and he was anger. There was another dressed in blue with tear drops drawn on his face, and he was sadness. Then there was a dude who was but naked with a pear tied to the end of his dick. Everyone said, " Wha...

When I was 21 I drove my new car to a boat party in Norway.

It was a Fjord Fiesta.

What do you call a Star Wars themed bubble tea party?

A Boba Fête

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A Billionaire’s Party

A billionaire is throwing a lavish party for an elite crowd of party goers. Raging well past the midnight hour, the host heads outside and attempts to get everyone's attention by tapping his champagne glass as he walks towards the pool.

*"If you could all please direct your attention to the p...

An athiest wakes up in hell.

He looks around confused at the bright shining sun and the best beach party he's ever seen.
People are singing and dancing, laughing and playing, splashing in the crystal water and drinking, just having the best time.

Shortly the devil walks up to him wearing shorts, hat, and raising a g...

A cabbie picks up a nun...

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you”

She answers, ” My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old...

I was working a job on a boat transporting people and cars when a magical godmother with gossamer wings surprised me with a really good party for me with rides. Then I found out I still had to pay admission. It was only a couple bucks, though.

A Very Fair Fairy Ferry Faire Fare.

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A guy goes to a Halloween party in just his jeans

No shoes or shirt nothing but jeans. He’s making his rounds and enjoying some drinks and the comes up to him and asks, “So what are you supposed to be?” The guys responds, “I’m a premature ejaculation.” The host pauses for a second really staring at this guy’s costume and finally says, “I don’t get ...

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Two drunks at a party..

Two guys go to a party and get **very** drunk.

They are sat at a table beside the dance floor, and one of them sets eyes on a lady on the opposite side, sat alone.

"Man, she's really beautiful, I'd like to have a dance with her." says the first guy.

"Which one?" says the second....

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A man was waiting in line at the grocery store when an attractive young woman approached him.

"Hi there, I think you're the father of one of my kids", she said.

The man looked worried. "Are you the stripper from that bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies cheering me on, while another stripper smacked my bare ass with a wet fish?"

"No..." Said ...

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Superman went to a Halloween party

Someone was dressed as a Bitcoin.

Someone dressed as a Dogecoin.

Someone else dressed asEthereum.

Superman was pissed.

He didn't realize it was gonna be a Crypto night.

We threw a surprise house-warming party for our Eskimo mate.

He's now homeless sadly.

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An ant, a spider and a centipede are throwing a party...

The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more beers. The centipede says, "No, let me do it. You'd take too long. I have a lot more legs than you - I can do it faster!" The bugs agree.
10 minutes pass... Then 20 minutes, then 30, then more. The spider a...

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party

than being there.

What do you call a house warming party for an Inuit?

Eviction

How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, They just blame the other party because the bulb worked when they were in charge.

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Halloween party

Bob decides to throw a costume party for Halloween. He has an excellent turnout and the party is packed wall to wall. Everyone is dressed up... well almost everyone. Bob sees his co-worker George across the party just wearing a pair of jeans, no shirt shoes or socks, just jeans. So Bob decides to co...

a guy walks into a bar for a Halloween party...

and is surprised to see the bar decorated for Christmas. "What's with the Christmas decorations?" the guy asks the bartender. "I thought this was supposed to be a spooky Halloween party." "Oh, these decorations are very scary for a lot of people," the bartender replies. "We're gonna terrify people w...

Why was the mushroom invited to the party?

Because he was a fungi!

But why was he asked to leave?

Because there wasn’t mushroom…

Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong are telling bad moon jokes at a party, and nobody is laughing.

Buzz sighs, "I guess you had to be there"

Clark Kent looked ill when I invited him to our Bitcoin trading party after work.

I wonder if he has an aversion to Crypto Night.

A monster party

To celebrate Halloween, the classic Halloween monsters decided to throw a party. At full swing, some of the monsters decided to have a drink and sit down.

The werewolf said, “I can’t believe everyone came!”

Dracula chuckled and said, “Yes, this is a good party.”

Frankenstein’s m...

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What's a prostitute's favorite type of party?

A Ho-Down.

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A guy loses his penis in an accident.

He asks the doctor if there’s any hope of reconstruction. The doctor says “Sure. There have been a lot of medical advancements lately, but it’s not cheap.”

“How much does it cost?” asked the man.

“About $1,000 an inch. You should probably discuss this with your wife and let me know wha...

Got kidnapped on my birthday party…

Guess I was taken by surprise.

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Crocodile.

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, ...

A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.

The muscular friend says, "Here's what you do: next time there's a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You'll see - that'll turn you into a chick magnet."

A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and po...

Horrible lie

The preacher rose with a red face. “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiv...

Jack is hosting a halloween costume party

Jack is hosting a Halloween costume party. He sends invitations to every one of his friends. He prepares excellent food, hires a band for music, sets up the tables and furniture, et cetera.

Then the big day comes. All of Jack’s friends come dressed in their finest costumes. Frankenstein’s Mon...

My dad said I could have a house party.

"Just make sure it's under 20 people," he stated.

"That shouldn't be a problem," I replied, "we live on the bottom floor of an apartment building, after all."

there’s going to be a wild party at the orphanage tonight.

the parents aren't home.

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a man goes jogging every morning

On his way there's a street with a brothel, where there's this one prostitute who yells at him every time he passes her: "hey wanna party?! Only 100 bucks an hour!"

Not wanting to get into a negotiation with her he yells back: "20 bucks and that's it!"

Slowly this exchange becomes a p...

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What do you call the Beatles at a group sex party

Fabfournicators

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Pastor Jim was coming home late one night, when he found the whole village having a party at the local pub

He decides to check it out. He walks in to find all the men naked, and all the women blindfolded.

"What in the name of the lord is happening here?", he asks in shock.

"Come on in, pastor Jim, we're playing a game" says one of the drunken men.

"What kind of games is this?" inquir...

a guy goes to a party...

He has fun and goes to the photo booth, and there's no photo line.

Then he goes to the bathroom, and there's no bathroom line

Then he goes to get snacks and there's no snack line

Then he goes to get punch and there's no punch line

What’s the difference between a casual dress party and an orgy with pirates?

One, you come as you are, and the other, you “arrr” as you cum!

LPT: If you are ever at a party or business meeting with Spanish speakers, make sure to stand up and say “Mucho”

It means a lot to them

The wedding party is standing at the altar waiting for bride and groom....NSFW

The groom arrives and is adjusting his belt while smiling hugely. Groomsman asks him what he's smiling about.

Groom replies "I just got the most amazing head-job from a beautiful woman and will be waking up to that every day for the rest of my life!"

Bride arrives, fixing her lip-stick...

Lining up for Drinks at the Party.

Two friends decide to throw a party to celebrate them getting their new flat and invite everyone they know. One of them prepares a huge bowl of punch for everyone and the other brings a soda fountain that he just bought.

The party rolls around and everyone is enjoying themselves; all of them...

I went to a Halloween party

I decided to dress as a clown. On my way to the party, a man in a suit stopped me. He said he was glad he finally found me. I had to explain that he must have me confused for somebody else, but he told me I was dressed like him. I explained that I was just wearing a costume, but he laughed it of...

Talk about unfair. My friend's mom kicked me out of the birthday party when I'd clearly won the scavenger hunt.

She was all like "I don't care how many vultures you shot, get those things out of here!"

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What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

Mother of Five

A father was very happy that his wife had given him five children. So proud in fact he called her Mother of Five wherever they went. As one might imagine the mother was not so keen on this nickname. One evening they were leaving a party and as his usual, the father called to his wife "Are you ready ...

At a party last week my wife got very drunk and told everybody she invented the echo.

I said to her "listen to yourself"

Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife?

...The invitation said to look sharp

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There's a French phrase "L'esprit de l'escalier" which means thinking of a perfect comeback for a perceived insult just as you leave the party.

My usual thing to say when I have to leave a party is "Oh shit, it's the cops!"

An elephant and an ape go to a party together. They want to bring some snacks: crackers and dips. Which of them buys the crackers?

The elephant.

Because the ape always buys the dip.

24-year old Tai Jinhai came in first during the Beijing Marathon, but they gave the gold medal to the son of a prominent party official instead.

To this day, the Chinese government refuses to acknowledge Tai won.

How do you cause a panic at a Hollywood party?

You say "Hey, isn't that Chris Hansen?"

Frankenstein's monster went to a party

The Bride asks him if he wants to dance, but the monster declines. She asks him if he has Two Left Feet, and he confirms it. "It's not my fault. The Doctor couldn't find a right foot for me."

A lost Jewish man walks into a pub. He sits down, confused.

After a while, he decides to call over the bartender.

He asks him, "Excuse me sir, where am I?"

The bartender replies, "Well, this is a bar, mister."

The man gives the bartender a puzzled look.
"I don't see a party", he says.

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Emotional Party

Myself and my friend went to a fancy dress party. You needed to dress as an emotion. We went to the supermarket and I got a pear and put my dick in it while he got some custard and did the same. When we got to the fancy dress party the host was appalled and said we had completely missed the point. ...

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Thats it,I can't take much anymore. I'm divorcing my wife. First it was some guy in a drunk party,then it was her ex-bf, her boss, my best friend, some Uber driver and even her stepbrother..

I just can't stop sucking cocks.

Blowing up a Balloon.

My niece had a premature baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And ...

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Little Igor was struggling with his home assignment

Little Igor was struggling with his home assignment so he went to his dad Mr. Igor for help.

Dad: what is this assignment about?

Little Igor: teacher asks us to write a sentence with the words country, party, people and citizen. And I don't know what these words mean.

Dad: you s...

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My wife said she was going to come to the Halloween party dressed as our Sex life

So she didn’t come

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A Republican and a Democrat end up as neighbors

Every single day they have fights for their political beliefs in which they spiral out of control. As the years goes by they hate each other more and more.

One day the Republican(John) has a terrible car accident right in front of the Democrats(Mike) house.

Mike!! he yells. Come qui...

so there was this rich man and he was throwing a party and he invites all the people in town including the only redneck, Killroy

They were have a great time at this party.. watching the game, drinking beer and bbqing. Then the rich man announces on his loud speaker "Ladies and gentleman, i have a 30 ft man-eating alligator in my pool. Whoever's brave enough to jump into the pool and kill the gator I'll give them 1 million dol...

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The Office Party

Bob woke up with an intense hangover and his wife was staring at him angrily.

She asked, “Do you remember what happened last night at the office party?”

Bob answered groggily, “No.”

His wife said, “You got drunk then proceeded to insult your employees and y...

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A party of adventurers walks into an inn.

They start ordering rounds of ales one after another, and quickly end up very drunk.

Soon the fighter gets a bit rowdy, spills a guy's drink, and the two get into a drunken brawl. The landlord comes over and separates them, then throws the fighter out of the inn.

Not long after that, t...

A guy retires and moves to the country

After decades of working in a Post Office a guy decides to retire and move to the outback, where his nearest neighbour lives a kilometre away from him. One weekend, this neighbour visits the guy and invite them to his house for a party that evening.

“but I gotta warn you” says the neighbour “...

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A millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 60th birthday.

During this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it.

“I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.”

The guests shakes their heads in disbelie...

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl...

After honeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

"It's simple" billionaire boasts... "I faked my age"

"Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, ...

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Two guys are getting ready for a costume party...

But there's a catch: The host said they have to get dressed up as 'emotions.'

So the first guy goes home and sticks his dick in a pear.

The second guy goes home and sticks his dick in a big bowl of custard.

They show up at the party together and knock on the door. The host opens...

What do you call a FBI barbecue party

A steak out

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