A naked man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.

"I'm a turtle", he says.

"Oh... who's on your back?"

"That's Michelle", he replies.

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 16 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries an...

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it.

'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.' So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. 

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as h...

A party of adventurers walk into a tavern

fully armed and sit down at a table. The bartender comes over and asks, "Hey, why do you guys have your weapons ready?"

The party leader replies, "Mimics."

The bartender laughs.

The party laughs.

The table laughs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to a party dressed in nothing but his pants.

A man goes to a costume party dressed in nothing but his pants.

Another guy walks up and asks, "What are you supposed to be?"

The man responds with, "Well, I'm Premature Ejaculation"

The guy then asks, "And... how is that?"

The man replies, "Well, I just came in my pants....

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

I was invited to a Mexican party, but I had to pay to get in

It was a fee-esta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the woman say in a bukake party?

I can't semen

How do you ruin a dragon's birthday party?

Tell him to blow out the candles on his cake.

What did the vegetable shout at a party?

Turn-ip!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jamaican brothers are getting ready to attend their friend’s annual costume party. “Dante, we need to do better this year, we got to do better this year. We got to think of something extra special to wear!”

So Lamont and Dante take 3 hours coming up with the perfect costume to blow away the guests at the party. They’re determined to beat the annoying couple who took home last year’s prize as Tom and Jerry.

A while later, they arrive at Bob’s house, whose jaw hits the ground when he opens the fro...

My son’s team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

My friend was mad at me because I ate all the chips at her party

I'm no longer welcome to play poker with them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My new party trick....

So my new party trick is to swallow two pieces of string. About an hour later, they come out of my ass tied together.

I shit you knot.

Dad: “For your birthday, do you want a new weight set or a new treadmill? Also, do you want to have a party at the beach or at the park? Or do you just wanna wait and see what we surprise you with?”

Son: “Weight and sea”

Dad: “okay we’ll just surprise you”

An old man went to a dinner party with his wife and 3 friends. He then called his wife universe at the party.

The three friends were surprised at the weird pet name and decided to guess the reason behind it.

The first friend was a romantic and said maybe he calls her that because their love must be as big as the universe.

The second friend was a scientist and said maybe he wants their marriage...

A C-Level, a middle manager and a worker talk at the Christmas party of their company.

They discuss what to do with the Christmas bonus.

"Well", said the C-Level, "I'm probably gonna do a trip around the world, expand my villa in Malibu and with the rest, well, maybe a new Ferrari"

Said the middle manager "Well, I'm gonna make a vacation in Malibu and get a pool for my h...

What did the accountant do to liven up the party?

He went home early.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What made Jupiter’s surprise party go off with out a hitch?

Mars, Uranus, and Venus really knew how to planet.

A guy is at a party on the second floor of a house, and he’s very drunk.

The guy falls out the window of the house and lands on the sidewalk. There just happens to be another person walking on the same sidewalk a few feet away.

“What happened?” The guy walking says.

The drunk looks up at him and says, “I don’t know, I just got here!”

I had a house warming party the other day...

I should really stop hanging out with pyromaniacs.

My friend had mushrooms during the party

Now he's a fun guy

I remember once at a party

I’ll never forget the time, I was at a party, we were playing truth and dere, and someone dared me to go home

Who is the leader of the Kitty Communist Party?

Chairman Meow

I was a party

I was at a party and lost my watch
Later I saw some guy stepping on it and harassing a woman
So I went over and punched him
No one does that to a woman

Not on my watch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

A man was late to a cannibal party

the host gave him a cold shoulder.

If I knew this was an incest party

I would have came with my brother.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Aggies show up at a biblical costume party dressed as firemen.

"This is a biblical costume party!" says the host. "What are you supposed to be?"

"Well," says one of them, "it says right here in the Bible that three wisemen came from afar!"

What do you call a party where snakes choose china?

A reptile dish function.

I have read the vegan party's party-program

...... and I am sorry to say that there is not much meat on it

Ba dam tsssh

Never invite a circle to a party

They tend to make one-sided conversations.

My sister wanted a Cinderella themed party,

So I invited all her friends and made them clean my house.

What's the first step to throw a space party?

You planet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fellow stuck in a coronavirus outbreak, prayed to God for help.

Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”

The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.

Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”

The ...

What do you call a party ghost with athlete's foot?

A Fun-ghoul infection

At a crowded garden party.

So, a couple years back, I was at a pretty fancy outdoors party. It seemed like the whole town was there. But the atmosphere was nice, and the local band played some good music, so I enjoyed myself.

I thought I'd like a nice cold beer in the warm weather, so I went over to the bar. As I appro...

A doctor and a lawyer are talking at a party.

Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to...

How do you make a Dinner party awkward?

Change the “i” into an “o.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party

A young couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. She told him the...

I threw my wife a surprise bukakke party.

It was a big success. Everyone came. You should have see her face.

I wanted to throw a party for my cake day, so I sent an invitation to every redditor on r/jokes.

However, the post office lost all my invitations. I didn't repost, so nobody got my joke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man meets a girl named Carmen at a party.

“That’s a pretty name, where did it come from?”

Carmen said:” Actually, I gave myself that name- I like cars, and I like men, so...Carmen. What is your name?”

“ My name is Bob Titsengolf. “

I was at a party and an old buddy of mine offered me cocaine. I said, "Buddy, I'm a father of three young kids..."



..."of course I'll do some."

Did you hear about that kid that got overwhelmed and burst into tears when his parents threw him a huge Thor themed 6th birthday party?

He wanted something a little more Loki.

Why didn't Tom Hiddleston want a big birthday party?

He wanted to keep it Loki

A guy at a Halloween party had a girl on his back dressed in green.

The host asked "who's that?" The guy answered "that's Michelle."

I wrote a manifesto for my political party but I think it was too long so I wrote a shorter one...

It’s a minifesto

A man lies to his wife to go to a party.

He tells her that he has an important meeting with his boss and so he wouldn't come Home that day.

The next day, he feels guilty for lying to his wife and decides to tell her the truth. ' I've a confession to make. ' the man says . ' I also want to say something , but you speak first . ' the ...

AIN’T NO PARTY LIKE AN INTROVERT PARTY, CUZ AN INTROVERT PARTY

Don’t start.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A reporter walks into a bar

A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town. He's been sent by his editor in the big city to get a human interest story, and so he walks up to some burly guy in overalls and offers him a drink in return for the story of the best day of his life.

"Best day? Well, that must've been th...

After leaving left work Friday afternoon Mike stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and blew his entire paycheck.

When he finally came home Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied “That wou...

Donner Party.

Here's a rare treat....an original joke

At work I was talking with a client who brought up the Donner Party and asked if i knew who the were. I replied that yes, I did. They were the group snowbound in the mountains in the 1800s and turned to cannabalism.
I added that they were supposedly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A penis says to his balls: "I'll take you two to a party."

The balls reply, "You fucking liar!!! You always go inside alone and leave us outside knocking!!!"

What did Tommy get when his birthday party was held during the epidemic?

Arrested

What happened at the cannibal’s wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom...

My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with the wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very Truely Yours,
Acme Costume Co

The man thinks this is terrilbe because they have just emphasized his wooden leg an...

I was messing around at my great grandma's 100th birthday Party

So she asked me to act my age. I replied with "you should also act your age".

This is the story of how my Great Grandma's Birthday Party turned into her funeral.

A: This train party is crazy!

B: It’s a locomotive.

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.



Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they p...

I met my wife at a swingers party.

I said, "You should be home looking after the kids!"

A father is planning a birthday party for his son, who is a huge Phillies fan.

The father recently befriended a sports agent, so he reaches out:

"Hey Mike, my kid's birthday is coming up on the 27th and I wanted to see if you could pull some strings to have someone from the Phillies make an appearance at his party."

"Yeah, I think Shane Victorino is actually gonn...

A priest was invited to attend a house party

.Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was poin...

What do you call a pride pool party?

Alphabet soup

What do you call an app for an online bukkake party?

Facetime.

So yesterday I was talking with Bill, my politician friend. Since he's a Republican, I thought I'd go ahead and ask him how Trump managed to become the face of the Republican Party.

He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "The Democrats kept beating us, so we figured it was time to play our Trump card."

How does the solar system organize a party?

**They planet!**

Now that he’s running for president, did you hear about Kanye’s party?

It’s definitely not in LA

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the conclusion of world war 2, the leaders of France and the United States had a dinner party.

During the pre-dinner small talk, president Truman's wife Bess asks Charles De Gaulle's wife Yvonne, "Now the war is over, what is your greatest wish?"

Yvonne thinks for a moment and responds, "All zat I want is a penis!"

Silence falls over the table. Then De Gaulle pipes up, "Non, ma ...

Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he’s dressed up as and he responds “I’m a snail!”

That’s M’Shell on my back

I met a girl at a party and she said, “Come outside and I’ll show you a good time.."

So we went outside and she ran 100 metres in 9.79 seconds.

In South Korea, you can always find a party.

In North Korea, the party always find you.

Two university students had a week of exams coming up but decided to party instead.

When they got to their exam they decided to tell the professor their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them they could have another day to study.

That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman arrived at a party.

While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."

"That’s a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the ...

So all the animals gathered and having a party,

Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and sa...

There's a man named Rudolph who's a Communist Party official in Soviet Russia.

One day, he and his wife are walking outside when it starts to precipitate.

"Oh look, Rudolph," says his wife. "It's snowing!"

"That's rain, honey," says Rudolph.

"No, no, no, it's definitely snow," says his wife.

To this, he replies with "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dea...

I went to an archaeology party where the game was looking for a lower leg bone.

It was a real shindig.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in high school I made friends with this girl that had lost her legs. I never understood why people didn't talk to her. Since I was a close friend, she had invited me to a party with other girls without legs.

That place was crawling with pussy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?”

The Lone Ranger responds, “I’d like to speak to my horse.”

The Ch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to the bar and orders 5 shots of Whiskey....

....the bartender asks, “Is the rest of the party parking, or...?”

Guy replies, “No, actually, they’re all for me. Had my first blow job today.”

Bartender says, “No shit! Lemme line up a sixth, on the house!”

Guy says, “Don’t bother, if five don’t kill the taste, nothing will.”

At a costume party...

Host: What are you?

Me: A harp

Host: Your costume is too small to be a harp

Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is about to go to a stag party with his friends.

Before he heads off, his girlfriend of 3 years tells him "You've had a history of getting stupidly drunk and leaving me to babysit you every time you come back on nights out like these. If you come back to our house drunk like that tonight, we're through."

The man agrees with her, and heads o...

Translated Pakistani Joke: A man walks into a store and asks for a live chicken for a party

The store owner gives him a chicken, the man pays, and he leaves.

Sometime later, the man comes back with the chicken, furious.

The shopkeeper asks him, “What’s wrong with the chicken? Why have you brought it back to me so angry?”

The man yells and says that one leg of the chick...

If Al Abama wore Miss Issippi's new jersey to the party, what will Mary Land wear?

I dunno, Al ask a.

A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party

They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
...

When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb he threw a huge party, everyone was invited

it was well lit

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

Party

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s party.
Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all.
He didn't even remember how he got home from th e party.
As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to f...

I was just on my way to a fancy dress party in my counterfeit money costume, when someone came along and ruined my plans.



I got held up.

My girlfriend asked if I remembered to get tickets for the 80s dance party she was really looking forward to. I had to tell her...

Domo arigato, totally forgoto

Guy calls his buddy and says, "Hey man, I'm throwing a party this weekend!"

"Gonna get a case of beer; what are you thinking?"

Buddy responds, "Anything but Heineken is cool with me. Drank a case of Heineken last weekend, and I blew chunks."

Guy says, "Dude, drinking a whole case of anything is going to make you puke."

Buddy responds, "No, man, you don'...

How do you know if you're at a bulimic stag party?

The cake jumps out the girl.

My friend said he’s going to a fancy dress party as a small island off the coast of Italy

I said “don’t be Sicily”

How do whales prepare for a party?

They orca-nise it.

Donner, party of 5?

Er, 4? Umm, 3?...

A driver was arrested after a deadly accident...

Policeman: How could you kill 49 people? What the Hell is wrong with you?

Driver: I was driving at 80 km/h when I saw two men crossing the Road. On the road side, there was a wedding party. I wanted to apply the Breaks, but then I realised they were not working. So, I had to take a decision; ...

So I was at a party some years ago with my new watch.

Unfortunately while I was there I found that ny watch had been stolen. I searched the party for hours trying to find, I was going completely mad. As the party started to wind down I began to lose hope of ever finding. Until I saw some douchebag harassing a some random girl, he was grabbing her arm, ...

How did the hamburger introduce his wife at the party?

“Meat Patty”

A group of elderly couples are at a dinner party,

and after the meal the men and women move into different rooms. In the men’s group, Steve is talking about a fantastic Italian restaurant he and his wife like to go to. Intrigued, John asks for the name of the place.

“My memory is not as good as it used to be.”, Steve replies. “What is the n...

I invited my non-vegeterian friend to a party but

..he chickened out :(

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.