A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

I threw a surprise bukkake party for a girl friend of mine.

Everybody came. You should have seen her face.

So there's this one kid at a costume party and the host ask what he was dressed up as. The kid told him that he dressed up as a harp, and the host told him that his costume is too small to be a harp.

The kid then said, "Are you calling me a lyre?"

Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....

Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress

Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise

Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?

Guy: That's Michelle....

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.

Now I'm homeless.

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Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party

Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men,...

Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party.

Lady: Do you mean a choir?

Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group?

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I'm throwing a party for people who can't ejaculate

Let me know if you can come or not

Several aristocrats are having a party on a cruise ship, when the captain comes down and interrupts.

"I have some good news and some bad news," he says. "Which do you want to hear first?"

"Good!" everyone says in unison.

The captain says, "We won eleven Oscars!"

How do you get the bass player to leave the party?

Pay him for the pizza.

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My new party trick...

I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together.

I shit you knot.

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

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A man comes home from a formal party with two black eyes

His roommate looks at him surprised and asks him how on earth it happened.

The man says there was a beautiful young woman wearing a formal gown at the party, and he noticed that her dress was riding up the crack of her butt.

"Obviously", he said, "that's embarrassing and I don't want ...

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What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

Why couldn't the mushroom go to the party?

Because there wasn't mushroom inside

A naked man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.

"I'm a turtle", he says.

"Oh... who's on your back?"

"That's Michelle", he replies.

I invited my buddy to a costume party and he said he was going as his dad

He didn’t show up

What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?

You can have your cake and eat it too!

A peanut told a bad joke at a party

Everyone at the party roasted him

On the other hand, a cheeto's bad joke resulted in him becoming the president of the United States

How do you throw a space party?

You Planet.

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.

Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

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Elton John did so much LSD at a party one night, he tried to have sex with a woman...

Dude was straight trippin'

Communist party gathers, main speaker is Stalin. Someone sneezes.

Stalin: Comrades, who sneezed?

Silence.

Stalin: I ask again, comrades, who sneezed?

Silence intensifies.

Stalin: Shoot down first row!

Guards spray the first row with bullets.

Stalin: Comrades, i ask AGAIN, who sneezed?

Dead silence.

Stalin: Sh...

A man showed up late to the cannibal party

So they gave him the cold shoulder.

Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party?

He was looking for a tight seal.

On my first day at the university, I got invited to a party.

The Communist Party.

A 30-year old man told his wife that he's going to the bar to party with his friends

The wife was really worried that her husband is not spending enough time with her, but she was helpless.

An hour later, she recieves a text from her husband asking for a picture.

She was glad that her husband wanted to see her face even though he was partying with his friends.

T...

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[NSFW] I hosted a party for people who struggle to reach orgasm

but nobody came.

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A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it.

'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.' So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. 

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as h...

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Me and my girlfriend were going to a Halloween party last year and my girlfriend came down the stairs wearing nothing but boots.

I asked her “What are you suppose to be?” She said, “Puss in boots.” So I went into the kitchen and put a potato on my penis. When I came back out, she asked me, “What are you suppose to be?” I said, “If you can be puss in boots, then I can be a dictator…”

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3 Jamaicans go to a dress up party

The theme is 'emotions' with a strict entry policy. No costume, no entry.

The first guy knocks on the door dressed as a giant pear. The host says "this is an emotions party, what are you supposed to be?"

He replies "I'm in dis pear" and walks in.

The 2nd guy doesnt have a costu...

A wealthy man threw a party.

He had recently purchased a tank filled with sharks, alligators, piranhas, and other aquatic animals that could kill people. He told the guests that anyone who swam across would get 3 wishes. No one dared to try it so the party continued.

About 10 minutes later, there was a splash, and there...

How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?

Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

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Went to a party for amputees the other day

The place was crawling with pussy

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During the late thirties the Nazi party hosted a friendly soccer game versus England. The Nazi's star goalkeeper was Hans Bratvender.

Late in the game Hans, overcome with Nationalist pride, turned to face the Chancellor's private box, stood to attention and gave a Nazi salute.

At that moment, the English forward kicked from outside the goal crease, and scored what would be the winning goal.

When asked later to explai...

I went to a fancy dress party dressed up as an egg.

When I got there I saw this cute girl in a chicken costume!

So I said to her: "Are we going to find out, or what?"

Billy Mays is partying in heaven...

...like it's $19.99

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Walking home after a blowout Election Day party.

Two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wi...

A redditor goes to a meteor-shower party

A redditor hears about a meteor shower party nearby and decides to attend. However, the party is a letdown. There are no snacks and nearly everyone there is boring to talk to. The guy turns to someone nearby and says to him "Dang, this party is a real bummer." Worse, when the sky darkens and the tim...

Hey! Everyone here at r/Jokes is invited to my party celebrating me making my final mortgage payment!

Don't get me wrong -- I still owe like $190,000, but I'm just not going to pay anymore.

What does a house wear to a party ?

Address.

What starts with M, ends in DMA, and was an exciting surprise at the party?

My Grandma

How was a ghost caught in a human party?

He yelled: "Dance til' ya drop dead again!'

What do cannibals serve at the beginning of a dinner party?

Handshakes.

I went to a party and went to the lemonade stand...

I don't know what they put in it, but I was schwepped off my feet!

Why was the skeleton sad at the holloween party

Because he had no body to dance with

A group of boxers stand in line to get some drinks at a party.

That's it. That's the punchline.

Last election, I voted for the party with the red colour

I don’t know why, but the blue party was just one of the most unappealing, disgusting political parties I had ever seen, with the weakest leader ever. The policies they presented were going to basically ruin everything I had.



I voted for Justin Trudeau.

Why was Count Dracula not invited to the Halloween party?

Because everyone thought he sucked

When Kanye West ran for president he created his own political party called the Birthday Party. He calls it the birthday party because he says “Every day will feel like your birthday when we win”.

True story

“Donner party of 4? Hello? Donner party of 4?”

[indistinct]

“Okay, Donner party of 3, right this way.”

Cardi B was hosting a private pool party...

With music bumping, and social media blowing up with post about where it was, tons of fans were trying to get in, but bouncers turned them all away unless Cardi B gave approval herself.

As the party reached its peak, screams started coming from the pool and everyone rushed out getting water ...

What cake do you bring for your Mexican friends going away party?

An ICEcream cake

A vampire, a zombie, and a ghost are at a party.

The ghost gets something to eat, then immediately asks the zombie where the bathroom is. The ghost does his business, and returns to get some more food. He has some more to eat, then excuses himself to the restroom with the vampire. When he gets back, the zombie asks if the ghost is fe all right. ...

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The Party

After his divorce, Jeff rented a cabin in Montana for the summer to write his first novel. He got up each morning, made coffee, and would go outside and sit by a stream before going back in and writing all day. One August afternoon he was startled by a knock on the door.

“Hey,” said the man....

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John was at his best friend's party

The next day, when he wakes up at home, he is noticeably shocked. So his wife asks: "Honey, what on earth happenend yesterday that you are so silent?"
The husband answers: "Yesterday at Tony's Party, right? They had a goddamn golden toilet. can you imagine that?" His wife can't really believe th...

When you go to a regular birthday party, there’s one cake

When you go to Nicki Minaj’s birthday party, there’s *two* cakes

What's the best part about arriving late to a suicide party?

There's no punch line.

Why did I invite a mushroom to my cake day party?

Because he was a fungi

How can you tell if there's a vegan at your party?

They'll tell you

What's the difference between a fancy dinner party and cannibalism?

Swapping an "I" for and "O".

Why did the police show up at a party in Chicago?

They received an Illinoise complaint.

How do astronauts prepare for a birthday party

They planet

Bill’s had a tough week, so he decides to have a little fun

It was Friday evening, it had been payday and Bill had really had a tough week.

So on leaving the office, he decided that instead of going home, he would stay out for the entire weekend partying with his buddies and in the process blow his entire weeks salary.

When he finally arrived h...

What are the perfect snacks to bring to a coming out party?

Twinkies.

A party of adventurers walk into a tavern

fully armed and sit down at a table. The bartender comes over and asks, "Hey, why do you guys have your weapons ready?"

The party leader replies, "Mimics."

The bartender laughs.

The party laughs.

The table laughs.

My wife said we should vote for a third party

I told her I vote for Janessa, if she's into it.

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A guy on a worktrip in a country town gets invited to a party

A local approaches him at a bar and says

"hey man, I can tell you aint from round here so I just thought I would be neighborly and let you know there's a party at the barn tonight, should be a good time. Gunna be some fighting, drinking and fuckin"


The man replies "wow thats fucki...

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he was going to attend the 18th century composer costume party.

He said, “Yes, I’ll be Bach”.

Just came home from my first paleontology party where we spent the night searching for the lower leg bone of a new dinosaur.

It was quite the shin dig.

I wanted to buy the perfect Vincent Van Gogh costume for a Halloween party, but couldn't find one.

They were all ear-regular.

They say old folks can't party.

That's not true. We party like it's 1959.

Then we go to bed like its 20:00.

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After hnoeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

‟It is simple” billionaire boasts....
‟I faked my age”

‟Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensati...

The main goal of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union...

was to make sure the line for Lenin's Mausoleum was longer than the line for bread.

Why do you RSVP to a Bukkake party?

So people know who's coming.

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

What is a crocodile’s favorite party game?

Swallow the leader!

(Pun from my kid nephew): How do you have a party in outer space?

Planet

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A man goes to a party dressed in nothing but his pants.

A man goes to a costume party dressed in nothing but his pants.

Another guy walks up and asks, "What are you supposed to be?"

The man responds with, "Well, I'm Premature Ejaculation"

The guy then asks, "And... how is that?"

The man replies, "Well, I just came in my pants....

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Sorry to be a party pooper

But I got to get these streamers out of my ass somehow

My friend was mad at me because I ate all the chips at her party

I'm no longer welcome to play poker with them

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What does the woman say in a bukake party?

I can't semen

What did the vegetable shout at a party?

Turn-ip!!!

How do you ruin a dragon's birthday party?

Tell him to blow out the candles on his cake.

My son’s team won the soccer tournament, so the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

I got totally drunk last night at a party...

So, as a responsible person, I didn’t want to drive home and called a cab. I was so drunk I couldn’t remember my address, so the cab drove me around the city all night long.... only in the morning, waking up in the cab did I remember... the party was at my place!

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Two Jamaican brothers are getting ready to attend their friend’s annual costume party. “Dante, we need to do better this year, we got to do better this year. We got to think of something extra special to wear!”

So Lamont and Dante take 3 hours coming up with the perfect costume to blow away the guests at the party. They’re determined to beat the annoying couple who took home last year’s prize as Tom and Jerry.

A while later, they arrive at Bob’s house, whose jaw hits the ground when he opens the fro...

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The Transreligious Dinner Party

Six people are planning a dinner party: a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, a Pagan, a Hindu, and an Atheist. The Atheist suggests pork chops as the main course. The Jew says, “No, we can’t have pork, YHWH strictly forbids the consumption of pork.”

The Christian says in response, “No He doesn’t! Je...

A man hosts a party for 4 of his friends.

(This joke is translated from Chinese. It sounds a lot better in the original due to the reiteration and how the syllables works out)


Three of the guests arrived on time, but long has past since they waited for the 4th. The host, impatient, started muttering.

Host: "The one who i...

I threw my wife a surprise bukakke party.

It was a big success. Everyone came. You should have see her face.

Bill is at a party

In the party they are giving cake.
Bill couldn't find anything to wipe his hands on so he asks one of his friends where can he wipe his hands.
The friend answers him: do it on other man shirt.
Bill asks: they wouldn't feel it?
His friend answers: did you feel it?

What did the accountant do to liven up the party?

He went home early.

I was nervously dancing with my colleague at the Christmas party

As she leant her head on me she said “You smell nice, what have you got on?”

I sheepishly replied “A hard on, but I didn’t think you could smell it...?”

I'm at a fancy party...

When one of the guests spills club soda on his collared white shirt.

Always wanting to be helpful I suggest, "a little red wine will get that right out."

My friend had mushrooms during the party

Now he's a fun guy

An old man went to a dinner party with his wife and 3 friends. He then called his wife universe at the party.

The three friends were surprised at the weird pet name and decided to guess the reason behind it.

The first friend was a romantic and said maybe he calls her that because their love must be as big as the universe.

The second friend was a scientist and said maybe he wants their marriage...

A guy turns up to a fancy dress party with nothing on but carrying a woman on his back,

When the host opens the door he asks “this is supposed to be a fancy dress party, what have you come as!?”
The guy replies “I’m a tortoise, this is Michelle”

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