The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party

They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A billionaire is throwing a lavish party for an elite crowd of party goers.

Raging well past the midnight hour, the host heads outside and attempts to get everyone's attention by tapping his champagne glass as he walks towards the pool.

"If you could all please direct your attention to the pool, we shall begin tonight's true entertainment!"

A truck backs into ...

I heard the Republican Party is considering renaming itself as the National Conservative party

Or Nat-C for short

Yesterday I was at a Weight Watchers party but nobody mentioned obesity.

There were just too many elephants in the room.

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

I was so late to the cannibal party,

so they all just gave me the cold shoulder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Throwing a party for everyone who has a hard time getting an orgasm.

Let me know if you can’t come

Judy walks into a dinner party with a much older man.

At dinner, the lady sitting next to the woman turns to her and says, "My, that's a beautiful diamond you're wearing. In fact, I think it's the most beautiful diamond I have ever seen!"

"Thank you," replies Judy. "This is the Plotnick Diamond."

"The Plotnick Diamond? Is there a story to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lost my watch at a party once

Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing this girl. I walked up to the guy, punched him right in the face. No one does that to a girl... not on my watch.

Jesus: I can turn water into wine. Professor X: That's a neat party trick and all but it surely can't be useful in batt-

Guards: *Fall down dead*.
Jesus: *blows on his index finger as if it were a gun barrel* People are made of 90% water

Why was the mushroom invited to the party

Because he's a fungi *bdum tsssss*

Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,

I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Serve alcohol at a party, nobody bats an eye

Serve laxatives at a party and everybody loses their shit

What party can you attend without an invitation

Your funeral

Jen and I are going to a party.

Outside of the house there's a naked guy running around with his wiener flying everywhere. We walk in and start talking to everyone.

"You would not believe what we just saw."

"Well what was it?"

"Jen'll tell ya."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a party of pre-mature ejaculators

I left early...

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the party?

Because he had no body to dance with

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.

He doesn't know what costume to wear in order to not draw attention to his head or his leg, and he has a month to prepare so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a package with the following letter:

"Dear Sir:

Please find enclosed a compli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Liberal party leader Justin Trudeau attended the Assembly of First Nations annual summer meeting in Whitehorse.

Trudeau said he wasn't there to speak to the chiefs but to listen.


Then he spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing the Liberal Party back into the hearts of the Canadian people and how he was going to legalize marijuana and the many ways that he was going to help the Firs...

After my son’s team won the soccer tournament, the goalkeeper invited the two of us for a party afterwards.

It was the Father, the Son, and the Goalie Host.

Went to a Halloween party with my girlfriend

And the host asked “what are you two dressed as?” And I said “I’m a turtle and this is Michelle”

What do you call a party with no white people?

Crackalackin'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors...

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionair...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s worse then waking up at a party and finding a dick drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The lion is throwing a jungle sex party and everyone's invited

Before the party starts the lion goes in front of everyone and says
"there is only one rule in this party. No condoms! You can fuck with everyone but you can't use any condoms no matter what."

So the party starts and as predicted everyone is having a great time.
The lion walks around t...

What do Chinese terrorists do at a frat party?

They bro it up!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the foreskin kicked out of the party?

Q: Why was the foreskin kicked out of the party?
A: Because he was a little bit of a dick.

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it ...

The Party

Last week, I went to a party and had a good time. Before I knew it, I was chatting up a girl that I started to like. We hooked up, and later that night, I got laid. It was only as I was driving home that I remembered that the party was my family reunion.

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party.

So I made her and all her friends clean the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Party with the new neighbor

John just moved into a do I try house when his new neighbor from down the road stops by.

Neighbor: Hey manr, nice to meet you! I'm having a party tomorrow. Would you like to come?

John: Sure! Id love to meet the new neighbors!

Neighbor: Perfect. There will be some drinking. Prob...

The lion is having a party

and invites all animals, but the frog.
The frog, wanting to join the party badly, asks several animals if they could smuggle him to the party. After a dozen denials he goes to the silly bear, who agrees to put the frog in his chest pocket.

The day of the party comes and everybody is havin...

A pregnant woman and her husband are at a party.

At some point, another woman pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking. The pregnant woman's husband goes up to her and says : "Hey, can you not smoke in front of my wife? She's pregnant, and I don't want her to be tempted."

The pregnant woman answers : "Don't worry, honey. I never smoke when ...

At the start of the wedding party the organizer announced that they had ordered a whole pig, but something went wrong with the delivery and the pig would be late/not coming.

One guest said: "I hope this will be the last time in this relationship that someone says "what is taking that pig so long?""

A man is at a party when he sees a Buddhist monk

As he is observing the monk, the lady behind him drops her phone, and he helps her by picking it up. After that, he begins moving over to the refreshments section, on his way he spots a drunk friend, for whom he calls an Uber home. Once his friend is safely away, he continues to amble over to the re...

All of the states in the continental US got together for a party. The only rule was that each state could only hang out with the states it borders. Everybody was having fun except for one state who said

"Is everyone else stuck talking to only one state, or is it just ME?"

Those two girls at the party got mad at me because I called them hipsters.

Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins.

I love Harry Potter but after re-reading the chapter the death-day party I realized something about nearly headless nick

He was a very poorly executed character

Ole and Sven are invited to a costume party with their girlfriends.

The party invitation says to come dressed as an emotion. After a day of deliberating, they all agree to meet at Sven’s place before going to the party. Just before Sven is about to put his costume on, there’s a knock on the door. Outside is his girlfriend, Hilda, who’s dressed head to toe in bright ...

During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children enter the dining room totally nude and walk slowly around the table.

The parents are so embarrassed that they pretend nothing is happening and keep the conversation going. The guests cooperate and also continue as if nothing extraordinary is happening. After going all the way around the room the children leave, and there is a moment of silence at the table, during wh...

Chris Hemsworth arranged a party for Tom Hiddleston's birthday that not many people knew about.

It was a Loki event.

One dark night, two men are walking home after a party and decide to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they are startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they find an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.



“Holy cow, dude,” one says after catching his breath. “You scared...

I went to a fancy dress party carrying my girlfriend on my back, someone asked "What are you supposed to be?" I answered "A turtle" "Why?" they asked...

"That's Michelle" I said

I went to a costume party dressed as an egg and

made out with a guy dressed as a chicken. A lifelong paradox of the humankind was answered that day.

It was the chicken.

A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back...

...
"What are you supposed to be, then?" the host asks.

"I'm a turtle,"

"How can you be a turtle when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?"

"Oh her?" He smiles. "That's Michelle!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a particularly wild staff Christmas party, a man wakes up with a wicked hangover...

He turns over and groans to his wife, "Oh, God! What the hell happened last night?"

"You got drunk, of course, and made a goddamn fool of yourself in front of your boss!" his wife informs him.

"Piss on that fuckin' guy," the man says.

"You did. And he fired you," his wife answe...

Why didn't the expired dessert get invited to the party?

It was very off pudding.

Donner party of 5, your table is ready

Or rather, party of 3 now. Would you like to see a dessert menu?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to set up my hipster friend with this awesome guy. He’s rebellious, has dope beard and long wavy hair, hangs around with quirky outcasts, hikes, doesn’t want to own useless crap and knows all the coolest party tricks.

Yeah. Turning hipster girls into Christianity is surprisingly easy.

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

Someone asked me what political party I liked.

I told them "as long as they have beer I like every party."

Party in space

What’s the worst part about throwing a party in space?.....

....You have to planet.

Me and my girlfriend had a party to go to last night..

My girlfriend and I had a party to go to last night, so we thought we'd nip to the shops to get some food to cook up and line our stomachs with.

So we got to the supermarket, collected all of our ingredients and what not, but then when we approached the checkouts there was a massive line, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a costume party my girlfriend was dressed as an egg and me as a chicken

we had sex in the bathroom and I can tell chicken "came" first

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 8th birthday party was just like my sex life

Nobody came.

My mom is throwing a party

Mom: I invited Steve to the party

Me: Which Steve? Cannibal Steve or Steve that can’t spell?

*gets a text*

Steve: I can’t wait to meat your mom tonight

Mom: I’m not sure

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a man decides he wants to host a costume party.

He decides that he wants an emotion-themed party, so he sends out all his invitations, telling his guests to dress as their favorite emotions.

On the night of the party, his doorbell rings, and he opens the door to find his friend dressed in red. "I'm here for the party" says his friend. "I'm...

If the oldest guy at a frat party buys the most beer, and the youngest guy at a frat party drinks the most beer, what does the middle aged guy at a frat party do?

Buys the most beer.

How do farmers party?

They turnip the beets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a big party, Mr. T himself complimented the alligator suede shoes I wore! I told him "I killed it myself, because it kept pooping on my lawn!" Mr. T laughed and said "You know what they say..."

"If the foo' shits, wear it."

A teenager comes home from a party and is drunk

His mom is knows this and asks "are you drunk?" The kid denies it, shakng his head and saying "I'm not drunk." The mom comes up with a test and says, "alright then, tell the time." The kid walks over to the clock and says "I'm not drunk."

Do you think we should bring your Grand father's ashes to the party?

Sister: No, we probably dont need to

Me: No, I dont think its necessary

Uncle: No, I think it's dead weight

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fancy dress party fun

Jimmy has a fancy dress party... the theme being emotions.

the party is getting underway, Jimmy’s first guests arrive, a couple ...the girl is dressed as a huge heart (love) the guy is wearing a green t shirt with the letters n and v on ....(a very original green with envy )

There i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dad takes his kid to a birthday party

A dad takes his kid to a birthday party, and goes to sit down with the other parents. He's talking to the other parents, and realizes that he doesn't know where his kid went so he goes to look for him. He goes to the living room, barely making it through because there's so many people, and calls out...

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a ...

I was asked to bring a bottle to a friends party but I brought a spoon instead.

It caused quite a stir.

I was at a party and there was a big bowl of mixed alcohol and fruit juice, with a long line of brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Nobel prize winners all queuing up to drink it...

...I thought what a great punch line.

My neighbour showed up at my party last night.

Me: My friend Jack is coming as well btw

Them: The cannibal Jack or the Jack that can't spell?

Me \[checks my phone for Jack's text message: I can't wait to meat ur neighbours!\]: Yeah I'm not sure either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why wasn’t the Mushroom invited to the party?

The host thought he looked like a Real Dick

Girl in a party

There’s this girl who’s all alone in a party. She’s sitting on a chair and looking at everyone else dancing, hopelessly, waiting for a boy. She was there for over an hour and finally this fancy looking boy approaches.

He gently asks, “Hello, you’ve being sitting on this chair all alone for o...

The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).


He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him...

I heard billy Mays liked to party

I bet he's partying in heaven like its $19.99.

I was at a party and people were only drinking soda.

There was no punch line.

There was a battle between a fork and a spoon at a kid’s birthday party.

The fork won, it was a piece of cake.

Happy cake day to me I guess

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy who used to work for me said he and his wife could pick me up at my house so we could drive to an office party together.

About an hour before they were supposed to arrive I got a text from him.

*Love - what are you wearing? Would you like me to bring you a dress?*

I read it twice before realizing he obviously meant to send it to his wife and not to me.

He was mortified.

I would not have tea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

my birthday party was crazy, filled with booze, fighting and sex

still, Im never inviting my uncle over again

I'm going to a fancy dress party later, "What you going as?" my friend asked. "A small island off the Italian coast" I replied...

"Don't be so silly" he said

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman arrived at a party. While looking at the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him, smiled and said, “Hello. My name is Carmen.”

“That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?”

“No,” she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most – cars and men. Therefore I chose “Carmen”. “What’s ...

I've been invited to a fancy dress party at Arnold Schwarzenegger's house. The theme is classical composers.

I'll be Bach.

My girlfriend and I met at an outdoor party.

You could say that fête brought us together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just got back from an r/jokes themed party.

It was terrible. Almost everyone was a twin or a triplet so it felt like I kept bumping into the same people over and over, and whenever somebody knocked on the door everyone just asked who it was rather than actually answering it. To top it off, when after waiting 45 minutes I finally got to the f...

Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?

Cause he's a fun-gi!

Why didn't he get invited to last night's party?

Cause there wasn't mushroom!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men were talking at a Bachelor party

The first man says to the other "Did you know that, statistically, one in twenty men are gay? I wonder which one it is?"
The other man said, "I hope it's Jeff, he's cute"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich man threw a mansion party

It was of extravagant proportions. Hundreds of guests filled his enormous abode to mingle and drink with glee. During the festivities the rich man gathered everyone to the backyard.

“Come! I have something to show you all! As well as a challenge!”

His curious (also drunk) flock followe...

My friend invited me to a party in Korea

Didn’t know a Seoul

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Party

When I was 8, my parents were throwing their annual formal dinner party. After much pleading, I was finally able to convinced them to let me greet and welcome everyone to the party.

One day, my parents got into an argument about the seating arrangements. The argument ended when dad called mo...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.