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Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looked around the room and saw that it was in ...

After the losing party refuses to accept election results, a country is teetering on the edge of a civil war.

Armed insurgents invade the capitol, threaten violence and are ultimately overpowered. But intelligence shows that they may be planning another attack.

The country’s leaders ask for advice in how to handle the violence.

The winning party yells “Impeach the outgoing president during...

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a house warming party....

Now, I'm homeless.

We did our company Christmas party online this year and my coworkers were surprised at my incredibly detailed tattoo. They refused to believe me when I told them it was done in Madrid, before the pandemic...

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision...

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Two guys are getting ready for a costume party...

But there's a catch: The host said they have to get dressed up as 'emotions.'

So the first guy goes home and sticks his dick in a pear.

The second guy goes home and sticks his dick in a big bowl of custard.

They show up at the party together and knock on the door. The host opens...

I tried to lighten the mood at a party with a coronavirus joke.

Nobody laughed at first, but eventually everyone got it.

I took my family to a fancy dress party, I asked my wife to be a panda, my kid to be a koala and I went as a grizzly. My wife didn't get the joke, so I said I will tell you when we get to the party... At the party I still refused to tell her and told her to be patient, so when we left...

...I simply turned to her and said, thanks for bearing with me!

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A billionaire was having a party at his house

And in his back yard he had a huge pool with great white sharks in it.
He announced to everyone at the party that whoever could swim across the pool without getting attacked could either have all his money, his wife, or his house.
So when everyone got back to talking all of a sudden a guy is ...

At my cousin's birthday party, I held up a photo of my uncle and said "It's amazing how you look just like your father did at 40!"

That's the last quinceañera I get invited to.

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A guy goes to a costume party wearing only underpants

The host says "What are you supposed to be?"

The guy replies "I'm a premature ejaculation. I just came in my underwear."

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

I threw a surprise bukkake party for a girl friend of mine.

Everybody came. You should have seen her face.

A girl invites her best friend to her Birthday party

At her birthday party while everyone else is away and having fun her best friend eats her whole cake. They catch her and of course the birthday girl is upset, but she manages to calm down and act like everything is fine, deciding to get her revenge another time.

Then several months later it's...

I lost my watch at a party

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at the party. Infuriated I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

My mother asked me to hand out invitations for my brothers surprise birthday party.

That's when I realised he was the favourite twin.

I brought a date to the 4th of July party...

...really sweetened up the fruit salad.

I take strong offense with anyone saying the Republican Party has no standards now.

In fact, they have double standards.

Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party??

Because he wanted a tight seal.

So there's this one kid at a costume party and the host ask what he was dressed up as. The kid told him that he dressed up as a harp, and the host told him that his costume is too small to be a harp.

The kid then said, "Are you calling me a lyre?"

A naked man arrives at a costume party with a girl on his back.

"I'm a turtle", he says.

"Oh... who's on your back?"

"That's Michelle", he replies.

I made a miscarriage joke at a party last night but noone laughed.

I probably didn't deliver it correctly

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I was at a dinner party last night and was seated next to a girl in a wheelchair..

She wasn't the most gorgeous, but the more the wine flowed, the more attractive I found her.
"So tell me" I whispered flirtily in her ear, "have you ever been fingered under a table?"

"No." she replied. "But I once got fucked under a bus."

What do you call a poorly attended party for crows?

attempted murder

What do you call a faux pas at a fondue party?

A fondon't

I was hosting a dinner party and everyone thought my food was bad

Exept the smoke detector, that thought it was fire

A teen goes to a party one day.

He dances for a bit, then he decides to get some punch but sees the line is long so he goes back to dancing. He enters the line but sees the line is still long. So, he dances some more, grabs some food, and scrolls through social media. Eventually he enters the line again. Finally he says: "This pun...

"Hey, did you end up going to that exclusive dominatrix party?"

... oh, I guess that makes sense—most people weren't allowed to come

Went to an 80s fancy dress party once, my wife didn’t want me to go as a pop star.

But I was adamant.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to his friends cake day party!

Knock knock. Who's there? It's me! The chicken. Happy Cake Day!!!

So I met this great girl at a party

I gave her peas.

She gave me herpes.

Billionaire's Party

A billionaire built a large pool for his man eating shark. At parties he would tell guests, “If anyone can swim the length of this pool then I will give you one of three things: $10 million, half of my estate, or the hand of my daughter in marriage.”

No one ever took the billionaire up on the...

A boy is coming home from a party ...

On the way home , he has to go past a graveyard .But since he didn't want to miss the game on the TV , he goes through the graveyard which has a shortcut to his house .

The graveyard was covered with thick fog which was so much that he couldn't see the ground in front of him . Eventually, it...

Everyone loves my "moderately large business agreement" costume at this fancy dress party.

I'm kind of a big deal.

Superbowl party!? Or superb Owl party?!

As a fun intellectual alternative to the sports balls.

A group of physicists held a beach party. They had fun so made it an annual event.

It's becoming a really popular wave function.

How do astronomers organize a party?

They Planet!

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Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party

Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men,...

I tried to find volunteers for a tug of war game during a party, but failed miserably

The good players just won't come forward.

What food does a stoner serve his guests at a party?

Pot Roast. Ba dum dum

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I was once photographed out partying whilst drunk, drugged up and looking very much worse for wear. The news media got hold of it and my picture was splashed across the tabloid papers with the headline "The Terrifying Effects of Substance Abuse".

When I first saw it, I went home and had a long hard look at myself in The Mirror.

And then in The Sun, The Daily Star and The Tribune. I thought to myself "Now that's fucking Rock 'n' Roll"

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

A society lady runs into the employment office one day and demands a maid "right now". It seems she's having a dinner party that night and her maid quit.

The guy in the agency explains that all the girls he has right now have just gotten off the boat from Ireland.
They're untrained. The lady says she'll train the girl but needs someone right away.

The agency guy asks for volunteers and Molly comes forward. She agrees to go and be trained....

I remember the time my cousin completely lost it and threw a giant fit at her 12th birthday party. After she changed her outfit she was fine...

It was a post dramatic dress

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

What do you buy for a WallStreetBets party?

The dip

Do you remember that party we had in Pompeii?

Yeah everyone was stoned

I successfully quit my job as an animator without making a scene, so I had a party to celebrate...

and everybody brought gifs.

That was a great birthday party I went to last night.

Nice looking women, great food, good music. Everyone just having a good time

And they didn't even notice me staring in through the crack in the curtains.

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Three Brooklynites Are Invited To A Party...

The theme for this party is "Dress Like an Emotion." The first guy is wearing a pear costume. The second guy is wearing a dress. And the third guy is butt-naked except for a custard pie around his pecker.

They ring the doorbell. The host opens the door, sizes them up, and says "You guys aren'...

If you drink that fluorescent liquid there's inside those party bracelets you can predict the future

My friend just drank 5 of them and said he was going to die, 2 hours later he was dead.

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John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache

Had a case of cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"E...

Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party.

Lady: Do you mean a choir?

Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group?

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God ."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.”

Again, all were quiet.

Then, slowly, a gorgeous blonde stood up...

Guy goes to a fancy dress party in a green jumpsuit carry a woman by piggy back.....

Doorman: You can't come in mate, you're not in fancy dress

Guy: Yes I am, I'm a tortoise

Doorman: well I can see you're wearing green, but what's with the woman on your back?

Guy: That's Michelle....

My Son’s Class Did a Play for the Boston Tea Party.

His teacher told him he would be the tea that was thrown in the harbor. She said he could pick to be any type of tea he’d like. He got so upset that he started running around the class throwing things. I guess he chose to be not tea.

I invited my buddy to a costume party and he said he was going as his dad

He didn’t show up

I went to a fondue party last night and thought of a really great joke!

I was too embarrassed to say it though, it was really cheesy.

Some astronauts wanted to have a New Year's party on the moon

But they didn't planet in time

A guy goes to a New Year’s Day party. There are hundreds of people, holiday music is playing.

A few groups of people are playing cards. Others are shooting billiards. Yet another group is sitting around a warm fire telling stories. Everyone seems to be having a wonderful time. Realizing he is hungry, the man gets in a large queue and starts chatting with an old friend. After many minutes ...

What does a redditor eat at their virtual bday party?

A byte of cake

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A Soviet Strip Club

In the seventies, Soviet party members decide on establishing the first strip club in Moscow


They plan out everything, yet somehow there's next to no income. After some discussion, they decide on inviting two American experts to inspect the place.

The Americans look around for a m...

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My new party trick...

I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together.

I shit you knot.

Did you guys hear about the hummus party? It was wild...

Chickpead

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A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it.

'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.' So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. 

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as h...

500 bricks on a plane

Q. There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many left?

A. 499

Q. What are the 3 simple steps of putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.

Q. What are the 4 simple steps of putting a giraffe in a refrigerat...

I was talking to a girl at a party

Me: You're the most average girl here
Her: You're mean
Me: Actually you are

Joseph Stalin is in a movie theatre with his fellow party members attending a premiere of a Soviet comedy movie.

He laughs and grins throughout the film, but after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. But that clown had a moustache just like mine. Shoot him."

Everyone is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the actor shaves off his moustache?"

Stalin replie...

Several aristocrats are having a party on a cruise ship, when the captain comes down and interrupts.

"I have some good news and some bad news," he says. "Which do you want to hear first?"

"Good!" everyone says in unison.

The captain says, "We won eleven Oscars!"

Tsunami invited Cyclone,Earthquake,and Drought to a tea party.

No one came.

Tsunami had a silent tea.

I took my date to the party...

...but after a couple of hours in my pocket is was all sticky and covered in fluff

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A dick says to his balls, "Get ready guys, we're going to a party tonight!"

The balls say, "No way, man, we're tired of it! You always go inside and leave us outside knocking!"

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Only in England.

£800 fine if you are caught at a house party during lock-down.

But reduced to £400 if paid early.

If you catch covid at the party, the government will

give you £500 to stay at home.

That's £100 profit.

This country is absolutely fucked.

The wife and I went to a bank robber-themed fancy dress party last night.

Well I did. She stayed in the car, keeping the engine running.

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Everybody was making fun of my friend at a party

Everyone was making fun of my friend at a party I went to over the holidays. They all kept going into graphic detail about how they saw him fucking a dead dog by the railroads the other night. I mean they were really laying into this guy, and you could tell that he was starting to get really embarra...

How do you get the bass player to leave the party?

Pay him for the pizza.

A man showed up late to the cannibal party

So they gave him the cold shoulder.

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During a dinner party, the hosts’ two little children enter the dining room totally nude and walk slowly around the table.

The parents are so embarrassed that they pretend nothing is happening and keep the conversation going. The guests cooperate and also continue as if nothing extraordinary is happening. After going all the way around the room the children leave, and there is a moment of silence at the table, during wh...

Nobody came to my party...

Even the cake was in tiers

What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?

You can have your cake and eat it too!

I’m going to have a paintball party for my birthday.

The whole point is to keep people away.

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What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

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A man comes home from a formal party with two black eyes

His roommate looks at him surprised and asks him how on earth it happened.

The man says there was a beautiful young woman wearing a formal gown at the party, and he noticed that her dress was riding up the crack of her butt.

"Obviously", he said, "that's embarrassing and I don't want ...

How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?

Don’t worry, they’ll let you know.

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Elton John did so much LSD at a party one night, he tried to have sex with a woman...

Dude was straight trippin'

A peanut told a bad joke at a party

Everyone at the party roasted him

On the other hand, a cheeto's bad joke resulted in him becoming the president of the United States

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A guy walks into a birthday party

Everyone brings the birthday girl all sorts of gifts but this one uncle of hers decided to bring them nothing but a walnut. The parents were so furious that they decided to shove the walnut up his ass but the guy was crying laughing the whole time. The parents asked him why, and he said that his fri...

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Me and my girlfriend were going to a Halloween party last year and my girlfriend came down the stairs wearing nothing but boots.

I asked her “What are you suppose to be?” She said, “Puss in boots.” So I went into the kitchen and put a potato on my penis. When I came back out, she asked me, “What are you suppose to be?” I said, “If you can be puss in boots, then I can be a dictator…”

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill.

Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

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Went to a party for amputees the other day

The place was crawling with pussy

On my first day at the university, I got invited to a party.

The Communist Party.

A 30-year old man told his wife that he's going to the bar to party with his friends

The wife was really worried that her husband is not spending enough time with her, but she was helpless.

An hour later, she recieves a text from her husband asking for a picture.

She was glad that her husband wanted to see her face even though he was partying with his friends.

T...

We threw a house party that ended badly last night, after the wife put her best friend in hospital with a single punch.

The worst fruit allergy I've ever seen.

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[NSFW] I hosted a party for people who struggle to reach orgasm

but nobody came.

What do cannibals serve at the beginning of a dinner party?

Handshakes.

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During the late thirties the Nazi party hosted a friendly soccer game versus England. The Nazi's star goalkeeper was Hans Bratvender.

Late in the game Hans, overcome with Nationalist pride, turned to face the Chancellor's private box, stood to attention and gave a Nazi salute.

At that moment, the English forward kicked from outside the goal crease, and scored what would be the winning goal.

When asked later to explai...

I went to a fancy dress party dressed up as an egg.

When I got there I saw this cute girl in a chicken costume!

So I said to her: "Are we going to find out, or what?"

Billy Mays is partying in heaven...

...like it's $19.99

Communist party gathers, main speaker is Stalin. Someone sneezes.

Stalin: Comrades, who sneezed?

Silence.

Stalin: I ask again, comrades, who sneezed?

Silence intensifies.

Stalin: Shoot down first row!

Guards spray the first row with bullets.

Stalin: Comrades, i ask AGAIN, who sneezed?

Dead silence.

Stalin: Sh...

Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party

You want to do it, but you don't want to be the first, and you definitely don't want to be the only

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3 Jamaicans go to a dress up party

The theme is 'emotions' with a strict entry policy. No costume, no entry.

The first guy knocks on the door dressed as a giant pear. The host says "this is an emotions party, what are you supposed to be?"

He replies "I'm in dis pear" and walks in.

The 2nd guy doesnt have a costu...

A wealthy man threw a party.

He had recently purchased a tank filled with sharks, alligators, piranhas, and other aquatic animals that could kill people. He told the guests that anyone who swam across would get 3 wishes. No one dared to try it so the party continued.

About 10 minutes later, there was a splash, and there...

What does a house wear to a party ?

Address.

What starts with M, ends in DMA, and was an exciting surprise at the party?

My Grandma

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Walking home after a blowout Election Day party.

Two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.

The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wi...

Why was the skeleton sad at the holloween party

Because he had no body to dance with

What do you call a group of sad pitbulls?

A pittie party

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