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Toilets Jokes

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Golden toilets

A guy walks into a bar in one morning, and goes up to the bar tender. "Do you guys have golden toilets?" he asks.

"What? Golden toilets? What are you talking about?"

"Look, last night I got pretty wasted but the one thing I can remember is peeing in a golden toilet."

Bartender ...

Somebody stole all the toilets in the police station

The cops have nothing to go on

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I desperately needed a massive shit on the train today but there were no toilets in sight and none onboard so I just sat there and held it for about 20 minutes.

The woman sitting opposite looked at me in disgust and said, "Is that a poo in your hand?"

I was in the public toilets....

... and had just sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi!, how are you?” Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine”. The voice said “So what are you up to?”. I said, “Just doing the same as you, sitting here!”. From next door, “Can I come over?”. Annoyed, I said, “rather busy right now”. The voi...

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're assigned to hell."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of accommodations and starts designing and building improvements.

After a wh...

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Being alone in the toilet

Should remind you that you're always alone when shit goes down!

I like toilets for 2 reasons:

Number 1:
And number 2.

A man is returning to his seat in the movie theater after visiting the toilets.

"Excuse me," he says to the lady sitting beside the aisle, "Did I step on your foot when I went out?"

"Yes you did," says the lady angrily.

"Oh good," says the man, "that means I'm in the right row."

What would you do if all toilets stopped working?

Depends.

A blonde accidentally drops 20$ down the toilet

She asks her boyfriend to grab it for her and he says:

"Y'know, honey, 20$ isn't really worth putting my hand on the toilet."

"Would 70$ be worth it?"

"70$? Yeah, I suppose."

The blonde drops 50$ down the toilet.

Did you hear about all the toilets being stolen inside the Miami Dade police department?

The cops have nothing to go on.

What do you call musical chairs with toilets?

Game of Thrones

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Golden toilet

One night, a wife is up late waiting for her husband to come home.
''Where have you been?'' she asks him when he walks in the door.
''Oh honey, you wouldn't believe it. I went to this new bar called the Golden Bar. It had gold ashtrays, gold stools, gold cups, and even gold toilets,'' replie...

Why are the majority of toilets white?

Because it’s the American Standard.

Why does Drax avoid automatically flushing toilets?

They flush early when he stands still.

Dear Wal-mart automatic toilets,

I wanted to look at that.

Sincerely,
Me.

Don't believe everything you read in public toilets

Sharon was not up for a good time and it was a very awkward phone call

Where do toilets come from?

They grow on toiletries..

Why does KFC have no toilets?

Cuz it’s finger licking good.

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Elevators with toilets.

Isn't that taking shit to another level ?

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I remember when, as a kid, I learned toilets could flush.

I lost my shit.

Disabled toilets...

Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

3 Irishmen and 3 Englishmen are buying train tickets

The Englishmen all buy a seperate ticket, 3 in total. The Irishmen however buy only one ticket for the three of them.

One of the Englishmen asks: "Won't you guys get thrown off the train?"

"You'll see," say the Irish.

After riding the train for half an hour, the six men see the ...

What type of toilets do pirates prefer?

Port-a-potties.

I'll sea myself out.

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Friends are like toilets

They both put up with your shit.

The Bar with the Golden Toilet

A guy is recounting his previous night's drunken adventure to his buddy.

"I'm telling ya man. This is the best bar in the whole city. Every Friday night they have all you can drink specials for $2. And the best part... a sorority house is right next door and the place is just filled with youn...

Golden toilets

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited: “Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”

“No way!”

“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t be...

In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.

He had a straight flush.

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The brushes behind toilets are the real MVPs

You don't even know the shit they go through.

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Why was the Indian government building so many toilets?

So that people could give a shit.

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Can we just take a moment to appreciate toilets?

They take a lot of shit from us and they're still there for us.

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