UPJOKE
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How do you refer to a sponge that doesn't want to have anything to do with showers or baths?

Aloofa.

This morning I was hanging out at the local swimming baths...

...and then somebody told me and I tucked it back in again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend always takes long baths after we finish watching a Ryan gosling movie

I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Ryan Gosling

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to...

A husband and wife's last child goes off to college...

The husband's friend asks him what it's like having no kids around.

"It's awful," the husband says, "my wife now treats me like one of the kids. She's started picking out my clothes. She's tries to give me baths. At the grocery store she slaps my hand any time I reach for something!"

"...

What kind of dogs loves baths?

A shampoodle.

I don't understand why people say giving cats baths is hard.

I was really enjoying it.

He was too.

Worst part was the fur in my mouth.

There are three kinds of people: Firstly the ones who shower, secondly the ones who takes baths

and thirdly the ones who sit next to me on the bus.

It is now recommended that high risk groups take mud baths when infected with COVID-19.

It won't save you, but it will help you get used to the feeling of the dirt.

I have a special needs daughter, and she hates taking baths.

I don’t blame her. I don’t like soggy vegetables either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun is in the bath

Shes hears a knock on the door and a man says "can i come in".

"who are you?" she asks nervously.

"Im the blind man" he replies.

"Oh well in that case come in" she says relieved.

The man walks in.

"Nice tits" he says "Now where shall I hang these blinds?"

Why does Tiger have to take so many baths?

Because he plays with Pooh all day.

So, the Pope dies and goes to heaven...

He approached the pearly gates as angelic music plays around him and soft light baths him.

Knocking, he is surprised when Hari Krishna open the gate to him.

"Hello. Who are you?" He says in a thick Indian accent.

"I'm the Pope."

"Great. What is a Pope?"

"The head...

My wife complained that long baths feel draining

So I got her a plug.

TIL that dinosaurs used hot springs to take baths

But as time advanced they moved onto meteor showers.

I called the swimming baths today...

Me: *"Hi, is this the local pool?"*

Guy on the phone: *"Depends where you're calling from"*

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