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I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" confused.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

What do call a man with no arms and no legs in a jacuzzi?

Stew

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew.

Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

What did Narcissus say when he was shopping for luxury Jacuzzis?

I can really see myself in that pool

What do you call James Bond in a jacuzzi?

Bubble-0-7

I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look...

... I knew I was in hot water.

What do you call 4 lepers in a Jacuzzi?

Oatmeal.

Recent reports have shown that Tide Pods can be used to clean your bathtub or jacuzzi...

Since they're already acting like chlorine on our gene pool

Three guys in a jacuzzi

Here's a little joke I know. Tell it freely.

Three guys, in a jacuzzi. First guy starts ringing; *brinnng brinnggg* "oh excuse me, that's my built in phone, I'll be right back" - He gets up and wanders away talking directly into his right hand.

Second fella, a while later, beeps a few ...

What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi?

i let women know that i have a jacuzzi

For Sale: Dwarf Jacuzzi

Can also be used as a foot spa.

I've got my own private jet...

...but the rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my mom.

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An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

I like to tell girls I have my own private jet

But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

Civil engineer goes to Hell

A civil engineer dies and goes to Hell by accident. According to policy, all civil engineers go to Heaven but a mistake was made this time. The engineer descends to Hell and he finds the situation miserable. Too much heat, fires, lava, vapor, and everyone is in panic mode. So he goes to have a littl...

A Pope and a lawyer meet by the Pearly Gates.

A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven.
They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms.
The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light.
They came to the Lawyer's room.
It was huge...

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Fruit Basket

A man takes his girlfriend on a weekend getaway to a beach resort. They check in and the concierge takes them up to show them their lavish suite. He points out the huge fruit basket filled with goodies as they enter, The suite has great views of the ocean, a jacuzzi etc etc... They tip the concierge...

I find it really embarrassing when there's that really large splashing sound when you take a poo.

Of people trying to get out of the jacuzzi.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they screw in a Jacuzzi.

No arms, no legs.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pothole? Phil.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a wall? Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that you lift? Jim.
...

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