I used to bathe in tomato ketchup

In heinz-site, it wasn't the best idea

What does a vampire bathe in?

A bath tub.

When I was a kid, we were so poor I had to bathe in the spring.

When money was good, I'd bathe in the fall too.

A rich man walks into a poor village.

Walking around, he notices that people are bathing with dirty water from the nearby pond. He suddenly feels motivated to do a good deed and calls all the villagers to the village square to announce this good news. “I will build three faucets in each and every home in this village, everybody will ha...

I am one of the few Redditors that bathes on a semi-regular basis.

Which is another way of saying I'm not a mod.

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home.

The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Then she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses again rush back to put her upright. This goes on all day. The ne...

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die and, true to his word, he made the first contact:

"Kris, Kris, can...

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I can eat, masturbate, and bathe in less than 10 minutes.

The waiter just usually starts freaking out by minute 6.

Doctor : "I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life."

Me : OH MY GOD!

Doctor : Just kidding. She's dead.

How do terrorists prefer to bathe?

...with bath bombs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Off in the English countryside, back behind the church, there lay a secluded stretch of river, set amidst the willows, which was reserved for clergymen who wished to bathe in the nude.

Prominent signs warned against trespassing, and barriers prevented boats and punts containing females from approaching this discreet section of the river.

One fateful Sunday afternoon, as the holy men laid on the bank, the river rose up. It washed away the signs and weakened the barriers, and...

As a baby and toddler I was bathed in cheap Australian lager....

It was only when I reached 28 that my parents admitted that I had been Fostered.

5 year old son, after reading story of a king...

Son:......Mom, I also want 5 wifes.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son!

Mom:...but who will sleep with your 5 wifes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have bathed in the blood of virgins!

I had a nosebleed in the shower.

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