How do baseball players know when to bathe?

Foul balls

When I was a child my mum always used to bathe me in cheap Australian beer.

It wasn't till I was 18 that I realized I'd been Fostered....

Up to which age is it appropriate to bathe with your kid? 36M

My mom says it's getting weird

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A Catholic priest and a Jewish priest bathe naked in the river

A group of people walk past the river. The Catholic priest holds his hands in front of his private parts, the Jewish pastor holds his hand in front of his face. The Catholic priest asks: Why are you holding your hand in front of your face? The Jewish pastor answers: Because my community recognizes m...

Why didn't the pirates bathe before walking the plank?

They figured they'd wash up on shore later.

The guy who sold me these pigs said I should bathe them every day.

Hogwash.

What do you call a furry who doesn’t bathe?

A furry

A nanny bathes twins

A nanny bathes a set of twins. The twins were marked with numbers, the first born marked with a 1 and the second born marked with a 2. The nanny bathes both the twins and the parents come in and say
“ Where are the numbers?! We can’t tell them apart any more”
The nanny says “ I can tell them...

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An Australian, Frenchman and a British man are in a desert...

The three had been walking for a couple of days in blazing heat, they stumbled onto a ravine and begin to bathe in it.

The three men look up in horror to see see a group of tribals with spears pointing at them, the men are brought to the chief of the tribe.

The chief says "you trespass...

I used to bathe in tomato ketchup

In heinz-site, it wasn't the best idea

A man in his 80’s went to a doctor with his beautiful, breathtaking 25 year old lady.

Doctor helped the frail old man in his clinic: What can I do for you today, sir?

Old man said to the Dr: I married this beautiful angel 2 months ago, and she is pregnant with my baby. At this age, I forgot how to care for the mother, I want to seek your advice.

Doctor a little taken ...

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact. “Judy, Judy.”<...

6 Year old son , after reading story of a king

Son: Mom I also want 4 wives, one will sing ,one bathe me, one will cook

Mom: And one will put you to sleep

Son:No, Mom I will still sleep with you
Mom's eyes filled up with tears.God Bless you dear

Mom: Then who will sleep with your 4 wives?

Son: Let them sleep wit...

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The blood of virgins

A guy walks into his regular bar and loudly orders a round for the entire bar. "Drink up! For tonight I have bathed in the blood of virgins!" he loudly proclaims. "So, had another nose bleed while you were in the shower today, huh?" the bartender asks.

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Nathan


the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser....

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Monkey Who Does Great Sex

A young sexy woman passing by a pet shop saw a board -

"Monkey who does great sex".

She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.

The Manual said *'Give a good bath to the monkey, then you take a bath. Make him sit on the bed and you lie down w...

I am one of the few Redditors that bathes on a semi-regular basis.

Which is another way of saying I'm not a mod.

Doctor : "I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life."

Me : OH MY GOD!

Doctor : Just kidding. She's dead.

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I can eat, masturbate, and bathe in less than 10 minutes.

The waiter just usually starts freaking out by minute 6.

How do terrorists prefer to bathe?

...with bath bombs.

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

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Off in the English countryside, back behind the church, there lay a secluded stretch of river, set amidst the willows, which was reserved for clergymen who wished to bathe in the nude.

Prominent signs warned against trespassing, and barriers prevented boats and punts containing females from approaching this discreet section of the river.

One fateful Sunday afternoon, as the holy men laid on the bank, the river rose up. It washed away the signs and weakened the barriers, and...

Not your typical response

Some guy was having fun with another woman in her house. He finished up and as he was ready to leave, he realizes he smells like her perfume. So he had a great idea. He went to a local bar, drank a few good ones and went home.

His wife smelled him and said:
"Do you think I'm stupid, huh...

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Ten Lines to Get You Out of Jury Duty

1. I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.

2. I am really attracted to you, Your Honor.

3. If a police officer told me I was a bug, I'd believe him

4. I think laws are for sissies.

5. Would I have to bathe?

6. Can each of my personalities vote in t...

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I met a really nice girl on a first date.

Her: I bathe in milk, can you go to the shop and get some please.

Me: Pasteurized.?

Her: No just up to my tits will be fine...

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