UPJOKE
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What is the best time to bathe in Ireland?

Too dirty.

When I was a child my mum always used to bathe me in cheap Australian beer.

It wasn't till I was 18 that I realized I'd been Fostered....

An Egyptian prince bathes in a nearby river to avoid the reality of his father's recent death...

He's a Pharoah in deNile.

How do baseball players know when to bathe?

Foul balls

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[NSFW] A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death.

After a long life together , the wife was the first to die and true to her words, she made first contact.

W: "Darling. Darling."

H: "Is that you my love?"

W: "Yes , I've come back like we agreed"

H : "That's wonderful! What is it like in the afterlife? Is there sex?"<...

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A Catholic priest and a Jewish priest bathe naked in the river

A group of people walk past the river. The Catholic priest holds his hands in front of his private parts, the Jewish pastor holds his hand in front of his face. The Catholic priest asks: Why are you holding your hand in front of your face? The Jewish pastor answers: Because my community recognizes m...

Up to which age is it appropriate to bathe with your kid? 36M

My mom says it's getting weird

Why didn't the pirates bathe before walking the plank?

They figured they'd wash up on shore later.

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A Blonde woman is walking two dogs, one White and the other Black.

An Old lady walking down the same street notices them and since it's a breed she's never seen before, she's curious and walks up to the woman. "Wow, these dogs are adorable. What kind are they?". The Blonde smiles and goes "Which one, the white one or the black one?".

The old lady is a little...

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The Queen's breasts

The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Sid revealed hi...

The guy who sold me these pigs said I should bathe them every day.

Hogwash.

What do you call a furry who doesn’t bathe?

A furry

I used to bathe in tomato ketchup

In heinz-site, it wasn't the best idea

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Doctor: "Sir, I have some terrible news for you..."

Doctor (cont.): " Your wife has been in a terrible car accident. We had to amputate two of her limbs. She has a tracheotomy. She will not be able to talk.. You will have to care for her, help her get to the bathroom, bathe her, get her medications. She will need full time care."

Man: "OH do...

When I was a kid, we were so poor I had to bathe in the spring.

When money was good, I'd bathe in the fall too.

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New Job!!

A young guy living in Boston recently became unemployed and he immediately went to the nearest job center where he noticed a flyer pinned to the job board seeking a "Gynecologist's Assistant to work at a newly-built 'Soothing Approach Gynecology Center', no experience required".
He was very inter...

A man gets a phone call from the hospital...

He finds out his wife has been in a bad car accident and is in critical condition. So he immediately stops what he's doing and rushes to the hospital as fast as he can.

When he gets to the waiting room, he frantically asks the doctor, "Where is my wife? Is she okay? What happened?"

The...

My Parents Love Me

Whenever I went to bathe they would shower me with Toasters, Hair Dryers, and Fans.

Doctor : "I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life."

Me : OH MY GOD!

Doctor : Just kidding. She's dead.

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I can eat, masturbate, and bathe in less than 10 minutes.

The waiter just usually starts freaking out by minute 6.

How do terrorists prefer to bathe?

...with bath bombs.

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Off in the English countryside, back behind the church, there lay a secluded stretch of river, set amidst the willows, which was reserved for clergymen who wished to bathe in the nude.

Prominent signs warned against trespassing, and barriers prevented boats and punts containing females from approaching this discreet section of the river.

One fateful Sunday afternoon, as the holy men laid on the bank, the river rose up. It washed away the signs and weakened the barriers, and...

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An Australian, Frenchman and a British man are in a desert...

The three had been walking for a couple of days in blazing heat, they stumbled onto a ravine and begin to bathe in it.

The three men look up in horror to see see a group of tribals with spears pointing at them, the men are brought to the chief of the tribe.

The chief says "you trespass...

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What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

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Monkey Who Does Great Sex

A young sexy woman passing by a pet shop saw a board -

"Monkey who does great sex".

She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.

The Manual said *'Give a good bath to the monkey, then you take a bath. Make him sit on the bed and you lie down w...

A man in his 80’s went to a doctor with his beautiful, breathtaking 25 year old lady.

Doctor helped the frail old man in his clinic: What can I do for you today, sir?

Old man said to the Dr: I married this beautiful angel 2 months ago, and she is pregnant with my baby. At this age, I forgot how to care for the mother, I want to seek your advice.

Doctor a little taken ...

6 Year old son , after reading story of a king

Son: Mom I also want 4 wives, one will sing ,one bathe me, one will cook

Mom: And one will put you to sleep

Son:No, Mom I will still sleep with you
Mom's eyes filled up with tears.God Bless you dear

Mom: Then who will sleep with your 4 wives?

Son: Let them sleep wit...

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