This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is walking her dog along the pier

When suddenly the dog slips and falls in to the rough sea below. Distraught, she begins to scream for help as the waves drag the dog deeper and deeper. Out of nowhere a German man dives in, brings it ashore, resuscitates it and the dog gets up as if nothing has happened. The woman, who is incredibly...

My dad come up to my room, and handed me my soaking wet wallet, after accidentally leaving it in my jeans as they went through the wash.

"Son, you're going to have to stop money laundering."

I'm sick of tired of people soaking my floor with their wet umbrellas when they come over to visit.

I think it's time to make a stand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...

A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.

As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Frenchman wished to assess the buoyancy of the common household cat.

So he took three cats down to the canal and threw them in, and *un, deux, trois* cats sank.

Fortunately a kindly German saw this and jumped in (after punching the Frenchman on the nose) and rescued the cats. He looked them over and said "Huh. Bit ze vorse for vair, but I zink I can save zem"....

Soaking a twig in coke is nice, but soaking a twig in fanta...

Fanta stick.

Cold War Era Joke: The chairman of the Communist party decides to go check how his fellow comrades are doing. He walks into a dreadful cinema and sits down. Before the movie starts, there is 15 minutes of communist propaganda, with him giving a boring speech at the end. Everyone stands up and

Starts clapping and cheering enthusiastically.

The chairman is so humbled and stays seated, soaking in the love.

A few minutes into the cheering the guy on his left bends over and whispers directly in his ear.

"Comrade, I know how you feel, but if don't want to be sent to Siberi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of Nazi spies parachutes in Britain during WW2.

They're all well-trained, they know their mission, they have their legends. But when they're still above the ocean, suddenly a terrible thunderstorm hits them. The hurricane scatters them, some of them smash into the cliffs, others hit the waves and drown. Only one last spy, by sheer luck or miracle...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men wait for an elevator... (NSFW)

So two men are standing in front of an elevator waiting for it to arrive. One man is a very skinny fellow standing at barely 5 foot 5 and maybe on a good day could manage to come to 90 pounds soaking wet. The other man is a colossus of a human being that looks like he runs out of weights to put on a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honeymoon suite

An elderly couple returns to their original Honeymoon Suite fifty years after their wedding night.

The old man stands soaking in the view over the bay as his wife settles into a skimpy nightgown.

From behind, the old man hears his wife ask, “Do you remember what you said to me in thi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog who was drowning...

After he climbed out he handed me the dog and said "here is ze dog, keep him varm and dry him off he vill be fine", I said "are you a vet?", He replied "vet? I'm fucking soaking!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two students are late for school,

so their teacher sends them to the principal's office.

The first boy enters and sits down. The principal asks him why he was late, to which the boy responds, "I was throwing sticks in the lake." The principal, new at the school, thinks to himself, "Boy, this school sure is strict - that's no...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dog was drowning in a pond...

A German man ran over and jumped into the pond to try and save it.

When he got out, the dog was unconscious, but it was safe for now.

A bystander, who had watched this happen, asked the man: “are you a vet?”

The man replied: “am I vet? I’m fucking soaking!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A student goes to talk to his professor about his grade.

The student comes up to the professor, "What is this, why did you grade me an 80?"

The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve"

The student takes the exam back, and asks "If I'll bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?" The professor is surprised, but still ...

A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...

He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.

The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.

"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"

"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "...

The saudi king was walking in the streets, dressed as a commoner to check up on his subjects

He found a destitute man, whose toes were coming out of his shoes.

The king was surprised by what he saw, and walked to the man and asked ''why are your toes coming out of your shoes?''

The man replied '' my feet have out grown my shoes, and i don't have any money to buy a new pair.''...

An old lady walks into an Apple store with a dripping wet MacBook in hand.

She finds an employee and tells him that her MacBook wouldn’t turn on after she cleaned it. The employee looks at the MacBook and sees that it’s soaking wet.

“Ma’am did you wash it with water?” He asks.

“Yes but I don’t think that’s what killed it.” Replied the old lady.

“Than w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

DIARY OF A POM IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA

August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia .
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful.
I've fi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his beautiful blonde wife liked to sunbath in the nude. On a trip to the Caribbean, the man fell asleep in the hot mid-day sun...

... while his wife was out shopping. Hours later he woke up with a terribly painful sunburn on his privates. The hotel medical attendant recommended applying cold milk to his penis to prevent blistering.

His wife came home to find her husband sitting with his member soaking in a large saucer ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

The Flood

It rains heavily for several days and flood waters start to rise. People are being evacuated as the water covers the ground completely.

The village priest is forced onto the roof of his house to escape drowning. He is sitting calmly and patiently in his soaking wet clothes when a lifeboat com...

I picked up an odd woman from the sidewalk.

As I was driving one rainy night, I saw a woman without an umbrella, dressed smartly, yet soaking wet. I asked if she wanted a ride and she nodded yes.

Now I had ulterior motives I had had a lot of alcohol at the Christmas party, and I was feeling myself getting drunk, and so I wanted someon...

One rainy afternoon

One afternoon, as the rain slowly pours down on the roof, a young wife woke up from a relaxing nap, as she lays down and contemplates, she felts a sudden urge. The young wife moved towards her sleeping husband, leans against his body and gently whispered to his ear “It’s soaking wet, wake up and put...

Jesus and Moses return to earth for a vacation.

They are walking around a lake, and Moses says, "Well J-Naz, it has been a hot minute or two, but let's see if we can still perform miracles." Moses raises his arms, and the waters in the lake part, showing a dry pathway on the bottom of the lake.

Jesus says, "That's pretty gnarly Momo, I bet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Good Father John

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and the young nun, Sister
Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun
had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness
if she could help it, do whatever he told...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rich guy is having a fancy party

A rich guy is having a fancy party
So he calls the attention of all his guests and says, "Ladies and gents, behind you is a swimming pool with an alligator in it. Whoever is brave enough to swim across it and survive shall be rewarded fifty thousand dollars." While everyone is still staring at th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A retail store manager calls one of his male employees into his office.

The employee walks in with soaking wet hands.

“I’m sorry sir, but we’re going to have to let you go,” says the manager.

“Seriously?! Why is that?,” the man replies

“Well you use the women’s restroom at least 15 times a day, and many employees and customers have complained abou...

Nice Car!

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes...

This guy went to play poker with his buddies

After a while, it started pouring outside, thunderstorm and what not. The guy, who walked there, asked his friend - how will I get home now? His friend's wife tells him it's not a problem, he should just spend the night there and go straight to work the next day. The friend and his wife get ready to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Vagrants

Five men were brought in front of a judge on charges of vagrancy, public indecency and solicitation. They insisted, however, that they were just looking for work.


"What do you do?", the judge asked the first man.


“I’m a cork soaker.”


The judge blinked. “Pardon?”
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking down the pier one day and saw a woman's dog fall into the water...

She started screaming in a panic as her dog couldn't swim very well and was starting to go under. Out of nowhere a little german man dived over the edge and dragged the dog out and started performing CPR on the dog. The dog came to and was fine, the woman says ''Oh my god, are you a little vet?'' th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One goes East, one goes West...

It is a Friday night, and everyone is heading home for the weekend. An Army Sergeant leaves the base late, heading west for his home. Across town, at another base, an Air Force Sergeant also leaves late, heading east.

The snow starts blowing, and the sun sets. On the highway, both Sergeants ...

My girlfriend has a water fetish...

I just spilled a jug of water over her and now she's soaking wet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Took me a while

*When I was a kid, my mom always used to quote the punchline of this joke. Today, four decades later, I finally heard the joke itself.*

On a hot day, a guy ducks into a bar for a beer. There is no one in the bar but the bartender, a pianist, and a little monkey dancing on the piano.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy suspects his wife is cheating.

Every day he comes home from work to find his wife naked in bed; obviously tired, turned on, and soaking wet. He tells her the next time he comes home and finds her in this state, he's pulling her pubic hair out one by one. The next day he comes home to find her in the same position. He gets on the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"FREE BEER FOR LIFE CHALLENGE!"

A Man walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads

"FREE BEER FOR LIFE IF YOU CAN PASS OUR CHALLENGE!"

He asks the bartender, "What's the challenge?"

The bartender says "first you have to finish a 5th of tequila without making a face, then you have to go out back and remove my ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Losing my virginity was like being born again

Naked, soaking wet, crying in the hands of my father...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mean lookin biker dude walks in a bar...

... bellies up to the center of a "U" shaped bar and orders a beer. Bartender brings him a beer and he chugs it down. He looks to the left side of the bar with a scowl on his face and says "All you sittin over there are a bunch of motherfuckers. And if ya got anything to say about it... we can just ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pissing on the Porch

A man and woman had a couple of children who were in high school, a boy and a girl. Now, the girl was quickly blossoming into a woman and growing quite attractive and popular with the boys. In fact, it seemed like there was a new boy at the front door every evening.

One morning after the gir...

The Old Samaritan

An older couple are in bed at their country home during a bad thunderstorm. There is a surprising knock at the door. The husband goes downstairs to see who it is. A man in soaking wet clothes is standing there and asks "Can you please give me a push?" The older husbands responds with a resounding "N...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.