Did you hear about the cross dressing dinosaur?

He decided to try Sarah's tops.

My wife caught me dressing in drag and decided that we were over.

So I picked up her stuff and left.

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I dipped my balls in some 1000 island dressing

because I have depression

My neighbour knocked on today so I opened the door in my dressing gown.

He looked me up and down and said “that’s a weird place to put a door”

What dressing does Luke Skywalker put on a porg before eating it?

Skywalker Ranch

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

My girlfriend was mad at me for not having a sense of direction and cross dressing.

So I packed her clothes and right.

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop.

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?" "I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to...

I really excel at dressing up in armour

It's my strongest suit

My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion.

He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.

I can see straight through my father’s cross dressing.

He’s transparent.

I’m dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.

I won’t be leaving the house.


(Heard this on the podcast “Fake the Nation” and thought you all would like it.)

I cornered my dad “You like dressing like woman, admit it!” He was ashamed and asked how I knew?

He’s too transparent

I was going to make a game where you play a death-defying, cross-dressing little person.

But I see you guys hate micro trans action.

Dressing like a nun seems like something I'd like to do, but I've heard it's addictive

and I don't want to get into the habit.

For Halloween I'm dressing up as a plate.

Girls love to do dishes.

Why should you always knock before opening the Fridge?

Incase there is a salad dressing.

I'm dressing up as Commitment this halloween

Well everyone's afraid of it.

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What do you call a cross-dressing whale?

Maybe Dick

I tried dressing up as the plane that crash into the twin towers for the office costume party

It didn't land too well

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I have a friend who is a cross dressing dwarf. Does that mean he's gay?

I means he's a little gay.

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

My friends and I are all dressing as different Robin Williams characters at a Comic Con this weekend...

We're the Suicide Squad!

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As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked.....

"Have you just gotten out of prison?"

"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because
I wanted to have sex from the rear?"

"Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you
ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"

What name did Jesus go by during his cross dressing phase?

Auntie-Christ

For Halloween, our daughter is dressing up as joke telling jack-o'-lantern.

She's our little pun-kin.

I like my hoes like I like my salad dressing...

On the side

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

My Parents and I Haven't Really Seen Each Other Since My Dad Started Dressing Like A Woman and My Mom Started Dressing Like A Man...

I just think they're a little too transparent about it.

How do you call a cross-dressing father of two?

Transparent

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My girlfriend thinks dressing up as a clown during sex would be weird ...

I think it would be fucking ridiculous.

Where does the thick, creamy dressing go when it gets sick?

The Mayo Clinic.

What would a cross-dressing psychologist wear?

A Freudian slip

An angry teenager from a Catholic home began dressing as a monk to mock his parents' faith.

When asked by a friend how her son had been, the boy's mother replied, "Well, he's been-a-dick-teen lately."

I'm dressing up as a (dead) hooker for Halloween...what are some lines you NEVER want to hear a hooker say?

For example, "I just need to put some ointment on my herpes, and then we are good to go."

I know, I'm terrible at this! Please help!

I found some dressing in my fridge that expires on 12-21-2012....

It's called Mayanaisse....

Jumping from the bridge...

Bikers were riding west on I-70 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby....

I'm going back to my surgeon to get my dressing changed tomorrow. Or, to put it another way...

I'm seeking redress from the man who cut me.

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How does a salad get ready for sex?

It starts by un*dressing* and then it puts a *condom*-ent on

I made a chicken salad for dinner last night.

But he didn’t eat it. Maybe I used too much dressing.

What did the Italian dressing say to the French dressing?

Nothing. Dressings don't have arms

Why did the tomato blush?

Because it saw the salad dressing

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A couple where lying in bed when the doorbell goes

The wife says I'll get that she gets up (naked of coarse that's the best way to sleep) puts on her dressing gown and goes to the answer the door. She opens the door to the neighbor Dave standing there staring at her. Without hesitation Dave says "I'll give you 300 dollars cash if you drop that dress...

If you’re wearing cowboy clothes...

You’re Ranch Dressing

One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back pain.

The doctor examines him and asks him:

"Tell me what happened to your back...?"



The patient replies: "Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning I went to my apartment early and heard some noise in my bed room.

On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and th...

Murphy's Law states that anything that can happen, will happen. But are you familiar with Cole's Law?

It's finely-shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing, commonly either vinaigrette or mayonnaise.

A man walks into a deli

A man walks into a deli with his pet snake. The cashier looks at him, shocked.

She says, “Wow! What kind if snake is that? It’s beautiful!” The man replies, with pride, “It’s an anaconda, straight from Bolivia!”

The cashier begins the mans order. “What can I get you?”, she asks.
...

I like drag racing

Dressing up in women's clothing and driving down the street full speed

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lucky mailman

after 20 years on the job the local postman is about to retire and on this last scheduled delivery run he finds himself beset with thankful friends and neighbours, all of whom show their appreciation of his years of service. loaded down with gift baskets, wine, flowers and thank you cards he reaches...

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O Dick NSFW, Long

A recently married soldier was coming up on the end of his leave. Although things between him and his new wife were wonderful, he worried about her loyalty while he was gone. Resolved to find her something that would occupy her time and satisfy her until he could return home, the man went into a nea...

A young boy finds his grandfather, an avid gardener, working in his garden one afternoon.

“What do you usually put on your celery?” the boy asks his grandfather. The old man wipes the sweat and dirt from his forehead. He’s amazed his grandson has taken such an interest in his hobby. “Well, I usually put on a mix of enriched soil and rotted horse manure.” “That’s weird,” the grandson repl...

I got home last night and opened the fridge....

And I caught the salad dressing

They said we need to take part in World Book Day at school

So I’m dressing up as the Invisible Boy

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

Church bake sale

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies Group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale, and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying ...

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Basic Training in the Marines

On the first day of basic training in the marines, a drill instructor has new recruits lined up and is dressing them down.

He tells them “You aren’t men, you’re maggots!... you’re not even maggots! You’re a mite sucking a maggots dick! But in 6 weeks those of you who don’t quit are going...

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The post man's last day....

A beloved postman announces his retirement. As he is walking his rounds in a picturesque, tree-lined neighborhood, he is greeted at one of the doors by a young, pretty woman. She is wearing a fairly short, sexy robe and invites him in.



Once inside she leads him to the kitchen table w...

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My friend came over for dinner last night. He was eating and said “hey I found a button in my salad!”

I told him not to worry, it’s just part of the dressing

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Two friends go hunting...

…..after a long day of hunting, they killed a few deer. One friend begins to field dress the deer, the other is having some stomach issues, so he goes to sit on a log and let nature run its’ course. In doing so, the man falls asleep on the log.

The friend that was field dressing the deer real...

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thoughts​, just staring
at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip o...

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A man is walking over a bridge and he sees a beautiful woman about to jump...

He tries to talk her down, but she's too distraught. Finally, he says to her, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself anyway, why not give me a nice blowjob first?"

She replies, "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. I guess I might as well make *somebody* happy before I die."

So she climbs do...

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A man wanders about a casino and sees a gorgeous woman who is clearly bored

"Hello, I see you're sad, what happened?", he asks.

"Well, I'm not sad really, just a little bored", she answers, "you see, I'm a little kinky and most men around my social status don't really seem to like it".

"Oh really? Well I enjoy being kinky too, so it seems that we have the same...

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