UPJOKE
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It's not your dryer that's shrinking your clothes...

It's your refrigerator.

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer.

Plus it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

Remember if you lose a sock in the dryer....

....it comes back as a Tupperware lid, that doesn't fit any of your containers.

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a dryer?

A dryer doesn't follow your around for nine months trying to get spun after you put a load in it.

Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”

“No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”

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Yesterday when I got home from work I pointed my wife's hair dryer at my balls and turned it on. My wife asked, "What in the world are you doing?" I replied, "Warming up your dinner."

Unfortunately, I didn't realize she had just started a new diet.

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My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing.

Apparently,
‟Heting your dinner”
was not a good answer.

My wife always thinks really hard about ironing vs. putting her shirts in the dryer to get rid of wrinkles.

I asked her to not be so clothes-minded.

I gave up cleaning the dryer filter...

...for lent.

I accidentally left a dollar in my pants pocket, and it went through the washer and dryer.

I hope the police don't find out about my money laundering scheme...

What kind of chocolate does the dryer like?

Lindt Chocolate

LongAn attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"...

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Another toilet paper run. Hoarders fighting in the store. I’ve finally had enough. I’ve been buying dryer sheets...

My butt smells like lavender, there’s no more static electricity,...

And my old ass, for the first time in many years is wrinkle free!



(Credit Gail Thomas, Grandma’s Funnies)

This year is my wool anniversary so I got my wife dryer balls.

After seeing the gift she told me she got me blue ones.

Forgot my pot in my pants and put it through the dryer

Now I have some tumbleweed

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Josh has one leg

Josh has one leg due to a bicycle accident a few years ago that led to an amputation. One day his mom stormed into his room furious, and began accusing him of masturbating under her roof. Now, Of course he was guilty, but he thought he had hidden it very well and was confident she hadn’t caught on u...

Husband : I washed these chocolates accidentally and they almost ended up in the dryer!

Wife : its okay, the Lindt trap would have caught them!

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I lost my dishwasher, washingmashine, dryer, iron, stove, and vacumcleaner today.

Her funeral will be this saturday.

What gets wetter as you become dryer?

A necrophiliac.

My Parents Love Me

Whenever I went to bathe they would shower me with Toasters, Hair Dryers, and Fans.

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A boy and his Grandpa are out looking for nightcrawlers in their backyard to go fishing.

When the boy pulls out a huge nightcrawler and exclaims to his Grandpa " Grandpa, look at this ONE!"

His Grandpa says "That's quite the big nightcrawler you got there. Hey, bet ya 5 bucks you can't get that nightcrawler back in it's hole."

The little boy says "Deal!". Then runs inside ...

Random insightful life (by Bob Gray)

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The...

Yesterday, my neighbor accused me of stealing clothes from her dryer.

She was so angry I nearly shat her pants!

I snuck up on my dryer...

Scared the sheet out of it.

Did you know one of the biggest technology companies manufacturing things like bladeless fans, hand dryers, vacuums and more was started by an anti-vaxxer?

Dyson

I created a new gig-economy app for laundry called Laundr.

Unfortunately, the only thing anyone seems to use it for is washer-dryer hookups.

How many Nascar drivers does it take to blow up a jet dryer?

Just Juan

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I got burned by a piece of metal on my pants when I pulled them from the dryer.

It was a hot button issue.

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A husband comes home and finds his blonde wife

desperately trying to squeeze into the dryer.

When he inquires as to what she is doing she says, “Well I am getting a little older now, and I am worried my looks will start to fade. That’s when I noticed the dryer had a button that said wrinkle prevent.”

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

Now let me tell you a joke about a hair dryer...

... nah nevermind. It blows.

What's the best way to keep smelling fresh?

Put a dryer sheet in your face mask.

How I lost my job as a hairdresser.

I had just about finished styling a very wealthy lady's hair. I put down the hair dryer, and placed a hand mirror behind her head. "OK, how's that?", I asked.

She sniffed, and said "more volume."

#"OK, HOW'S THAT!?"

An attractive young woman onboard a flight from Ireland asked the priest who sat beside her: "Father, may I ask you a favour?"

Priest: Not the hair dryer again…

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

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Diary of an Englishman after he moves to South Africa....

**August 1**: Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Phalaborwa, Limpopo, South Africa. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally fo...

Yesterday, I got so depressed..

..I spent entire day listening to Celine Dion records.
.
.
Or that's what I thought until I realised my cat had fallen in to the dryer.

What gets wet as it dries?

A woman with a blow-dryer fetish

I told my husband I’m going gradually cut back my dependence on technology in 2019.

I’m starting with the vacuum cleaner, washer/dryer and iron.

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I asked a guy at the gym how to use a piece of equipment.

"Just push the button," he replied, "Like you would with any other hand dryer."

Revenge

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks the salesperson, "How much is the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the sales guy says.

"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man says...

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

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A man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral

Feeling quite sad, a man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral. As he walked between the tombstones he came across an open grave. He walked right up to the edge to see that there was still a coffin inside. What an odd sight he thought to himself - suddenly he heard a thump, follow...

The wife threw her back out. I hate doing this, but I’d appreciate any prayers you could send our way

Because there are Clothes in the Dryer.

An electrical engineer is at his grandpa's funeral

His parents never told him how his grandpa had passed, so he walks around the funeral party asking for clues.
"He was at the gym" said one friend, but grandpa had a strong body and heart thought the grandson.
"It was in the bathroom," said a cousin quietly, but he would say no more.
"It was...

My girlfriend walked in on me in the bathroom

My girlfriend walked in on me in the bathroom awkwardly holding her hair dryer turned on pointed at my crotch

Her - “Uhhh hunny what are you doing”

“Warming up your dinner”

My wife shouted at me...

You're so useless! You never tidy up or help with the housework, you're lazy and stupid and I bet you don't even know how to keep a house tidy!

I decided to prove her wrong so I did the washing up, ha! You should have seen her face when I showed her I knew how to load the dishes into the tumb...

Yummy

So a husband and wife wake up one morning and the husband is the first to go to the bathroom. The wife patiently waits her turn until she hears her hair dryer is on. Confused and curious she opens the bathroom door to find her husband blow drying his junk. Naturally, she asks him what he is doing to...

Went into a bar and ordered a Donald Trump...

They gave me a White Russian and a blast from a hair dryer.

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I have sensitive skin...

I have sensitive skin, so I always use unscented laundry detergent and fabric softener. A few years ago, my sister gave me a set of dryer balls for my birthday. They are plastic balls with little spines that you put in the dryer and your clothes end up soft without any fabric softener. I love them, ...

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A man walks into a public bathroom...

...as he stands at the urinal he notices written on the wall in front of him "BEWARE GAYS" ignoring it he then goes to wash his hands when above the hand dryers he sees it written again "BEWARE GAYS" as he turns to leave he sees something written on the floor in small lettering and bends over to rea...

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

My parents didn't love me as a kid

My bath toys were a toaster and a hair dryer

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If God doesn't want us to masturbate...

then why does he always make one sock disappear in the dryer?

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