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Dryer Jokes

I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer.

Plus it’s fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.

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My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing.

Apparently,
"Heating your dinner"
wasn't a good answer.

Forgot my pot in my pants and put it through the dryer

Now I have some tumbleweed

What gets wetter as you become dryer?

A necrophiliac.

I was thinking that the dryer was shrinking my clothes.

It turned out to be the refrigerator!

Do you know what happens when your designer jeans get tangled in the dryer?

Guess knot

I needed a new washer and dryer

So the guy at the appliance store sold me those units that have Wi-Fi. I’ve bern walking around with damp underwear for two weeks because I can’t remember my password.

(Credit: Jay Leno)

Getting a hair dryer through customs

A young woman on a flight from England asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"


"Of course, my child. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is...

why did the blonde use her hair dryer on the laptop?

It was frozen

I gave up cleaning the dryer filter...

...for lent.

I snuck up on my dryer...

Scared the sheet out of it.

Address to a Tumble Dryer — a poem

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

What kind of chocolate does the dryer like?

Lindt Chocolate

Darling, I think the new dryer is shrinking my clothes.”

“No, sweetie, that was the fridge.”

This year is my wool anniversary so I got my wife dryer balls.

After seeing the gift she told me she got me blue ones.

My wife always thinks really hard about ironing vs. putting her shirts in the dryer to get rid of wrinkles.

I asked her to not be so clothes-minded.

Yesterday, my neighbor accused me of stealing clothes from her dryer.

She was so angry I nearly shat her pants!

Remember if you lose a sock in the dryer....

....it comes back as a Tupperware lid, that doesn't fit any of your containers.

What's the difference between a hippie chick and a dryer?

A dryer doesn't follow your around for nine months trying to get spun after you put a load in it.

Why was Billy Joel's laundry still wet?

Because he didn't start the dryer

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I lost my dishwasher, washingmashine, dryer, iron, stove, and vacumcleaner today.

Her funeral will be this saturday.

Husband : I washed these chocolates accidentally and they almost ended up in the dryer!

Wife : its okay, the Lindt trap would have caught them!

How many Nascar drivers does it take to blow up a jet dryer?

Just Juan

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Another toilet paper run. Hoarders fighting in the store. I’ve finally had enough. I’ve been buying dryer sheets...

My butt smells like lavender, there’s no more static electricity,...

And my old ass, for the first time in many years is wrinkle free!



(Credit Gail Thomas, Grandma’s Funnies)

How I lost my job as a hairdresser.

I had just about finished styling a very wealthy lady's hair. I put down the hair dryer, and placed a hand mirror behind her head. "OK, how's that?", I asked.

She sniffed, and said "more volume."

#"OK, HOW'S THAT!?"

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I asked a guy at the gym how to use a piece of equipment.

"Just push the button," he replied, "Like you would with any other hand dryer."

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

My wife let me remove all of her clothes last night.

From the dryer.

Now let me tell you a joke about a hair dryer...

... nah nevermind. It blows.

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Yesterday when I got home from work I pointed my wife's hair dryer at my balls and turned it on. My wife asked, "What in the world are you doing?" I replied, "Warming up your dinner."

Unfortunately, I didn't realize she had just started a new diet.

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I got burned by a piece of metal on my pants when I pulled them from the dryer.

It was a hot button issue.

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

An attractive young woman onboard a flight from Ireland asked the priest who sat beside her: "Father, may I ask you a favour?"

Priest: Not the hair dryer again…

Yesterday, I got so depressed..

..I spent entire day listening to Celine Dion records.
.
.
Or that's what I thought until I realised my cat had fallen in to the dryer.

Revenge

A man goes into a store and starts looking around. He sees a washer and dryer, but there is no price listed on them. He asks the salesperson, "How much is the washer and dryer?"

"Five dollars for both of them," the sales guy says.

"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man says...

I created a new gig-economy app for laundry called Laundr.

Unfortunately, the only thing anyone seems to use it for is washer-dryer hookups.

What gets wet as it dries?

A woman with a blow-dryer fetish

I told my husband I’m going gradually cut back my dependence on technology in 2019.

I’m starting with the vacuum cleaner, washer/dryer and iron.

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Josh has one leg

Josh has one leg due to a bicycle accident a few years ago that led to an amputation. One day his mom stormed into his room furious, and began accusing him of masturbating under her roof. Now, Of course he was guilty, but he thought he had hidden it very well and was confident she hadn’t caught on u...

The wife threw her back out. I hate doing this, but I’d appreciate any prayers you could send our way

Because there are Clothes in the Dryer.

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I have sensitive skin...

I have sensitive skin, so I always use unscented laundry detergent and fabric softener. A few years ago, my sister gave me a set of dryer balls for my birthday. They are plastic balls with little spines that you put in the dryer and your clothes end up soft without any fabric softener. I love them, ...

Went into a bar and ordered a Donald Trump...

They gave me a White Russian and a blast from a hair dryer.

My parents didn't love me as a kid

My bath toys were a toaster and a hair dryer

My wife shouted at me...

You're so useless! You never tidy up or help with the housework, you're lazy and stupid and I bet you don't even know how to keep a house tidy!

I decided to prove her wrong so I did the washing up, ha! You should have seen her face when I showed her I knew how to load the dishes into the tumb...

Yummy

So a husband and wife wake up one morning and the husband is the first to go to the bathroom. The wife patiently waits her turn until she hears her hair dryer is on. Confused and curious she opens the bathroom door to find her husband blow drying his junk. Naturally, she asks him what he is doing to...

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A boy and his Grandpa are out looking for nightcrawlers in their backyard to go fishing.

When the boy pulls out a huge nightcrawler and exclaims to his Grandpa " Grandpa, look at this ONE!"

His Grandpa says "That's quite the big nightcrawler you got there. Hey, bet ya 5 bucks you can't get that nightcrawler back in it's hole."

The little boy says "Deal!". Then runs inside ...

What do you do if your daughter gets dirty in the laundry room?

You washer and dryer.

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DIARY of a POMMIE EXPAT in AUSTRALIA

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally...

Random insightful life (by Bob Gray)

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The...

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A man walks into a public bathroom...

...as he stands at the urinal he notices written on the wall in front of him "BEWARE GAYS" ignoring it he then goes to wash his hands when above the hand dryers he sees it written again "BEWARE GAYS" as he turns to leave he sees something written on the floor in small lettering and bends over to rea...

An electrical engineer is at his grandpa's funeral

His parents never told him how his grandpa had passed, so he walks around the funeral party asking for clues.
"He was at the gym" said one friend, but grandpa had a strong body and heart thought the grandson.
"It was in the bathroom," said a cousin quietly, but he would say no more.
"It was...

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

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If God doesn't want us to masturbate...

then why does he always make one sock disappear in the dryer?

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A man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral

Feeling quite sad, a man goes for a walk in a cemetery after his friend's funeral. As he walked between the tombstones he came across an open grave. He walked right up to the edge to see that there was still a coffin inside. What an odd sight he thought to himself - suddenly he heard a thump, follow...

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