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Hygiene Jokes

What do rocks use for personal hygiene?

Geoderant!

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Hygiene was an issue at the farm

John, the farmer was an old man who couldn't tend to his farm any more. His children had left for the city for greener pastures.
Few years back his wife passed away of old age.

Seeing the farm in neglect, all the domesticed animals on the farm called for an urgent meeting.

The cow, ...

As the world is encouraged to practise good hygiene in response to the Corona virus...

...the government gives a poignant demonstration by washing their hands of any responsibility.

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Did you hear about the feminine hygiene spray SSY?

It takes the PU out of pussy.

Hygiene

Women issues

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already aroun...

Did you hear about the bandits smuggling feminine hygiene products down the river?

They're a real bunch of douche canoes.

The best thing about alcohol hand gel in hospitals isn't the hygiene.

It's that everyone walks around like they're hatching a dastardly plan.

My roommate is really dedicated to dental hygiene

just last night I heard her using an electric toothbrush for what seemed like an hour

My mom was always obsessed with dental hygiene...

...she would always take her electric toothbrush to bed and brush her teeth all night!

What is the best weapon against someone with bad hygiene?

Axe.

Jokes about female hygiene are totally inappropriate

Period.

What do you call a Gungan with bad dental hygiene?

Tartar Binks

I won’t go anywhere near foot hygiene tools...

I hear some of them are pedi files

I stand by the fact that hygiene is important.

No really, this guy smells terrible.

What do you call a feminine hygiene product from the 1800's?

A Period Pad

I've been stealing products from the hygiene store

I need to come clean

2020 has been a great year for me, personally. My dental hygiene is better than ever!

I got tired of smelling my own breath through this damn MASK!

Because Ghandi was barefoot all the time and had bad hygiene...

he was a super calloused fragile mystic plagued by halitosis.

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What do you do when a feminine hygiene product catches on fire?

You throw it on the ground and tampon it.

Unlike other countries, Syria, despite all their problems, did manage to get their people to be aware of public hygiene and satefy during coronavirus.

Maybe because they already knew what Damascus.

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

After spending 4 years studying men's hygiene products

I'm proud to say I've gotten my Degree

All feminine hygiene products now on sale for HALF PRICE

But hurry - it's just for the Christmas period.

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An Air Force pilot, a Naval Officer and an Army Private all go to the bathroom

When they come out, the Air Force pilot begins thoroughly washing his hands and says,
'In the Air Force they taught us the importance of good hygiene.'

The Naval officer then begins washing his hands using only a small trickle of water and says,
'In the Navy they taught us the importanc...

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An elephant in the forest once asked a rabbit...

'do you care about hygiene?' The rabbit said no. The elephant picked him up with his trunk and used him to wipe his ass.

The next day the elephant saw a squirrel. He asked the same question and the squirrel said no. He picked him up with his trunk and wanted to wipe his mouth but the squirre...

People named Jean are always clean

Because the first thing they're greeted with is "Hygiene".

9/10 dentists recommend good dental hygiene...

The other dentist is from England.

If Listerine kills 99.9% of germs

and what doesn't kill something makes it stronger,

are we really on the right track with all this dental hygiene stuff?

This Just In: Ben Shapiro Quits Politics to Take Up Dentistry

When asked why, he responded that he had recently learned the danger of poor dental hygiene, stating that:

"Plaques don't care about your fillings"

As the result of an accident, a man lost teeth and had to have a partial plate made.

His dentist built a standard dental plate and fitted it into his mouth and it worked just fine.

In three months, the man was back at his dentist. The dentist looked in his mouth, and the plate he had just put in was so deteriorated it was beyond repair.

The dentist was shocked that it ...

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Great Golf Game

This guy was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second.

On the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone rang... It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been i...

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Did you hear about the Jewish man who kept drawing on his penis?

He was told for good hygiene you have to draw back your foreskin.

The Tale of Greenbeard the Pirate

Greenbeard got his name due his poor table manners and lack of proper beard hygiene, but let's not get into that just now - Greenbeard loved chocolate. He loved chocolate more than jewels. He loved chocolate more than diamonds. He even loved chocolate more than gold - and there isn't anything most p...

A priest is riding on a city bus when...

A priest is riding on a city bus when a drunk gets on and sits next to him. He obviously hasn't had a bath while on this binge. The drunk starts reading a newspaper, then puts it down and says, " Hey, Father, what do you think causes arthritis?". The priest is quite annoyed with this guy, and sharp...

Just by looking at her smile, I can tell how good a girl is at oral...

hygiene.

God was creating all the countries and it was the United Kingdom’s turn.

He turned to his angels and said, “ They shall live on a miserable damp island, they’ll barely get along with each other and be constantly on each other’s throats if not dealing with other countries, have bland food, the worst dental hygiene and have this insufferable fantasy about their country bei...

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A banker down on his luck has decided to end it all

A young banker is standing on a tree limb with a rope around his neck, ready to end it all. He sees movement to his side and an ugly old woman comes from the brush, calling for him to stop.

“Stop! Why would a young man like yourself be doing such a thing?”

“My life is ruined!” He resp...

The Queen and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that
day, so St. Peter asks Dolly if there's some
particular reason why she should go to heaven,
so she takes off her top and says, "Look at these.
They're the most perfect ones God ever created,
and I'm proud to own them.

St. Peter th...

A man is having problems attracting women, but he's not sure why

**A man is having problems attracting women, but he's not sure why**. The man wonders if he might have a *mental sickness*, so he goes to the clinic to see *a specialist*. While he checks in at the counter, the receptionist warns him, "The specialist has a **thick accent**, but don't worry - *his ...

A guy comes back after a vacation...

He's in the airport when the custom agents stopped him.

"Sir, open the bag" said the agents.

The man obliges and opens the bag, revealing clothes, hygiene products and a small bottle of transparent liquid.

"What is this, sir?" asks one of the agents.

"Lourdes Holy Water, ...

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A drunk, who smelled of stale beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me, Father, what causes arthritis?"

...

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A classic. No doubt you've seen it before, but here goes:

In Heaven, there is the ideal citizen of the world:

He has the MANNERS of the Englishman, and the SEX APPEAL of the Spaniard.
He has the HUMOUR of the Irishman, and the BRAIN of the German.
He has the STYLE of the Italian, and the COURAGE of the Scotsman.
He has the MUSCLES of th...

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A Russian, a Frenchman, and a Canadian were in a bathroom together

They all finish their business and happen to be at the sinks at the same time. The Russian, noticing the two other men at the sink, says to them,

"In Russia, we were taught to be very conservative with our resources and therefore only use the amount of soap that is absolutely necessary."
...

Two women approach the front door to a dads-only bar

The younger of the two asks "Mom, what the hell are we even doing?"

Mom responds "I know, it's dumb, but thanks for agreeing to come with me. My dad was very specific in his will about how his ashes would be spread. This place is number 1 on the list. He'd been coming here for the longest tim...

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A little boy in a quaint town was said to be the hairiest person in history.

Even in a small community, where everyone was aware of and understood his plight, living a normal life was difficult. Even though everyone was respectful, the sheer volume of hair and speed at which it grew was a constant hardship. It interfered with the boy's eating, he would overheat quickly durin...

A millionaire is looking for a housekeeper.

Three people showed up for the job. He wants to make sure they have good personal hygiene during work, so he put a camera in his big restroom monitoring the sink and see if they wash their hands after going to the restroom.

The first one finishes, doesn't wash his hands and walked out, the mi...

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Redneck book of manners.....

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.


2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.


3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.


4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.


5. Even if you're ...

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Joe Had A Headache

Joe was increasingly hampered by remarkably painful headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life began to suffer, he sought medical help.

The doctor said, “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castra...

A collection of Waspy jokes about yo-mamma

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share
near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent,
she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks
Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother...

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The Pope's in Town

The Pope is in town and nearly everybody is lining up outside of the the local church for a chance to meet him.

A religious man, looking forward to the chance of meeting the Pope, puts on his best suit and gets on line. It is the man's dream to discuss God with the Pope, and he has so many q...

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