Sending Jokes - 59 Hilarious Sending Jokes

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TIFU by sending my nudes to everyone in my address book

Cost me a fortune in stamps

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My girlfriend is from India. She likes to tease me by sending a pic of herself clothed, and then one of her nude.

She calls it sari, not sari.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

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Jeff Bezos: "Alexa, send nudes to my secret admirer."

Alexa: "Got it. Sending nudes to the National Enquirer."

Someone keeps sending me flowers with the heads cut off

I think I'm being stalked

North Korea will send man to Sun in 10 years

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answer...

called the UPS office in Germany to ask if they were sending out my Oculus Rift

they said VR ready

Sending a message to mom

A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland.

When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims,

\- "I don’t have any money... but I’ll do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"

To that the man asks,
...

With medical costs being so high, instead of sending “paramedics” to an accident…

…Maybe they should just send one.

I was fired for sending one of my students to detention "for being tardy".

Special education just wasn't for me.

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Sending dick pics is for amateurs...

Real men get out there and disappoint women in real life.

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Guys are now sending dirty pics against a background of the night sky with star trails.

They're calling it schlong exposure photography

When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag

Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message

Just sued my mom for sending me blanket made by her and her sewing club.

Quilt by Association

Stop sending toys to children in Africa

It's gotta be depressing, getting a Tamagotchi that will outlive you.

Putin is so desperate that he's now sending interior designers to the battlefield

They are planning a carpet bombing.

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I tried sending a dick pick.

Got an alert back saying "Unable to send message, file too large"

Canada is sending a strong team to the World Cup.

Unfortunately, it's the drinking team.

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AITA for sending someone to the hospital?

One time, I happened to be in this city. I don’t really remember the name, I think it was like Watican or something?

There was a huge crowd gathered in front of a building, so I went with them to see what they were all looking at. Then, two people came out of a balcony and I recognized one of...

Russians are sending peacekeepers into Ukraine.

They're saying, " You see this piece of land? We're keeping it."

- Jimmy Carr

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CAN ADMINS OF THIS SUBREDDIT REDDIT DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!

WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, A WOMAN. SHE’S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING MEMBERS, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE X IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE SE AND OB...

My wife baked me a cake and I told her I was sending it to Budapest.

She asked why Budapest.

I said I'd renamed my stomach Budapest

She asked why again

Because Budapest is the capital of Hungry.

She is divorcing me.

What do you call sending an owl to Harry Potter's godfather?

Blackmail

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Your penis is so small..

That when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:

"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bom...

King Charles has announced that he will be sending his best two Helicopter pilots to Ukraine for the war.

Their names are Andrew and Harry

Sending Positive Thoughts...

... is apparently the wrong card to get someone awaiting HIV test results.

“Can you please stop sending me Spam emails?”

“I’m a vegetarian.”

Putin

It was in the news recently that Putin was visiting a school in Moscow to promote the nations power on the world wide stage.
The children were allowed to ask questions before lunch.

Little Alina speaks up and says to Putin...

“I have two questions”

“Why did Russia take Crim...

Why was PETA against sending cats to Mars?

They heard about what curiosity did.

I’m glad # is not called pound anymore.

Otherwise, the #metoo movement would be sending the wrong message.

NASA has been sending animals to space.

They started with a cow and a pig.
But the rocket failed at takeoff and ejected both animals.
The pig was disintegrated on the way back down the earth but the cow survived and landed safely on earth.
At the the press briefing reporters asked the NASA scientists how the cow survived and pig...

A woman steps in front of a bus and dies instantly.

She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.

He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back."

"Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks.

"Worry not, my child. You have many, many m...

Sending my thoughts and prayers

To all the home invaders suffering an economic blow since the COVID 19 crisis

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress unifor...

Yesterday I was charged $10,000 dollars for sending my cat into space.

It was a cat astro fee.

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Who decided to call it "Sending a dick pic"

Instead of "Junk Mail"

People keeps sending me canned meat.

That's a lot of spam.

This Valentine's Day, I'm sending telepathic gifts.

Because it's the thought that counts.

Check eMail Address Before Sending

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 35 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis an...

An old farmer got up in the middle of the night to use the toilet.

As he was heading back to bed, he looked out the window and saw the lights on in his shed. A closer inspection revealed men loading his tools and farm machinery into their truck.

He rushes to the phone and calls 000 (911)

"I need the police! There are some guys clearing out my shed!"...

Vladimir Putin making a school visit...

Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk, there is a section for questions, Little Alina put...

I was sending letters to a kid with cancer

I told him, "the road ahead will be filled with bumps and dips, but soon, it'll straighten out." no one noticed I was talking about his heart rate monitor.

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I have been sending pictures of my buddy Richard to random people,

So far no one has responded to my unsolicited Dick Pics. I don't even get what the fun is supposed to be about sending these.

Boris Johnson is sending out 30 million letters...

I hope he’s not licked the envelopes.

Old Arabs used primitive stenography in war correspondence by sending meaningless sentences, with the initial letters of words as the real deal.

Thus was: We Hate Early Retreat Ending after returning eager to have eggs after rear right of wet sea.

And we used to send a reply as this one:

Upon Pondering Your Order Utmost rates are still solid

Watch out for that new "Peekaboo" variant the CDC has been warning about...

It's been sending everyone to the ICU.

My friends keep sending me articles that Bill Withers died... I keep telling them

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

(R.I.P.)

An American ship is sending out a distress signal, "HELP, we are sinking!"

German ship radios back in "What are you sinking about?"

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Amazon won't refund me after sending me the wrong fertilizer.

This is some bullshit.

An origami artist wanted for murder, has been sending tantalizing clues to police.

The investigation is unfolding.

For weeks now Amazon has been sending me suggestions for random biscuits

Finally I logged in and updated my cookie preferences

What does a buffalo say to his kid, when sending him to school?

Bison.

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Trump: "Kim! Why are you sending NUKES?"

"I said send NUDES"

I'm worried about bees reading the valentine's I'm sending out

So in every one I made sure to put a "bee mine"

TIFU by sending the wrong thing to Africa

After working for the UN for awhile, I discovered that I was supposed to send aid to Africa... not AIDS.

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500

A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.

So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way...

Did you ever hear about McDonald's sending 10 million straws to Ethiopia..

Ethiopia wrote back and said thanks for the leg warmers

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