Get Off Jokes - 41 Hilarious Get Off Jokes

They say Prince Andrew can get off on a legal technicality

Is there anything this guy doesn't find arousing?

One night Chun Li gets drunk and decides she wants to get laid. So, she asks her friend Cammy if she knows which of the male Street fighters can help her get off...

Cammy said, "Sure. Ryu can."

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Man, that sentence was way too long!

If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off"

"In your daughter" is the wrong answer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People who get offended when I breastfeed in public can just fuck off.

What I'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework, she's gonna slam my head on the keyboard.

But I don’t give a fuskhhkxkhdkhhskhd

My wife told me she'd slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

Don't worry guys, i think she's jokinejkodoworkfjcjkskoe394oo2oc2i2fkf2uu3ug25r2u

To all of you idiots out there that drive loud cars, we hate you and get off our roads.

We don’t care how many “heart attack victims” you have to “take to the hospital.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s frustrating some people get off for Good Friday.

I haven’t had sex in months…

You know what Bavarian pimps say when they get off work?

Lederhosen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend just said “if you don’t get off

My girlfriend just said “if you don’t get off reddit and spend some time with me I will drag your fucking face all over the keyboard”

I wish that bitch would ejgeaohevr no so e djdueudbbbdudj gduenrklwahvdhdirnvehhgyhjkshdusbsbdhsj Shieksbsvisbshdowlwnjd
Hdueveiskj jehwiwowlbdhdiencqudkki...

Where do bugs get off the train?

Infest-station.

How do you get a Polish guy with one arm to get off the tree?

You wave at him.

(Heard in the film, "You Kill Me")

Why can't trains get off their tracks and go their own way?

Humans didn't train them to do that.

Why did Jeff Epstein get off Facebook?

It turned 15 and he lost interest.

How did the trans guy come out to his parents?

“There’s something that I really need to get off of my chest”

Two aircraft mechanics get off work

Two aircraft mechanics get off work at la Guardia, and one says, "Let's go have a beer". The other says, "Why don't we try drinking jet fuel? I hear it tastes like whiskey, and you don't have a hangover in the morning."
So they drink about a quart of it each. It tastes great and they have a good ...

Someone once told me to get off my high horse.

A blunt and lots of lube later, I was able to do just that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got some shit that I need to get off my chest...

I should probably shower

I paid $600 to get off once

Damn court costs.

A male kangaroo told me to get off my phone

Ok boomer

I’m really annoyed by people who get off on arguing over mask wearing.

Damn mask debaters.

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 stoners buy a horse

They go home with the horse and make it stay in the living room.

One of the friends pull out a bong and they all take hits until they're stoned.

While stoned they come up with an idea to have fun with the horse.

They attach a feeding muzzle onto the horse and funnel in smoke fro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania one night...

...when suddenly a vampire jumps onto the front of the car and starts screeching at them.

The head nun swerves back and forth, trying to shake off the vampire, but he is too strong.

Looking at the crucifix around her partner's neck, the head nun has an idea. She says to the other nun, ...

I told my wife to hurry up and get off of her period.

So she can get on my exclamation mark.

Did you hear about the guy on trial for murder trying to get off with an insanity plea by pretending he’s a fish?

He was trying to be coy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is playing with his electric train set in the living room…

…and his mom is in the kitchen when she hears him say, “The train has arrived at the station. All you mother-fuckers getting off, get off and all you mother-fuckers getting on, get on.”

She immediately scolds him for the language and puts him in time-out for 30 minutes. He comes back afterwar...

"I'm just trying to get off on the right foot"

\- Foot fetishist with OCD

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

My wife asked me to get off the couch and go to yoga with her

I told her, namaste.

They’re all kinds of weird fetishs out there. Some people even get off on graphing.

Thats where I draw the line.

I’ll see myself out.

My Chinese wife kicked me out because I wouldn't get off my Chinese phone.

She said it's Mai Wei or the Huawei.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy died because he couldn't get off while masturbating...

He had a bad stroke.

Everyone’s heard The Rolling Stones song that says “Hey, you, get off of my cloud”

Less well known is the Irish version, that goes “Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe”

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“This is 911, what’s your emergency?” the operator asked.

“I masturbate too much,” the man replied.

“Sir, that’s not really a problem,” the operator said.

The man shouted, “Did you hear that, Mom? Now get off my case.”

What's the easiest way to get off an elephant?

I don't know but you should buy it dinner first!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is on the bus and sees a beautiful nun.

Wanting to bang her, he walks up to her and says “wanna bang?“ To which the nun replies “hell no“ and proceeded to get off the bus. Distraught, the man ask the bus driver what to do. The bus driver replied, “well every night she goes to the cemetery and prays, So if you go dressed as God and tell he...

Why do african kids get off school earlier than american kids?

they dont need a lunch break

Why did the GameCube controller get off the boat?

Because he got a little c-stick.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.